Success by smallbrownfrog Title: Success Author:smallbrownfrog Pairing: Severus Rating: PG Word Count: 271 Warnings: angst, implied character death Summary: Severus keeps trying.. Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. The characters and their worlds belong to their original writers and no copyright infringement or offense is intended. No money was made from this story.
Sometimes Severus thinks he has been trying to kill himself for longer than he can remember. He’s just never been any good at it. He’s never been any good at anything that mattered.
He has tried so many times. Attacking his father with five year old fists, hexing all four Marauders at once, crawling down past the willow to the werewolf’s lair, making an unbreakable vow he didn’t intend to honor: it was never quite enough. Always Severus was left alive and humiliated: in hospital being grilled by a social worker, hanging upside down with his robes half off, sulking furiously in Dumbledore’s office, fleeing Hogwarts like a frightened dog.
He has given in so many times, and each time slunk off alive. Albus had said he was sorted wrong, but no Gryffindor would have failed to leap so many times. No Gryffindor would use dull blades that hurt but didn’t cut. Severus knew he was no Gryffindor.
Yet he kept trying. He played for years at lying to a madman. (He no longer knew if he was lying to Albus or lying to the Dark Lord. Surely either one would do. Surely either one of them could snap him in half like a brittle wand.)
Slowly he whetted the blades he played with. Each risk was honed a little sharper. Finally Severus had won.
So now he’s here, cut open and gutted with no way back. He’s far from the bezoars and antidotes he’s been too careful to carry. The boy has left him here. After a long cold stare the boy has left him here. Severus wants to live.