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Sirius Orion Black (black_gambit) wrote in seditio_wayback,

Somehow this weekend was not going as Sirius Black had envisioned it would. Although, if you had asked him just what his hopes, plans, schemes or dreams for these three days were, he would have been hardpressed to give a quantifiable pindownable answer. It wasn't as if they hadn't listened to a lot of bitchin' music, or rocked out to their hearts' content - he and his fellow marauders, along with a ton of other people, wizard and muggle alike. It wasn't as if they hadn't eaten everything they could get their hands on and drunk a fair share as well (although alcohol was not officially provided, the powers that controlled the festival seemed to be turning a blind eye toward the possession and consumption of same). And Sirius had certainly been besieged by girls galore who trailed him and surrounded him and flattered him at every turn, sometimes usurping his time from his friends, giggling and demanding, excitable females that they were.

And yet Sirius wasn't happy. There was something wrong, something inside of him that he couldn't quite put his finger on, about this weekend. And deep in his heart of hearts he felt somehow that it centered about Remus Lupin, whether he admitted it to himself or not.

There is was again. That feeling that he wasn't right, he wasn't normal, to have feelings for a member of his own sex, when society clearly said that that was wrong, and that those who indulged in such wicked pleasures were sinners and deviants and abnormal - and just plain wrong.

But when Sirius was with Remus, he didn't feel wrong. On the contrary, he felt very right. And that made him feel wrong. Very convoluted - very convoluted indeed, this business of ignoring what his heart said to listen to what society said. He felt as if his heart were about to break, it pained him so. As if it would break, and he would fall down dead there upon that very spot.

He had spent a couple of hours in the company of some young females of the brainless variety, trying to convince himself that they were cute and perky and fun to be with, before he gave up the pretense, excused himself, found a guy in a long black coat selling bottles of booze and bought a few to take back to their tent - the one they now shared with a few witches, thanks to Lily's confusion over muggle tents - his intention being to get completely snookered. He hadn't seen his friends in a while, but he could guess what was up with them. James was somewhere in a conversation/argument with Lily, Pete was hunting down food vendors lest he find something he hadn't tried yet, and Remus - Remus was probably having fun somewhere with someone else, which thought simply tore at his heart more. Some girl who would gaze into those beautiful topaz orbs in a way in which Sirius never could and tell Remus how beautiful he was.

Sirius sighed, his eyes downcast as he approached the tent, so convinced was he that Remus was about to either become engaged or make love to or simply chat up some bird that he neglected to see him sitting in front of the tent, and without malice aforethought or evil intention of any sort,found himself almost running into him, catching himself just in time, and making a rather spectacular pratfall that landed him right in front of Remus, flat on his back, luckily the bottles in his pockets surviving the incident intact.