angelic_gabe (angelic_gabe) wrote in shadowlands_ic, @ 2018-02-11 19:36:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | caspian finn, gabriel allen |
Who: Gabriel and Caspian
What: The two have a serious conversation shortly after this, on the way to Caspian's place
Where A hansom cab
When: 2nd February, 1889
Rating: PG
Once the damned device was safely stored at the Night Watch, and Bertie, stiff-necked and fuming, had taken his leave, and he and Caspian were finally (safely) ensconced within the hansom taking them home, he slumped, his fingers reaching for Caspian’s hand.
His chest ached -- he disliked conflict terribly, and he’d been so very worried about Caspian and Bertie both -- and he had no end of complications with the damned letter.
The letter currently resting lightly in his jacket pocket.
The thought that he’d have to keep his distance until the blackmail issue was sorted to keep Cas from being painted with a similar brush, that this might be the last time in God knows how long he’d be able to be alone with the Mer made his stomach twist into knots, and he looked over at him, miserable and heartsick.
“Are you alright?” He asked, quietly, every step of the horses counting down the number of seconds he had until they pulled up to Caspian’s flat.
The day felt like it’d gone by in a whirlwind; Caspian was struggling even still to find his bearings. The way Gabriel’s fingers felt curled over his own helped. Usually he was more personable, presently he was quiet and thoughtful which was a touch out of his normal character.
He couldn’t escape the events of the day as much as he wanted to.
“Mm, I shall be.” He would be alright eventually. Caspian glanced over at Gabriel and concern creased his brow, “And what of you, my dear? Are you alright?” Gabriel didn’t look well, Caspian didn’t like to see the man in any negative state and he wished there was more he could do to keep Gabriel happy, carefree.
“If you’ve any lingering effects, there’s a witch in Whitechapel, Miss Bakst, who may be able to help,” Gabriel replied, looking over at the Mer and squeezing his fingers.
“And no,” he added, quietly, “I can’t say that I am. I was at market because I was attempting to address an issue of a rather… personal nature, but seeing as how it could involve you, and Bertie and Keira for that matter…”
He sighed heavily. “I’m being blackmailed,” he said, quietly, the words sour on his tongue. “The letter charged me and Leah both with a variety of lewd criminal acts, all true, one of which was that I was a sodomite.” He looked over at Cas. “I am doing my best to sort out who sent it, to solve this, but I’m…” he shook his head. “I’m so very worried about what sort of evidence the letter writer has, whether I’m being surveilled and my partners are at risk of being exposed, and I don’t know what I’d do if you got wrapped up in this on my account.”
“Ah, I do know Miss Bakst,” Caspian replied. He nodded and felt more secure knowing she was a witch. His knowledge of witches was slight, he tried his best not to inquire of any of those with abilities over what normal humans had.
The next few things uttered had the Mer once more reeling in shock. His fingers squeezed Gabriel’s with assurance. “I only understand a little of what blackmail is, I’ve heard the term before in passing conversation and in the papers but never have experienced it before.”
It seemed there wasn’t much to be done about it but he wanted to try. “Is there anything I can do to help?” If that meant staying apart he’d do it (he wouldn’t like it but if that was necessary he would bear it).
“Oh, thank God you haven’t gotten a letter yet,” Gabriel cried out in relief. “That’s… that’s some good news.” He paused, covering their interlocked fingers with his free hand. “It’s the sort of nasty business that can stretch on indefinitely, constantly dangling threats in exchange for yet more money,” he said, “which is why I plan to put it to an immediate halt once I sort out who the bastard is.”
He sighed. “Until I do…” he looked over at Caspian. “Until I do, I think it best if I kept my distance. I don’t even know if I can risk letters.” His mouth twisted. “I’ll need you to keep a bit more of an eye on Bertie and Keira, as I’ll be limited. I’m…” he exhaled. “I’m not entirely certain if Bertie should know, as he’ll want to go wading into it, and I’ve a feeling my method of putting an end to this will run afoul of more than a few laws. I’d hate to see him compromised, and this has the possibility of doing so on many levels.” His frown deepened. “But if any of you get a similar threat, I’ll want to know.”
It was Caspian’s turn to look heartbroken. He understood the plight and he wished he could do more but staying away… Gabriel has said this situation could occur indefinitely. Could he stay away that long? He doubted it.
Nodding slowly, Caspian fought back an unfamiliar sting in his eyes. “Alright, if that’s what needs to happen.”
He’d do his best to keep his eyes on Bertie (who was trouble on two legs) and Keira (who wasn’t nearly as risky) while Gabriel stepped out of their lives for a bit.
“I won’t tell Bertie and if I hear anything I’ll send word immediately.” He promised that because it was something he could actually do.
The look in Caspian’s eyes was very nearly too much, and Gabriel took off his hat and set it gently on his knee so he could rest his head on Caspian’s shoulder.
“Thank you,” he said, carefully.
“If it comes to it,” he added, “and the situation escalates, Leah and I may have to leave the country and start over.” He paused, and took a deep breath. “If you…” he frowned. “If that were to come to pass,” he continued, softly, “and I truly hope that would not be the case,” he added, “I… your… you would always have a place with us. With me. Wherever we end up. I know you’ve a life here, one you’ve built, and are proud of, and I wouldn’t… I wouldn’t want you to feel obligated, and heavens knows,” he added, his voice a little thick, “we’d face similar problems elsewhere, and would need to be careful regardless, but… Oh, God,” he exhaled, his voice shaking at the bleakness of it all. “I’m so sorry.”
Caspian closed his eyes.
He rested his head against Gabriel’s and shivered at the thought of losing him entirely. That was out of the question.
“My love,” he began softly, “I would follow you to the ends of the Earth if you asked me, and while it will be difficult to be apart I want only to protect you. Anything for you.”
He couldn’t manage more. The words felt too thick on his tongue and though he tried to fight that sting his eyes were streaming. He wasn’t losing Gabriel, not without a fight.
“Good,” Gabriel replied, clearing his throat. “And right now, knowing you’re safe will make all this bearable.” He huffed a little, smiling through his own tears. “Do try to stay out of too much trouble,” he added. “Heavens, darling, you nearly gave me a heart attack today.” He leaned over and kissed Caspian on the cheek, and then lightly on the lips. “I love you,” he said, carefully. “I love you, and we’ll get through this, I swear it.”
His eyes opened.
The tears were flowing now and he was helpless to stop them. He’d never cried before in his life and here he was practically weeping.
“I shall not put myself or Bertie in danger,” he promised, voice soft. “Nor shall I encourage him. After today I’m afraid of where the darker streets might lead and neither of us are really prepared for what lies ahead.” Adventure, yes, trouble, no.
That kiss to his lips, though soft, was grounding. He brightened visibly and smiled. “I love you too. I am here for you, do not forget that. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”
Gabriel’s return smile was swift and fond. “You might check in on Merrick too, while you’re at it?” He added. “I know you know of them, and they’re liable to get lonely. You are amazing,” he added, quietly. “Utterly. I don’t deserve you, and I am beyond lucky to have you as a partner.”
He reached out his thumb to brush away Caspian’s tears. “I shall work hard to end this as quickly as possible, so we might have some peace. And we’ll just have to look forward to our going someplace warm to celebrate once it’s all done.”
A nod escaped him. A silent promise to check in on their friend. He did miss Merrick, he enjoyed their company and not just in the physical sense. Merrick was very interesting.
“I couldn’t imagine a life without you in it. You’re worth all of the ups and downs life throws at us. My love for you shall endure.” There was no alternative. Caspian had told himself for years he didn’t know Love, but he’d been unaware of what love actually was. He knew, now, how much it could hurt but also how good it felt to love and be in love with another. This was the reason his kind left the sea, he was sure of it.
Gabriel kissed Caspian again, because words seemed so utterly inadequate -- kissed him deeply, and passionately, as if it was the last time he’d ever get the chance, his hands cupping Caspian’s jaw, the taste of salt from both their tears on his tongue.
That kiss was what he needed. Caspian drowned in it, returning it with just as much passion. He might not see Gabriel again and he didn’t want to forget the taste of him. An arm lifted to curl around Gabriel’s neck to pull him closer. It would ache to part. He wanted this to last forever.
Gabriel melted against the mer, making a small, quiet, desperate sound of want in the back of his throat as they moved closer together, all too aware that their time together was running out like sand through an hourglass.
He could feel Cas’s passion for him, his love, so much more fulfilling than blind, anonymous lust -- it was filled with an acceptance for who and what he was, and what he needed was willingly and whole-heartedly given.
But it couldn’t last -- not while they grew closer to Caspian’s neighbourhood, and Gabriel finally pulled away, laughing a little tearily as he pulled out his handkerchief and passed it to Caspian, before reaching up to straighten his tie and fix his hair, replacing his hat.
“Oh, Lord,” he said, “I shall miss you horribly.”
That sound of want broke his heart. He wanted those sounds forever, wanted to know he was secure in that, and he wasn’t. They grew ever closer to his flat, the place he’d let Gabriel go until he was told otherwise.
It made him loathe horses all the more.
When they parted Caspian pulled back slowly. His eyes were puffy and red, he studied Gabriel’s face. He began to straighten his own clothes, dreading the sound of those hooves stopping. He yearned to keep this moment.
“I shall miss you too. I love you.” Life without Gabriel was no life. “I’ll stay positive. Perhaps say we had a falling out, a mutual one. Time to be apart and think.”
Gabriel reached over to smooth away the wrinkles from Caspian’s shoulders, and gently fixed the Mer’s tie. “Yes, of course,” he replied. “That would most likely be best.” He caught Caspian’s eyes. “What matters most,” he said, resting his hand briefly on Caspian’s chest, “is that you and I both know the truth of it. Your love gives me a great deal of strength, dearest, and it shall help me through this.”
The carriage slowed, and came to a stop, and Gabriel risked one more light brush to Caspian’s cheek with his fingers before pulling back.
“In French, we say au revoir when we hope that we shall see one another again. So I shall say au revoir rather than adieu, my good friend, and God willing, that day shall come soon.”
That palm upon his chest felt heavy. Caspian pressed his own palm against Gabriel’s only for a moment. He’d been dreading the stop,that inevitable cease of the horses hooves. His free hand lifted to his own eyes to wipe away the last of the moisture there.
And then he let Gabriel go.
“Au revoir,” he repeated. He meant it. They’d see each other again hopefully soon.