Who: Dex and Gabriel What: Dex is in a foul mood, Gabriel gets him to talk When: Dec. 1888 Where: Dex's home Warning: None
Gabriel slipped into Dex’s house through his usual method -- via the servant’s entrance -- a small package under his arm. He wasn’t sure if the Lord of the Thames would be in for their usual meeting -- it was a busy time of year, after all, and he knew he featured rather low on the list of priorities. If not, he was planning on leaving his gift under the tree, flirting a little with the downstairs maid who’d let him in (she was quite fetching), and taking his leave.
He was surprised, then, to see the Dragon Lord sitting in his chair in the study, nursing a rather full glass of whiskey, and looking decidedly thunderous.
“Pardon,” he said, carefully, bowing a little.
After his conversation with Bertie at the German Christmas Market, Dex had gone straight home. There had been no more joy in shopping, no more joy in anything but a whiskey bottle. He’d taken up residence in his study and glared out of the window, watching snow crystalize against the windows. He hated today with a passion and wished like hell that he had a rewind on it.
He was in mid-drink when his thoughts were disrupted by an intrusion. He glared in the direction of the single word that was spoken and caught sight of Gabriel. He forced his features into something more pleasant and nodded. “Mr. Allen...what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?”
“Oh, I figured it was that time of month, so I might as well come by, despite the holidays,” Gabriel replied, casually. He set the packages down on a side table. “Not much to report, but I did bring by a few odds and ends.” He paused. “If I’m disturbing you,” he said, “I’ll take my leave, and wish you Happy Christmas.”
Business. Dex hadn’t thought of business today. It was that time of the month, however, that Gabriel came for a visit, a bit of harmless flirting perhaps, and talk of what was going on down at the docks. He ran a hand over his face and then waved the man to sit down. “No, no...please, take a seat,” he grabbed an empty, clean glass and poured a drink for Gabriel. “I’m sorry if I seem...unpleasant,” he frowned. “I’ve not had a good day.”
“Oh?” Gabriel replied, taking a seat and reaching for the drink. “Tis the season,” he added, with a small grin. “...Would you rather I thoroughly distract you, or do you want to talk about it some?”
The former option was said as a deliberate tease, with a bit of a smirk -- he knew it would never go far with Dex, and he wouldn’t push those particular boundaries.
Dex thought about distractions, about what Gabriel would do about distraction, and for not the first time he entertained the idea -- only this time he entertained it for a little longer than he normally would. But Bertie was too fresh in his mind and as much as he would wish to lose himself and not think the price may be too steep. But maybe...just maybe…
He blinked and shook his head. “As much as a distraction would be fantastic right now, it may not be the best idea,” he sighed. “If you caught me when I was a little more drunk, then it would have been a go, I’m sure.” He took a drink and then looked down into his glass. “It’s just relationship trouble, or rather lack of relationship,” was all he could really manage.
Gabriel’s eyebrows rose.
He’d heard from Bertie that he and Dex were… well. The most he’d heard was that they were intimate -- Bertie tended to keep details about his relationships with others rather vague, most likely out of some human tendency to avoid causing offense.
It’d caused a bit of a row, actually; Bertie had some misguided notion that he should’ve checked with Gabriel first, and while they’d managed to sort out what they were (and what they weren’t), at the time, at least, Gabriel had the impression that Bertie felt guilty for not being more loyal -- for having certain feelings for Dex when he didn’t feel the same way for Gabriel.
He wasn’t sure, however, whether the dragon felt similarly.
He kept all that to himself despite the sudden rush of sympathy he felt for Bertie -- he didn’t know if the dragon knew he and Bertie were friends, friends who had their own understanding of sorts, and didn’t care to muddy the waters, or possibly make the dragon’s mood worse.
“Ah, love,” Gabriel replied, quietly. “It’s a tricky business, isn’t it. Is this mourning a love lost, then? Or not having it to begin with?”
“Both?” Dex answered morosely. “It’s one that I could never have to begin with, and one that is now gone,” he sighed. “I never let feelings get involved, not ever, not with men,” he shook his head. “But somehow...he surprised me, dammit,” he growled the last part out.
Bertie had been a surprise from the beginning. Smart. Articulate. He loved to talk and was comfortable with Dex’s silence, filling it with his own ramblings that Dex didn’t seem to mind. And on top of how he liked to be with the other man outside of the bedroom, he was great in the bedroom and it was nice for Dex to let his dominating side come out. He sighed again and downed his drink before reaching for the bottle of whiskey to pour him another.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Gabriel replied, frowning. “It is… well. It is a rather uniquely difficult sort of relationship to navigate in the current environment, especially when there are feelings involved, isn’t it?” He took a thoughtful sip of his own drink. “I’ve found in my own experience, such relationships present quite a few challenges, and require a certain degree of sacrifice.” He looked down at his glass. “What was your impediment, then?” He asked, quietly.”Why was it a love you could never have?”
Dex waved his hand in the air when Gabriel empathized and took a swallow if the drink he had just poured himself. He didn’t even answer Gabriel’s question about relationships being difficult to navigate; he assumed it was rhetorical and didn’t need an answer. If Gabriel needed an answer, all he had to do was look at Dex and see it in his eyes.
“Sacrifice?” He looked at Gabriel with a raised eyebrow. “And what is it that you’ve had to sacrifice? Your kind,” he waved a hand at the other man. “You find it easy, don’t you? At least does your heart ever come into the matter of things?” If he were to be honest, all that he knew of Succubi and Incubi was that they could draw others in easily enough and then leave them with as much ease to move on to the next; it was who they left behind that had to deal with the fallout of it all. Dex, as with most in his life, had never gotten close enough to Gabriel to actually know him as a person. He respected him in many ways, they had business together, but when it came to actually getting to know the man deeper he never had - maybe that should change. Then again, he had done that with Bertie and look where he was now.
“My impediment is that I am me,” he forced out a gruff laugh. “I have status, reputation, and most of all a son,” he lifted a hand to move through his hair. “A son who could use a mother, not another male figure,” he looked down into his glass. “I can’t have relationships of this nature because of my son. I couldn’t hide that from Samuel, and if things were to come to light it could hurt my son and it could hurt Be...him…” He didn’t want to out Bertie unless Gabriel knew. “He has a life of his own as well, friends and people who care deeply for him. His job. And he, has set into motion something that could...I’ve never mixed business or friendship with pleasure and if he follows through with what he wants then it would cross a line I’ve never crossed.” It was difficult to talk about this without giving away Bertie’s secrets, a secret that he would be attempting to join a wolf pack, Black Park pack to be exact. He rubbed a hand over his face and stood to walk to the window.
“The list of cons is against me on this, I believe, so I severed the relationship and for the first time in a very long time I felt a pain that I’m still feeling now,” he lifted a hand to rub at the spot on his chest above his heart.
“Ah,” Gabriel replied.
The dragon’s statement about demon nature was blunt, but that was typical from the Lord of the Thames. It was an opinion he’d encountered before, of course, but he had to admit it still stung a little.
He leaned forward in his chair, gently pushing that aside for the time being. “My daughter began learning of her nature when she was on the cusp of womanhood,” he said, thoughtfully. “My own nature, and with it, my preferences were a part of that conversation, but she was of an age where she could fully grasp the need for discretion. It is a tricky thing,” he added, “as our children are under a great burden to keep a great many secrets from society at large as it is, but this…” he tipped his head Dex’s way. “This is a part of it. A part of you. Your Samuel is, perhaps, a touch young at the moment to fully comprehend the importance of discretion as it relates to matters of the heart, but if he is old enough to know to keep quiet about your species in public…” he shrugged a little. “Besides. You are a good father who cares for him dearly. The lad doesn’t need a mother. He needs you.”
A quick smile flashed across his face. “And my sort are quite capable of love,” he added, quietly, “but romantic commitment, at least in the traditional sense, is something we could never hope to achieve.” He took a healthy swallow of his drink.
Dex continued to stare out of the window as Gabriel spoke. “My species, we are…” he trailed off and thought about what he wanted to say. “We are unlike yours. We strive to have our mates, to find the one that will be with us until death. We are territorial and we want is what it is that we want,” he said quietly. He turned from the window and walked back to his desk to fall into his chair with a grunt.
“My son...I’m not sure he’ll understand if I were to tell him that his father likes another man,” he shook his head. “He already wants to go back to New York and search for his ‘real’ parents, this might urge him on more,” he frowned some more. “Dammit, Gabriel,” he growled and thumbed a closed fist on the desk, not directly hard, but enough to make a small noise. “What am I supposed to do?”
“All children test the boundaries of their parents’ love,” Gabriel replied, his voice low. “It’s in their contract. He wants to know that you will love him no matter what, and that when something is truly important to him, you’ll listen.” He tipped his head Dex’s way. “And he wants to close a door,” he added, “and needs some help to do it.”
He wondered if Dex’s sudden decision to break things off with Bertie was due to this challenge with Samuel -- if it added a sense of uncertainty in the dragon’s life. And then there was uncertainty written all over Bertie -- his recent decision to join the Black Park pack would be another complication.
He looked over at Dex. “And as for the heartache, if you feel as you never had before,” he added, “...and you know what you want,” he added, “...you are Lord of the Thames, and can dictate your own terms.” He held up a hand. “That being said,” he added, “I realize your role comes with certain responsibilities, and know all too well about the challenges such a love can bring. But to live your life dictated so by the anticipated opinion of others… to walk away from love because of it… it’s a goddamn shame. Pardon my language.”
His words might have been passionate, but his voice stayed low -- he was walking a fine line as it is, but oh, how his heart ached for Bertie.
“Samuel is very good at testing mine,” Dex murmured. He had no boundaries for how much he loved his son. Blood or not, the boy was his and he would fight for him. And if he needed to close doors, he would help him in whatever way he could.
He chuckled just slightly as Gabriel called him the Lord of the Thames. He was, he guessed, but dictating his own terms. There were rules he was meant to live by, he knew this, and one misstep could cause issues that he alone could handle but for his son and Bertie. He took a breath and let it out slowly as he thought on Gabriel’s words. It was a shame, indeed. But what was he to do? There were so many lines and if Bertie did join the pack then it might come to the man not needing or wanting Dex anymore. Was it better to let him go now, to heal from all this and move on, or was it just an easy way out before anyone got hurt any more? He rubbed a hand over his tired face and knew that he didn’t have answers, he could only make a decision and see where it would lead him.
“When I was younger, a child, rules were nothing to me,” he started slowly. “Much to my parents dismay, I broke every rule ever given to me. When I lost my father in The Great Fire, I went even harder on breaking every rule I could,” he sighed. “It was nothing to me, but somewhere as I was growing up, when I took over the land here, I realized that I had to be more...discreet in breaking rules,” he gave a small smile. “It seems that I’ve settled firmly and without notice, of following the etiquette rules of Humans, of what is proper and what is not, and have forgotten who I was...am,” he sat back in his chair. “I could do as I want, keep him in my life and live a secretive life with him as my lover, but…” he sighed and looked at Gabriel. “But what if we are caught? I can handle what may come, but Bertie...I should shield him from that, shouldn’t I? Protect him by not being with him? It wouldn’t just be he that would be drug through the light, but he’s also..he has I don’t know how the family he is joining will see it and he wants to belong so badly.” Maybe he needed to talk to Lucien. “I don’t know what to do, Gabriel. What is that saying? What might be good for the goose is not always good for the gander? I think that may apply here.”
“You are talking of what may be, trying to protect him from something that might happen,” Gabriel replied. “I know your instinct to protect, to shield is a strong one, but he is his own man, too. Perhaps he ought to decide whether he believes the risk to himself is worthwhile?”
He leaned in to Dex. “There are endless risks. There will always be risks. That’s what life is. It’s a blind stumble over an uncertain landscape, and if you’re lucky, you don’t have to stumble through it alone. I loved my late wife, and she loved me in return,” he said, quietly. “It wasn’t always easy, but it was so very worthwhile. And given the chance, I would take the handful of years I had with her for all its heartache and loss again in a second. And because of my attempts to be honest with my daughter about my nature, I know she will be honest with me about hers, and when she loves, whatever that happens to looks like, she knows she shall have my support in full.”
He sighed. “I cannot give you an easy answer, Dex, because there are none. I’m sorry for your difficulties, and hope that whatever choice you come to, it’s one that you are at peace with.”
Gabriel was right. Dex was thinking of what could happen, something that may never be. Maybe he and Bertie could have something between the two of them for a long while and it never come to light. God willing, he knew that he would live a very long life and that Bertie would not always be there. Maybe he should take the chance. That was what love was, right? Taking chances.
And what Gabriel said about Bertie making his own choices was correct as well. He hadn’t really given Bertie a chance to say what it was he wanted or whether he wanted to take the chance. He felt guilty for that.
He had a lot to think about before this night was over, and decisions to make and he did not know if he should continue protecting Bertie or give him a chance to voice what it was that he wanted, but he knew he would make a choice soon.
“I apologize by assuming that you didn’t love, that your kind couldn’t,” he brought his eyes up to Gabriel’s. “I should know better…” he offered a sincere smile. “Thank you for being my sounding board, though I still don’t know what it is I am going to do.”
Gabriel shrugged, and nodded his head in acknowledgement. “We are a secretive sort,” he said. “No harm done. You’re a good man, Dex, and a better father.” He stood, and brushed down his jacket before extending a hand. “I’ll take my leave,” he said, “and a Happy Christmas to you and your Sam.”