Part 1
The first thing I am aware of is the consistent, throbbing pain.
"Severus..."
Who's there...?
"Severus, wake up. Severus!"
What...?
"Severus Snape, OPEN YOUR EYES!"
It hurts. It hurtsithurtsithurts--
"Snivellus!"
My eyes snap open. No wonder. It's the werewolf.
"Lupin." I sneer. And cough. "Didn't you participate in the battle?"
"Fletcher took my place after we got everything organised. He wanted to play hero for once, and Polyjuiced as me."
Playing hero my arse. Fletcher is more likely to turn tail and flee than to plant himself in the middle of a firefight.
"He gave me his Invisibility Cloak and switched roles with me. He said that with my superior sight, smell, and hearing, I was better at picking off Death Eaters than him."
That make sense. Lupin was working in the background, ordering imbeciles about, whereas Fletcher was supposed to be casting curses and spells.
"Why are you here?"
"To get you to murder this Cadbury's chocolate bar."
Is he finally out of his mind?
"What's the meaning of this!?!"
"This is Fenrir's horcrux. You need to Avada it."
"How do you know this is a horcrux?"
"It has the same Dark smell as the Diary, the Ring, and the Locket. Oh, and Harry."
Fucking hell. He DOES know about them.
"Why me? Why can't you just do it and let me die?" Cough. Sputter. Wheeeeze.
"I have a bit of Fenrir's soul in me -- I started eating this chocolate bar before I knew what was going on. This bit of Fenrir's soul keeps me from destroying it, so I've been keeping it safe all this time."
Merlin's blue balls, an undead Werewolf Dark Lord is JUST what we need.
"The Ministry would arrest me, the Order won't believe me, the Death Eaters would kill me."
Merlin's scrote, he's right.
"Avada Kadavra!"
"Good job! There are only thirty-five more chocolate bar horcruxes to kill."
The fuck...?
"Horcruxes of the rest of the Werewolf pack."
Blasted barnacles and a million-- wait, I'm channelling the wrong fictional character.
"I've nibbled on all of them, too. I kepy hoping one of them was not a horcrux but, alas, it wasn't so."
Sodding... sod.
Lupin starts laying down the chocolate bars in a 7 x 5 array.
I cast the Killing Curse again and again.
Thirty-five iterations later, the world turned to black and I know no more...