Who: Charlie and Gavin When: Evening, Friday, October 13 Where: The Boathouse/Charlie's Status: Complete
Gavin actually made an effort before his date and fretted about people noticing and mentioning it. It was hard to balance this urge to meet Charlie with the need to keep it all secret and he didn't really feel like he was doing a good job of it. He trimmed his beard and found some nice - but not over the top fancy - clothes to wear before he headed out to pick her up. The Boathouse had been the final decision but mostly because he felt uninspired and just in general bad at this dating thing and the Boathouse felt like the safest bet. Going out of town would mean a long drive back and if the date went badly that wasn't a particularly good idea.
He was on time too, steeling his nerves as he parked his car outside her house and headed up to her door. He knew by now that he'd calm down once they were face to face, she had that effect on him, but until she was, he was jittery as hell.
Charlie enjoyed going to The Boathouse. It was one of the nicer places in Point Pleasant, but it wasn't so fancy that she worried about being uncomfortable. Still, it gave her an excuse to wear one of her knee length dresses - dark blue - with a black cardigan. It wasn't fancy, but nicer than something she would wear to school. She kept her hair down and applied minimal make up, not wanting to overdo it. She was ready to go when Gavin knocked, and Charlie grabbed her purse, surprisingly void of any nerves herself. Sure, she had been out of the dating game for a long time, but Charlie found it a bit easier when it was someone she already felt comfortable around.
"Hey," Charlie greeted, smiling when she saw him. "You look really nice." She stepped out onto the porch to shut and lock the door behind her. "I've been looking forward to this all day, oh my gosh, I'm starving."
"Well then, we better get going," Gavin replied with a little chuckle and as he suspected, seeing her seemed to calm him down a little. If he looked really nice, she looked amazing. The blue of her dress just brought out the blue in her eyes and Gavin found it hard not to stare. "You look beautiful," he muttered, hoping that wasn't over the top for some reason. "You weren't lying about those dresses." Okay, he should not have tacked that on, the compliment would have been better on its own and why would she lie about having dresses? He groaned softly but still smiled, aware he was being clumsy with her.
"Thank you," Charlie said, looking down at her dress with some amusement. "No, I wasn't lying. I usually rotate between my modest teacher wardrobe, jeans or my pajamas, so I'm happy to have an excuse to wear this. Hell, I might have worn it even if we just went out for pizza." She walked with him down the patio steps towards his car, not minding any clumsiness on Gavin's part. Both of them were a bit rusty at this whole thing, Gavin more so, given she was pretty sure he hadn't been out on a proper date since he'd been married. He was still married, which was something Charlie often forgot.
"Well it's a beautiful dress," Gavin said softly and wondered if she would tell him if she actually preferred to go out for pizza. Making the choices was intimidating in that he didn't know what she really wanted to do and he didn't know her well enough to be sure whether she'd voice her displeasure or not. So far Charlie had always been pretty easy going about things and he'd never known her to be passive aggressive. A small skeptical part of him warned him it was only a matter of time since they were still getting to know each other better but everything he knew of her so far said that skeptical voice was wrong. He opened the passenger door for her and waited until she was comfortable before he shut it and walked around.
Charlie honestly had no preference to where they ate dinner. She would be happy at The Boathouse, or Dino's. What was important to Charlie was the company, and as long as Gavin was comfortable, she was happy. His compliments made her feel... well, good, but good was probably an understatement. It had been a long time since a man had made her feel desirable, even just by telling her she looked beautiful. And Gavin didn't seem like the type to flatter her just for the hell of it. There were no ulterior motives there, and she wished she could tell him how much she appreciated it without sounding desperate or something. Charlie watched him round the car to get into the driver's side, and she took a breath to calm herself a bit. "I've been renovating my guest bathroom," she said once he had joined her in the car. It was stupid to start talking about her home projects, but she was pretty proud of herself, and sometimes filling the silence eased a lot of her nerves. "I'll have to show you my new tile....god, that sounded so lame," she said with a laugh. "Come inside, let me show you my tile. The world's worst pick up line."
Gavin had to laugh because yes it did sound like a cheesy pickup line but he liked it. "Better than your stamp collection," he offered sheepishly. "You got something done and you're proud of it, I'd love to see it." He'd barely let the words out when that small anxiety monster started gnawing at his innards again. Going to her place after a date might mean sex and he was so intensely rusty at all that stuff. If it wasn't for that flutter he got when he saw her he'd have thought he had no inclination toward sex at all. And then he felt bad for assuming so that was just a mess too.
"Well, the porch looks so great that you and Aaron inspired me to try and do a few projects on my own. I think I've done all right, but I'm definitely open to some constructive criticism from someone who actually knows what they're doing." Charlie wasn't necessarily hoping for sex by inviting Gavin inside after dinner. They hadn't even kissed yet, and honestly, the thought of having sex with anyone right now sort of spiked Charlie's anxiety. It had been.... a long time since she had been intimate with anyone. At the moment she was just looking forward to enjoying the evening with him. "How are things going at home?" she asked before grimacing and shooting him an apologetic look. "Sorry, that might fall into the category of family stuff. I've just noticed Jasper's been coming to school more frequently, so I was guessing things were going well."
God, he thought. What if she had done a terrible job at those tiles? He'd have to fix it and by proxy hurt her feelings. All he could do was hope she'd done well so he could just praise her for work well done and leave it at that. Fortunately she changed the subject, though that subject was also a little raw. Things had been going pretty well with Jasper though. Gavin felt somewhat ashamed as he thought back on how Jasper had dragged his drunken ass home but mixed in with that was gratitude and surprise. He had a good kid, despite everything. "It's going good," he murmured with a little nod. "Glad to hear he's showing up, I really want him to graduate but uh... I don't have any right to pressure him into it, you know?" He had no illusions about Jasper going to college, though he'd support him if he wanted to try. Having a high school diploma still counted for a lot as Gavin had found out for lacking one.
Charlie was pretty sure she had done a decent job laying the tiles. She had followed the instructions meticulously and watched quite a few DIY videos online before attempting it. She thought it looked nice, so she was hoping Gavin would say the same. Of course, his eye might be trained to look for the mistakes, but that was okay. "You're his dad, I think you have the right," Charlie said simply as she glanced out the window. "But I understand not wanting to pressure him and risk turning him off from wanting to do it." Teenagers always seem to hear an adult say one thing and instinctively run off to do the complete opposite. Charlie couldn't complain about it too much. She had been like that once too. "But I can see he's trying to put in a bit of effort. I'm just not sure if that has more to do with wanting to actually graduate, or wanting to be around his girlfriend," she added with a small laugh. "With teenage boys, I don't think you can ever really tell."
Gavin wasn't in the least bit surprised to hear there was a girlfriend. Jasper was a Lucas and despite their many flaws, the Lucas men had never had problems getting girlfriends. Getting good girlfriends and keeping them? Maybe, but there was no shortage of women in their lives. He was still pleased to hear it, especially if it was some girl who made Jasper show up for school and put in the work needed. "Whatever motivates him," he chuckled, shaking his head. He almost asked who the girl was but it felt a little embarrassing to admit how precious little he knew about his son. There was a familiar worry there too but he had to put a lid on that. Jasper wasn't fifteen and unlike Joseph, Gavin would support him if he got that girl pregnant. He could only hope Jasper was being careful. "I'll never understand how you have the patience for those kids," he said with a little smile. "Dealing with just one is a handful."
Charlie simply assumed Gavin had met Jasper's girlfriend, so it didn't occur to her to say anything more. She definitely didn't want to gossip about his son's life, she was just happy to see Jasper in class more often. "You're not the first parent to say that to me," Charlie said with a soft laugh. "I guess I'm just a patient person. I love kids, believe it or not. I used to teach elementary before moving back here. High schoolers are certainly... a challenge, but I've adapted pretty quickly, I think. Although, I have those days where I'm convinced second graders were easier to deal with." She nearly asked about his daughter, but Charlie wasn't sure how much family stuff he would be willing to talk about. "How's business at the bar this week?"
Ironically enough the bar was closer to the family issues Gavin didn't want to talk about whereas Amelia remained a ray of sunshine in his life. "Oh you know," he muttered as he turned into the Boathouse parking lot. "It's been busy, a bit hectic." Business itself hadn't been bad but there was so much tension at the bar these days and he'd gotten far too drunk that one night and then Kat had come to add more anger to the mix... It was a shitshow. "I'm hoping I'll have time to come to church on Sunday... It's been a while. Have you been going?"
Charlie smiled a bit sheepishly. "I have been, yes. Although I tend to find myself a bit distracted so I'm not sure how much I'm getting out of it." And she didn't want to admit she had only been showing up at church to see Gavin. "You haven't been in a couple weeks, so I'm not sure if you heard Father O'Shea has gone." She unbuckled her seat belt after Gavin parked his car. "Father Dean doesn't seem much older than O'Shea had been, but he seems to be a bit more, ah, by the book."
"I heard but I haven't met him," Gavin replied and it made him feel weirdly guilty, like the new priest would judge him for not having been there sooner. "I take it he's a little... boring?" he asked with a little grin and thought it was a reasonable conclusion to reach from what she'd said. Too distracted to listen to an old school priest definitely sounded like code for boring. Gavin didn't mind, sometimes boring was good. Boring didn't stir up a whole lot of emotions other than boredom and he could use the break.
"I didn't say boring," Charlie said, laughing. "Did I say boring? No, no. You said it, though. So...he's probably somewhere along those lines, yes. But he's very nice." She smiled and got out of the car to walk with him up to the front door of the restaurant. She always enjoyed eating at The Boathouse, but Charlie had always been partial to the smell of the ocean nearby, and the view of the water, if they were lucky enough to get a table near the windows. "I always feel a little guilty, because I'm constantly wondering if there's something more productive I can be doing when I'm at church. It would figure that moving back home meant I would also be overcome by Catholic guilt all over again."
"You've got it all wrong," Gavin chuckled as he held the door open for her. "Going to church is supposed to alleviate that guilt a little, not make it worse." Saving your soul was pretty damn productive if you asked him, though he often doubted going to church could save his soul. He had the weight of many sins on his shoulders and with Father Grady gone he felt a little more lost than usual. Charlie seemed to help with that feeling. He never smiled as much as he did when he was around her, her laughter was contagious and she calmed him down in ways he hadn't felt before. Too good for hm, that was what she was. "Boring can be a good thing though. I'll tell you what, I'll come to church this Sunday, you can come sit with me and we can be bored together."
Charlie stepped inside the restaurant, but waited for Gavin to join her before they walked to the hostess stand. "I think sometimes church bores you so much that every emotion becomes numb, including guilt, hence the alleviating," she said with a grin, partly teasing. "But yes, I think maybe if you were there that would alleviate the boredom for me, at least. Or... at least make the boredom more tolerable." She liked his company, even when they sat in silence, so Charlie could only hope he would keep his promise and show up on Sunday. She was thrilled when they were seated at a small table near the windows. "I love this place," Charlie said. "This is the first time I've been here since moving back."
"Really?" Gavin asked. "We'll have to come back then. That is... if the food is any good." He'd only heard good things about this place so that last bit was a bit tongue in cheek and he gave her a little grin before he picked up the menu and looked over his options. It was a little less stressful this time around since they'd gone out once before and he knew what to expect from her at a restaurant. So far there had been no surprises. She was easy to get along with and she was nice to the staff, didn't get annoyed at how crap he was at this whole thing and was overall just a delight to be around. "See anything good?"
Coming back meant future dates, which was a welcome prospect, especially since Gavin was the one who had suggested it. Charlie was hoping that meant he wouldn't disappear for another week after he dropped her back off at home tonight. "I'm thinking the ricotta dumplings," Charlie said, glancing past her menu at Gavin. "They've got some pretty good steak, but I don't know, I've always found just tossing a steak on the grill myself always tastes better than fancy places like this. I don't know if that's just nostalgia speaking, or what. Does anything look appetizing to you?"
Gavin almost told her she should come on over and have him grill for her if that was the case but then he remembered he no longer lived alone. Jasper would probably not appreciate having his teacher over for dinner and Gavin didn't really feel like dealing with that amount of awkward either. Grilling at her place wasn't the same, it wouldn't be his grill and he wouldn't feel as in charge. It was probably a stupid way to feel but there it was. "The steak looks promising," he said. "But yeah I agree. Aaron brought back some deer meat and we had a pretty good grill party." Not that he needed to think about Aaron right now, just mentioning his name dampened his spirits some and he forced himself to refocus. "Do you grill a lot at your place?"
"We used to when I lived at home," Charlie explained, resting her menu down on the table now that she had decided what she wanted to eat. "My dad loved to grill. I have a gas grill on my back patio, but I haven't really had a reason to use it. I live alone, and I've been so focused on getting my house put together that I haven't really taken the time to make myself a real meal." Charlie smiled. "I've never had deer meat before. I'll have to give it a try sometime. Are you one of those guys who completely takes over the grill when there's food to be cooked?" She could see him being 'in charge', not wanting anyone else to touch the grill or the food. Her dad was kind of like that, though her mom had always been hovering, eager to jump in the second the grill was clear.
Gavin grinned sheepishly, rubbing his eyebrow with one finger as he shook his head in a noncommittal way. He absolutely was though and he'd snapped at his brothers enough times when they tried to meddle with his cooking. The only way anyone was getting at the grill was if there was some situation that called for him leaving for a minute but that rarely happened now that the kids were older. He almost asked her what kind of grill she had because it mattered but then not everyone was as enthusiastic about all that as he was. "It'd be a pity for that grill to never get used," he said instead of admitting to all that. "Maybe we should grill something sometime..."
Even if he shook his head, Charlie could tell instantly from the grin that he was that guy. Her smile widened knowingly, but she decided not to call him out on it. It was kind of cute, in a way, to imagine him staying put in front of the grill, waving people off with his spatula if they got too close. Charlie felt that familiar surge of warmth again, because there seemed to be plenty of moments now where Gavin was suggesting they spend time together. "I think that's a good idea," she said. "Maybe before it gets too cold and I've got to cover it up for the winter. I promise you complete control," she teased.
He had to laugh at that because it was pretty obvious she'd sussed him out by now. "I appreciate it," he said warmly, though it remained to be seen if there would be power struggle when they were actually there. At least he knew he had it down to an art, it was one of the few things he felt really good at and people always enjoyed it when he took to the grill. He liked feeding people and he really hoped that would extend to Charlie soon too. A restaurant wasn't the same, even if he footed the bill.
"Anytime," Charlie said, amused. They were approached by their waiter and Charlie ordered her food and a glass of red wine. She wasn't a big drinker, unless she was in Gavin's bar apparently, so she knew it would be best to stick to one glass. The fear that she might overdo it and embarrass herself was enough of an alcohol deterrent. Once they were alone again, Charlie rested her hands comfortably in her lap. "How's Amelia?" she asked. Gavin hadn't wanted to talk about family issues, but it was hard to imagine Amelia being part of the problem, given her age. And honestly, Charlie was curious. She saw Jasper nearly every day, but she knew so little about his daughter.
The look on Gavin's face was a sure sign she was right about Amelia not being a problem. "She's smart and stubborn," he said with a little grin and thought maybe he could introduce the two one day. He was willing to bet his daughter would like Charlie and damn near everyone loved Amelia. "She's been coming over more often now that Jasper moved in, he can be a handful but he loves his little sister." It did Gavin's heart good and he thought he could do to spend more time with Amelia. Like Charlie she tended to drag a smile out of him more frequently than other people.
Charlie liked how he seemed to light up at the mention of his daughter. It seemed obvious that Gavin loved his kids, both of them, despite the circumstances of his marriage. "That's great to hear," Charlie said. She was no psychologist, but maybe a feminine presence in the house would help Gavin and Jasper get along better as well. "Who knows, maybe I'll be teaching her one day," she added with a smile. That would be many years from now, but Charlie had a feeling she would still be in Point Pleasant. Whether she would be teaching high school at that point remained to be seen.
"Probably," Gavin replied with a little nod. "Unless you're planning on moving away." He hoped not though he was trying not to think too hard about what his situation with Charlie would be in a few years. No matter what path it would take it was a little intimidating to think about so better not. "I'm sure she'll like you," he said instead, keeping it vague whether he meant now or whenever Charlie ended up teaching her. "She's a sweet girl."
From everything she'd heard about Gavin's wife, Charlie had to be impressed with a young girl who had somehow managed to avoid taking after her mother. She already sounded wise beyond her years, and maybe that was something Gavin needed as well. "No plans yet," Charlie said, pausing as their drinks were placed in front of them. She took a small sip of her wine before shrugging softly. "I've come to learn that planning ahead is a really bad idea. I had a ten year plan after college. And then life decided it has its own plans for me instead. I'm trying to just let go and take things one day at a time. Which... I realize isn't really interesting conversation fodder," she added with a soft laugh. "Sorry."
Gavin agreed wholeheartedly and if anyone knew about the curveballs life threw at people it was he. "It's smart," he said. "It's good to secure things for the future but never assume the future's secure." He raised his glass and gave her a warm little smile. "Thanks for coming out tonight." He wasn't about to tell her that but it was a good distraction from all the nonsense going on in his life, she had a way of letting him forget the bad things if only for an hour or two.
Charlie was happy that Gavin had invited her out tonight, and in her opinion, they had a pretty nice time. The was pretty good, and the ambiance was relaxing. It probably helped that they had been out to eat together already, and Charlie found it pretty easy to chatter away about the strange things she had seen and heard throughout the school - mostly involving hormonal, angsty teenagers, as well as projects she hoped to get done around her new home. She was careful to avoid asking him too much about his family beyond his kids, but Charlie got the feeling that Gavin didn't mind it when Charlie dominated the conversation. He seemed more comfortable and relaxed when she was the one talking, anyway.
By the time their check was paid for and they were driving back to Charlie's house, she was feeling pretty mellow and happy, which may have had to do with the two glasses of wine she'd had. The wine, and the company, probably. When Gavin pulled into her driveway, Charlie glanced at him with a small smile. "Do you want to come inside?"
Gavin both did and did not want to come inside. He felt like the tin man, rusty and ineffective, unsure how to go about this. He nodded slowly and cleared his throat. "Maybe ah, for a little bit?" he muttered mainly because he was reluctant to go home just yet and they'd been having such a good night. He was still married though and he didn't want to ruin what good thing they had by fumbling around like an idiot so his heart had definitely picked up speed at the thought alone. "Show me what you've done with the place."
A little bit was better than nothing. She wasn't hoping for or expecting anything to happen. She just wanted to prolong the evening a bit. Charlie smiled. "Okay." She got out of the car and waited for Gavin before leading him up to the front door. Once she got it unlocked, she flipped on the lights and hung up her coat and purse. "I want to rebrick the fireplace, but that might have to wait until spring," she explained. Charlie slipped off her shoes. "Do you want a drink?" If he didn't plan on staying terribly long, he might say no, but it was only polite to ask.
Gavin followed suit, kicking off his boots and hanging up his jacket. "Beer would be nice," he muttered though he probably shouldn't stay that long. She seemed to have a lot of projects that needed to wait until spring and he couldn't help that urge to help even if he tried. "You mind if I smoke?" She hadn't minded the last time he came over but he still felt it was rude to just light up without a warning.
"Go ahead." Charlie wandered into the kitchen to grab two beers, popping the tops off both before she returned and handed one to Gavin. "My mom keeps asking why I didn't just buy a house that had everything exactly how I wanted it before I moved in, but I'm pretty sure there's not a house out there like that." She motioned for him to follow her over to the guest bath. "Besides, I think I like being able to renovate this place to my liking. It's oddly satisfying when I finish something and it looks halfway decent." Charlie flipped on the light so Gavin could see. The tile, in her opinion, looked good. Maybe not perfect, but not a disaster either, which was all she could really ask for.
"Fixing it up makes it more yours," Gavin told her and he'd be lying if he didn't still feel like his old house with Ollie didn't belong to him more than it did to her even if he was letting her keep it. He'd done a lot of fixing things in that house whereas he hadn't done much where he was currently living. "This is good," he muttered as he looked at the tile. It wasn't perfect, but it was good for an amateur and it'd hold up over time, that was what counted. "You're pretty handy." He had told her that before but it bore repeating and he gave her a little smile as he got his pack of smokes from his pocket.
"Well, you and Aaron inspired me to learn how to be handy," Charlie said with a laugh. "If I didn't teach myself I would have had to hire you on full time... pro bono work, of course." She took a sip of her beer and flipped the light back off, leading Gavin back into her living room. "Have you done anything around your place?" She knew where Gavin lived, though she had never been there, obviously. With how expertly he had put her new porch together, she couldn't help but wonder what he had done for his own house.
Gavin didn't mention how he wouldn't have minded spending a lot more time at her place but the thought crossed his mind. "Not much," he replied to her question, lighting his cigarette now that they were away from the bathroom. "Fixed a few little things, bought a new stove, splashed a little paint on where it was needed. Nothing big. Who knows, I might get a bigger place when the divorce goes through." It was too soon to be talking about that but he still wanted to tell her and it felt too awkward to straight out announce it so this roundabout way was the best he could do. "So both the kids can stay over whenever without taking over my room."
Since it seemed like Gavin was going to stay long enough to have a beer and cigarette, Charlie sat down comfortably on her couch, not minding if Gavin wanted to sit with her, or elsewhere. She was a bit thrown by the D-word, since she had assumed, according to Roxy and Mila, that Gavin wasn't likely to get divorced anytime soon, for financial, or other reasons. Charlie lifted a brow curiously. "Are you getting a divorce?" She understood it was a personal question, but a part of her felt like she deserved to know. This was their second date - if they were willing to call it that - and Charlie had to admit that Gavin's marital status was always sort of in the back of her mind.
"It's starting to look that way, yeah," Gavin replied and maybe it was stupid how awkward he felt about all this, like he wasn't sure if this was actually gearing up to be romantic and how he would handle it if it was. If it wasn't then he could tell her as friends but it felt far more significant than that and it honestly scared him. "Things have gotten complicated. More complicated even. " He let out a little laugh before sipping his beer. When had his life not been complicated. "I don't wanna jinx it though."
Charlie didn't want to just assume this was anything. All she could do was take it a day and a time and see what happened, if anything. Sometimes being around Gavin felt like she was approaching a deer in the woods, and one wrong move would send him sprinting away. She didn't think for a second the divorce had anything to do with her, but it still felt good, because that would be one less thing nagging at her in the back of her mind. "More complicated," Charlie repeated after sipping her beer. "That doesn't sound fun at all. Is everything okay? Unless talking about it might jinx it, in which case, we can talk about something else."
The way she said it, more complicated, made it sound - to Gavin's ears at least - like it could be a negative thing and he didn't want to leave her in the dark with that so he grabbed the ashtray and went to sit down on the armchair across from her, balancing the tray on his knee so he could keep smoking and drinking. "Well it turns out she's pregnant," he muttered. "Definitely not mine this time, it gave me some leverage." And Ollie was just easier to talk to when she was pregnant, happier and calmer and somehow a little more reasonable. At least for the first few months. "I always planned on ending it when the kids were grown up but it looks like it's gonna happen sooner."
That took her by surprise - his ex-wife being pregnant - and Charlie stared at him for a moment. Yes, that was definitely a complication. Charlie couldn't really comment on when Gavin had planned to end his marriage. By all accounts, it sounded like it had been over for awhile, and his son was legally an adult already while his daughter was nine. But... ending a marriage was never easy, no matter what the circumstances. Who was Charlie to judge? "You seem to be taking it really well," Charlie murmured. "Finding out your wife is having someone else's baby can't be easy to swallow, even if you've been separated for awhile."
Gavin wasn't about to tell her that his first reaction to finding out Ollie was fucking some other guy was to find said guy and beat him up. He hadn't done as much damage as he'd wanted to initially and it had nothing to do with Ollie and everything to do with his pride. Having cooled down he could see that it benefitted him nicely. Leverage. The only thing that still worried him about the divorce was losing Amelia. he'd heard enough horror stories of dads getting the short stick when it came to custody but so far he was still the provider and far more stable financially than Ollie. "Yeah well," he murmured with a wan smile. "I wasn't thrilled about it but it's been over a long time."
"That's understandable," Charlie said before taking another drink of her beer. She very nearly told him about her own circumstances, how they were maybe similar to Gavin's, but Charlie wasn't sure she wanted to admit how her marriage ended. There was still the irrational fear that Gavin would start looking at her the way Drew had, searching for those unforgivable flaws. Oh boy, maybe she had had too much to drink. "I hope things get easier, or at least go smoothly for you. Divorces can be a nightmare. But, then again, so can marriage, so..."
Gavin nodded because oh boy wasn't that the truth. "I've stayed married for a long time because-" he started, trailing off as he considered whether to actually say this out loud. He barely even talked to his brothers about it, but here he was with Charlie and it just seemed to want to come out. "It seemed safer, both financially and uh... My lawyer told me some bad stories, how she could take everything including the kids so... This was just easier." He was still afraid and he wasn't going to sign any divorce papers until he'd double and triple checked all the risks involved but that's what he had a good lawyer for.
She nodded, because it made more sense hearing it from Gavin than just speculating why he hadn't gotten a divorce after being separated for so long. She couldn't imagine feeling backed into a corner and having to stay married to someone she no longer loved. But Gavin had been willing to sacrifice his freedom, so to speak, to keep his kids in his life, just as Charlie hoped all fathers would. "I can understand the decision," she said. "It's not fair that you found yourself in that position, but... it seems like things are headed toward a resolution now. A light at the end of the tunnel." Charlie added with a small smile.
Gavin wasn't about to say it but it felt like Charlie was the light at the end of the tunnel and that wasn't at all fair towards her. He knew better than to put her on a pedestal but so far she was so levelheaded and calm and sweet, it was hard not to idolize her a little. Especially when he'd always had a crush on her. Yet here they were and he couldn't bring himself to move over to the couch and kiss her like he wanted to do. "What about you?" he murmured, tapping his cigarette idly against the ashtray. "Is there a light at the end of the tunnel for you?"
His question took her a bit by surprise, although she was fairly certain it didn't show in her expression. At least she hoped it didn't. Did he think she was still fighting her way through a dark tunnel he way he was? Was she? Some days it felt that way, but others... not so much. She had the same thought as Gavin for a fleeting moment, that maybe this between them, whatever it was, was a light to move toward, but that didn't feel like something she could actually tell him. He was still that deer in the woods, after all. Charlie took a sip of her beer, contemplating his question before she finally spoke again. "I feel like I'm nearly there," she admitted with a small smile. "It took longer than I hoped it would, and I probably won't emerge from it without scars, but it's better now than it was before I moved here. Healing takes time, whether you've been separated for years, or dealt with a quick divorce. But it gets better, I'm sure of that."
"What was yours like?" Gavin hadn't really asked her about her divorce but he'd told her plenty, especially considering how he told nobody anything, so he felt like he could afford to ask now. If she didn't want to answer that was up to her. "You never told me why you left that guy." Whose name he didn't even know or care to know, he was just some idiot who'd given up a good thing with a good woman.
"So he's a fucking idiot," Gavin muttered and wondered if that 'we' meant that she couldn't have kids. It would suck for her but also, in a purely selfish way, take the pressure off him. He hadn't told her he'd had a vasectomy or that he didn't want more kids, if this became anything more than friendship that was something she needed to know and it could change everything. Her ex was lucky he didn't live in Point Pleasant because Gavin had an urge now to ruin his life somehow, even if it was just in small and insidious ways. "I'm sorry, Charlie. That can't have been easy."
Charlie definitely agreed that Drew was an idiot, and she had told him as such many times. She didn't want to explain everything about the divorce, and how much it had scarred her, because she didn't want to chase Gavin off. It felt like they both had lingering issues from their marriages, but maybe those wounds would heal with time. "It wasn't easy," she agreed with a small nod. "But it's been a couple of years now, so the wounds aren't fresh anymore. You live and you learn." She smiled softly at Gavin. "I'm pretty happy where I am now."
Gavin wasn't sure she meant that. She'd probably rather be happily married with a kid or two than back in Point Pleasant alone. At that moment he wasn't sure which might be worse, having two kids he hadn't wanted or wanting kids and never having them. At least he loved his kids, the bitter feelings there were all aimed at Ollie. "I can't have more kids," he muttered. "After Amelia I just decided no more." It felt important she know that, in case it had been Drew who had that problem. If Charlie wanted kids, Gavin was not the guy she'd want them with even if it had been a possibility. Gavin was still pretty sure the whole family was cursed. As soon as he said it it felt weird to have done so and he smiled and straightened up a little. "Two years, damn... How are you still single?"
Ideally, yes, Charlie would still be happily married with a baby on the way, but life had other plans, she supposed. What good would it do her to mourn a life that had never really been hers? Charlie had already gone through the grieving process of not only not being able to have kids, but of the loss of her marriage, and she didn't want to look back for fear that it would overcome and overwhelm her. She didn't think she could bear going through it again. Charlie drank her beer, but kept her gaze on Gavin, not entirely sure what she felt when he said he hadn't wanted anymore kids. She almost wanted to say Then am I the girl for you! in a joking manner, but Charlie wasn't entirely sure he would see the humor in it. It took her another moment to realize that she wasn't sure if he meant can't as if he couldn't handle more, or can't as in physically couldn't, like he had gotten a vasectomy. It wasn't really her place to ask. His question prompted a brow raise before she smiled, more than happy to get off the subject of children. "It's been self inflicted singledom," she explained. "I wasn't ready to date for a long time, and when I finally found the courage to go out with someone, I spent the whole time wondering if he would see all the flaws my ex-husband saw, and that seemed to just derail the whole thing. Nobody wants an insecure woman. And... that's my ex talking." She shook her head. "Being home has helped. I feel like I can be myself again."
"You don't strike me as insecure, Charlie," Gavin muttered with furrowed brows. He had a hard time seeing her flaws, which was probably a flaw of his since he knew on some level he idolized her and that didn't do anyone any good, but still. Was she insecure? That seemed like such a small flaw in the grand scheme of things. She probably had some issues going on if she liked spending time with Gavin but he hadn't really looked at that too closely, he just wanted to enjoy her company while she was willing to give it. "Your ex sounds like a jerk."
It would be so easy to point out that he probably didn't know her all that well, but Charlie didn't want the conversation to be derailed. She enjoyed Gavin's company, and he seemed to enjoy hers, and she wanted it to stay that way. Instead she laughed when he called Drew a jerk, and Charlie leaned over to set her beer bottle down on the table. "He is a jerk, yes. I don't know that he was always a jerk, but... maybe he was. Love is blind, I guess. And hindsight is twenty-twenty. I don't like the way it ended, but I know I'm better off without him." Charlie pushed her hair back behind her ears before shaking her head. "Let's not end the evening talking about him. I had a good time tonight. Maybe we can do it again soon."
Gavin knew all there was to know about hindsight and he nodded with a bemused smile on his lips. He couldn't even regret his past mistakes as he'd been so damn young when he made them he couldn't have known better. "We should do it again," he agreed and there was that familiar flutter of anxiety he'd been avoiding so well for the last hour or two. He knew he wanted to kiss her good night, but at the same time he just wanted to leave and be sure he had nothing but good memories from this night. "I like spending time with you," he admitted before finishing his beer and getting up. It probably didn't always seem like it, like now where he looked like he was in a rush to leave suddenly, but Charlie was one of the brighter spots in his existence lately.
Charlie hadn't expected him to stand, but she also wasn't terribly surprised that the evening was winding down. She had considered it progress just to get him to come inside for a drink after dinner. Charlie stood with him to walk him to the door, since he seemed a bit eager to leave now and she gave him a smile, just so he knew it was all right with her. "I like spending time with you too," she told him. Charlie moved to open the door before turning to Gavin. "Don't be a stranger, okay?" She thought about kissing him, but it felt as if Charlie needed to let Gavin be the one to make that move, whether now or later. The last thing she wanted to do was make him feel pressured or cornered into something when he was still dealing with his wife.
She was close enough to kiss and Gavin certainly thought about it but he already felt like he was crossing some line just by being in her house. Like anything he did could be used against him in the upcoming divorce. The door was open and while he wasn't eager to leave he knew it was best to do so. "You too, Charlie," he murmured, pursing his lips as he considered his options and went with the safer one - to just leave. "You know where to find me," he said as he turned around, glancing at her over his shoulder with a little smile. Maybe one day he'd find his courage and stay longer but she was probably better off if he didn't.