Every night I burn Who: Caspian Finn & Laura Kramer What: Power Reveal When: August 2010 (backdated) Where: Caspian’s apartment, Queens, NY Rating: Mid - mentions of murder, powers Status: Complete
"Just paint your face, " the shadows smile
Slipping me away from you, oh it doesn't matter how you hide. Find you if we're wanting to so slide back down and close your eyes sleep awhile, you must be tired. But every night I burn every night I call your name.
Every night I burn.”
The television was playing in the background for noise mostly.
Caspian wasn’t really watching. He’d invited Laura over and was in the process of concocting something for them to eat for dinner. His apartment was small but clean, moderately furnished and his landlord was easier on him now than he had been when Caspian had moved in. After a row or two over the living conditions they had settled (mostly because of the mental manipulation) and the turbulence had dwindled to nothing.
Firestarter was playing on the screen of his telly. He had not put that on particularly but he’d seen it before and found the movie to be substantial to watch when he had a moment of distraction from cooking. Drew Barrymore had been in a few films he was partial to - E.T being one of those. He felt she was quite good for a young actress and playing Charlie she was perfect.
It’d been a bit since they had started seeing each other regularly. The conversation about mutant abilities had not yet come up though he was sure the opportunity to share would come. He had given it thought, actually. Considered all of the ways to approach Laura about his powers without sounding like a criminal or a bad person. He tried to do good, but his path had started dark and was slowing heading that way. Would she understand about the telepathy? Would she feel invaded? What about the memory manipulation? Would she leave him? Would she tell someone? All of the positives and negatives had been thought of, the cause and effect.
Humming softly to himself he stirred the pot of water which held their spaghetti supper and his eyes lifted to search for her.
He wanted to be honest with her, about his powers and also about what he was feeling in his heart for her. So quickly all of this had happened and he felt as if he were reeling from it. One moment he’d been just another single man and now he was with a wonderful woman, someone he really connected with and he adored every moment of their time together. “Almost done, love,” he said aloud in case Laura was nearby.
Knowing he needed to come clean, Caspian began to work up the courage to talk to her about a few things once dinner was over.
Being in a relationship was a strange experience for Laura. She wasn’t used to being around people this much, and wanting to come back for more. But every time she was with Cas, she felt comfortable and safe, things she rarely felt otherwise. This had become her new normal, just spending time together, sharing meals, talking, mundane things that she never realized could be so satisfying.
So when he’d invited her over for dinner, she didn’t have to think before saying yes. She’d brought along a home made dessert, caramelized pineapple upside down cake. She had intended to help him with the cooking, but once he filled the pot with water for the pasta, Laura made a B-line for the other room.
She lingered nearby, distracted by the television. She had always been more of a book reader than a movie watcher, but this was interesting. A little too close to home, but she couldn’t seem to stop watching. It felt familiar, and not in a comforting way. Cas’ voice was a welcome call back to reality, and she turned to look at him with a smile. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
He watched the way she stood there, lingering in the doorway from the kitchen to the living room haunting the threshold. The way her face set, contorted as she watched the program was interesting. Caspian was no blind fool; her aversion to water had been noticed and taken in kind in the couple of months they’d been more than just a pair of people. He had said nothing in hopes that she would eventually explain and yet here they were with things sitting pretty on the tips of their tongues still unsure wholly of each other.
The pasta was nearly finished boiling. He set a lid over the pot to keep the water from appearing and with the hopes of putting her at ease.
Smiling at her he beckoned her closer, extending a hand to her, “You could put the bread into the oven? That would be a tremendous help. Also, if you could stop being so beautiful. I’m nearly blind, I’ll have you know.” He teased, hoping to ease the tension a bit.
The moment he spoke to her, Laura had begun to relax visibly, and that only continue now as she closed the physical distance. Moving to him, Laura smiled at his compliment with a blush to her cheeks. Leaning in, she kissed him softly and then went to do as he asked. “You’re too good to me. Cooking dinner and saying sweet things? What did I do to deserve all of that? Not that I am complaining. At all.” She laughed lightly to show that she was just joking a bit.
He couldn’t help but offer a foolish grin. She was his world, he would have done anything for her. Caspian hoped she knew just how much power she had over him, how much influence. He would have taken on the entire world if that had made her smile.
Pulling her close he brightened as their mouths met and as he let her go (unwillingly. Always unwillingly) to tend to the bread.
Finally the burner was turned off. The lid of the pot was removed and replaced with a strainer, the water poured into the basin of hot water. Caspian stirred the sauce he had made into the noodles and stirred to keep the noodles fresh.
Everything was coming together perfectly. He’d not lost the bearing of the weight upon his heart though. “You don’t have to do anything, love. I realized that I have not really lived without you, you see,” He explained. “It was an odd realization, knowing you’ve been living a shadow of a life until you stumble upon something or someone so meaningful.” She had been life changing.
Once the water was out of the way, Laura happily returned to Cas’ side, staying as near as she could without getting in the way of his work. His words touched her and she studied his face with curiosity. From the moment they’d met, she felt like he was full of life, ideas, beliefs, things Laura never let herself have. She couldn’t imagine if that was not living to him, what he would have thought of her life before him. Would he even accept that, or be repelled by it? She wouldn’t blame him if he wanted to walk away. But she kept it all to herself for now, being a bit selfish for once in her life by enjoying the one good thing she’d ever had.
She ran her warm fingertips down his arm lightly before turning to see if there was anything else she could tend to, like set the table or pour them drinks before they settled down for the meal. “I can’t imagine that your life has ever been a shadow. Then again, I think I make up wonderful things about you in my mind and make you into some fairy tale prince. It’s not a very hard thing to do, since you have saved me.”
As she made an appearance at his side an arm would wind around her. He wouldn’t deny the energy he felt when she was near; it was the same type of connection he had felt the first time they’d talked at the bar where she had worked. He loved her. Every time he saw her his heart fluttered. He was smitten, ruined, and yet he was alright with that. Perhaps it was a short time with which to judge but he knew that strong feeling - one he’d never felt before - was true.
That dance of her fingers across the length of his arm warmed him. He turned so that his blue eyes met her dark ones. “A prince?” He laughed softly, squeezing her frame. “Hardly. Decent, maybe. But a Prince? Well, that would make you a Princess then?” He retorted playfully.
Caspian leaned in, pressing a kiss upon one of her cheeks. “Let me help you set the table, unless you’d rather that I do that for you, princess?” A wink would come in her direction, playful and saucy.
Laura wrinkled her nose in amusement but shook her head no. “I am hardly a princess. Maybe, maybe on a good day I could be an ugly stepsister. But usually I’m more like the maid in the castle or the cook with no name. That’s as close to staring in a fairy tale I’d ever gotten. Before you.” She stole another quick kiss before moving to the table.
She swatted at his arm lightly as he teased her. “I think I can manage, but there may be a thing or two you can help me with later. After dinner.” She had learned to be more free and playful with him over their time together, and even surprised herself with the things she said and did in his presence. Caspian made Laura feel like she could do and say anything, she could truly be herself and not have to be afraid. But she still held a lot in, more out of habit than anything else. But she was trying.
Her claim to be an ugly stepsister had him shaking his head. Did she not know how lovely she was? If she had no idea he would admire her for the both of them. “You’re my princess.” It was said with assurance. He would not take negativity toward that. Their mouths met and she left him again grinning like a fool.
And then her words had him willing to blast his way through dinner to get to dessert. “Well then,” he began, clearing his throat, “whatever my lady desires.” Together they were stronger than they ever would be apart.
Finally he let her go so that they could set the table together. A short trek to the cabinets, the drawers, they gathered the things they would need. “The finest plates to dine upon.” There was nothing fancy about his chipped, unmatching plates and flatware.
He carried what he could to the table and set his own place, letting her set her own. Drinks would come as would supper.
Laura just flashed him another smile. Had it been anyone else, she would have been almost offended at the idea of being a princess. Being a damsel in distress or waiting around for a man had never been appealing to Laura. But when it came to Cas, all of those ideas didn’t matter anymore. As long as she was his, she’d be happy with any role or nickname.
Once they’d prepared and set out everything for the meal, she settled in across from him. This felt normal, and perfect, and something she knew she would hold dear for far longer than anyone else would think. These little moments were things she’d never realized she’d wanted before. “This is wonderful. Thank you for cooking, it looks delicious. You’re spoiling me. But I’m enjoying it.”
They dined together.
The program in the background went by the wayside. Spaghetti, garlic bread, even a small salad he’d thrown together was consumed and he basked in the precious moments they had together. He wanted to be what she deserved, strove for it. And yet she couldn’t know what she wanted because she didn’t know who he was. He hoped, at the end of the day, he lived up to what her ideal was for a partner.
His fork pronged noodles. A twist. Metal coated in sauce danced. He peered at her.
“Laura,” he began, eyes falling to his plate. “I wanted to tell you something.”
Laura was glad for the focus to shift to them being together and away from the movie. It still filtered in and out of her consciousness every now and again, that familiar, distracting sound of flames mixed with screams of the horrified characters. But Laura kept her eyes on Cas, and the beautiful meal he had prepared for her and did her best not to identify with that scared little girl on the screen in the other room.
She had just taken a bite of the pasta when he spoke up. Sheepishly, she finished the mouthful first and then wiped at her mouth with a napkin. “Yes?” She was curious about the way he’d said it, but she didn’t anticipate anything negative from it.
His eyes fell to his untouched plate. The noodles, the sauce. He couldn’t eat with this on his mind. She needed to know. “Well,”he began, nervous. “I— I’m a mutant.”
Chewing at a lip his eyes lifted and he found her gaze. “I just thought you should know. It’s nothing special, not really, but I wanted things to be honest between us.”
She put down her fork and immediately ignored her plate. Not because his comment was so upsetting, but because he seemed so worried about it. Tilting her head to the side, she studied him before speaking matter-of-factly. “So am I. I didn’t tell you because… well, I’ve gotten so used to hiding. I guess a lot of us hide, don’t we?” She offered him a small smile and reached for his hand, squeezing it lightly. She accepted him completely, without even a thought to the contrary.
“I would ask more, but… I can see you’re worried about it. So, I won’t pry. But you can ask me anything, if you want.”
It felt as if a weight was lifted from his shoulders at her response. Caspian emitted a deep breath of relief, his smile finding its way back again. His sense of adoration for her also grew as her hand found one of his. He was glad that it wasn’t just him, that she understood what it was like and he held no resentment at all for her concealing the fact from him. It was a challenge at all to be upset with her in any capacity, he missed her smile too much to want to be without it for too long.
“We do,” he began, nodding. Those blue eyes found hers and the gratefulness was present in them. “My powers are strange, off putting. I just did not want you to think that I would hurt you. I would never do that.” The last thing he wanted to was to drive her away or put a barrier between them. “I can read minds,” Caspian explained, “Telepathy is what I’ve heard it called. I don’t read yours out of respect for your privacy, but I could if I wanted to.”
The fingers of his free hand pressed upon the smooth table next to his plate and he held her gaze, “I can also change people’s memories. I don’t know of another person who can do that, none that I’ve met.” It didn’t sound so bad that way but it could still be used for evil if one chose. He used it when it was advantageous for him.
Laura studied him curiously, still slowly taking in the abilities he shared. She hadn’t met a telepath before, and she never really had any ideas about it. But the way he put it didn’t sound so bad. Then again, Laura had a hard time thinking anything negative about Caspian, so she was definitely biased.
“Show me how it works? What am I thinking of right now?” She tried to focus on one thing, to make it easy for him, but her mind drifted quickly from the idea of a christmas tree, to it catching fire, then being submerged in a large tank of water. Just as quickly, her ideas returned to him, the way he looked at her and the sense of calm it gave her. She didn’t know what his reply would be, or how difficult she may have made the request by not being able to think of just one thing.
“How could you possibly hurt me with that? Why would you want to?” She meant it when she considered him a prince, she couldn’t imagine him wanting to do damage to anyone. “Why… or how could you change a memory? Why would you need to?” She knew the questions were silly, but she couldn’t help but ask.
As she focused he picked up on what she was thinking. Before he could say anything — the images changed to a quick series of things: Christmas tree, fire, water. And then the thoughts seemed to even out again. That peek had his eyes lifting from the drop they’d taken to focus.
“There was a tree on fire, a Christmas tree. The tinsel, the ornaments ablaze,” his words were soft and he watched her face for any hint of reaction. They had felt sensitive, the images, “there was a tank filled with water. I saw you there, you looked afraid.”
Peppered with questions he relaxed against the hard back of the seat, “I can erase bad memories, similar to the ones you shared with me, replace them with better ones or simply change them as I see fit. I wouldn’t hurt anyone, especially not you. If it eased your mental burden there could be relief.” Only with her permission, never without it. He was adamant about that.
Laura’s expression darkened slightly when he named exactly what she’d had on her mind. Even the things she didn’t want him to see. But she’d asked for it, so she couldn’t in good conscience fault him. She should explain, but for now she kept the conversation on him.
She considered what he said about erasing the bad. “But… don’t our memories, those experiences make us who we are? If you change those things, don’t you change the person?”
“Yes,” he replied honestly. By altering a memory that person lost a part of what made them, what shaped them. It had been necessary to change memories at one point in his life - he would never admit to her that he had done exactly that to both of his parents because both of them had been monsters before his tampering. He had noticed the way her expression darkened but let it go for now.
“Which is why I don’t use it unless I have to. There are times it helps if something is happening that is dangerous, much like if someone is trying to hurt me or hold up a place that I am in. Those are rare situations and I have used it to help myself survive. Otherwise I do not use it, nor do I advertise that I can or have used it. I do not want to draw undue attention to myself or give someone the wrong impression.” All he needed was someone being tipped off and looking for him. That was bad for business.
He feared she would hate him but he wanted to be honest with her. Caspian frowned and peered at her with caution to see how she would react. Questions he would answer until she could think of no more to ask.
Laura considered his words and then just nodded in understanding. Her hand hadn’t left his throughout his confession, and it remained there still. She was curious still, and hesitated before asking more questions. “When did you know? How did you know that you could do those things? How did you learn to control it?”
She felt bad that the meal was going ignored, but this felt like an important conversation. She worried that once he knew what she could do, he would run away from her. And she wouldn’t fault him for that, maybe it was better that way. Safer.
“I knew about the telepathy sooner than the other thing,” he began, his gaze drifting about before he let himself look at her again. “You know we develop abilities in puberty and all, so reading minds and hearing thoughts was hard to handle at first. I had no idea how to control it but with practice and patience I finally grabbed hold of the ability. It helped that a few at my school, teachers and the like, came to my aid. I think back then we all struggled a bit. The memory thing came after.” Thank goodness it had or he would not have been there right now.
He could always reheat their meals. Sharing like this, being vulnerable would strengthen them.
Prying into or about her ability more than what she had shared felt wrong. The image she had unknowingly given which had shown on her face gave him insight as to her aversion to water, something hat had always had him curious.
“I’ve had a good many years to learn to maintain control of my abilities. It also helps me knowing that there are others who struggle the way that I have and that I do. I find a sense of camaraderie in that thought, comfort that I’m not alone in this.”
Being vulnerable with Caspian would be the end for Laura. She knew letting down those walls would destroy her in the end, but for him it was a risk she was willing to take. She’d never met anyone before that she could take that chance with.
“So… you learned on your own, more or less. Do you know a lot of other mutants? Are… they your friends? I only met a few others and…” Laura just shrugged. He’d already learned months ago that Laura didn’t have friends. People who were friendly toward her, yes, there were a few, but no one she had willingly identified as a friend. It wasn’t that she didn’t think kindly of people, she just never allowed herself to make that connection. Cas was the only one who’d been able to get that far.
“My ability is more dangerous than most. That’s what they told me anyway. But I know they’re right. I’ve done bad things. I’ve… killed people.” Her voice was soft, shaking, but she had to tell him the truth. He’d been honest with her, it was only fair. But there was a distinct lack of emotion in her tone. Maybe she didn’t regret the things she’d done, good or bad.
He nodded in reply to her words, confirming what she had stated. “Yes, a lot of that was learned on my own. It was not easy. I am not sure that it had much to do with anything more than trusting someone else.” And then his head tilted slightly at the next questions, “No. It’s rare that I get close to other people. We are friendly, but I have issues trusting other people sometimes. Not all of mutant kind is cordial toward other mutants.” Even in his gang, the group of mutants he ran around with very few he trusted with his life.
When she began about her own ability he fell silent and listened. It was as if pieces of the puzzle began to connect together and paint the bigger picture some.
“Laura, just because you’ve hurt people does not necessarily make you a bad person. Sometimes things happen by accident, we do things we don’t mean to do in our hearts. Did you hurt them on purpose?” He doubted she did. Would she be put off at the fact that he didn’t bat an eye or balk at her admission that she had taken a life? He squeezed her fingers and kept his focus on her.
Laura was silent for several minutes, thinking about the things he said and carefully considering the question before answering truthfully. “I didn’t want to hurt anyone. Not really. But I was hurt, and angry. And when I did what I did, when that hurt them… I didn’t regret it. I confessed right away. So, I suppose I did hurt them on purpose.” She frowned slowly, knowing she spoke her truth to him.
“But I was punished for it. And I’ve never done anything like that again, not even close. The only person I hurt now is myself. By accident, on occasion. I know you’ve seen the burns. But you never ask and I never had the courage to explain.” By now, he’d probably gotten used to seeing her hands, her fingertips, in a perpetual state of healing only to be damaged again by fresh blisters and burns just a few days later. Even now, her hands were warm and rough with damaged, dying skin.
Her last words were barely a whisper, her eyes focused on his hand on hers, just waiting for it to pull away. “I’m ashamed of what I am and what I can do. It only destroys things. No good comes from it.”
Acting out of emotion was common when you discovered you had abilities, power. He’d done that a few times on his own not that he was admitting that to Laura. “If you were hurt, angry, all you did was fight back. Lacking remorse for harming someone who was hurting you does not make you any less human, darling. Fighting back, fighting to stay alive is different. Sometimes people get caught up in that. They probably got what they deserved in the first place.” He would be the first person to admit that freely, that she needn’t be so hard on herself over a few casualties when they’d deserved what she had given them. The fact that she had felt remorse enough to confess was what set her apart from a mutant with ill intent.
He lifted her hand up, pressed a tender kiss upon the back of her fingers and watched her, “You’re a person. At the end of the day you are what matters, your life, your dreams. Funny thing about life is that it has a way of throwing you into odd situations. It happens to all of us. What you can do does not change how I feel about you. You seem to have a hold on it, I’m not frightened at all, and I’d be the first to step up beside you and fight alongside and for you if it came down to that. My love, you’re beautiful. Don’t ever let anyone convince you otherwise.” Sometimes people had to fall for things to get better.
The burns on her arms were part of what made her as strong as she was; in her same position he was not sure how he would have managed such a gift but then he supposed he would have been equipped to handle it in the same way that she was.
Laura wasn’t sure she had a hold on much of anything. If she did, she wouldn’t still have trouble with burning herself, or destroying meals, or having a panic attack every time she took a shower. She didn’t say those things out loud, but she almost assumed he was listening to her thoughts now and she didn’t censor them. Not that she could even if she tried.
“You’re not afraid? I could set you on fire. I could destroy this apartment, this building. I could kill you, innocent people. You should be turning away, it’s the only way to keep yourself safe. I ruin things, Caspian. I burn them to the ground. That’s why I have no friends and no family. That is why I am the way I am. I don’t make things better, I…” Taking a deep breath, she slowly pulled her hand back away from his to clench in her lap. The words she spoke weren’t her own, it was something she’d heard over and over and just learned to repeat to herself. To remind herself that she should not get close to anyone. And as she spoke those words to him now, the words were caught in her throat and she refused to let him see her cry.
Swallowing hard, she rose slowly from her chair. “I should go.”
Caspian shook his head. He was not afraid of her, she had not given him a reason to fear her. Risk came with power - if he sought to he could hurt someone too. Fire was one of those things you could prepare for though it could go either way. What he did know was that he had feelings for her that he had never experienced before for anyone else. That was not something he was going to allow himself to compromise on or give up easily.
“Not in the slightest. Perhaps you think I am mad, bonkers, but it’s the truth. I don’t believe you would hurt me intentionally, and if a situation came about where something did arise we would approach it sensibly. I am not giving up on you so easily, Laura.”
As her hand retreated he let it go though his eyes stayed on her. “I don’t believe that you are any of those things. I know you’re better than that. In these last few weeks we’ve been together I’ve seen it for myself.” He saw the emotion she was struggling with and it was breaking his heart to see such a thing.
When she stood he sighed but nodded at her, moving to stand up as well. “Alright, if that is what you want to do I won’t stop you, though it’s not because of anything that you’ve said. I respect your decision. However, let me reiterate, I am not going to give up on you. Not without a fight. If you want to leave then please do, just send a message that you’ve gotten home safely. Otherwise you are welcome to stay here, finish the evening with someone who cares about you deeply.”
Laura was conflicted. She wanted to walk away, to protect him, but his words struck her. No one had ever told her that they cared about her, and she believed him. She knew if she shut him out, something like this might never happen again. Stepping closer to him, Laura leaned up to press her lips to his tenderly.
She lingered there for a moment before stepping back, her eyes dropping to the floor. “I want to stay. I’m just afraid.” Laura never spoke about her feelings to anyone, but with Cas it seemed much easier. She knew she was the one standing in the way, making this more difficult than it needed to be. But she was conflicted.
Relief washed through him when she approached. His arms went around her and as their mouths met he drowned in her kiss. He knew relationships weren’t easy - he was willing to take the burden of whatever life had in store for them. When she stepped back he let her go but he couldn’t help but smile a bit at her.
“We can do this together,” he offered softly. “We are stronger together, Laura. Between the pair of us no one will be able to dictate what makes us happy. It won’t be easy, there will be times just like this again, but I’m willing to work through them if you are.”
Laura nodded, her eyes finding his once again. “I am willing to do anything for you.” Taking his hands, she squeezed them lightly. “I’m sorry for making things complicated. I don’t know how to do this, to be in a relationship. But I want to figure it out, with you. Maybe it’s too soon to say it, but I think I am falling in love with you.”
He let her take his hands grateful for the contact. His fingers squeezed hers and Caspian leaned over to press their mouths together once more, briefly. “This is new to me as well,” he confessed. “One step at a time seems the best.” He touches their foreheads together, peering into her eyes.
Her words warmed his heart. “I think I’m falling for you as well, Laura. There isn’t another person in the entire world who makes me feel the way that you do.”
Looking into his eyes, Laura finally relaxed enough to give him a small smile. “I hope I can keep that up.” For a few minutes, she stayed silent and close to him, just enjoying a moment of peace and acceptance. Laura knew that she had never felt this secure with anyone before and she wanted to make sure she didn’t take it for granted.
Taking a deep breath, she finally looked away from him and back to the table. She figured maybe it was time to shift back to reality and leave the worries and what ifs behind for a little while. “Should we go back to the lovely meal you made?”
“I have no doubts at all,” he chuckled, brushing the ends of their noses together. Few, precious moments were taken in silence just basking. In those few weeks she had become his world, a large part of his life he never wanted to let go of. She was secure, he felt safe and confident with her.
Leaning back as she pulled away he turned to look at the table thoughtfully. “If you’d like to, then sure. Honestly just being with you is enough for me.”
“I’d hate to see it go to waste, but…” Taking his hand again, she moved closer to him once more. “I think right now, I’d much rather spend some time in your arms, just talking and enjoying being close to you. If you don’t mind.”
Even though she proposed it as an option, she did not want for a response. She moved out of the kitchen and headed for the couch, lightly tugging him along with her. Looking back to him over her shoulder, she flashed him a smile, hoping he wouldn’t be too averse to leaving the food behind for the time being.
Caspian drew her close. Being in her presence was calming. He knew he loved her, there was no denying that, even if he couldn’t quite admit to it yet more than he already had. It was the reason he wanted to be there to help her the same way she wanted to be there to help him. He couldn’t deny her request either. They could order pizza later if either of them got ravenous. Slowly his arms wound around her and he held onto her until she pulled away.
Grinning like a fool he followed her lead, hand in her own as she lead him through the apartment. She could’ve lead him off of the edge of a cliff and he would’ve gone willingly along behind her. The movie was nearly finished which was alright with him considering her caution with it. There would be something more fitting or there was music to listen to in effort to set the mood better if that was what she wanted.
Moving to sit on the couch, she pulled him down beside her and moved back into his arms. “Tell me something good about your telepathy. Tell me how it’s made things better for you, why you like it. I want to know the positives about it. What sorts of things can other people do? I’ve only met a handful of others, and none of really had much chance to talk about things like this.”
As an afterthought, she shook her head and spoke again. “If you don’t want to talk about it, it’s alright. I’ve just never been able to speak openly about it all like this before. You’re the only one I trust.”
He settled down on the couch beside her, drawing her into his arms. At her request he considered what story to tell her, one which was true because there were many, and he offered a smile. “I don’t mind at all, to be honest.” It warned him that she trusted him. A kiss was pressed to her temple and then the end of his nose settled upon her skin.
“There are times where someone calls for help. I can hear them shouting even if they don’t utter a word. It’s helped me find them, assist them. There was an article in the New York Times a few years back where I was interviewed intervening in a mugging.” It was the truth, the article was at the library in the archives for perusal. Now that the internet was a thing he supposed she could look it up for validation. “It’s not a bad thing to have.”
“It’s not often I let myself hear the thoughts of others unbidden,” he explained, “But sometimes they’re too loud to ignore.”
Curling up in his arms, Laura listened intently as Cas spoke, surprised by the story he chose to tell. She had no doubt that he was a hero, not just to her but to others as well. But she was struck by something he said.
“Interviewed? You told them, about your power? Or just about helping someone?” Laura couldn’t possibly imagine telling a stranger about the things she could do, let alone having it published in a paper. Then again, Caspian’s circumstances were very different from her own. From what she knew, he didn’t live in fear of being captured again. Or at all.
“It must give you a headache at times, to hear things like that without wanting to.”
“No, no,” He began, shaking his head, “Just the part about helping someone.” Back then mutants weren’t something friendly. Even though he’d helped someone he would have gotten arrested for being different and so he had left that part out. He did fear being captured, his background was not the brightest.
“It’s painful. It used to be more painful but I’ve learned to tolerate it, to null it. It’s better now.”
He squeezed her gently. “I would do it again if someone was ailing and was shouting loud enough to hear.”
Laura nodded in understanding, lightly resting her head against his chest as he spoke. “I wish I knew how to do something helpful, something useful. And not just with my power. Sometimes I feel like I’m not much good to anyone on a daily basis. I know that some people think their morning coffee is very important. But I’m not saving lives with it. You help so many people in so many ways. I am so proud of you.”
She smiled as he squeezed her. “You are an amazing person, you know that?”
“My love,” he began softly,”you being here helps enough. I couldn’t imagine a life without you in it. Id be less of a man without you.” He was no saint; he’d done a lot of things he wasn’t proud of but she made him want to do better. To do more. He wanted to be better for her.
“You’re a good influence.”
Looking up to him, Laura shifted slightly to plant a few soft kisses along his jawline. “I think you’re biased, but I will try my best to remember you said that.”
She settled comfortably in his arms once again, her eyes on the TV but her mind elsewhere. After some silence, she finally spoke up. “What you saw, when you read my mind. Things like that… and other things… happened a lot. It was how they forced me to try to control my power. I was reckless and angry and lashed out all the time. That… the water… the tanks, chairs, chains… other things, that’s what they used to contain me. Every day, for years. And then one day they just opened the door and let me go. I still don’t understand why.”
Those kisses planted along his jaw warmed him. His chest puffed slightly. “You believe what you’d like,” he teased.
When she began to speak about the visions he sighed. “You have me. I would never let anyone harm you, or try to hurt you. You are my life, I will protect you no matter what.” He would fight for her, he would die for her.
Turning in his arms to face him, she wrapped her arms around him tightly, holding on as long as he would let her. “Hopefully they won’t come back for me. Hopefully they wouldn’t be able to find me. I’m not stupid enough to give myself up again.”
She hesitated a moment before looking up again, her eyes searching his face. “My real name is Joanna. Joanna Hollis. That’s what they knew me as. And I haven’t used that name since I was released. I don’t want to be that person anymore. She did terrible things, and she experienced even worse. But I want you to know the truth about me. So I am trusting you with that secret.”
Oh Joanna.
Caspian nodded at her. He would keep her secret. “I shall keep it until the day I pass into the beyond. It’s safe with me.” He doubted any that came looking for her would be any match for him when it came for intel.
“Your secret is safe with me,” he assured her. His arms squeezed her. He would protect her if he could.
Laura nodded and let out a deep breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. “Thank you.” She didn’t know what else she had been expecting, but it was a relief nonetheless to hear Caspian say that he would not tell anyone about her true identity.
“How did I get so lucky to find you? Or, have you find me? Whatever the case, I am eternally thankful for it.”
He held her. She was the woman he’d always wanted and life had thrown them together unexpectedly. Again his lips found her temple. “I believe it’s I that is fortunate to have found you.”
Caspian squeezed her. A hand found her chin, fingers delicate at the skin soft at the underside. He drew her face toward him and pressed a kiss against her lips.