How I Could See Snape Getting Involved in a "Dating Service" Title: How I Could See Snape Getting Involved in a "Dating Service" Author: Magialuna Pairing: Severus and Minerva (Non Romantic) Rating: G Word Count: Warnings: None Summary: How Severus Snape got suckered into participating in an anonymous Wizard Dating Service.
"You asked to see me, Headmistress?" Severus inquired upon entering Professor McGonagall's office.
Minerva McGonagall looked up from the parchment she was attending to, sat it aside and motioned for Severus to take a seat. "Would you like tea, Severus?" she asked politely.
Many years of playing this game with Albus Dumbledore had taught Severus Snape a thing or two, one was that it was much simpler to just give in.
"Of course, Headmistress." He sat and waited as a house elf was summoned, tea was poured and Professor McGonagall had attended to all the niceties. After taking a sip of tea, he dared ask again, "Minerva, was there something specific you needed to discuss with me?" His tension level increased as he saw Dumbledore's painted eyes twinkle and McGonagall shift guiltily in her seat.
After a moment she spoke. "First, Severus, I must apologize. I am deeply ashamed that I did not believe in you as Albus always had done..." she began haltingly, before Snape cut her off.
"Minerva, that's utter bollocks. You were meant to believe I was a Death Eater, and so you did. There is no reason to discuss this. If I were not believable as a Death Eater I would have been quite useless to Albus' plan."
"Yes, yes... quite so. Nonetheless, I do apologize. Regardless, that was not the main purpose for which I asked to speak to you." She stopped for a moment and rifled through the stack of parchments on her desk, selecting one and laying it on top before continuing to speak. "As you were recovering Poppy and I had a long chat about you, and when I brought our idea up to Albus he thought it was quite brilliant really..."
By this point Snape's shoulders were nearly in knots with tension...what the bloody hell had the bunch of interfering idiots done now? If he'd ever had to wonder how he'd be able to come up with enough rage to cast an Avada Kedavra at Albus Bloody Dumbledore, he really shouldn't have. The man was a utter bloody nuisance.
"Minerva, you have begun to babble like a first year Hufflepuff. I understand, so far, that you feel guilty, and have been discussing my private life with two of the most interfering nuisances to wizard-kind. Would you care to tell me if I need to go into hiding immediately or merely change my name and move house ?"
"Now Severus, be nice. It's not nearly as bad as all that... we merely signed you up for a dating service is all." Minerva stated indignantly.
"You did *what?*" Snape roared incredulously and stood as though to leave.
The older witch suddenly lost some of the nervous air she'd had previously, replacing it with a steely resolve and a stubborn tilt to her jaw. "A dating service, a quite conservative one where you can owl various parties anonymously... I haven't just said you're to sit naked in the Great Hall Severus--so do sit down and show me the respect I've earned. I've had several long discussions with Albus about the dangerous and stressful nature of your work during the war. You've a choice-- you participate in this anonymous letter writing service, or you see a mind healer at St. Mungo's. Either way, you've a need for some sort of release of all the stress that you've been under all this time."
Snape just stared at her.
And then, he started to laugh. "And what have you advertised me as then? A war hero? A Death Eater? Both? I can just see it now! Infamous Death Eater spy seeks naive dunderhead for insipid correspondence!" he spat out sarcastically.
"Actually, your ad was thus." Professor McGonagall handed the parchment she'd selected to the seething Potion's Master.
Severus read the parchment he'd been handed. Articulate intellectual seeks to correspond with others not interested in the public eye in hopes of leading to a closer relationship. Applicant must appreciate shades of gray in morality, enjoy reading or other quiet pursuits, and intellectual debates. Prefer to correspond with another war veteran. Applicant is male in late 30's seeking male of similar or younger age. Please respond to Owl box 444.
Snape was actually quite surprised at the accuracy of the ad, it wasn't nearly as bad as he'd expected--not that he'd admit it.
He sneered. "Very well Minerva. If you insist, I'll participate in this letter writing scheme of yours-- as I'll *not* go to St. Mungo's. However, once this plan fails--as it obviously will--you will allow me to go about my business in peace."
Minerva smiled and sipped her tea. "Of course Severus, whatever else would you expect me to do?"