heyheymicky (heyheymicky) wrote in shadowrises, @ 2016-02-01 21:22:00 |
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Entry tags: | character: alexandre courtin, character: micky park, rating: pg, status: complete, type: closed, type: scene, warning: n/a |
Who: Xandre & Micky
Where: Perked
When: Backdated a few days
What: Coffee and talks
The vampire was not nervous to hear and see what Micky's reaction to his letters was going to be. The letters were the letters. The fact that he had chosen to give them to the boy was interesting. It would have likely been far easier (and less messy) to leave them in that locked box. To forget that he had written them in the first place. His history with the human, though, had demanded that he not be so callous or walled.
Micky deserved better than his silence and lack of true explanation.
In those letters were poetry, thoughts about his feelings, and even his schedule during those long, lonely days. He had talked about himself in ways that probably frightened Micky. About self-loathing. About the guilt he felt. How much he missed Micky. Shadow Falls. How much he missed Sunni, and how much he regretted everything that had happened. Everything he had done.
It was one thing to write it all down. It was quite another to own it. To speak it verbally. He hadn't yet done that, aside from honestly apologizing. And he knew that that wasn't enough. Dressed simply in a dark blue sweater, jeans, and a heavy overcoat, he pulled up the Gucci scarf that surrounded his neck and made his way to Perked. Once inside, he ordered a tall black coffee and moved with the heated beverage toward the back of the cafe.
--
Micky had read the letters more than once. The first time he'd been greedy, flying through the lines and pages, soaking up the words. The second time, he'd carefully read through it all again, let it all sink in before he took to the next page. And there had been a lot to let sink in. Things he'd never heard Xandre mention, let alone really talk about. It meant a lot to him that he'd given him those letters to read.
Of course a few things had spiked his jealousy, he was a jealous creature after all. But that hadn't lasted too long. He'd been too immersed in reading, too humbled by the trust the vampire put in him by giving the letters to him in the first place for something as petty as jealousy. And he'd desperately wanted to talk to him about it. But he waited. He knew he needed time to digest everything he had read, probably just as much as Xandre needed time to process.
It was his day off today, but he wasn't slouchy or anything. He had slept in, had needed it after a late shift at Silhouette, but he didn't look like he'd too little sleep. Much like Xandre, he was dressed simply. Jeans, a sweater and a thick jacket, but there was still a hint of makeup on his face, eyeline and mascara without which he would never leave the house. When he entered the coffee shop he could already see Xandre in the far corner and he smiled at him, getting himself a tall caramel macchiato before walking over to him. He carried the letters with him in a messenger bag, not sure if the Frenchman would want them back or not. "You look good." he said quietly in ways of greetings as he sat opposite him.
--
He glanced up when he scented the boy coming in.. long before those pale eyes actually saw him. The letters had almost been a journal for him. A way to share with the boy what he hadn't had the courage to share with him previously. Alexandre was an interesting soul. Oui, there were times that he considered himself "above" humans --but unlike most of his kind, he placed them on a higher pedestal. Not of equal importance, perhaps, but in a place where they needed to be respected. And when he had been in Shadow Falls previously, he had gotten himself all twisted and knotted up because of humans.
Something he did not plan on doing again.
"Merci," he responded with a smile, standing. "I am glad you were able to sleep." He saw it in the boy's eyes. In the way he carried himself. Xandre didn't approve of Micky's job, mostly because he felt the human deserved better.. but he wasn't about to voice that disapproval. He had done so when they were together, when he had the right to do so. He knew that it was the human's choice, but a part of him wondered WHY he was making that choice. The attention? Because he was good at it?
He gestured toward the empty table for Micky to sit.
--
to Amy
Sometimes Micky wondered how life would be when you had senses like this. There was hardly anything that could surprise you anymore. Almost everything had a smell that would announce it from afar, or a sound, or both. It was a strange thought, if he was honest. Reading the letters had been cathartic, they had shown him a side of Xandre he hadn't seen before (without making him feel bad in any way that he'd never seen that side, he understood, being a very private person himself).
He sat down when the seat was offered, smiling. "I was." he said with a soft laugh. It was quite easy to see when he hadn't slept well. He really was a zombie then. But he had woken up rather refreshed actually, something that didn't happen too often for him. "Thanks for pushing this back a little. It wouldn't have been half as nice with me only functioning on half a brain." he joked, crossing his legs beneath the table after he'd sat down. Had he known Xandre's questions, he probably would've explained. Back when they'd first met he had done that job because of the attention. After the vampire had left it had been because it was something familiar, a routine that gave him some stability.
"So, have you settled in alright?"
--
It was the small things that provided the surprise. After knowing humans for far longer than the typical brain would have, it was easy to find patterns and similarities amongst them. And very hard not to stereotype or pigeonhole. When someone went against the grain, went someone chose the path less taken.. it was refreshing, and THAT was the kind of surprise that Alexandre most looked forward to.
He nodded with the thanks, lifting his beverage to sip at it. He had always enjoyed splashing his tongue with flavor --even if whatever he imbibed or ate never satisfied him the way blood did. He liked things with strong flavors, though the more subtle, delicate dishes were also marvelous (given his keen tastebuds). "Sleep, as you know, means very little to me now. It was a non-issue." The boy, on the other hand, needed his shut-eye.
He considered the final question. "The new house is beautiful but needs a woman's eye. I work so well with clothing, but home decor was something I always trusted my business partner on." And he hadn't seen her in decades. She was long-deceased. So he trusted his memory.
--
Surprises were definitely something Micky could appreciate, if they were the right kind. In the last couple of years they had been the kind he didn't enjoy. Which was why he was back to where he was right now. Back to square one. And he'd been bitter about it for the longest time, but reading Xandre's letters and everything that meant for him had opened his eyes. Maybe he should've treated that as an opportunity to start fresh instead of dwelling on the past.
When Micky took a sip of his coffee, it was obvious how much he enjoyed the sweetened hot beverage. His eyes closed for a second as he swallowed. He'd already had a coffee before coming here, but in his book there was no such thing as too much caffeine. "Sometimes I get really jealous of your lack of need for sleep. The day would suddenly have so much more time."
He couldn't help but smile at that. "Settling in isn't just about decor, though." And while he had always appreciated Xandre's style, be that clothing or anything else, that hadn't been what his question had been about.
--
"You would miss sleep, cher," he responded. "The ability to shut down. To shut everything off. To recharge. We no longer have that. In a way, of course, we do.. but not the way a human does. Every day is literally a new dawn for you. Your body renews itself and prepares for a new day. My body is always the same."
He remembered how much the boy had enjoyed his caffeine, and he took no small delight in viewing him enjoy the sweetened drink. It was the small things that vampires missed. The things that became so important in human lives --they meant NOTHING to most supernaturals, and it was why he often got caught up in the human world. Because they were so damned exciting.
He nodded with Micky's observation. "I have become accustomed to being alone, though I will say that it's nice to be amongst a hustling, bustling town once again. The Carnival has added to that."
--
"Probably, yes." Micky said with a small smile. He did love to sleep, sleep in especially when he'd had a long night at work. "I guess you only realize how much you miss it when you don't have it anymore." Like it was with pretty much everything. It was strange how little you appreciated the things you had until they were gone.
Sometimes he thought that caffeine was his equivalent to the blood for vampires. He knew that he would not be able to function without it. That and probably chocolate. Though without chocolate, he would wither and die, no questions asked. He took another sip, enjoying the scalding hot drink as it burned its way down his throat.
He shook his head slowly. "You shouldn't be alone, though. Don't punish yourself anymore." he said quietly. While he understood everything better now, there was no hard feelings left in him, just regret that things had happened the way they had. "Have you been there yet? I haven't managed, so far, but it sounds like a good time."
--
"Such is life," the vampire said with a wave of his fingers. Micky's internal realization was correct. It was hard to know how much something meant to you until it was gone, vanished, poof. Alexandre had dealt with that lesson in full detail over the past few years. And it wasn't the kind of lesson that he wanted to learn again (though he fully understood that it was likely he would, given his past).
His eyebrows furrowed together. Was he punishing himself, or had he? He supposed.. in a way.. that he had. Probably without fully recognizing that fact. It was a near miracle to him that Micky was telling him to not be alone, when he was relatively certain that a few months ago.. he probably wished him dead.
"Sometimes we have to push ourselves into doing things that are difficult," he said quietly. "I needed to be alone, I needed to think and to learn and to recover. You know that now." He took a sip of his drink, fixing his calm gaze on the boy. "I haven't been yet, non. I'm not sure if Carnivals are.. my thing," he said with a toothy grin.
--
Micky chuckled softly, nodding. "That it is. And you're right, I'd be ruined without my beauty sleep." he added with a playful smile. He was obviously in a good mood, sleeping in and good coffee were absolutely helping that, too. As was finally getting closure. He hadn't even realized how much he had needed that until he had read the letters. Which got him to another thought. One hand on the messenger bag still over his shoulders, resting on his lap, he looked at Xandre. "Do you want them back? The letters, I mean. I brought them."
He watched him closely, studied the furrowed brows and his expression. He wasn't too off with his assumption of self punishment, wasn't he? One thing Xandre was wrong with, though. He had never ever wished him dead. He'd been mad, livid even, and hurt. He'd wanted to lash out at Xandre, hurt him in return in his rage, but he'd never wished him dead.
"There's a difference between pushing yourself and punishing yourself, though. I understand now, that you needed to be alone to find back to yourself. But it doesn't mean you have to stay alone." And he meant it. Xandre had suffered enough. He chuckled again. "I don't think they're anyone's thing, except maybe that of the people working there. It does look interesting, though."
--
He had already thought about the letters. He had written them for Micky, and it made very little sense to hold onto them.. as long as the human wished to keep them. "If you wish to keep them, I wrote them for you," he said quietly. His blue eyes held a bit of pensiveness. He wasn't sure if that was the appropriate or even desired action, but it was what he wanted to do. What felt right to him.
Of course, oui, yes. Wanting him dead was a foolish notion, but then Xandre often had foolish and overly dramatic notions and ideas. That was simply the way he was. He tended to exaggerate things for the sake of exaggerating --simply because he could, and because it provided more excitement. He was trying to move away from all of that, however.
"Perhaps," he allowed. It wasn't a yes or a no. It gave him room to both shut and open the door. He didn't feel that he was ready for such a thing just yet. But soon. Maybe. "I do want to ride the ferris wheel."
--
A small smile curved Micky's lips and nodded slowly. "I'd like very much to keep them." he said quietly. He knew he would probably read them quite a few times again, they had been balm for his wounded heart and had made him understand so many things that had been unclear and even unknown to him before. "Thank you." he added, and he meant it.
He'd always liked Xandre's dramatics. They were quite similar in that. Maybe he had cursed the Frenchman to death right after he'd left, but he had never meant that, of course. But he had needed that to get some of the weight off his chest.
He smiled again, not pushing the subject. He'd said his piece, but he also knew that it might take another while for the vampire to heal completely. "You want to get a good look of Shadow Falls from up above?" he asked, tilting his head a bit, taking another sip of his macchiato. "The magic shows have to be good. And I bet you can get lost on the carnival grounds and all its distractions."
--
"Of course," he murmured, bringing the warm liquid up to his lips. He let it sit there a moment, warming his tepid skin, before he took a sip. He needed to take a claim. And soon. He was struggling to pay attention to any kind of conversation. He was too focused and concentrated on that damnable vein in Micky's neck. And the ones in the necks of all of the other humans around them. Ele had been right. He had waited too long.
He pushed his fingers together in thought after placing the mug on the table. "Ferris wheels have always been a favorite of mine. It's not often that humans in this town get to experience them, or any kind of thrill ride. I am honestly surprised they're not more inundated with riders."
He smiled at the last few thoughts. "I think I might like to get some cotton candy. Or fried cheese." He'd only have a few bites of each of those.. but it had been awhile.
--
Had Micky known Xandre's train of thoughts, he would've agreed wohleheartedly. And probably been quite jealous, too. Because with all their history it would be unlikely that this claim would be him. If there ever was a claim that he would know about he would probably even throw a hissy fit (in private, but still). But he would still agree. Because Xandre needed someone in his life, someone to feed him from the vein, to give him some sort of physical contact, whether or not that claim was Micky.
"I think I'd like to try it. Maybe I should go there before it leaves again." He had contemplated going there, but it didn't seem like so much fun if he'd have to go alone. And since pretty much all of his friends had gone wherever, "I guess they have enough other spectacle so they don't need more rides?" he said with a small shrug.
He laughed softly at that. "You can eat all that crap and not get fat. Makes me kind of jealous."
--
He didn't know who the claim was going to be. It would have been easy to allow Micky to step into that role once again, but the last thing Alexandre wanted at the moment was complication. And with their history, such a reunion would have been anything but simple. He cared deeply for the human. He was always going to. He needed Micky to stand on his own, though, just as he himself needed to stand on his own. The possible jealousy.. was something he would have empathized with. (But never admitted to.)
"We can go together if you'd like," he offered carefully. He didn't want to push, and he didn't want to insert himself back into Micky's life if he wasn't wanted yet. He agreed with that inward notion, though. The Carnival would have not been as much fun if he visited it on his own. He nodded. "Carnivals aren't typically known for the rides. Fairs and festivals, perhaps. The midways and what not. Carnivals are definitely more about the spectacle."
He mused at the boy for a moment. "Immortality comes with its benefits and deterrents."
--
It would've been easy to fall back into old patterns, but even if it didn't look like it, Micky had learned a few things, had grown a little in the time Xandre had been gone. He knew that it wouldn't healthy for either of them, it would make matters incredibly complicated, no matter how much he would still want it. No matter how much his heart still wanted it. It wouldn't be easy seeing Xandre with someone else, be that claim or lover. But he had no right to be jealous, he knew that.
He was quiet for a moment, then offered a smile. "I'd like that." he finally said, and it was honest, genuine. "I missed spending time with you." He'd missed their quips and squabbles, the talks, everything. Maybe they could start as friends this time. Because he would never stop caring about the Frenchman, no matter how things would turn out between them. "From what I can tell this carnival certainly has the spectacle down alright." he said with a small grin.
"Oh I know. I remember how it changed Amos..." he muttered softly.
--
There wasn't a law declaring that Micky couldn't be his claim. In fact, if Xandre were to take a guess or stab at the future, he would have placed a large sum of money on the fact that the human he knew so well would have somehow ended up back in his home. There was too much history for them to currently be together; and yet there was too much history for them to have remained apart. It was a juxtaposition that the vampire knew all too well. The longer he stayed away, the harder that fight was going to become.
He took a sip of his drink and nodded, glad to know that Micky was going to at least spend time with him. He hadn't honestly known what to expect --and if their first interaction had been any clue, he had almost wanted to tuck his tail between his legs and leave. They had both learned, though, it seemed.. and things were getting better.
He glanced away at the mention of Amos, his face obviously pained. Again, a vulnerability he never would have shown before. He hadn't seen his childe. Didn't expect to. Probably not for hundreds of years. "I have no doubt your metabolism is rather fast. I remember the amount of chocolate you consume." A smirk.
--
No, there wasn't a law for that. But Micky felt like they would need a little more time to figure things out before they could take that step again. He wanted it, even though he wasn't ready to admit that yet. But Xandre was right in one point: the Asian boy needed to figure out who he was on his own, just as much as the French vampire had. So far, he had just survived, but he hadn't lived. It was time to get out there again, into the real world, instead of hiding at home with his kittens.
Their first meeting had been tough, and Micky had needed a lot of thinking and soul searching after it. The letters had played a big role in that, and had done a lot to help him through that. He hadn't even realized himself how big that knot of twisted emotions inside of him had been until it had finally come apart. And it had been about time, too, otherwise he might've just imploded. And that would not have been a pretty sight.
Micky almost winced when he caught Xandre's expression. "Shit, sorry...I didn't mean to..." Way to have his foot in his mouth there. The quip made him smile. "One of my many talents. Don't know a single girl that isn't jealous of the amount of chocolate I can eat in one sitting and the diameter of my hips." he grinned.
--
Xandre had time in spades. Humans threw around that phrase all the time --oh, just give it more time and oh, we just need a bit of time and space. As if they had it. As if every moment didn't mean anything. Micky was right, though. If they dove headfirst into a relationship --any kind of relationship-- they were no doubt going to fail and catapult themselves right back where they had been before. He needed to feed, though.
He just didn't know who from.
He held up his fingers and gestured them away sharply.. as if saying 'Don't worry about it.' He had long ago gotten over the failure that had been Amos. He should have never turned the boy. Not because he didn't want to. Not because Amos hadn't wanted it. Not because the boy was horrible as a vampire. But because there had been too many complications. He'd come with an attachment. Tweedledum and Tweedledee, as Sunni had called them. Xandre had failed to recognize the massive mistake he was making until it was too late.
The Frenchman's eyes flared with the reminder of Micky's hips, going dark and lit with seductive mystery. He remembered what it felt like to hold those hips. He glanced away slowly, almost regretfully. And then he changed the subject. "Do you have any questions?" He asked, and when he looked at the human again, the sensuality was gone.
--
Living in a town run by vampires made you realize how little time actually meant here, how little time you actually had. It made moments more important, sometimes so much that you forgot the bigger picture. Maybe that had been what had happened to them. After losing his sister, Micky had been lost, too. He had clung to Xandre, maybe too tightly. And even though they had little time, simply because of his humanity, but they needed to get it right this time, wherever that would lead them.
He hadn't thought when he'd brought up Amos, it had been a mistake. He had always considered the boy a friend, from the time they both worked at Silhouette and after, too. Him and Jinx. But the change had really changed Amos. That was to be expected, of course, but the small Asian hadn't expected it to be so all-encompassing. He hadn't expected the jealousy from the young vampire, even though he had known about Micky's and Xandre's involvement. But that was the past now.
That expression caught him completely off guard and it showed in the way his own eyes darkened, his lips slightly apart, half caught in a gasp. He didn't try to hide it, though, something he would've done before. When the Frenchman glanced away again he breathed deeply once, then again. "Not fair." he muttered, but it was accompanied by a small, wistful smile. "Where have you been the last few years? What have you done and seen?" He probably had a ton of questions.
--
He should have simply demanded that Jinx leave. At least for a time. That entire relationship had clouded Amos' mind. The jealousy he felt and directed toward Micky was ridiculous, especially considering the fact that they were not romantically involved. Oh, there had been sexual tension, and close encounters --but they hadn't ever crossed that line. Not entirely. Perhaps it was a matter of wanting what he wasn't allowed to have.
Regardless, it was over and done. He didn't think he'd see the boy for many, many years.
A soft, memory-filled smirk tugged at his lips with the human's remark. Non, it wasn't fair, but he hadn't acted upon the first impulse. He hadn't made it extremely difficult. He'd simply shared the look.. a look that Micky no doubt remembered. If he had had any doubts that Xandre's feelings had remained, he knew now that they were there. And as strong as ever.
One more sip of the coffee. "A house I bought on the sea," he said quietly. "I didn't leave it. I worked quite a bit from home, acquiring more companies, designing clothes. But I never left." And no one visited him.
--
For Xandre's sake, Micky hoped that one day he would see Amos again and they could get past all of that. He wouldn't have turned the boy if he didn't care about him. He wasn't sure if Amos would ever turn Jinx to be with him forever, if he didn't, any reconciliation would have to wait until he had passed for sure. But none of that was Micky's concern anymore, the two had left the moment they could and he really couldn't blame them, either.
He hadn't really been complaining with that comment, he had enjoyed that look immensely. He remembered that look very well, he had dreamed of it more often than he could count, alone in his bed, wondering if he'd only imagined it. And seeing it now settled something inside him that had still been a little restless. He returned the small smirk for a second, then lifted his own cup to his lips, swallowing the still hot drink slowly.
"It has to be beautiful by the sea." he said just as quietly. "Some day, you'll have to show me the clothes you designed there." He was silent for a moment. "You were there all this time? Alone?"
--
"All this time. Alone. Tragic, oui?" He said with a bit of wistfulness. It had been time well-spent, of course.. and certainly not wasted. He had learned so many things about himself. He had been able to focus on how he felt, why he felt such, and he had moved on from things that he had needed to let go of. The only problem was that he harbored immense guilt for the mistakes he had made, and he wasn't having any success stopping the self-punishment.
He leaned forward and in a show of true, honest concern, he said quietly, "I need to feed, Micky." He stopped and considered how to offer the next words. "Tell me what you think I should do. I could ask a vampire, but I already know what would be said. I want to hear what your opinion is.. should I take a claim, or should I simply feed off of someone unattached?"
He valued the boy's opinion. He knew his history. And if Micky wanted to be that claim, he'd listen to the reasons why. The human had already offered his vein, after all.
--
Micky smiled. "Tragic, yes. But from what I can tell, healthy too. And that's what counts." Xandre didn't feel as weighed down by his life as he had before. Yes, there was still guilt, he knew that from the letters and he could still see it in his eyes, but he seemed a lot lighter now, maybe even more lighthearted.
When he leaned in, the boy fell silent again, eyes completely focused on only the vampire in front of him. He nodded slowly. He'd sensed that during their first meeting, too, and had thought that he might've fed in the meantime. His lips pursed thoughtfully and he was quiet for a few more moments as he thought things through. "There's always people here who enjoy being fed from who are unclaimed." But he knew that Xandre liked to make feeding intimate. "But I'm not sure that's the right thing for you." It wouldn't be as intimate as he remembered the vampire liking.
He took a deep breath. "You should take a claim, even though I really don't like saying that." he added with a small, wry smile. "I really don't like the thought of you biting anyone else. But I don't really have a right to be jealous, do I?" And this time, there really was no bitterness to his voice, just honesty. It was only fair. "Honestly, I'd rather offer myself, but I don't know if it would be good for either of us..." he said after another pause of a few moments. "No matter how much I might want it."
--
A soft smile. Oui, more healthy. More grounded. He often wondered, though, what it was going to take to break the semblance of control that he now possessed. Someone tempting him. Someone pushing at his boundaries. Was he ever going to be able to ENJOY his life, and "live" it to the fullest if he wasn't willing to step out of his current shell? Non. He needed to take the risk.
He was glad he had asked Micky about it. Hearing from the boy's lips what he was already thinking furthered the opinion that had been forming. "You are an oasis at the moment," he replied softly. "You are what I know, what I sought during darkness, and what I would seek out now." His eyes smoldered, growing darker, lit from behind with soft, wicked intent.. but also warmth, purity, and honesty. It was no doubt overwhelming, as Xandre had never shown such emotion before so easily.
"But are you real?" A whisper. "Or will you vanish the instant things get hard?" They needed time. They had both demanded time. Micky needed to heal. "Come to me when you know," he said.
--
Everything had its time and place, that was certainly something Micky had learned in the past few years. And now was the time for composure and control, at least for a while. It was a different look for Xandre, something that Micky still had to get used to, but he knew the passion was still there, had seen it just a few moments ago, simmering beneath that carefully calm surface.
He was about to say something, or try at least, because hearing those words from him was already enough to knock the wind out of him, but coupled with that expression, those dark eyes he had missed so much in the last few years, that took his breath away completely. A few heartbeats passed before he sucked it in audibly, his own eyes swirling with a multitude of emotions. It was exhilarating to see him this honest and open, but yes, it was overwhelming. He needed another few moments to compose himself, at least a little.
He wanted to say that he was, that he wouldn't disappear. But after reading the letters, he had promised himself not to rush into this anymore. He leaned in, pressing a warm, chaste kiss to the vampire's tepid cheek. "I will." he promised with a small smile. "I'm really glad you're back."