|Kay_ aka_Ari (kayakaari) wrote in severus_sighs,|
@ 2010-02-03 19:49:00
|Entry tags:||fic, member: ari, rating: r|
Title: Love Everlasting
Pairing: Severus/ Remus
Word Count: 4726
Warnings: Death (not main pairing).
Summary: After Remus convinces Lily to set him up with Severus, they begin a secret affair; but secrets breed lies and lies breed distrust. Fatal mistakes, other lovers, 2 wars and decades later, will their love be everlasting? Part 1: 1975-'81; Part 2: '93-'09
A/N: The first four chapters are the longest, and, to use use's mrscakeakajane's euphemism, most 'involved'. If you find it heavy reading, chapters become more focused and less 'involved' later ;) Yeah well, Regulus' story is relevant later on in the story and my promise not to let my muse get my quite so sidetracked for the rest of the story counts from chapter 5 :).
Walburga Black was frustrated. Her younger brother Cygnus’ two daughters had both married well. (She did not think Andromeda worthy of consideration.) She had only one son; the other had proven himself a complete traitor. She had blackened his face on the family tree but had not been able to convince herself to completely disown him in the hopes that one day he would see sense. He was always a more powerful wizard than Regulus and was popular with women. She would have had such pleasure choosing a wife for him but he was stubborn and now, unfortunately she had yet another reason not to completely disown him.
Regulus had joined the Death Eaters and through his relationship with Severus Snape along with Bella’s influence, he had risen quickly through the ranks. She was quite proud of this but would be happier still if she had any reason to believe that he would marry well once he had used Snape as long as he could. Instead her son seemed to be genuinely in love with the boy. The Prince family was beneath the Blacks in rank and she had yet to discover who the Snapes were.
Orion kept trying to reassure her that it was just a phase which he would grow out of. He pointed out that Regulus was faithful to the old ways and pureblood supremacy and would do his duty as a good pureblood and marry to produce an heir when the time came. She wasn’t so sure though. He had been obsessed with that Snape boy for almost four years now and their relationship seemed to have gotten stronger rather than weaker over the last year in spite of the older boy having left Hogwarts. She wasn’t surprised that Regulus maintained his infatuation but she was surprised when Bella confirmed that the Snape boy had also remained faithful.
She looked at her husband’s sleeping form across from her on the bed. How he could sleep knowing what they knew, she couldn’t imagine. It was only a couple of months after Regulus had joined the ranks of the Death Eaters and already he wanted to leave. With her nieces and their husbands remaining high in the Dark Lord’s ranks, she didn’t want to lose her place in the line of prestige yet at the same time she worried about her son and heir.
Several of the other pureblood families were also beginning to worry about the activities of the mysterious Lord Voldemort. Who was he and where had he come from, this man they were all following like hapless house-elves? No one knew the answer and the few who wondered aloud seemed to develop fatal diseases or have unfortunate accidents. She worried about her husband and brother who had both vowed to investigate thoroughly.
And she worried about her son.
“Oh Mother,” Regulus had sobbed, “It’s all true. Everything horrible thing you’ve read about it in the Daily Prophet. “Do remember last week when the Dark Lord asked to borrow Kreacher?”
“Yes, Bellatrix told us it was quite an honour and that she herself has often lent him Ninny. Only the house-elves of the senior members are given the privilege of serving the Dark Lord himself.”
“Although she rather thought you were only asked because your Severus has no elf of his own,” Orion Black added helpfully.
“Perhaps Bella is right, perhaps not. She is jealous of Severus because the Dark Lord clearly respects him. Well anyway, Kreacher went alone with the Dark Lord to places unknown. That night while we were eating, the Dark Lord returned and Severus was summoned. He trusts no one else with his own personal potions, you see,” Regulus noted proudly. “He stayed away for several hours, even after I had gone to bed. When he returned, he told me that the Dark Lord was weakened but that he had treated him and he was otherwise OK. He wondered what happened but he didn’t ask and told me not to. He said that if the Dark Lord wished us to know, he would tell us.
But I was curious and when Severus returned to the Dark Lord’s side the following morning, I summoned Kreacher. The Dark Lord poisoned Kreacher and left him for dead! My house elf!”
“Surely not on purpose dear; these things happen sometimes.”
“We would have bought you a new house elf, Regulus. What is one house elf sacrificed in the service of your Master?”
Regulus turned his head away. He knew he was being foolish, after all he lived in a house where there was a wall decorated with elf heads like trophies. One day Kreacher’s head would undoubtedly join the others. And yet still, Kreacher had been his caretaker when he was a child and he was fond of the servant.
“Then there was another incident two weeks ago. He sent me on my first raid in a Muggle town called Chelmsford,” he continued desperately. He hoped his parents would be more compassionate of this example of the Death Eaters’ evil. “When we arrived at the home of a Muggle banker, we tied the family up. There were four children under the age of sixteen. In fact, only the eldest son was a teenager, the other children were all under ten years old.
I don’t quite know what I had imagined these raids to be like but it was quite shocking. First Lestrange Senior questioned the father while Evan Rosier molested the woman in front of her children. When the father tried to fight back, Severus, my own dear Severus, tortured the man with multiple hexes and the Cruciatus curse until he stopped fighting. Once the man’s will was broken and he had given them the information they needed, Severus took my arm and we left.”
“Regulus dear, they’re just Muggles. Surely you’re not afraid of a little dark magic, are you?”
“No Mother, I suppose not. In fact, truth be told, I was rather aroused by the sight of Severus wielding such power,” Walburga’s lips curled and Regulus continued quickly, blushing. “He was second in command only to Lestrange Sr. and it was obvious to everyone there that he was second in name only. He clearly led the raid and he was the one who got the information from the Muggle…”
“So then why are you so upset dear?”
Regulus swallowed back the bile rising in his throat. “After Severus Apparated us out of the house, he had to leave me to report to the Dark Lord. As he was leaving, I spotted the teenage Muggle boy and his mother being led into the Dark Lord’s rooms by some of the more junior Death Eaters.
I was curious and, instead of going to wait in our, er, Severus’ suite in the south wing like he’d told me to, I hid in a cupboard just off the landing outside the Master’s suite. The sounds were terrible, Mother. There were screams from the Muggles and cheers from the Death Eaters. After about half an hour, Severus, Nott and some of the other Death Eaters left the room with the banker. Severus forced the man to drink a potion and instructed the others to ‘leave him in the woods near his house. He will recover soon enough’ and walked off. When he left, Nott turned to the others and told them to ignore Severus. He said, ‘Snape is a fool. He thinks it’s all about his bloody potions and experimentation on the Muggles. He only does mercy killings when an experiment goes wrong and the Dark Lord indulges him. He seems so scary and evil but he isn’t. It’s disgustingly pathetic really. I think it comes from having spent five years being friends with that Gryffindor girl. Thank goodness he gave her up and went with Black. Now let us have some fun. Who wants to practice their Dark Curses?’
They laughed and left and I managed to escape. I didn’t say anything to Severus about it but the next day the headline in the Daily Prophet was that the Dark Mark was seen over the Muggle house and the family had been murdered- all of them, Mother, even the babies.
I went to Muggle London and bought one of their newspapers. The Muggle authorities claim that the evidence showed the son and the mother to have been brutally raped by several culprits and the children were strangled. They have concluded that it was the work of some shady underground group that the husband had been involved in. I wasn’t really convinced because it contradicted what I heard at the raid so I searched through the papers Severus had brought back and it became obvious to me that documents were forged.
As if that wasn’t bad enough, the morning after that when I awoke, Severus gave me a beautiful vase to add to my collection. It had been sent as a congratulatory gift from the Dark Lord to commemorate my first raid.”
“Congratulations my dear! That’s good isn’t it? Where is the vase? May I see it?”
“I left it in my study at our flat. I didn’t want to touch it.”
“Your study? ‘Our flat?’” Walburga raised an eyebrow.
Regulus blushed. “The Dark Lord approves of our relationship. He provided Severus with one of the larger suites like Cissy and Bella have with their husbands…”
Walburga’s lips thinned. “You are not married,” she stated flatly, “and your home is here.”
“I know. Yes of course, Mother. Do I not return here almost every night? All the same, I am of age now. Surely I am allowed to spend a night or two away from home.”
Walburga didn’t say anything, her mouth tightening in barely suppressed rage.
“He has a point dear. He is seventeen.” Orion Black contributed quietly.
“Anyway, the point is that the vase is one that I had been admiring in the Muggles’ home. Later that day, Crabbe met me and asked if I liked the vase. He told me that he had seen me admiring it and had informed the Dark Lord. He seemed to think I would be impressed that he had suggested that the Dark Lord give me a gift of stolen loot like the member of some common gang of thieves sharing the booty. Me! A Black!” he sniffed, offended. He was pleased to note that his parents were also outraged. Blood purity was one thing, common thievery was quite another.
“Did you tell Severus?”
“I tried but he wouldn’t listen. He was just upset with me for disobeying his orders and searching his things. He’s in denial. He says he will protect me from ever killing needlessly or doing anything as petty as theft but he won’t leave with me. He adores the Dark Arts, they fascinate him. He gets so caught up in the rapture when he does them, reads about them, creates them. He knows that anywhere else they will not be tolerated. It’s like an addiction he cannot leave behind,” Regulus sobbed uncontrollably again. “I tried to break his dependency. I hoped I meant more to him than the Dark Arts. I gave him an ultimatum. He told him he had to leave the service of the Dark Lord; that I would be leaving with or without him.
It was a mistake and even as I said the words I knew it. He was so furious mother,” Regulus’ tears came faster, his words difficult to understand between the choked sobs. “He told me that I had no right to control him. He his father was dead and no one would ever again control him. I told him that the Dark Lord was his puppeteer. I was just so angry and frustrated. He told me to shut up, that I was being silly and saying words and doing things that could get me killed. I could see that he was worried about me. I knew it was love and that love would be enough but it wasn’t. I walked out on him hoping he would follow but he didn’t. When I tried to return to our flat, he had changed the wards! Oh, Mother!” he cried, falling to his knees and laying his head in her lap.
Walburga Black was outraged on her son’s behalf. Who did Severus Snape think he was? How dare he change the wards to their flat! Did he think her son wasn’t good enough for him?
“Kreacher, I want you go home. Take these things with you. You are to give my mother this note and then I want you to give this other note to Sirius. Keep this book safe until you give it to Severus. Guard it with your life. Destroy this locket.”
“Kreacher wants to take Master Regulus back with him. Kreacher won’t leave Master Regulus here alone. Won’t, won’t, won’t!”
“Kreacher!” he shouted weakly. “Please, you must! Do what I say. Never tell my family where to find me. Do not give them the things until tomorrow. You must not tell them what I have done. Do you understand me?”
“Kreacher is leaving Master Regulus but Kreacher is not happy about it,” the old elf croaked, disappearing with a crack.
Regulus shivered. He was in so much pain but it was almost a good thing because he was too weak to be any more frightened.
He looked around the cave. He was so weak, so tired, so thirsty. He was not a brave man and right now it was only his love for his family, for Severus and, to his surprise, his love for the Wizarding World that kept him from calling Kreacher back.
He was so thirsty and he hurt all over. He rather imagined he could feel his legs dying. Lying down he thought back to a little over a year ago in a sumptuous bedroom in Paris.
“I was surprised when Lucius invited me here and told me that you would be coming. Aren’t you worried that your mother will find out that you’re here…with me?” Severus asked, joining him in the bed.
“Bella arranged it. She says she does it for Cissy all the time. Do you regret it?”
“Bella did this?” Severus was suspicious. Regulus chewed his lip nervously. Severus stared at the lip distractedly. “No, I don’t regret it… yet,” he muttered the last word.
Leaning over, he covered Regulus’ face with butterfly kisses. He smiled into the innocent grey eyes. He loved the way the younger boy’s lips parted slightly in anticipation. Accepting the unspoken invitation, he kissed his lover, his tongue exploring the minty fresh mouth.
Regulus reached under his lover’s night shirt and pulled it up questioningly. He was nervously relieved when Severus cooperated, allowing him to remove his shirt before he in turn disrobed Regulus.
Neither wore anything under their shirts and their burgeoning erections collided.
“Sev,” he gasped. This was nothing new, they often engaged in frottage at school, yet he was quite certain that this would never grow old. Every time would feel like the first time. “Ungh!” he cried. Severus knew all of his most sensitive parts. He writhed under Severus as he kissed his neck, his chest, suckled on his nipples and ran his tongue around and into his belly button. He cried out as his cock was swallowed almost whole. The moist heat and exploring tongue were divine.
Severus’ head bobbed on the growing cock. As always, the sight drove Regulus mad. He grasped the sheets and struggled against the hands pinning his hips to the bed. “Nngh! I can’t, I’m, oh!” He struggled to warn Severus that his orgasm was near. Usually Severus understood but today he continued. He tugged at the hair is frustration. He only had a short time to lose his virginity and he was going to come too soon if the stimulation didn’t end but his lover wouldn’t. In fact it got worse… or better? Severus was not playing with his balls, one errant finger brushing over his puckering hole. Severus reached a hand up and pulled the hand from his hair before reaching under his pillow. Before he could be curious, Regulus felt a strange tingle in his ass.
“Wha-” he tried to ask just as the finger tip pressed into him. The feeling was simply too much and he cried out, his cock pulsating and his lover swallowing everything he had to give. He pulled away, ashamed, burying his face in his pillow not wanting to see the disgust on his lover’s face. Instead he felt more kisses on his butt cheeks. He wondered what was going on as his hips were lifted and his cheeks separated. He gasped as the finger returned to tickle his pucker.
As the stimulation continued, he was pleasantly surprised to feel his cock twitch with interest. His hands slid under the pillow below his head and his hips pressed into the tongue that was teasing him. Severus held the gyrating hips in place and pushed one long finger in to the first knuckle. The younger man froze. It wasn’t painful but it was… unusual. He relaxed as he got used to the intrusion. He didn’t want to stop, he was just nervous.
Severus pressed his finger further in and stroked the half hard cock with the other hand. He kept the penetration going until his entire finger was inside. Regulus felt a tear run down the bridge of his nose and tasted a hint of blood on his bitten lip. It hurt but he didn’t want Severus to know and stop. He clenched his eyes shut tighter as the finger was withdrawn and reinserted. He gripped the sheets so hard that he felt it give way in one corner.
“Relax, love, you need to relax,” Severus whispered tenderly.
Love! Severus had just called him love! The word was like a calming draught and Regulus was surprised to find himself almost boneless. He tensed briefly as he felt two fingers pushing in to him but he remembered the whisper of moments before and concentrated on that instead. Suddenly he felt an intense tingle that went straight to his cock. “Gah!” Severus replied to his cry with a chuckle. The fingers had brushed his prostate.
By the time that he felt the blunt tip of what he knew to be his lover’s sizeable cock, Regulus was so calm he couldn’t even be nervous. Fortunately, Severus had prepared him well and although initial penetration was painful, he soon felt simply full. Nevertheless he was grateful that Severus was giving him time to adjust.
“OK, more,” he puffed. He wasn’t disappointed as Severus sought and achieved a rhythm which stroked his prostate on almost every thrust. He could still feel a bit of background pain but mostly he felt pleasure. He had been quite certain that he would never feel anything better when his senses went into overdrive. Severus was pulling him off and biting and kissing his back while fucking him senseless. “Nngh! Guh!” he cried, incapable of forming words. “Sev, Sev’rus,” he tried again. “Oh, angh,” he gave up trying and simply enjoyed the experience, his vision swam and he heard someone cry out and then the world went black.
He awoke hours later, alone in the bed. For an instant he was mortified and then he felt his heart clench painfully. Had he disappointed Severus so badly?
“Oh good, you’re awake,” the gentle voice cocooned his heart. “Here, take this, it will help. Are you okay?”
He nodded and said bashfully, “I shall miss that when we are separated next year. I wish there was some way we could spend time together. I don’t know how many Hogsmeade weekends we will be able to spend together.”
Severus paused for a moment. “I know a way,” he hesitated again. “But you must promise me not to use it during the full moon.”
They agreed that Severus would escape whenever possible and meet him at the Shrieking Shack during the school year. Regulus’ heart soared, floating in blissful relief.
Closing his eyes, lulled by the rhythm of Severus stroking his hair, he heard his older lover whisper to him, “Regulus, my love, you were amazing. Thank you.”
Regulus tried to lift his hand to brush away the tears that clouded his vision but they felt like lead. He had lost almost all of the feeling in his legs now and he was grateful for that because everywhere else he could feel, all he felt was pain. His throat hurt. It was so parched that he could barely swallow anymore. He rocked, pitching his dead right arm over his torso so that he began to roll towards the water. He was thirsty. So thirsty.
He heard rather than felt his legs hit the water first. Just as his face hit the water he saw them appear from the water. His eyes widened in fear, his mouth filled with the water he so craved as it opened, choking in a silent scream. Inferi! He could not fight back, his body was too compromised. He relaxed, accepting his fate and as he went under the water’s edge, he heard the words echo in that gentle voice, ‘Regulus, my love, you were amazing. Thank you.’
Walburga Black had had enough of that foolish house elf. He returned yesterday without her son and refused to tell her where he was. She’d ironed his hand, hit him with a pot and told him to punish himself and still he wouldn’t tell her where her son had gone. She was frantic with worry. She just knew something terrible had happened. She had Apparated to the Ministry because she had heard that Sirius was an Auror. She had disowned him but he was still a Black. She wanted him to find his brother but he refused to speak to her and they had threatened to throw her out of the building when she became upset. She, a Black, thrown out of the Ministry! She left because she could not bear the thought of her face being plastered on the front of the Daily Prophet.
“Master Regulus wants Kreacher to give this to my Mistress today. Master Regulus wants Kreacher to wait until today, Mistress.”
She hastily grabbed the note in Regulus’ writing.
Mother, I had to do it. I didn’t know what else to do. The Dark Lord is dangerous. He does not care about blood purity; he fights for selfish reasons. He hopes to become immortal. Do not worry, I have thwarted his plan. I have asked Kreacher to give Sirius and Severus the information they need to rid us of the Dark Lord. I spoke to Siri already, I think he will help. Support them for my sake.
Stay safe, mother. Give my love to Father.
Always your son,
“The bastard! That bloody bastard! This is his fault. He killed my son!” Orion Black shouted in pain.
“Kreacher,” Walburga whispered, collapsing against her chair, “what did Regulus leave for Sirius and Severus? Bring them to me.”
“Mistress,” he handed them over. Walburga read the note to Sirius. It merely asked him to trust Severus and assist him in gaining Albus Dumbledore’s protection in exchange for vital information which Regulus had left in a diary. She opened the diary but its pages were blank. She used several spells but the words would not be revealed.
Over the few remaining months of the year she would lose her husband and her brother in mysterious circumstances which she was certain had happened because of their investigation of the Dark Lord. The only thing they managed to discover was that Severus Snape was a half- blood. Her son had risked his life and lost his heart to a half-blood! Ignoring the fact that it was she who first introduced her son to Lord Voldemort, she blamed Snape for making her son a Death Eater. She blamed Sirius for refusing to assist his brother. Hate consumed her and her final years were marked by increasingly psychotic mood swings. She was just as likely to coddle Kreacher as she was to punish him although as she grew more dependent on him she would coddle more often, often speaking to him as though he was her son, Regulus.
She refused to allow Kreacher to deliver the packages but she could not bear to destroy the last items her son had touched. She never stopped trying to reveal the words in the diary. She used increasingly darker spells which drained her beauty, youth and sanity. Her disowned son’s incarceration in 1981 which revealed that he had been secretly working for the Dark Lord proved to be the beginning of the end for her. She would die convinced that it was he who had betrayed Regulus to his master.
Bellatrix Lestrange was suspicious when Severus Snape did not cry or seem to acknowledge the news of the death of his lover. Instead he now threw himself into his work and training. His reputation as a strict and humourless Death Eater was infamous within their camps. He was feared by all but the Inner Circle. To her disgust, the Dark Lord came to rely on him increasingly for strategic advice. He was allowed to refuse to participate in tasks he considered beneath him such as raids instead becoming a spy. He honed his Dark Arts and Potions skills, experimenting on kidnapped victims with inhuman disassociation. His already poor social skills worsened. He became more anti-social and his tongue more vicious when he bothered to speak. He silenced rooms with a glare and chose Legilimency over more traditional methods of communication.
She did not know that he would shed many tears for Lily, Remus and Regulus, on October 31, 1981, the night his world imploded.
Sirius Black sat in his cell at Azkaban. He was surviving, just barely, by focusing on his innocence whenever the Dementors did their rounds. The hours in between though, were filled with regrets.
He regretted not paying attention to Regulus when his brother had tried to warn him about a traitor in their ranks.
He regretted allowing his fury at Regulus’ revelation that Severus was Mr. Hyde colour his view of his true friend who he distanced himself from in his time of need. For the last two years he had bitterly allowed Remus to wallow in poverty when the latter could not work because of his lycanthropy and had not even considered him as a possible Secret Keeper.
He regretted not being the Secret Keeper.
Shivering in dread as he heard his cousin Bellatrix scream dares and obscenities as the Dementors approached her cell, he focused on his innocence love for the friends he had lost.
Remus Lupin wandered around the woods of northern England. He was not accepted by the other Werewolves for being too much of a wizard and he was not accepted by wizards for being too much of a Werewolf. He was a man lost. A misfit. An outcast.
Worst of all he was alone. For more than a decade he would wander somewhat aimlessly in fits of depression. Were it not for Albus Dumbledore, he probably would have ended his life already or certainly starved to death but the headmaster did not understand, urging Remus to try to fit in.
He hated himself for not being there for Lily and James. He had withdrawn for fear that he would endanger Harry and because he was ashamed of the dependency that his inability to work had created. What little money his parents had left him had long before run out. He thought they were better off with friends like Sirius. How wrong he was.
He had a few lovers- no, fuck-buddies. He never loved any of them. To his unending shame he was still in love with Severus Snape, the Death Eater. On one of his benevolent visits, the old headmaster had assured him that Severus had been at Hogwarts that night doing his teacher’s duties and it shamed Remus how he clung to that knowledge. Why should he? It hadn’t changed the fact that Severus was a Death Eater and the Death Eaters had killed his only friends.