Investigator of the Supernatural, Brewer of Tea (sedulus) wrote in shadowlands_ic, @ 2018-02-12 17:47:00 |
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Entry tags: | bertie eden, caspian finn |
Who: Caspian Finn and Bertram Eden
What: Making apologies and amends
Where: Caspian's home
When: 12th February, 1889
Rating: G
Bertie had called twice, but was unsurprised to find Caspian out each time--while Bertie’s business was mostly during the day, Caspian’s was in the evening. Since Caspian did not live in the sort of place one left a card, Bertie simply touched the door and left to try again another day.
This evening, he was surprised to find a lamp on, showing through the window, and hastened his steps slightly to the door, as though it might go out at any moment and Caspian vanish from within. He rapped on the door with similar haste, and then felt quite sheepish about it, withdrawing his hand in embarrassment for his fluttering nerves.
Caspian dutifully rinsed out his teacup.
He didn’t care much for messes, his house stayed as pristine as possible (because you never did know who might drop by unannounced) and in his line of work he was absent a lot from his place. Each spot needed something. Perhaps it was far too human to do such a thing but it felt right to him.
The cup was set aside to dry and he began on the kettle, washing it gently and diligently in the basin. He was nearly done when the knock came, a hurried sound that had Caspian curious as to what trouble lingered outside.
Kettle set aside, he dried his hands and then went to the door to open it.
And who did he find but Bertie standing there. Caspian couldn’t help but smile and urge the man inside, “Bertie! To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit, my friend? I’m afraid I’m not up for trouble or adventure tonight.”
Bertie smiled, though he felt a bit queasy at the reminder. "No, of course not. I didn't mean...I only came by to apologize, for the last time. For putting you at such risk. I had no idea, but that's no excuse, really. I invited you for good company, and instead it turned into rather a fiasco."
Bertie removed his hat as he stepped inside, and ran a hand through his hair. "I wanted to see that you were all right," he admitted. "As well as to ask your forgiveness. I hope...I hope you're well. I understand if you're angry with me."
He beckoned his friend inside again and once Bertie was in the house safely Caspian closed the door and turned to his friend. He listened patiently, lifting a hand to wave the idea of being upset at Bertie away. The ring he usually wore, the one Gabriel had given him was gone.
Caspian lowered his hand and motioned for Bertie to settle, “Please, make yourself at home. I hold no grudge against anything toward what you and I experienced, I can only hope you’ll forgive me, in turn, for not being able to be of more help.” He had wanted to protect Bertie and somewhere along the way it’d backfired.
“I had been meaning to return your messages, I’ve been so busy as of late with the Review. I’ve sort of thrown myself into my work and I tend to lose track of things.”
"No, no," Bertie said at once, hastening to reassure. "I should have sent word, or I could have come to the theatre, I only...I suppose I'm a bit impulsive."
As that was a rather large understatement, Bertie let it go and moved on. "You did help," he reminded Caspian. "You protected me when I was nearly enthralled, and I don't like to think how that might have ended, had you not been there. And I in turn failed to protect you, when you were set on by that witch."
Gabriel had, of course, but that didn't erase Bertie's responsibility for the danger. "You haven't suffered any ill effects, I hope?" He paused only a beat before venturing, "And you and Gabriel, you're...all right?"
Caspian patted Bertie on the shoulder gently, offering a charming smile, “We do make a good pair, don't we? I think we became friends for a reason. Trouble or not, but I would prefer to entertain you where there isn’t trouble once in a while.”
He couldn’t get into the situation with Gabriel, he’d promised not to discuss it and so a facade had to be in place. He frowned some, “We had a bit of a falling out after the market,” he explained. His frame sunk slightly.
Making himself smile Caspian patted Bertie’s arm. “How have you been, my friend? It was rude of me not to inquire earlier.”
Bertie's expression fell, his entire body drooping at once with fresh guilt and remorse. "No," he lamented, "oh, no, I'm so sorry. It's my fault, all of it. But he mustn't..."
Bertie stopped himself, pressing his hands to his eyes, and trying not to think of Gabriel losing two lovers at once, even if only temporarily, of how hungry he must be. Bertie swallowed. "I'll speak to him," he promised. "I'll make it right. If you're angry with him over his treatment of me, I beg you to reconsider. He only spoke his mind, honestly, and he cares for you deeply. You must know...I'm only a diversion for him, and...and a friend," he allowed, although he wasn't entirely certain on those grounds at present. "It's you who has his heart. I know I don't know...I mean, I wouldn't presume to know what's passed between you, but if this is my doing, then I beg you from the bottom of my heart to forgive him.
"He had every right to be angry," Bertie pointed out, gazing into Caspian's eyes. "I endangered you. I could have done no worse to him than that."
Caspian emitted a patient sigh and his smile felt a bit more true. He lifted a hand, cupped Bertie’s cheek and spoke softly, “My friend. Life, in my experience, has its challenges. What happened between myself and Gabriel was more than just what happened at the market. I am not the jealous type, you see, it was never about any one lover or another.” He brushed his thumb across the swell of Bertie’s cheek, “You don’t have to say anything, it was a mutual thing. Necessary. We both needed space. Mer often are solitary, it’s in our nature.”
“You are quite the troublemaker, aren’t you?” He laughed, letting Bertie go. “It keeps things interesting.”
Bertie swallowed, but could only protest, "But," before he fell silent. Caspian was right--it was not his affair, what was between them, and he would not lay guilt at Gabriel's possibly going hungry on Caspian's door. The fault was Bertie's, and he would have to make amends as best he could.
"I wish that I could make things right between you," Bertie said quietly, lowering his eyes. "I'm sorry for the part I've played in your estrangement. You will let me know, I hope, if I can make amends, and set things right? I would want for both of you to be happy."
Caspian frowned some, “You cannot be so hard on yourself. Nothing you did was deliberate and it was out of our control before we even stepped foot through that gate. The things that occurred there and between Gabriel and I have no real bearing on you. I suppose all things that are together experience turbulence now and then.”
“Please, do not beat yourself up over this. For now it’s what he and I needed, no one said it was forever. In the meantime, as your friend, I would like to see you smile again. What can I do about that? It seems as if we need a distraction. Any ideas?”
Bertie made an effort to cast off the black cloud of guilt that hung about him, shaking himself and forcing his thoughts to his present company. "No," he admitted, but after only a brief pause, thought to ask, "How is the Review? I'm sorry I haven't come to rehearsal, of late."
“You should come again. I do appreciate your critique and comments, you’re brilliant. To have such an honest mind is a real treasure.”
He was blessed to have such good friends. Bertie had been a constant. Merrick, Gabriel. A wealth of ideas and creative juices.
"I will," Bertie promised, making it a pledge to himself as well, to return to the theatre before long. His lips twisted ruefully. "I'm not certain how helpful I'll be, but I do pledge you I'll be honest."
He didn't want to ask, to bring the conversation back to himself, but a greater part of himself needed to know. "Do you trust me, still? After...after the market? I shouldn't ask," Bertie acknowledged, "only I find it worries me, if I'm...becoming something else, and cannot see it."
“Your life is nothing but brave and exciting,” Caspian laughed softly. “It’s always an adventure with you.”
Caspian nodded, “Of course.” He was serious about that. “Nothing we went through was intentional, was it?”
"No," Bertie agreed, sighing. "No, of course not. I'm sorry for mentioning it. I seem to be exceptionally poor company this evening."
Once more pushing aside the darker thoughts that followed him, Bertie pitched his voice toward lightness and asked, "What shall our next adventure be, then? A stroll through the perilous botanical garden? Perhaps another danger-filled outing in a rowboat? I am all ears for suggestions."
“Then what reason do I have to not trust you?” It was as simple as that.
Caspian chuckled, “How about we sit and relax a while? Enjoy each other’s company. When we tire of that adventure is to be had.”
Bertie had to smile at that, though it felt weary at the edges. "I don't believe I shall tire of that anytime soon," he admitted. "It sounds like a very fine way to spend an evening, to me. My life isn't as brave and exciting as all that."
He'd been neglecting more than Caspian's Spectacular Review, he realized...it had been quite a while since he'd been to the gaming houses, and far longer since he'd dabbled in opium or ladies of the night. He'd been busy with more worthwhile things, and while he ought to call on his friends, he found he didn't miss the rest of it. It felt like quite a different world than the one in which he was a liaison for an American agency, and for a rogue werewolf turned evidence for the crown, and walking on ghost ships whose crew were overshadowed by the dead.
"Why don't you tell me of your life," Bertie urged impulsively. "I'd like to hear of it, if you're willing to tell me. Whatever you wish."
He sat down on the comfortable couch and made room for Bertie. When the man was settled he turned toward his friend to make conversation easier.
Caspian nodded and shrugged, “Most of it was spent under the water,” he admitted freely. Bertie knew what he was but none had ever seen his Mer form. Not even Gabriel. “The water was dark, cold. There were other Mer, of course, but we don’t have family to speak of like humans do so often it was lonely even when you were with others.”
He’d been closer to the surface, his scales shimmered with that captured sunlight. “I always was curious as to why some of our kind left the water, left everything they knew to venture out into the unknown.” Offering Bertie a small smile he continued, “I used to think it was for adventure, not companionship. We are solitary, being mated or connected to another never crossed my mind in my travels. I think I’m still trying to figure out exactly why we leave. There are so many good reasons, it’s hard to choose just a single one.”
Bertie nodded slowly. "Has that changed? I know...I felt much the same, or at least, I thought one day I would find a companion in life and marry, and expected no more. But when I found..." He blushed, and looked down for a moment. "When I found a werewolf pack, or when they found me, I realized I had been missing something in my life, something so enormous that I could not fill the vacancy it left when it was gone. I don't know that I could be happy without them--or at least, I found myself trying to create such a group around me, and it was never the same."
Bertie looked back up to meet Caspian's eyes. "Is that what it was like for you, finding us here?"
Caspian listened to the tale about the wolf pack. He wasn’t familiar with werewolves and was curious to hear what Bertie could tell him about them.
He nodded, “With experience I’ve come to realize that the true reason Merfolk leave the sea is to find love. Companionship beyond the purely physical. They say our kind isn’t able to feel love or attachment and yet I have found myself in the very heart of those feelings.” He tried to keep the sadness out of his tone.
“But I’ve also found that love is not meant for just two people. For example, my heart is so full of others like yourself, Keira, Merrick. I have friends that have become more like family. Perhaps like your werewolf pack. I don’t know if I could be happy without you and the rest now that I know what true happiness really is.”
Bertie reached out to touch Caspian's hand. "I'm glad you're happy," he said softly. "And I hope...I hope you find yourself less sad, soon. You deserve every happiness. As does Gabriel."
He shouldn't have said that last, he thought, but it was too late to take it back, and it seemed so obvious why Caspian drooped as he did. Looking to hastily change the subject, he asked, "Who are Keira and Merrick? Have I met them?"
That touch was comforting. He relished it. Caspian had been surrounded by physical contact for such a long time and to be without it now felt so strange. “Thank you, Bertie, and yes he does. I hope that he finds what he seeks.”
At the questions of his friends Caspian grinned, “I shall have to introduce you. If you do not know them by name I doubt you’ve met them, neither are the type to be forgotten easily.” Keira was ungodly beautiful and Merrick was unique in his own right being a djinn.
"No, I'm sure." Bertie smiled. "If they are lucky enough to count you as a friend, they are fortunate indeed." He pressed Caspian's hand, and said firmly, "I know that I am."