angelic_gabe (angelic_gabe) wrote in shadowlands_ic, @ 2017-07-28 01:06:00 |
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Entry tags: | gabriel allen, keira adams |
Who: Keira and Gabriel
What: Making up, she hopes
When: July 28, 1888
Where: Gabriel’s home
Warning: PG
It had been four days. Four long, terrible, horrible days. Keira had heard not a peep from Gabriel. He hadn’t come to see her at her shop, he hadn’t stopped by L’albergo and she hadn’t spotted him in Lionhart. He was, most likely, avoiding her and that hurt her so very much.
She expected that Chiara had cleared things up. Had told Gabriel it was all nonsense and that at least Keira was doing her job in keeping a secret. By letting it out it would mean most certain death for the tiny mermaid and Keira was wanting to live a much longer life. Had she known that Gabriel was the man who came to visit with Chiara on a monthly basis, she would have asked to let Gabriel know. Of course, on the days that Gabriel visited was the one day she was never in the home. How was it that so long had passed and the two never ran into each other until now was beyond her.
Sitting in her room this morning, staring into her journal she had been writing in, she tried to devise a plan to run into Gabriel again. Not knowing where he might be, it was difficult to do so. Unless….unless she went to his home. It was only fitting that they had learned each other secrets by accident at her home that they talked in his. That is, if he would allow it. They both had rights to be angry at each other, he thought she was spying on him and she wasn’t sure what to think of him and what he did...there was much to talk about.
And, of course, she could not go in empty handed. As she had been upset about the whole ordeal, when she’d returned back from the ocean, she had started to bake to help soothe her emotions. Blackberry pies were made for both L’albergo and the shop. She now had a plan; go to his home with a pie in hand and beg for him to speak with her.
It had taken most of the morning to bathe, dry her hair and style it and dress in one of her best dresses. A dab of perfume and a light color to her lips and cheeks so she didn’t look so pale. When she thought she looked her best and smelled her best, she grabbed a pie from the kitchen and off she was to Gabriel’s home.
By the time she’d reached the front walk to Gabriel’s door, trepidation started to settle in. What happened if he merely turned her away and told her he never wanted to speak to her again? Could he be so angry as to never want to see her again? It had to be done, however. It was best to know where one stood with someone else and if she were no longer welcome in his life, so be it.
She approached the door, smoothed a hand over her dress and adjusted the pie in her other hand before finally giving the door three small knocks.
Gabriel opened the door himself, and upon seeing who it was, he paused for a moment, and nodded his head. “Mrs Adams,” he said a little cautiously, “that does look a treat. Would you come in?”
He’d been keeping his distance out of a combination of embarrassment (he wasn’t usually the sort to drive a woman to tears), and trepidation -- Keira now knew a side of him only a handful of souls did, people he trusted deeply, and he usually was in full control over who knew what. He also wasn’t sure whether he knew the little mermaid he’d grown so fond of at all -- whether her sweet nature, the woman he’d grown to like quite a lot, had all been an act.
He was somewhat cowed that she’d sought him out first -- that he hadn’t taken the initiative to follow up himself -- and as he showed her into his tastefully appointed sitting room, he bowed a little and gestured with his hand. “Please, do take a seat. Would you care for some tea?”
Keira tilted her head upward when the door opened, her eyes locking on Gabriel’s. She hadn’t expected him to answer the door, maybe someone else would and she could have asked to speak to Mr. Allen and if he were to refuse she could leave the pie and a small note simply telling him she was sorry. Instead it was he who opened the door and she was momentarily at a loss for words.
She gave a nod and followed him inside, letting him lead her to his sitting room as she thought of what to say. To be asked immediately to come inside and take a seat was a good step in the right direction, she thought. A brief smile tugged at her lips when he bowed and she moved to set the pie down on a small table before taking a seat and arranging the skirts of her dress. “That would be lovely,” she murmured, looking up at him. “Thank you.”
The tea was whisked in -- his cook tended to have a good instinct when it came to that sort of thing, which was one of the reasons he’d kept her on as long as he had -- and he poured them both a cup.
That shy, hesitant smile of hers tugged a little at his heartstrings despite himself, and as he passed her the teacup and saucer, he looked over at her. “I am ashamed of my behavior the other day,” he said, quietly. “It was unworthy of you. I must admit, what I said was said out of fear and surprise, and I was not at my best.” He caught her eye with his. “I apologize most heartily for accusing you as I did, for implying that there was some greater purpose behind your actions. And heaven knows, I should’ve been the one to come to you to say that, damn it all.”
Regardless of his uncertainty as to her true character, now that he knew there had been no plot against him, he felt he’d been amiss in not saying as much to her sooner.
Keira took the tea she was offered with a smile and a nod of her head in thanks. She stirred her little spoon in hers, looking at the tea swirl in the cup, her head only popping up when Gabriel started to speak. “You have the right to feel and think that way you did, Gabriel,” she started of softly. “I had hoped that you would have come to me once you had cooled down,” she then said. “I waited, hoping you would show and then I feared the worst, that you had decided to never see or speak with me again. I...couldn’t let that happen. Not with you.” And so here she was, having come to him instead.
“I’ve been with The…” she paused and glanced to make sure that no one was within earshot. “Is it safe to speak openly here?”
He smiled a little. “My dear Mrs Adams, I’m a demon,” he said, with a small shrug. “Every room in this house is as close to soundproofed as possible, and my servants know far, far better than to hover outside doors or come in unannounced.”
“And Keira,” he added, exhaling, feeling a knot in his heart loosen a bit at her declaration of her desire to continue their friendship, “I was hesitant to show my face, given my abominable behavior to you, and I was… well.” He frowned a little. “I was uncertain whether I should see the Keira I’ve grown so fond of these last few months, or someone I didn’t quite recognize, and I wasn’t quite sure I was ready for the latter.” He looked over at her. “And I managed to treat you quite poorly twice over by delaying, it seems. I am sorry for that, as well.”
“Of course,” Keira nodded a bit dumbly. Of course he’d have his rooms soundproofed and his staff trained. At least she could talk to him openly. About everything.
“I’m still the same person, Gabriel,” she said, looking at him. “I just have an added perk of being in the Sisterhood,” she explained. “Or at least, I like to think of it as a perk. Everything that you’ve known about me, what you’ve thought about me, in the past year of us knowing each other is the same person I am now. There was never an act, never a betrayal, and if I were to be spying on you I was doing rather horribly, wouldn’t you think?” She asked with a smile. “I never knew about what it was you did, nor did I gather any information about you that would be worth passing along,” she gave him another smile. “I’m fairly sure I’d make a horrible spy...I mean, I never even made it to your bed,” she gave a tiny laugh and looked down into her tea once more, not able to make eye contact after that remark.
“There is much to tell you, or at least a little more about me and how I’ve come to be in The Sisterhood and all, that is, if you want to know. And I think I have questions for you, too,” she looked up at him and smiled softly.
He wasn’t quite sure still if he could trust her assertions, but she’d show great courage in coming to him, in volunteering so much -- he’d learned one of her deeply held secrets, after all -- one that would’ve gotten her killed if she’d told him.
“You can ask me anything you’d like, my dear Mrs Adams,” he said, reaching out to touch her hand with his. “And if you’re willing to forgive me my utter silliness at thinking the worst of you over a simple misunderstanding, I am more than willing to move forward. I think…” he gave her hand a quick squeeze, “I think now that we’ve discovered more about one another, it might be… well. I can see the benefits of a more open and honest friendship, and I for one am glad it’s with you. But please,” he said, his expression frank, “please don’t feel as if you must compromise anything about the Sisterhood that would get you into trouble with Chiara. I would not have you feel as if you must tell me something to make up for our misunderstanding, only to have you in trouble for saying something you shouldn’t.”
“Please, just call me Keira,” she asked of him. “Unless you are wanting to keep to formalities. I like to think we are friends, even if the ground is still shaky,” she offered a small smile. The touch of his hand was nice and sent a warmth through her that gave her hope. Maybe things would work out. It seemed as if they would. “I’m willing to forgive what happened because I understand it, even if it did hurt. If I were to have found out who you were, if the roles were reversed, I think I would be upset as well. The good-looking incubus trying to gain a low level Sisterhood lady to gain access to information he wasn’t privy to,” she said and took a sip of her tea. “I’m sure, as my opinion on men is not great, that I would have probably been much angrier,” she explained.
She gave a small laugh and squeezed his hand back as he told her not to tell him anything that could get her in trouble. “I don’t plan on telling you any information pertaining to The Sisterhood,” she said with a small shake of her head. “Not unless Chiara ever tells me to. I take my position within The Sisterhood very seriously, which is why you never knew. No, I only plan to tell you my story of how I got to be where I am. That is, if you wish to hear it? Then, maybe, you can make a decision on whether you will trust me again and how close we will be.” She had one more secret, one that no one knew but herself and she wasn’t sure if she would tell Gabriel, or not, though she felt like coming clean about it all.
“As for you,” she gave a sigh and took another sip at her tea. “I have to say I disapprove of you owning a brothel. Again, that is my past speaking and how I feel towards men. Why do you do this?”
He tossed back his head and laughed at that, not unkindly, before looking over at him and grinning. “Keira, my dear, you forget my nature,” he said. “For people like me, it can be a haven -- a safe place. Not all of them are like me, of course -- but I make damn sure that my employees are treated well regardless, and paid better for their work than any other arrangement they could’ve made on their own. And some of them happen to be men. Not many, mind, but there are a few.” He winked at her merrily.
“And I do, if it’s a story you’re willing to tell,” he added, winding their fingers together. “Truly, Keira,” he said softly, catching her eyes with his, “you are by no means required to prove yourself to me. But if it’s a chance to know you better, I’ll gladly take it.”
His laugh had a furious blush rise from her neck up along her ears and to her cheeks. Yes, she guessed she did forget his nature, but only because he had never really used it on her. Or she didn’t think she had. Flirting, yes, but there had been nothing really pushed at her. He’d always respected her boundaries, which had grown her to trust him. She hadn’t even thought about the people that worked in his brothel be like him, or even that they be men. “So…” she hesitated a moment, thinking of what she wanted to ask him. “Everyone that works for you, it’s their choice? You don’t force anyone to do anything they don’t want, or like?” If it were their choices, and if they were of his kind or most of them, she could understand, or so she thought.
She looked down as their fingers intertwined, tangling together, and she smiled, looking back up at him. It had taken her a long time to allow him to touch her in any manner, even in a friendly touch of just the hand. Gabriel had been so patient with her, never pushing her and just giving her a quiet understanding. She wished that it had been he, or someone like him, that she’d met first when she’d first come to land. She took a breath and nodded as he spoke, their eyes catching. “I think...that I do,” she said finally. “I owe you an understanding of who I am, why I am… You’ve always been so patient and so kind to me and I think that it’s just time.”
“When I came to London, it was because I was running away from something in Ireland,” she admitted to him. “I had no one here. I was alone as I first had been when I came to land. I had money, but it wasn’t a lot and I knew that if I didn’t invest in something that I’d end up on a street corner, selling myself in order to just survive,” she gave a small shudder at that thought. “I was continually looking over my shoulder, waiting for someone to find me or run into someone who knew me. I was able to land a small apartment in a home for single women and I was looking for a shop to start my business in. I didn’t know if it would work, but I knew I had to give it a try. That is when I was approached about the Sisterhood,” she explained.
“I had no skills, I was terrified of my own shadow, and I had already assumed that I wouldn’t make it far with my business. And then I was being told I’d have a room of my own, I wouldn’t have to worry about food, I could open my shop and go to school, most of all I wouldn’t be alone. I’d have family and someone to possibly protect me when and if my past comes looking for me,” she explained. “It was a dream come true, and so I took it,” she told him. “It’s been two years now,” she smiled. “And I think without my sisters, I would either have died on land or would have gone back to the ocean a failure and that wasn’t an option for me. I never thought that you and I would be so close to each other nor did I think our paths would cross with you learning of my secrets,” she gave a small chuckle. “I guess it was one way to remind me that secrets do come back to get you and now I have to hope that what I ran from in Ireland doesn’t come to find me here.”
“I am so grateful they found you,” he said quietly, looking over at her. “So deeply grateful,” he added, heartfelt. “And Keira, you must know, you have more than the protection of the Sisterhood at your disposal. Whatever you’re escaping from -- whoever you’re afraid will come find you -- I swear on a stack of Bibles, I’d stand in their way.”
He realized the irony, being a demon, but the sentiment was still there, and he looked at her, a flash in his eye. “You know more about me than most,” he said, his voice low, “and you are one of a handful who know enough to sort out that I am not afraid to get my hands dirty, even though I can play a gentleman tolerably well. I take my friendships as bond, Keira,” he said, looking over at her. “And I would do what I had to in order to keep my friends safe from harm.”
“And I am all too aware that there are many who come work for me who have quite a poor set of choices available to them,” he said, softly, “but I’ve helped several who want a different life move on to other professions, and my establishment doesn’t hold with forcing anyone to do what they don’t want to. Consent is at the core of who I am,” he added. “It is something I hold to in everything I do, in every interaction I have.”
He raised their linked hands to kiss her fingers gently. “Thank you for telling me, dear.”
Keira nodded to Gabriel’s words. When he told her that she had his protection as well as the Sisterhood, she felt her chin tremble slightly and she had to blink a moment so she didn’t fall into a fit of tears. He was offering her his protection when he didn’t even know what he would be protecting her from. How she cared deeply for this man, deeply enough that she couldn’t bear the thought of not having him in her life.
Know that consent was how he operated, that he didn’t make anyone do anything they didn’t want to had her heart swelling. She knew that is why he’d never pushed her for anything was because he wanted consent first. “I really wished I had met you before Jameson,” she said quietly.
She watched as he lifted her hand to his lips and then her eyes were meeting his. “What if I deserve what was to come, if it came?” She said quietly. “It’s been two years now, but that doesn’t mean it won’t happen. What if I deserve it, Gabriel. What if my sin is just horrible enough for me to deserve it?”
She held his eyes and felt her heartbeat start to speed within her chest, the fear of her secret digging it’s claws in. He needed to know, or maybe she just needed to say it outloud. Maybe if she said the words the fear that sat on her shoulders would dissipate.
“I murdered my husband,” she spoke the words in a quiet whisper and then her eyes were going wide and her free hand was coming to cover her mouth as a small whimper escaped her. She had never said the words aloud, had never told a soul until Gabriel. All she could do was hold her hand over her mouth and stare at Gabriel wide-eyed as a tear escaped. “Oh God…” came the muffled words from behind her hand.
The look on her face was full of terror, and his heart gave a lurch to see it -- he dropped to one knee at her side, holding her hand in both of his now. “Keira, oh, dearest,” he said, looking up at her earnestly. “The sweet little mermaid I have grown to care for so much wouldn’t do such a thing lightly,” he said, his voice soft. “The Keira I know is not callous or cruel, and if that man did half of what I suspect he did to drive you to such extremes, to make you so deeply afraid of my gender, by God, I wish I could have killed the bastard myself, and spared you the horror of it.” He kissed her knuckles again. “There’s one less monster out there, and good riddance, and if there is a God in heaven, I cannot fathom He would take any umbrage. I certainly don’t.”
Keira jumped just a little bit as Gabriel suddenly moved, going down to one knee beside her. She did not pull away, however, as both his hands now had hers, and instead she just let his warmth seep into her. She looked down at him, her wet eyes looking into his as she tried to accept that he did not think badly of her for what she had done. It was self defense, yes, but she’d taken a life and it had weighed on her heavily. “There were other options,” she moved her hand from her mouth and tried to steady her breathing. “I had other options, but he had….broken me so,” she closed her eyes a moment swallowed hard against the lump in her throat. “I couldn’t allow him to do to someone else what he did to me to someone else, so I slit his throat in his sleep and I ran. And now you know all of my secrets,” she took in a shaky breath. Lifting her free hand, she touched his cheek and gave a wobbly smile. “You are so kind and generous, Gabriel. I am most fortunate to have you in my life. You’ve helped me so much and didn’t even know you were doing it.”
Gabriel looked up at her. “You are here now, thank God, among friends -- and I see before me a woman of incredible strength and bravery, a brilliant mind, a caring and sweet nature -- dearest -- you may have thought yourself broken then, but you’ve come so far, and I am in awe of you. Truly.” He was suddenly moved by how close he’d come to dismissing her nature as a ploy, an act, and how monumentally unfair that would have been -- how much he would’ve missed as a result.
“I am beyond sorry I made you doubt my friendship even for a moment, Keira,” he said, thoroughly penitent. “Please forgive me?” He whipped out a handkerchief and passed it to her. “You can most certainly use yours without fear of discovery, but here’s one of mine if you’d like it.”
Keira was lucky, and she knew it. Lucky to have the Sisterhood who was more than just a group of women living together, they were family. She had a family. And she was lucky to have Gabriel, as well. He may not know the gravity of their friendship for her, how he had brought her to believe that not all men were evil. He had helped bandage wounds he had never known about just by simply being himself and giving her the space she needed.
“You know,” she gave a small shake of her head. “My late husband was human, through and through, and yet he was more a demon than you.” She took his handkerchief and only realizing as he spoke that she could bring hers out in his company. She always kept it hidden, never using it for fear someone would know what it was, what it stood for. “You’re already forgiven, Gabriel,” she dabbed at her eyes. “I am just sorry that things came around as they have, that you found out about me in the most shocking of ways. I hope you believe me that if I had known about you, I would have asked permission to share with you. I’d never purposefully do anything to hurt you,” she said, looking down at him with a softness in her eyes. “You need to get off your knees and give me a hug.”
He stood at that, gladly, wrapping her in his arms. He was surprised and gratified by the request -- he knew she was skittish, that even small touches of comfort -- touches he tended to depend on with his other friends to show affection -- it was only in the last two months or so he’d even felt he could occasionally touch her hand without her flinching in surprise, so he tended to hold back as a general rule. That, and he’d treated her nearly unforgivingly during their previous encounter; a treatment, in light of her confirming his worst about her husband, that must’ve hurt her more than most. But she was here despite that, and had forgiven him, and they’d vaulted over all sorts of boundaries in the last few days; the sweet mermaid had managed to slip beneath most of his many facades with a disarming sort of charm at which he couldn’t help but marvel.
She was tall and slim and smelled of blackberries, and he sighed, nestling his head a little into her shoulder as they stood there for a good breath or two, the feel of her warm hands resting on his back altogether lovely.
Keira stood when he did and was instantly engulfed in his arms. She didn’t tense, as she thought that she might, and instead nestled her body into his and wrapped her arms around him. A soft sigh escaped her as she rested her own head against his shoulder, the two locked in an embrace. Hugging had been something she had enjoyed before Jameson had ruined her and she hadn’t allowed another person to touch her so intimately and simple as a hug since. In fact, she hadn’t let anyone touch her other than a simple touch of a hand or taking her arm. This was the first time she’d let her guards down enough to let anyone this close and it felt so very nice.
Gabriel was hard, but not in the way that was unyielding. In fact, his body yielded to her softness in a very pleasant way, his body warm and his scent something she couldn’t quite pinpoint but she liked it. She felt safe and comforted and found it difficult to pull away though she knew she needed to or it would start to get awkward just standing there hugging each other. She didn’t move far from him, just enough to pull back and look at him.
“Thank you,” she murmured, her cheeks turning rosy. “Don’t ever get angry at me again,” she said with a slow smile. “It really bothers me.”
“I will do my best, dearest,” he said, “and knowing you as I do now, I know just how very much that sentiment has behind it, and that it is no small thing.” He looked down at her, and grinned. He wanted to kiss her forehead, and very nearly did, but thought better of it -- they’d made many strides, and quite quickly too -- he didn’t want to break the delicate understanding they’d just managed to forge by overstepping past what was wanted.
“What say we serve up some of that pie, and I tell you some scandalous stories of my ill-begotten past, to give you something you might hold over my head. I’ll give you full permission to tease me about it as often and as mercilessly as you wish,” he said, his expression fond. “Lord, Keira, I’m so glad you came by,” he added. “Truly.”
Keira felt better. She’d managed to make amends with Gabriel, their friendship was intact and she’d even gone so much as to get a hug from him. Milestones and boundaries had been broken, at least some of them, and she wasn’t any worse for wear. In fact, she was happy that she could allow him to touch her and she wondered what came next. Of course, their friendship would grow, or so she hoped and she couldn’t wait to see how.
“Tales of your ill-begotten past?” She smiled back at him, interest in her eyes. “And scandalous at that? Do tell,” she lifted her eyebrows. “Why do I feel you have a lot of those moments in your life?” She giggled, taking her seat once more. “And pie would be lovely. It’s blackberry, if you haven’t figured it out and of course made with love by me,” she laughed lightly.