|Kay_ aka_Ari (kayakaari) wrote in severus_sighs,|
@ 2010-01-31 15:56:00
|Entry tags:||fic, member: ari, rating: r|
Title: Love Everlasting
Pairing: Severus/ Remus
Word Count: 4280
Warnings: None for now but death later (not main pairing).
Summary: After Remus convinces Lily to set him up with Severus, they begin a secret affair; but secrets breed lies and lies breed distrust. Fatal mistakes, other lovers, 2 wars and decades later, will their love be everlasting? Part 1: 1975-'81; Part 2: '93-'09
“He is no better than they are, Lily. Can you not see? He is one of them!”
“Sev, really!” Lily snapped in exasperation. Severus could be so stubborn. “I know those two are complete berks but Remus is not like them. Give him a chance, please.”
“He is, I tell you, he is. And he’s weird. You know how he always disappears. Who knows where he goes. Why everyone except the teachers knows about his truancy is beyond me.”
“They know, Severus, and I’ve told you before! He’s ill!”
“What, every month? Always at the full moon? Not even women are that regular with their menses… are you?”
“Severus Snape I will not answer that! It’s none of your business,” Lily bristled, blushing.
“Hello,” Remus’ quiet voice interrupted the two friends lounging on their picnic blanket.
Severus sat up immediately, reaching for his wand. “What do you want, Lupin?” he spat angrily, eyes narrowing at Remus before scouring the area for Black and Potter.
Remus looked at Lily and she shrugged apologetically. It was a slight movement but Severus caught it and eyed them suspiciously. “I just wanted to say hello,” Remus said, kneeling on the edge of the blanket.
“What are you doing?” Severus snapped, “Who invited you to join us? Go away, you’re not welcome here!”
“Severus stop being so rude! I’m sorry, Remy, would you like a drink?”
Severus’ jaw dropped. Remy? He snatched the goblet of cold pumpkin juice which he had procured from the kitchens for their picnic lunch and which Lily was now giving to the enemy. “Lily!” he cried, unable to stop the horrified squeak from his voice.
“Perhaps I should go, Lily,” Remus began to stand.
“Nonsense! Don’t be silly, Remy,” Lily smiled sweetly and handed Remus a different goblet and a sandwich. Turning to Severus, her hidden hand pinching him just below the blanket out of sight, she whispered furiously through clenched teeth, “Severus, shut up! Behave yourself, you’re embarrassing me. Listen, I like Remus and I’m telling you that he’s not like those arrogant bullies Potter and Black. Be nice, please!” Releasing his aching hand from the pinch, she rubbed the throbbing spot gently and added sweetly, her big green eyes looking into his angelically, “Please, Sev, for me?”
Severus swore in his head. He hated when she used The Eyes. It wasn’t fair. Weren’t Gryffindors supposed to be about fair play? She knew he couldn’t resist the eyes. He scowled and turned to glare at Lupin. She took it for agreement.
“So, Remy,” Lily smiled at the intruder, “have you finished your potions essay?”
Severus sat sulkily, eating his lunch quietly while Lily and Lupin chatted, ignoring their occasional attempts to include him. He had wanted to contribute on several occasions as they discussed their potions essays but he resisted. Finally he ended up joining in when Lily seemed to be accepting Lupin’s clearly inaccurate interpretation of DADA theory. She was his friend; it was his obligation to Lily to make sure that she knew the truth.
Finishing his explanation, Severus muttered, “It’s hard to believe that you’ve been receiving magical training for five years now, Lupin.”
“Remus,” Lupin corrected with a shy smile. “My friends call me Remus or Remy.”
“Really,” Severus drawled. “Good for them.”
The idiotic Gryffindor smiled, “I would like it if you called me Remus, Severus. I think we could become friends, don’t you?”
The pressure of Lily’s nails attempting to imbed themselves in Severus’ thigh was the only thing that kept him from giving the interloper the answer he deserved.
“Oh, Sev, isn’t that wonderful? You’re so kind, Remy. Of course he’ll call you Remus, won’t you?” The nails dug deeper, “Severus?”
“Yes, of course,” Severus practically gasped. Lily squeezed him harder, “Remus,” he fairly squeaked the name. He rested the cold pitcher of pumpkin juice on his sore thigh much to Lupin’s startled bemusement. He wanted to wipe that smirk off that smiling face but he was aching too much already and Lily’s hand was now resting dangerously close to his buttocks.
Severus sat on the large flat rock that hung over this section of the lake. He had arrived five minutes before and set up the picnic and was now awaiting Lily… and most likely Remus, who had become an almost regular guest to their study picnics. Severus hated to admit that he had begun to enjoy the quiet boy’s company but he had. He couldn’t understand why such an intelligent person would associate with Black and Potter but he couldn’t ask. By unspoken agreement, the other members of Gryffindor gang were never spoken of.
“Hello Severus,” Remus greeted, joining Severus on the rock.
He sat too close and Severus gulped. He simply nodded and tried to ignore the thrill the closeness was causing. He’d never really noticed it before but Remus smelled like warm chocolate. It was intoxicating and Severus found himself leaning towards the other boy. Realizing what he was doing, he quickly pulled back and away.
“It’s okay. Please don’t go,” Remus begged before turning his head and capturing Severus’ lips in a light kiss. Severus froze. The kiss was exquisite. Remus also tasted like chocolate, he noted almost idly. Leaning forward again, Severus initiated the second, longer kiss.
A twig snapping nearby broke the mood immediately. Severus immediately rose, rushing off the rock guiltily.
“Sev, Remy, I’m so sorry I’m late! Why haven’t you started eating?” Lily looked from one boy to the other curiously. Noting the way Severus refused to look at her and Remus’ slight discomfort, she felt a sinking feeling in her stomach, “You’ve not been fighting, have you?” she demanded warily. “Sev? What were you and Remy doing before I came? I know that mouth of yours Severus and so help me-”
As much as he was enjoying Severus’ enchanting blush, Remus decided to speak up. “We weren’t fighting, Lil’,” he smiled, “I’d only just gotten here a few minutes before you anyway.”
“OK,” Lily looked suspiciously at Severus who was still steadfastly avoiding her regard. “OK. Well, let’s eat then. Ugh the O.W.L.s are so much work!” she chattered as she shared the meal, handing the plates to the boys. Leaning over Severus to grab herself some cutlery, Lily gave the sulking Severus a quick friendly peck on the cheek. Sniffing, she suddenly gasped. Sitting back on her heels Lily looked from Severus’ even redder face to Remus’ lightly blushing but jubilantly smiling face. “You’ve kissed!” she exclaimed, shocked.
“Yes!” “No!” Remus confirmed as Severus denied.
“Yes we did, Lily, and it was just as wonderful as I always imagined it would be,” Remus chuckled, adding for effect, “It was great, both times.”
“Shut. Up.” Severus scowled.
“This is so great!” Lily squealed. Severus stood up angrily. Lily pulled him back down. “Oh Sev, don’t be silly! Where are you going? This is a beautiful thing, come on! Be happy!”
Still scowling, Severus sat back down. It was the longest hour of his young life to date. Every time he relaxed, his eyes would meet with Remus’ again and he’d be rendered near speechless. Looking at Lily wasn’t any better. She was acting like it had been her first kiss that had just happened and a perma-smirk graced her face. He couldn’t help but note that she seemed smug- like she’d known all along it would happen.
Hmmph, well, the next time he’d be careful not to get caught out like that. He paused. The next time? Yes, he decided, he did want there to be a next time.
“Severus!” Remus panted as his secret lover nibbled on his neck and squeezed his butt cheeks. Gasping, he reached beneath his lover’s robes and rubbed his crotch through his pants.
Severus barely bit back a moan. Remus knelt in front of him and disappeared under Slytherin robes. This time his moan was audible as he felt that skillful mouth encase him in moist warmth. He grabbed at his lover’s hair and exhaled roughly through his nose. His breathing grew faster and more ragged as his extremely responsive teenage hormones and its accompanying lack of stamina brought him to a quick release. As always he yanked on Remus’ hair to warn him and as always Remus remained, swallowing his essence. For his part Severus found the taste a bit too bitter for his delicate palate and always struggled to swallow, yet he adored the taste of himself mingled with Remus as they shared a post-fellatio kiss.
Severus pulled Remus into his arms and kissed his lover with grateful thoroughness. Slipping his hands under the black robes, he cupped the perfectly firm globes squeezing once before reaching around to return the favour.
“It’s okay,” Remus blushed, “I already came. I- I love the sounds you make. They drive me over the edge.”
The voice in his head, which at the moment sounded suspiciously like Lily’s, chided him for once again doing all the receiving and none of the giving. He ruthlessly silenced it; he liked receiving fellatio and Remus liked giving it. He didn’t like giving it and Remus never complained, clearly he was satisfied with things the way they were. He tugged them to lie on the floor.
“Remus,” he began, stroking the light brown hair, “how would you like to go to our spot by the lake on Saturday night? We could sneak out, just the two of us, enjoy a little down time to relax; a mid O.W.L.s break.” It was the first full moon since they’d become lovers and he was determined that Remus spend it with him and not with those fools.
“Severus, I’d love to,” Remus replied, kissing him deeply. He looked into Severus’ eyes with earnest brown ones. “You know I love spending every moment we can spare together, but I can’t. Not this weekend. Maybe after our exams we can celebrate there, what do you think?”
Severus frowned, “What do you mean you can’t? Why can’t you? Is it the exams? I’m pretty certain we can spare one night of studying. We’re ready, I assure you.”
“It’s not that,” Remus shifted uncomfortably. He looked at the frown face that looked down into his. He wanted to tell Severus everything. He believed that Severus loved him and he wanted to believe that, in spite of Severus’ tendency to be cruel, he would accept Remus’ lycanthropy without the usual prejudice. After all, Siri and Jamie had and they were purebloods and could be every bit as cruel about other things. He wanted to tell Severus but he was too afraid he’d lose him. “I know you don’t like them,” he began, hesitating briefly when Severus’ frown morphed into a sneer, “but I already promised my friends that I would go out with them.”
Severus sat up and straightened his clothes, his back turned towards Remus. “Yes, of course, your friends.” His voice was cold as he stood up and moved towards the door. “I wouldn’t expect you to waste time with me that you could be enjoying with your friends.”
“Severus, please! It’s not like that. Don’t be like that, please understand!” he begged as Severus slammed the door in his face. “Argh! He snarled, the sound far more animalistic than it should be. Throwing a stool across the abandoned class room, Remus clutched at his hair in frustration.
The remainder of the week continued in a similar vein. Remus tried speaking to Lily and she promised to speak to Severus on his behalf. She had tried on several occasions but instead of helping, it seemed to be placing a strain on their relationship. The beginning of the end came the day of their final Potions class before the O.W.L.s. As always, this class was attended by Slytherins and Gryffindors.
Usually Severus and Lily sat at the ends of the tables in the front row across the aisle from each other, as close as possible to sit without crossing the intangible House divide. That day Severus, still sulking and angry with Lily, sat in the back row with Mulciber. Remus had known no good could come of it and felt guilty at the upset visible in Lily’s face. Professor Slughorn, clueless as always, kept making the most infuriating observations. ‘Oh Severus, wonderful, wonderful! Now you can help Mr. Mulciber with his potion!’ ‘Oh my, you clearly aren’t Severus!’ he exclaimed when Roberts, sitting in Severus’ usual seat, failed to name the correct potion. Nudging Lily and chuckling, Slughorn whispered loudly, ‘Our Severus would never make such an elementary error, would he dear?’
Because it never rains but it pours, James took advantage of Lily’s solitary status to try, somewhat uselessly and clumsily, to charm and impress her. He and Sirius loudly mocked the Slytherins throughout the lesson and he laughed loudly at Sirius’ derogatory remark about Roberts’ error, much to the amusement of their housemates. James, misinterpreting the tightening of Lily’s lips as intense concentration, slipped from his seat and leaning over Lily, repeated the joke for her benefit. Desperate to earn a smile from her, he mimicked Slughorn while Sirius played Roberts and generally behaved the clown earning the laughs of the other Gryffindors but not even a smirk from Lily. Unsurprisingly, they received a detention.
Remus found himself actually hoping to see Severus enjoy the news of the punishment. The expected smile or even smirk was not forthcoming. While the rest of the Slytherins jeered, Severus merely packed away his things and stalked from the room.
Remus’ heart ached a little as Sirius’ younger brother, Severus’ fellow Slytherin, greeted the scowling teen just outside the door, placing a conspiratorial arm over his shoulder. He knew it wasn’t his imagination that Regulus looked him in the eye and smirked before leading Severus off.
“Oi, Moony!” Sirius clapped him in the back, “why the long face?”
Remus struggled, and, he suspected, failed to smile convincingly but Sirius didn’t notice. “It’s nothing,” he lied, “what’s the deal with your brother and Snape anyway?”
Sirius scowled, his face twisted as though he’d tasted something quite bitter. “Little brother has a crush on old Snivellus,” he scorned, misunderstanding the flash of anxiety that crossed Remus’ face. “Yeah, I know, yeah? Who’d want Snivelly?”
James, finally abandoning his failing attempts to accompany Lily to the Great Hall for lunch, joined them asking with loud incredulity. “A crush? On Snivellus? Surely he’s got better taste than that! Who’d want Snivellus?” he guffawed.
They almost ran into Lily as she stopped suddenly. She turned around and glared at them all with a scowl Severus would envy. Remus felt his stomach flip flop as she snapped at them all yet it felt like the anger, if not the words, was aimed at him, “You lot need to grow up!”
James looked briefly worried and ashamed as he watched her flounce off. He turned to Remus and started at the extreme hurt he noted there. “Remy,” he looked concerned, “are you alright?”
“You know how gentle and kind hearted our Moony is,” Sirius remarked. “Don’t worry mate. She doesn’t mean it. She’s just upset because of how mean old Snivelly is treating her and, well, you know girls, she’s taking it out on us. Cheer up!”
“Watch where you’re going, will ya?” Sirius snapped as his little brother bumped in to him, separating him and his girlfriend du jour, a cute Hufflepuff called Laura.
Regulus merely sneered at him before turning towards Laura and scoffing, “Still consorting with Mudbloods, I see. Whatever would Mother dearest think if she could see you now.”
Reaching for his wand in spite of Laura’s tearful pleas, Sirius realized it was missing. He looked up at Regulus’ laughing face. The younger boy held waved the wand at him, “Not so cool without this are you?”
Sirius jumped his brother. His physical assault caught the younger boy off guard and he managed to secure his wand. The notebook his brother had been holding fell open in front of the siblings.
“Severus’ Spells,” Sirius read aloud, “Levicorpus? Snivelly inventing his own spells now? What, the regular hexes not good enough for him? I bet it’s a dark spell,” he mocked. “Oh, or is it a looove spell? What does it do, make his nose shrink enough so that you can kiss him?” he laughed.
Regulus jumped to his feet, his wand drawn, “Severus is brilliant! Don’t you dare mock him. He’s twice the wizard you’ll ever be!”
“He’s certainly got twice the nose I’ll ever have,” Sirius retorted.
“Levicorpus!” Regulus shouted and Sirius was amazed to find himself hanging upside down, suspended in mid air.
“Stop it! Stop it or I’ll report you!” Laura cried.
Regulus started, looking at her with surprise as though he’d forgotten that she was there. His concentration lost, he let Sirius fall in an ungainly heap on the floor. Regulus turned and looked at his brother before running off. Sirius frowned, confused. It almost seemed like Regulus was trying to tell him something with that parting look, but what?
“Lily,” Remus called once he’d spotted the solitary figure sitting on the rock near their spot in the woods by the lake. He sighed as her shoulders tensed. “I’m sorry, Lily, I’m so sorry.”
“Go away! I don’t want to talk to you. No excuses, Remus, I don’t want to hear it.”
“Lily, please! I’m sorry. I know I should have stood up for him but I…”
“You just sat there! You didn’t defend him. Silence is consent Remus, you as good as encouraged them to humiliate Severus like that. How could you? I thought you loved him? You asked me to help you get to him. I’ve been fighting with him for your sake. I put my friendship on the line for you and this is what you do?” She turned her tear stained face towards him. The defeat in her features as her beautiful green eyes overflowed tore at his heart. “Tell me, Remus. Was he right? Are you just like them? Did you ever care for Severus, Remus, or was it all part of a plot to set him up for humiliation like this? They would never have done that if I was with him and you know it. They only did that because I wasn’t with him…” her voice broke.
“Lily, no!” Remus was appalled. “Lily it’s not your fault. James and Sirius are immature, they didn’t mean anything by it, they don’t think!”
“How can you defend them?!”
“I’m not! It’s just that…”
“It’s just that what, Remus? You need to tell me what happened between you and Severus. I never asked before because I wanted to respect your relationship but I’ve just lost my best friend and I need to know why.”
“Oh Lily, I’m so sorry. I feel so terrible,” Remus apologized. He was so depressed that he simply told her everything. He explained about his lycanthropy and his disappearances from the school during the full moon. He told her about Severus’ request to go out during that time and how upset the Slytherin had been when he had to turn him down.
“Oh Remy,” she hugged him and he was relieved to hear her use the nickname again. They didn’t say anything for many long moments. Finally Lily pulled away and looked into his eyes with a curious intensity he found disquieting. “So you’re saying James Potter and Sirius Black know about your lycanthropy and not only accept it but they also take care of you?” she asked, disbelievingly.
“Yes, they do,” he chuckled. “I know it’s hard to believe because they can be so cruelly immature sometimes but they are the first people who have ever accepted me truly and completely, Lily. Do you understand? It’s not that I am defending them. I know that they do really silly things and sometimes they take things too far, but they’re my friends and protectors. They love me just as I am when most wizards would have me put down or locked away. They have kept my secret and protected me all these years. Maybe it’s cowardly of me Lily but I can’t lose that.
I wanted to tell them to stop. I really did, you must believe me. I was a selfish coward and I know it. All I could think was that the full moon would be that weekend and I needed them to still be friends with me. I didn’t want to upset them. They’re my friends and I’ve always been on their side. If I said something in front of everyone like that in defense of a Slytherin, Severus Snape no less, it would not only humiliate them but it would also give the other Slytherins who were around ammunition against my friends. I cringed inside, it hurt me to see Severus hurting like that but I was selfish.
I weighed my options and I thought that with the full moon so close, I couldn’t afford to lose my friends and gamble everything on Severus. I love him, Lily, I honestly do. But you know Severus. I couldn’t be sure that he would accept me as I am. When I’m alone with him, I almost feel like he would. When I see him with you, he’s so tender and understand that I think that he could. Then I see the people that he considers friends, Avery, Mulciber, Rosier, Regulus… and I wonder if love is blinding me from reality.
I know I was wrong, Lily. You’re right. By not defending him, I hurt him as much as James and Sirius. I need to apologize to him, if he’ll listen.”
Lily didn’t say anything. She was still surprised to discover this side of Potter and Black. She hugged Remus and held her friend as he sobbed.
“He’s even more stubborn than I am, Remy, but you’re right. You need to talk to him. Don’t let him fool you, Remy. Once he’s regained his composure over this incident, he will put up a front and pretend he doesn’t care and he doesn’t hurt. Don’t believe it, he’s hurting.”
Remus hesitated a while but his Gryffindor courage compelled him to say it. “What about you, Lily? I’ve seen him around the school, begging you to forgive him. You haven’t yet you say he’s hurting.”
“Our situations are different, Remy. Severus has hurt me. We grew up together, you know. Well, we were friends for years before we got our Hogwarts letters at any rate. He was the one who told me about the Wizarding world. He told me that I was special and defended me whenever my sister got upset with me for being odd. He has always been like this; always saying cruel things to people, calling them derogatory names. Tuni, my sister, hated him. They fought a lot and called each other mean things but he never to me. He never said anything so cruel to me,” she sighed. “I will forgive him eventually, I suppose. I always do. It’s our thing, really. He does something wrong, I get angry and give him the cold shoulder and he apologizes until I believe he means it.
He’s always been a Slytherin, you know. Even before we came here, he’s had the qualities. I learned early on that with Severus, if you apologized too easily or let him imagine, even for a moment, that you’re a pushover, he would try to abuse your kindness. So I will not accept his apology yet and he will keep apologizing. I’m not ready to accept his apology anyway. I can’t believe he called me that!” she snapped suddenly, deflating just as quickly. “He’s a good person, you know. Deep down inside. He’s had such a hard life, been dealt such a rotten hand.
Eventually, I’ll forgive him Remy. Don’t you worry about us.”
Regulus Black sat on the train back to London. Scowling at anyone who tried to engage him in conversation, he glared out the window. In contrast to his still body, his mind was racing.
He was so angry. He was certain it would work. He knew those so-called Marauders. He could manipulate them with ease. He’d seen the Levicorpus curse written in Severus’ textbook as they studied together. He’d flattered Severus and gotten him to show him how it worked. Then he made sure Sirius saw how to do it and knew that it was Severus’ own creation. He knew that Potter was a lemming who would do whatever his brother did. Most importantly, he knew that Lupin and Pettigrew were both weak followers who would never stand up to the ‘gruesome twosome’ as Severus called them. He didn’t know where they would strike but knew that they would and was quite disappointed that he hadn’t been there to be Severus’ hero. That certainly would have earned him the other’s affection.
He’d spent the last few weeks of term comforting Severus to no avail. As word spread about the incident and the spell gained in popularity around the school, Sirius and Potter had become legends and the usually sullen boy had become even more withdrawn. Now here he was, on the train home, while Severus stayed on at the school. He’d been horrified to discover that Lupin would be staying too.
Banging his head back on his seat, Regulus growled in frustration. At least Severus was refusing to talk to Lupin. He could only hope that the enmity would last the entire summer. He wanted Severus Snape and he would get him!