cuttingluck (cuttingluck) wrote in shadowlands_ic, @ 2018-03-23 22:56:00 |
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Entry tags: | peter foster, robert kidsman |
Who: Robert Kidsman, Peter Foster
What: Planning an assassination
Where: Peter's flat
When: 10 March, 1889
Rating: PG-13
Robert paced in Peter’s small flat, feeling on edge and anxious.
This entire business was far, far bigger than he’d ever anticipated -- conspiracies and mock assassinations and bartenders who turned out to be all powerful Lords staring at him from across the table while the vampire he was supposed to kill cracked wise and rolled his eyes at the whole affair.
It felt like he’d been tossed into the Thames fully dressed, and the cold of the water and weight of his clothes was dragging him under, and he couldn’t believe he’d gotten into this mess in the first place.
Peter watched Robert pace a few moments before he went to the cabinet that held his bourbon. He pulled it open and poured them both a hefty glass. He understood what Robert was feeling, he was usually in that frame of mind on the daily.
“I would say that everything will be alright,” he started, moving to hand Robert the glass of bourbon. “But that could very well be a lie,” he sighed. “I understand what you are feeling right now, however. I feel that way nearly every day. Except I have others depending on me to keep them safe and alive.” He still wasn’t sure he could even do that, but by god he was trying. “I’m sorry that you are mixed up in this, and if you wish to not be so front and center I can find someone else or do it myself.”
Robert whirled around, snarling a little in impatience and frustration. “You always say things that sound like they’re supposed to be a comfort, but we both know how few choices we have,” he said, before running his hands through his hair, frowning. “Sorry,” he muttered, “sorry, I know it’s not useful. Why in God’s name did you pick me?” He blurted out. “Why am I the one you brought into this? Me, of all people?”
Peter took a breath and let it out slowly when Robert snarled. It would not do well for him to snap at him or snarl in return. Instead, he just held the bourbon out and waited for him to take it. “The choices we made are what put us here, at least we have a chance to...do something that might keep us from the gallows,” he sighed. “I don’t know why I chose you, not really. Maybe it’s because you and my sister have some odd thing going on and this helps keep you close to me. I can keep an eye on you. Or, maybe, it’s because I think you’ll fight harder than the rest,” he shrugged. “That, and I wanted you to see first hand that what I’m doing is for everyone, not just for myself. That I’m fighting as I say I am.”
Robert frowned. “I just…” he ran his hand through his hair before taking the drink, the bourbon sloshing a little in his glass. “I guess I appreciate your honesty,” he added, a little less heatedly. “But there isn’t… there isn’t a thing. Not when we’re people, anyway. And when I’m a wolf, I don’t…” he huffed a little. “It’s not like I have a say in what it does. Not really.”
He shrugged, and gnawed on his lip before tossing back a healthy swallow of his drink. “You hardly know me,” he said, raising his eyebrow in a challenge.
“You may say there is no thing, but there is something….the two of you seem to irritate the other just by being in the same room and breathing the same air,” Peter chuckled. He sipped at his bourbon, closing his eyes to the warmth it added to his throat. He had picked up on the fact that Robert had little to no control as a wolf, which had told him that he had definitely not been born one.
“You’re right, I hardly know you, but you remind me of me sometimes,” he sighed. “The angry me.” He gave a small smile and then moved to take a seat in one of the chairs. “When were you bitten?”
Robert frowned, and shrugged, and sunk into the second chair. “Little over a year ago,” he said. He made a bit of a face. “Got into a brawl after a card game went sour, and the wolf who bit me turned out to be a real bastard.” He looked over at Peter. “Three guesses as to who,” he added with a flat tone. “Said he’d help me forgive my debts, but ended up holding ‘em over my head. And that’s on top of the whole ‘you turn into a wolf once a month’ thing. It’s…” he huffed a little. “It’s bloody madness it is. You’ve been one your whole life. How d’you manage it? Hurts like nothing else, too.”
Peter hadn’t known that Damian had been the one to change Robert, nor had he known that Robert was still fairly young to the whole being a wolf thing. He frowned and shook his head. “I’m sorry,” he looked at Robert. “I didn’t know it had been him,” he shook his head again. “Nothing is being held over your head now,” he tried to assure him of that at least. “Not from me. We all...we all got into this mess in our own way, we’re all trying to find our way out of it,” he ran a hand through his hair. “I’d say that the change all gets easier,” he said. “But even for those born into it, it can be rather painful,” he continued. “My advice is to try not to fight it, it hurts less, and eventually you’ll learn to accept the pain,” he added. “Your mind, as a wolf, will come to you so you have control, but you need to learn to focus. Focus brings control.”
“How?” Robert replied, a little bleakly. “How do you even begin to focus? It’s all smells and urges and impulse, and the way of seeing, of moving, of thinking, it’s all so alien.”
He laughed a little drily. “When I turn, I’m an animal,” he said, taking the rest of his drink. “I wouldn’t have thought it even possible to focus, to have control. Like training a dog to speak, and walk on hind legs. It’s terrifying, to lose oneself like that,” he added, quietly. “To be such a creature of will.”
“Think of something that keeps you calm,” Peter said. “Focus on one scent. When you get hit by a slew of them, pick out the strongest and focus on just that scent, and then...follow it,” he said. “All of your senses are heightened, but if you can just pick one and focus on just one thing at a time, everything will start to become a little easier and then in no time you won’t have an issue with it all.”
“You aren’t just some animal, you are a werewolf,” he then went on. “You can have a modicum of control when you turn, the beast can be controlled when in that form to a point,” he explained. “First, you have to learn how to focus everything and to reign in the anger, because the wolf will feed on that anger.”
Robert wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, two spots of red appearing high on his cheeks. “What if the strongest scent is your sister?” He asked with a low mutter. “What if smelling it overwhelms everything, making notions such as control laughable, and focus entirely inappropriate?” His eyes flashed up to meet Peter’s, defiant and terrified all at the same time.
Peter went still, the urge to protect his sister filled him and he had to tap it down. What came next was the meaning of those words Robert spoke and there was a sinking in his stomach. “You mean my sisters scent overpowers everything else when she’s near?” He asked slowly, his eyes on Robert. “What else do you feel when she’s near...or even when you think of her?” He then asked quickly, afraid he may already know the answer.
Robert let loose with a sharp barking sound. “I am not about to admit that to her brother,” he said. “I’m an engaged man,” he added. “I wouldn’t… I’m not…” he frowned. “When I’m a wolf, there’s nothing else. And even when I’m a man, it’s…” he shrugged. “It’s a distraction I cannot afford, and you insist on keeping me close, on bringing her with to meetings, I…” he slumped in his chair. “I feel like I’m going mad,” he said, his voice low and rough.
Peter clenched his teeth together to keep from trying to order Robert to tell him his feelings. “I…” he shook his head and lifted his bourbon and downed it and then got up to grab the bottle. “She needs a home, too. A pack… I can keep her from some of the meetings, but I won’t lock her out,” he poured himself some more of the bourbon and then offered Robert the bottle if he wanted more. “I...you…” he wasn’t sure what to say. “I fear that it might always be that way when you are around my sister, there is really no way to stop that.”
The look Peter got by way of reply was a careful one. “She’s your sister,” he said, sharply. “I wouldn’t expect you to just… leave her behind. I’m the expendable one in this equation, and you and I both know it.” He frowned, and took the bottle. “I can... I can keep my distance, if need be. I can go off on my own at the Preserve.” He shrugged. “Perhaps it’s for the better. Sooner this business is done, sooner I’ll be out of your hair.”
Peter studied Robert carefully. “I don’t think you are as expendable as you think you are,” he commented. If anything, he thought Robert just needed to find his place as a werewolf. To find his fit. “Keeping your distance might help, but I doubt it...and really, is that what you want?” He rose an eyebrow. He needed to talk to his sister, to see if she was feeling out of sorts the same as Robert was when the two were together. He wondered if he was right and the two were actual mates; he wasn’t sure how to feel about that. “You have a chance at a home, family…” he trailed off. “Being a solitary wolf, it’s hard. Take my word for it. It can be done, but it’s difficult, and lonely.”
“I have a family,” Robert replied, sounding a little broken. “And if you say it’ll always be like this… I…” he shook his head. “Perhaps if I’m on my own, I can have more of a chance to be able to focus. But right now? When everything’s still new? It’s…” he rubbed his face with his hand roughly. “You know that what I want is very different from what would be practical, and our lives are at stake.”
“Are they wolves?” Peter asked and then immediately wished he could take the question back. There was a lot on Robert’s shoulders at the moment, fretting over whether his family would accept him, or if he would have to keep a part of himself secret was not something to worry about now. “I’m sorry that all this has happened, that you are caught up in all of this,” he let out a sigh. “I can keep my sister out of your range for a little while, for some of the time, and once we are past all of this….you can make your choice of whether to be free and on your own or a member of a pack.”
“Very well,” Robert replied unhappily. “And no,” he replied, a little shortly, “neither my parents, my sister, nor my fiancee are wrapped up in this business, and if at all possible, I should like to keep it that way.”
He frowned, looking at the table. “I’ll be there,” he said, shortly, “I’ll do what I’m supposed to.”
Robert had some difficult choices in his future, especially if what Peter thought was true. “We will keep your family out of the know,” he said. “You’ll have to be careful that they not question you about odd behavior or anything of the sort,” he said, knowing that Robert knew to be careful, but had to say it anyway. “And Robert, you aren’t alone,” he tried to assure the other man. “I’ll help you in anyway that I can, and if you find your task too difficult or you just can’t handle something because it’s overwhelming right now, it will be okay.”
“Hm,” Robert replied, clearly skeptical, but he nodded shortly and stood. “Thanks for the drink,” he said, a little roughly. He paused,then, looking a little uncertain. “For what it’s worth,” he added, “I think I’m better off with you than I ever was with Damian.”
Peter stood when Robert did, setting his glass on the nearby table. He gave a nod of his head to the compliment, though he wasn’t sure it was a compliment. “We will get through this,” he said. “If we can all work together, we will get through this.”