|starduchess (starduchess) wrote in severus_sighs,|
@ 2011-08-28 15:59:00
|Entry tags:||challenge, ficlet, member: starduchess, pairing: severus/ginny, rating: r|
Don't Say His Name by StarDuchess
Title: Don't Say His Name
Pairings: Severus/Ginny, with yearning for Severus/Harry and Ginny/Harry
Word Count: 1140
Warnings: twisted sexual relationship
Summary: Ginny continues this connection with Snape during the awfulness of the war.
Notes: written for the Deathly Hallows Challenges 1 and 2. This is a direct sequel to Telanu's drabble, Don't Say My Name (find it HERE under "Drabbles"), written with her permission. I have tried to keep it in the same tone and sentence structure as hers.
She must sneak out from the dormitory much later these nights. Everything is under tighter security. With the Carrows doling out cruel punishments for even minor infractions, Ginny cannot afford to get caught. As she tiptoes down stone corridors, she wishes she had Harry’s invisibility cloak again, but he is gone now, off doing who-knows-what dangerous things, risking his life for the greater good.
Fear clenches her heart. It steals her breath and pounds adrenaline through her system, as if sneaking about wasn’t gut-wrenching enough. She hates that he is out there while she is stuck in here. Hates the fact that she can’t help him. Hates that they are not together. And it is the terror of losing everything, even the idea of him, that pushes her onward to continue these nocturnal meetings.
As she reaches the stone gargoyle, she whispers the password - Dumbledore - and marvels again at its irony.
Harry had told them all how he had watched Snape deliver death to Albus Dumbledore, how Snape had betrayed them all. She had listened to the anguish in Harry’s voice, believing the facts but not the motivations behind them, and grieved not only for the Headmaster but also for the Potions Master who had killed him.
She had sought out Snape the first week back at school. He did not deny nor confirm Harry’s testimony. She never really asked him to. One look in his pain-filled eyes told her everything she needed to know.
She did confront him on the mistreatment of the students. They got into a yelling match in his office until he brutally shoved her up against the wall and kissed her like there was no tomorrow.
She clawed at his back - he was too wide, too tall.
He pressed the fullness of himself against her - she was too round, too soft.
Neither of their senses matched their mutually-desired want, but it did not prevent them from acting out their fantasy.
Truth be told, if the war continued at its current rate of advance, there might not be a tomorrow in which fantasy could become reality. People were dying everyday. All her family was fighting, and Hogwarts herself somehow felt pivotal in the whole scheme of things. Or maybe it was this man she clung to. This secretive man who protected them all, even Harry and that disgusting brat, Malfoy.
They had sex up against the wall, desperately seeking reassurance and stability in an uncertain climate.
Ginny returns to his chambers about once a week now, needing the comfort that only Snape can provide.
As she enters the room this time, just a couple of weeks before the Christmas hols, she brings news of a sort. Ron has returned to the family and is now staying at Shell Cottage. It seems he let his temper get the best of him and left them. Ginny is livid as she recounts this news to Snape.
His dark gaze burns into hers at this unfortunate turn of events. They think the same thought. How much longer can Harry survive alone? They both fear the answer.
With voracity he grabs her and pulls her to the bedroom. She goes eagerly, kissing and clawing all the way. She needs to feel connected. He does, too.
They still do not speak during sex. Words would break the illusion. Their bodies speak for them instead.
Buried deep within her, they both close their eyes and wish for the one who is not present.
He stands at the window, watchful but aloof. The days are warming, but the spring wind still chills the bones. Children march up and down the stone steps, but there is no joy here, no laughter, no mischief. Up in the bleak sky, he notices a small brown owl flying toward Gryffindor Tower.
A gangly creature lands on his own desk, a missive attached to one wiry leg. He dislodges it from the bird.
Dread runs through him at the sight of the illegible handwriting. It is from his informant in the Snatchers society. They think Fenrir and some others have caught Potter and taken him to Malfoy Manor to get their reward. His insides freeze. No! he wants to scream. Not the boy he yearns for. Not the hope of them all. Yet, at that moment, there is nothing he can do.
He wants to tear everything apart in frustration, but the pain of loss roots him to the spot.
Someone knocks at the door some time later and enters. The figure takes off her hooded cloak to reveal a haggard Ginny. She looks around the room, Dumbledore giving her a concerned wave in greeting, and finds her target still staring out the window.
“I’ve heard from my family,” she begins without preamble. “Snatchers caught Harry, Ron and Hermione out in the woods. Took them to Malfoy Manor, but Hermione jinxed Harry with a swelling spell, so they couldn’t properly identify him. They tortured her, but luckily Dobby came to their rescue. Got them all out, including Luna and Mr. Ollivander. They’re all back at Shell Cottage, alive. Well, except for Dobby. Apparently, Bellatrix Lestrange knifed him just as they all Disapparated.”
She walks up to Snape, who closes his eyes and sighs at the mention of the rescue. He should feel relieved, but she knows he is not. The war is not over. He is still not safe and with them.
There isn’t much more to say; in fact, Snape has not said anything.
She turns away from the gloomy vision of the castle and stares at nothing, thinking.
After a quiet interlude, she asks, “Do you think I will ever get to be Mrs. Potter?”
Snape goes rigid beside her.
After a long, expectant moment, Ginny looks back at him, horrified to see the tension in his jaw.
“You don’t, do you? You don’t think Harry’s going to survive this.” She searches his face and sees a dark truth there, something Snape knows but has never mentioned to her. Harry’s fate becomes too much to bare, her heart doubling her over in pain, tears streaking down her face. She crouches down near the floor.
Snape says nothing and gives no comfort, for he has none himself. His eyes are hot and cold, impossible to read, not that she’s even looking at him.
When her tears slow, he asks quietly, “Are you staying the night?”
She gets up, brushing the wetness from her eyes. Not glancing at him, she shakes her head. “No, I’m not really in the mood. I just thought you’d appreciate the information.” She straightens her robes. “I’ll be going then, shall I?”
He simply nods, and she walks out of the Headmaster’s office. The fear continues to follow her all the way back to Gryffindor Tower.