Title: How not to use wallpaper paste Author: Mrs Cake Pairing: Severus Harry Remus Rating: NOT WORK SAFE, this is basicaly a pop (porn on paper) Word Count: 2762 Warnings: misuse of wallpaper paste, 3some. Summary: see inside for full summary. A/N: Thanks to my wonderful beta Ari.
You can all blame my husband for this story. We were talking about some of my stories and I mentioned ‘The Fun Way to Decorate.’ (which is on my fanfiction.net page under mrscakeakajane) He, then said the now immortal words, “Well I suppose wallpaper paste does look like lube.” Then I was bitten by this bunny.
WARNING: DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES TRY THIS. MANY OF THE THINGS I HAVE OUR BOYS DO, THEY CAN DO BECAUSE THEY ARE MAGICAL AND CAN FIX THINGS. IF YOU TRY THIS IT WILL! HURT AND CAUSE LONG LASTING DAMAGE.
(I realise that is like saying a bag of peanuts may contain nuts, but you never know with some people)
How not to use wallpaper paste
“Fuck Remus, don’t stop now.” Harry begged.
“I can’t move.” Remus said trying to pull back.
“What do you mean, you can’t move?” Harry said looking over his shoulder.
“I mean I can’t move. I’m stuck.” Remus was starting to panic now.
Harry looked around wildly. His eyes came to rest on an old cauldron full of a thick sticky substance. “Shit Remus, tell me you didn’t use that.”
Harry could hear the blush in Remus’s voice. “Shouldn’t I have?” he asked worriedly.
“Oh bloody hell. No you shouldn’t. It’s wallpaper paste. It’s a very strong adhesive.” Harry banged his head on the floor.
“So we’re stuck like this?” Remus asked oblivious to the terrible pun which would make any writer cringe even if it was the perfect thing to say.
“I have no idea how to undo this.” Harry admitted. “I don’t think there are many cases of two men getting stuck like this.” Harry giggled despite himself. “Another one for the history books.”
Remus laughed too and shifted his position.
Harry moaned. “Gods don’t do that.”
“Do what?” Remus asked in confusion.
“When you stopped, you happened to have hit, you know, it. You’re attached to it.” Harry said embarrassed.
Remus chuckled. “So every time I move...” He wiggled his hips making Harry curse.
“Yes, and breathe and laugh.” Harry complained as Remus laughed again.
“We need to get some help.” Remus said reaching for his wand on the floor not far away.
“Who are we going to get help from?” Harry asked. “They’ll need a whole new ward on St. Mungo’s for this.”
“Don’t worry. I know who I can ask.” Remus summoned his patronus, beautiful panther. The panther regarded them with what Harry could have sworn was amusement.
Remus looked into the patronus’s eyes and said in a clear voice. “Come to 39 Castrol Way. Devon. I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t urgent. Apparate to the garden, no one can see.” The Panther disappeared out of the window into the night.
With another wave of his wand Remus transfigured the floor into a mattress and summoned a blanket to protect their modesty.
Harry was still hard, he hadn’t been kidding when he told Remus that every breath was making his prostate quiver, not enough to make him come, but enough to torture him. They moved so Remus was sitting against the wall with Harry on his lap resting back against his firm chest.
After a few minutes, Harry had closed his eyes tired and worried. “Remus, who did you call?” He asked.
“That, Mr Potter, would be me,” came Snape’s voice from the doorway.
Harry’s eyes snapped open. “Of all the people it had to be you. Bloody hell this day just can’t get worse.” Harry closed his eyes again willing it all to go away.
“Thanks for that Harry.” Remus said amused.
“You know what I mean Remus. And you have to admit it has been the strangest of days. You come over to help me decorate and pounce on me for no reason. Then we get stuck together, and now the one person who hates me more than Voldermort is here to see it all.”
“I did not pounce on you for no reason.” Remus said at the same time as Snape said. “I don’t hate you.”
Harry chuckled, but stopped himself with a groan. “Snape, find a comfortable bit of floor, um mattress, and sit down. Now explain both of you.”
Snape gracefully kicked off his shoes and sat on the floor in front of the pair smirking at their situation. “I never hated you, I had to act a certain way because if I didn’t it would put a lot of people in danger.” Snape’s face held nothing but honesty and truth.
“You could have said something after.” Harry said petulantly.
“Oh? When? You avoided me at all costs. But, now you know. Are you willing to let me help now?” Snape asked.
“Tell him yes for god’s sake, Harry. This is killing me.” Remus moaned as Harry moved. Snape and Harry shared a smirk.
“Fine. We will talk after though.” Harry said firmly.
“Should I buy you dinner first too?” Snape teased.
Remus laughed, Harry’s jaw dropped open. “You’re right. You nothing like the Snape I knew.
Alright, Remus. Why did you jump me when you got here?”
“I didn’t, well I guess I did, that is,” Stuttered Remus.
Snape snorted. “Gryffindors, ever articulate.”
“I came to help you decorate like you asked me to. When I arrived you called me up here. Then, you were here, with no shirt on, in a bedroom, with a big pot of lube next to you. What did you expect me to think?” When Remus finished talking Harry and Severus were laughing. “What?”
“Remus, you’re a dolt. Harry was decorating, decorating the Muggle way. Don’t you know anything? They use glues to stick paper too make a room look nice.” Snape sniggered.
“You used our first names.” Harry said, shocked.
Snape rolled his eyes. “I do know what they are, and as I’m sitting in a room with the two of you totally naked while Remus’s cock is literally stuck inside you, if this isn’t a time to use first names I don’t know what is.”
“So does that mean we can use your first name then?” Remus asked.
“When has needing my permission ever stopped you, Wolf boy?” Snape said sardonically.
“I think that if we have to be naked so should you Severus. So none of is uncomfortable.” Harry said with a glimmer of something in his eye.
“Perhaps you’re right, Mr Potter.” Severus got gracefully to his fee, slowly unbuttoned his robes and let them drop to the floor, leaving him naked and hardening. “Now, do you know the best way to dissolve glue?” Severus asked sitting back down not bothering to cover his modesty.
“No,” both men said together.
“The best way to dissolve glue, is to sweat. When your body sweats, it will allow for more movement and eventually it will loosen enough to let you separate. After that, I can give you potions to get rid of whatever remains.” Severus said clinically.
“How do you suggest we sweat, Severus.” Remus asked. “We can’t exactly go for a run.”
Harry met Severus’s eye and smiled. “Well Remy, there is one activity we could do. But it would need another willing person.” Harry said slyly.
“What could we possibly... Oh, but, would you be willing though Severus. I don’t want you doing something out of a misplaced sense of duty.”
Severus didn’t reply, instead he crawled across the mattress floor and kissed Remus over Harry’s shoulder.
Harry groaned. “Hay no fair, where’s mine?” Harry said pouting.
Severus broke the kiss with Remus and kissed Harry with just as much passion. “Do you still think I wish to do this out of a misplaced scene of duty?” Severus asked not moving away.
“I’m not sure I can think any more.” Remus said honestly. “Tell us what you want Severus.”
“What I want Remus, is to make you sweat, to make you pant, to make you scream. Then...” Severus broke eye contact with Remus to transfer it to Harry. “Then, I intend you to do the same to me.” Severus voices washed over the two other men, arousing them beyond belief.
“Fuck Severus, if you don’t stop talking like that I’m going to come now.” Harry groaned, reaching a hand under the blanket to touch his straining erection.
The blanket was pulled away, and a hand grasped Harry’s. “We can’t have that, Harry.” Severus pointed his wand at Harry’s cock and whispered a spell. A thin green snake wrapped itself around it and pulled tight, making a very effective cock ring. “Now on your knees the pair of you.” Severus ordered.
Awkwardly they complied. Severus moved behind them now supporting a very impressive erection.
Harry craned his neck trying to see what was happening. “Severus,” panted Remus. “I think Harry wants to see what you’re doing.”
“Would you Harry? Would you like to watch me fuck Remus, as you feel him drive into you?” Severus questioned running his long fingers over both men.
“Your wish is my command.” With another wave of his wand, the walls shimmered into mirrors. Severus threw his wand onto the pile of his clothes.
Harry watched in awe as Severus tenderly kissed Remus’s back down to his arse. He could feel Remus shudder with pleasure.
“How long has it been, Remus?” Severus asked as he began to tease Remus’s tight hole with his finger.
“Not for five years or more.” Remus panted.
“Did you ever know about us Harry?” Severus asked. “Did you know how often we would fuck in our class rooms? We must have fucked on every desk in both our classes.” Severus said as he slid a finger inside Remus.
Remus hissed and bit gently on Harry’s neck.
“I think Remus likes when you talk dirty.” Harry whispered trying to ignore how much It was affecting him too.
“Oh he does, he loves for me to whisper things to him while I fuck him.” Harry could see in the mirror a second finger being added.
“And when you fuck Severus, Harry, he loves to be taken hard, and fast. Quite the little slut is our Severus.” Remus responded, teasing in kind. “Merlin, Severus, enough preparation, use a spell damn you. I need you inside me, now.” Remus demanded.
“You have no idea how hot you two look.” Harry said, unable to take his eyes off his two lovers. Severus had moved so he was directly behind Remus now, bending forward he spread Remus apart and licked the quivering pucker gently.
Remus bucked causing Harry to shout out. “Does it feel that good?” Harry asked curiously.
“Have you never tried it?” Snape asked incredulously. “It’s divine, both giving and receiving.”
“You have done this before haven’t you, Harry love?” Remus asked in gasping breaths as Severus teased him with his talented tongue.
Harry giggled. “Done what? Had sex with two of my professors? No Remus, if I had I’m sure I would have had better marks.”
Severus sniggered. “Brace your self’s.” He warned as he whispered a spell and entered Remus in one quick practiced movement.
Remus screamed as his prostate was hit hard, Severus knew exactly where to aim. Harry watched Severus’s face as he drew back and trusted back in slowly. Harry could feel Remus moving ever so slightly inside him.
“Answer Remus’s question Harry. Tell us all about your past partners. All those sexual liaisons will drive him wild.” Severus asked his voice heavy with lust and want.
“I, don’t have much to tell, there was a boy during school, I was in fifth year. It only happened once, but it was nice. We met up one night, we hid away in the dungeons. No one would go looking for us there. Justin kissed me, and it felt right, worlds better than kissing a girl, things went from there. We ended up fucking against my desk.” Harry told them, embarrassed at his lack of experience.
“You fucked in my class room?” Severus demanded with a groan. Throwing his head back he speed up his thrusts and began pounding into Remus who was holding on to Harry for dear life. Harry was supporting his weight. Harry could feel each thrust as if it were into his own body.
"Yes," Harry whispered.
With a final scream of their names, Severus came hard, Remus following seconds after him. Harry whimpered, his trapped cock felt like it was going to explode from neglect.
Severus took a few seconds before withdrawing from Remus and crawling around to face Harry. “Harry, did you top or bottom with Justin?” Severus asked, his breath still ragged.
“Bottom.” Harry admitted blushing.
“That’s fine Harry. Remus will show you what to do. He’s very good at it. But then you already knew that.” Severus smirked.
“Tell him how you want him, Harry.” Growled Remus possessively.
Harry’s eyes darkened. “On your back, I want to see you.”
Severus complied without word.
“I don’t think Severus wants to wait while you prepare him manually, not this time. You need to put your hand at the base of his spine and say Lubricus.”
Harry complied, his cock twitching as Severus gasped and began to harden again under his touch. Harry began to act on instinct. Lining himself up to Severus’s entrance, he slowly pushed himself inside. Remus’s head was resting on his shoulder watching every movement. Severus hissed as Harry encased himself inside him.
“How does that feel?” Remus asked, not caring which man answered, as he wanted to know from both.
“Hot and tight,” Harry answered, his movements stilled to allow Severus to adjust to him.
“Thick, good, big,” panted Severus, his cock already more than half hard.
“Our Harry is a big boy isn’t he? I think I can move a little. We’ll thrust together, alright Harry?” In one fluid movement Remus and Harry began to thrust. Harry soon became lost in the sensation of being inside someone and having someone inside him. He was unable to take his eyes off Severus below him, who was slowly coming undone.
Harry bent his head and nipped Severus’s nipple with his teeth, then licked it. Remus’s movements were more pronounced now. He was able to withdraw and pound back into Harry. Both Harry and Severus could feel it, but Severus looked over Harry’s shoulder and could see the Wolf take over. The animal side take over. Boy they were going to be sore in the morning.
“Kiss me, Harry.” Severus begged.
Harry bent down and captured his lips in a fierce kiss, then pulled his mouth away reluctantly. “Please, so close, need to come, please.” Harry was near incoherent now.
Severus whispered the counter charm and the snake fell away. Harry cried out and Remus sensing the need grasped Severus’s legs and started to pull Severus into each thrust. Five rough, deep and intensely pleasurable thrusts later and each man had reached their completion. And Remus and Harry were separated again.
Harry summoned a drink each while Severus conjured pillows and Remus a huge thick warm blanket.
When there were all comfortable, Harry looked at the two men lying half-asleep with him and decided that today was a bad day to stop rushing in where angels fear to tread. “I was thinking,” He started.
“I was thinking,” Harry repeated. “That I do have this, huge and literal bed room. I can’t sleep in here on my own. You’ve made this place perfect but it’s going to need, something to make it totally right.” Harry was babbling, but he didn’t think he could articulate what he wanted to say.
“Remus, can you translate from Gryffindor to normal please.” Severus asked, ignoring the playful slap from Harry.
“I think he’s asking us to move in because his bed is too big for just him.” Remus answered, looking curiously at Harry.
“Yeah, I mean you don’t have to. But I’d love to have you both here. We can turn the box room into a wardrobe, expand the bathroom.... I have a cellar you would love Severus, and there is a wood behind the house - a wood which in fenced and warded.
Severus thought for a moment. “Well, there’s nothing to say I can’t commute to work. Thank heavens for Wizards space. We should all fit in here comfortably."
“You do realise you’ll be out numbered two to one by Gryffindors, Severus.” Remus asked with mock seriousness.
“Well I have to give you a chance.” Severus countered.
As they were falling asleep, Harry whispered, “Next time, Severus goes in the middle.”
“So eager. I look forward to it Our Harry.” Severus smiled in the dark
So what did you think? please let me know, your reviews keep me writing and hopefully improving.