Roman Turin (lovemenot) wrote in schisms, @ 2019-03-02 13:50:00 |
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Entry tags: | !character: cordelia beck, !character: roman turin |
Who: Roman & Beck
What: Re-finding each other on the other side of the wall
When: February 17th
Where: Their apartments in Shangri-La
Warnings: Low
The cold night buzzed amongst the city streets. Roman’s new apartment had not been much to look at, ‘vintage’ had been the word used, but the landlord had confided in him that it was to interest the younger crowds in the building. The large space of the open design allowed room to move if he decided to have parties, but he did not have much in the way of furniture to fill it. He might have preferred a pre-furnished place, if that had been an option.
Music thumped through the walls and floors of the gathering of people he had brought over to move his things, half of them loud and rowdy. A man and a woman lay sprawled out on the bed, exhausted from some extra activities they had gotten into with Roman while those outside the room partied.
With the blanket half of the bed and rolled partially up beside him, Roman sat on the floor. Arms wrapped around knees and his head against the wall, he listened to everyone having their fun. He was sure he was making a bad impression on his neighbours- he always did- but to move into a new empty place with no life would have been worse.
---
Beck had moved into this particular apartment for the wide spaces between apartments and the fact that there weren't many units in the building itself. So when a new neighbor moved in and started playing music, she just moved to the other side of her apartment. It wasn't so bad, they could have their fun while they moved. It wasn't like she never played music.
After a while, though - the sheer amount of people (and proclivities) she could hear was starting to piss her off. It wasn't fantastic for her emotional climate, and having to focus on keeping that many people out in her own home was not how she wanted to spend her night. Pouring over notes on her patients, she finally slammed them down and stood up, making her way over to the shared wall.
Slamming her balled up fist against the wall, she yelled “Oh my God some people are trying to WORK here!” Her face flushed red and then she blushed, embarrassed. “What I mean to say is, could you keep it down please?” Still yelled, though more to be heard over the music than because she was angry.
---
Roman jumped at the sudden yelling behind his head. Brows furrowed at the disembodied voice, dark eyes rolled for no one to see. “Most people work better under stress,” he laughed in response. Though, the gentler plead had been unexpected from an angry neighbour. There was a familiar quality to it, something on the edge of his memories. The feeling fluttered there, refusing to gather into more than a ghost.
Leaning his head to the side, he looked over at the couple on his bed. “Time to wake up.” They sat up immediately, hands on their chests as their bodies pumped full of adrenaline. “Go tell the idiots out there that our neighbour needs peace… please.”
The was a muttering of confusion and some protest from the couple while they pulled on their clothes. “They say that to everyone, I assure you they aren't. Now, get out of my room.”
The door cracked open, Roman expanded his mind to the people, sending out signal hormones in their bodies to make them tired in hopes they would leave or quiet down. It was not the neighbour’s complaint, really, but he supposed he was done for the night. A few.minutes later the music and chatter lowered.
“Have you worked on the radio before?” He asked through the wall.
---
“Cute, but I prefer to work under the least amount of stress possible when I'm at home.” She countered, immediately uneasy. There was something familiar in the quality of the voice. It was unsettling to say the least, and stirred up a feeling of comfort, somehow. Unease and comfort. She felt that familiar dip in the pit of her stomach, and was suddenly quite nauseated.
The music dulled down and even this close to the wall she could now barely hear it. “Thanks.” She responded, lost in her own thoughts. She knew that voice, but from where? Feeling through the wall, she tried to gauge his emotional state and even that rang familiar. People's emotions were unique, when she knew them well enough she could sort of guess who they were.
Except, this couldn't be.
Thrown by the question, Beck hesitated at first. “What? Oh, no. I haven't.” A hand raised to run through her hair, more a nervous habit than anything. Her skin prickled, the hairs raised on her arms and she turned around, leaning her back against the wall. All of this was familiar. The voice, the feeling, even the wall. How many times had she had a conversation this way? A disembodied voice on the other side of the wall, a boy she’d never seen but heard thousands of times over the five years she was at the black site.
“Why? Do I sound familiar to you?” She asked, tilting her head to the side, pressing her face slightly against the cold wall. “Because, to be honest, you sound familiar to me.”
---
“Hmm.” His hand raised up to let his fingers play over the textured wall. So many years had passed since the black site. It would forever be a nightmare in the back of his mind, haunting him in his sleep. Except for the lullaby of a voice, from a face he had only ever saw once, and the conversations of teenagers in a far too intense situation.
“I’m Roman…” His voice stayed calm and collected even as his mind reached out into its depths to find the familiarity in the voice and identify it. “I’ve been around the city for work, but I just decided to move here. What about you?”
---
Roman. Roman. That wasn't a typical name, and coupled with the voice she knew it could only be one person. Memories she tried so hard to forget came flooding back to her. Her hand flew to her mouth and she had to bite back tears.
“Cordelia.” She replied, not bothering to answer the second question. “Come over.” Beck said, or practically demanded. It wasn't a question, she needed to see his face. “Please.” She added as a brief after thought, and walked straight to her front door without waiting for an answer.
---
The name punched a hole through his chest, causing his guests to become rowdy once more. He froze in place as she demanded his presence, unsure if that was a good idea. She had been the only true friend he ever knew. The torture of the experiments made better with her voice on the other side and the back and forth of their abilities somehow worked. Still…
Taking a deep breath, he headed out of his room with no thought toward putting on shoes or a shirt. His world spun slightly and the ruckus of the people around him felt dull to his ears. Pushing past the sliding hands over his arms to get him to join them in drinking, Roman exited the apartment with no thoughts towards the havoc his guests could possibly do.
At her door, he paused. He couldn’t breathe. Raising his hand slowly, he knocked on the door. His pluto necklace hanging mid-chest, he suddenly felt self-conscience.
---
She couldn’t believe it. How could he be here? What were the odds, that he would move in right next door? She could feel him moving closer, and his knuckles barely brushed the door before she flung it open. Seeing his face for the first time, looking at the boy - man, now - who had comforted her for five years as they went through hell in the black site facility. She couldn’t help herself, immediately bursting into tears.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Brushing away her tears, she took in his face again. “Wow.” He was… hot, which was a wildly inappropriate thing to think at this particular moment (but hello, he showed up without a shirt on). Taking a step back, she opened the door a little wider so he could come in, if he wanted. “I - I can’t believe it’s you. I want to hug you and I also don’t even want to see you because I don’t want to remember but… you were my best friend and only comfort for five years. Honestly I just don’t even know what to think or say right now.” She did, however, have a much better handle on her abilities and the flurry of emotions she was feeling did not seep out like they had so easily when they first met.
“Come in, if you want. Can I hug you?” She asked this time, as opposed to just stating that she wanted to. Her eyes fell to the necklace - pluto, a sign she knew well at this point - and staunchly, purposefully, ignored what that might mean.
---
A step back, he stared wide-eyed at her as she burst into tears. The pheromones within tears were a strange and complex piece of biology, as was all pheromones within humans- of which scientists had trouble finding, but Roman’s powers proved existed. A part of him reached out to adjust her chemical levels as to not be sad, but found he did not need to. Not all tears were pain. The flurry of chemical levels pulsing through her told him enough about her emotional state. “Don’t be sorry,” he whispered, not hearing the muttered wow, between her crying and his thoughts.
Dark eyes lowered, hesitant to step inside if she did not want him to be there. Finally stepping in when she asked him to, Roman brushed his fingers through his hair, pushing the messy strands from his face. There had not been a plan to leave his apartment and his activities with his guests had not left him in a cleaned up manner.
“Uh. Yeah,” he breathed out. His usual talkative and confident self had been bulldozed back by the teenaged boy locked in a cell that stayed deep within him. “How… How are you? I’m sorry my guests were loud…” So many questions ran through his head, but he couldn’t focus.
---
The familiar feeling of his ability hit her, eyes closing briefly. It was so comforting, even though he pulled them back so quickly. “I’m fine.” She said, because it felt weird or wrong to say great or good and was she even great or good right now? It had been ten years since she’d last spoken to him. They weren’t released at the same time, Beck had even waited in the town they dropped her in hoping he’d be released there, too. Waiting, wondering. Nothing, no hint of him anywhere and she’d eventually left to try and get on with her life.
“It’s okay, you’re… you just moved in. It’s fine. It’s just, all the people, you know. I can shut them out easily I just, I hate having to when I’m home.” She admitted, pushing her hair back in a similar manner to him, brushing it away from her face. She hadn’t gone out nearly all day except for the morning, but she was still dressed and ready for the day, make-up on (and likely much nicer than it had been on the day they first met), dressed casually but still put together.
“How are you? I -” She paused, and then laughed. “This is bizarre. How are you? Who asks that right now, I mean, jesus. It’s been ten years. Twice the amount of time we spent together but - I never got a chance to really thank you, for that. You were… the only good thing about that place. I can’t even begin to describe how comforting it was and how comforted I felt because I had you.” She was rambling, a little. Her words were shaky and came out too quickly. There was so much she’d wanted to say over the years.
“I can’t believe this is happening right now.”
---
He had been held quite a bit longer than she had given his familial relationship with one of the scientists. The conditions in the facility had become better- comparatively- but he had been alone when they released her. She had been the only thing keeping the kindness in his heart and the time without her had lead him to a deep resentment toward the government. It lead him towards Chrysalis and his position there.
“Yeah, well, if I had known-” Roman did not finish his sentence, because he did not know what he would have done knowing an empath was next door. Anyone but her, he likely would not have cared much until there was more of an issue. Cordelia, no matter the time between, would be the only person he cared enough about to change his mannerisms.
Roman shrugged, words lost to the sideline. Not waiting for her to hug him, he pulled her towards him and wrapped his arms around her. It felt like the thing to do. The only thing that mattered in that moment was the feel of her in his arms. They had never gotten the chance to meet face-to-face beyond her first day when he saw her and she would not have noticed him. Roman was not paying attention to the make-up or the clothes or anything but the fact that she was there.
“I- I’m sorry I couldn’t leave with you. I wanted to… What is the chance I’d find you again?”
---
Beck melted into his hug, wrapping her arms easily around him. It wasn’t weird or awkward. How many times had she imagined this? How many times had they talked about it? Late at night, all alone after a bad day or even an uneventful one. How often had Beck, secretly, dreamt about him? What he might look like, based on his voice and after she’d made him describe himself to her. Imagined what hugging him would feel like, and as she got older, what kissing him might be like.
She pushed those thoughts aside, letting herself just live fully in this moment. She didn’t let go for a while, letting her face rest easily in the crook of his neck, breathing in his smell. Feeling his skin on hers wherever her own clothing did not reach. “I missed you.” She admitted, knowing that - if literally anyone else who didn’t know them, what they’d been through - saw their interaction, they’d be confused. But there was no time or space between her and him. They had shared so much, so much more than physical contact or just being in physical proximity to each other. Roman had been the light at the end of a long, dark, horrible tunnel.
“I waited for you, I did. I was hoping they would let you out where I was but I didn’t know how to look for you and after a while I just - I needed to get out of there, do something with my time and my life.” She said, finally pulling back from the hug - her hands lingering to feel for his arms, wrists, and then to hold his hands. She’d imagined this moment for years. She just never thought it would happen.
“Not just the chance of finding me again, but the odds of you moving in next door… I mean… what the actual fuck.” A laugh easily escaped her, so much more easily than it ever had when they were in the black site. Full, hearty laugh he’d probably heard only once or twice. “I even tried googling you before, but I didn’t know what you looked like and could never be sure, there isn’t much of an internet presence there… wow okay I sound a little like a stalker.” She blushed, looking away to hide her embarrassment, though she kept a tight hold on his hands.
---
“I missed you too.” Roman would have said it sooner but it had been stuck on his lips. She was messing him up entirely. So much of his life had been a lonely road to nothingness. He could make friends easily, but rarely did so in a non-powered manner. Every part of his soul had been scarred from the blacksite. All but the small section in which the memory of Cordelia held. She had wondered if she was a bad guy then, and he had no doubt she was not, but knew, now, standing before her that he was not a good guy in the eyes of most. He was feared by so many.
“I was not even let out that year. I would have found you no matter where they dropped me had they given me the chance. I’m glad that you found something to start your life with.” He smiled, a shy look that rarely graced his features. “A life with very important work that you do at home,” he teased. A sense of comfort came from taking in the sight of her and how she held onto him even as she pulled away. The moment, for him, had little sexual undertone. Her beauty had never been her looks in that time, so he still looked at her with the eyes of a boy finding beauty in the endurance of a girl beyond his wall.
Roman laughed with her. “I’m not on google.” Not in the manner in which she could look him up without knowing his other deeds. “I have to be honest, I didn’t think to use the internet to find you.”
Finally looking away from her, he took in her apartment. How someone lived reflected who they really were inside.
---
She nodded, though she was clearly upset that he had been held so much longer than she had. No wonder she hadn’t found him. It had been a long time before he’d even be able to be found. Despite the sadness, though, she still found her heart warmed by his presence, just as it had back then. Just being in proximity to him again brought forth not just the pain and awfulness of that place, but of the deepest connection she had ever had with anyone.
“I wish you had. I hate that all these years have gone by, always wondering what happened to you… I should have waited longer.” There was a small part of Beck that thought maybe he didn’t want to be found because she would be too strong a memory of that place, maybe he wouldn’t be able to overcome what they had gone through. She’d felt that way about him for a while, too, when she waited - when she wondered. Years of working on herself had gotten her past that, but it was something she worried he’d felt back then, or maybe still felt now.
Roman not being on google made sense, she was sure the only reason she had much of an internet presence at all was because she was a therapist. “Yeah, I have a small presence because of my job. I’m a therapist.” She added, even though he didn’t ask. “Here, come sit down… If you can leave your friends? They won’t mind will they?” She let go of his hands and waved one towards the living room.
---
“It’s the past now. Whoever controls chance decided now would be the better time to bring us together,” he offered. His life after had not allowed him to escape the awfulness of those years, but use those feelings to achieve the ends that Chrysalis needed. He was called in when they needed a bigger impact.
“A therapist, seems very fitting.” Glancing back at the door as if his guests would be there waiting, he shrugged again. “They’re not really my friends, so I doubt they care. Eventually they’ll find their ways home when they realize I have no food and the alcohol is gone.” Roman could say that he did not have any real friends. Everyone he interacted with was met with his pheromone manipulation before they even had a chance. It was a form of self-preservation to keep from being taken by another group to another blacksite. He had no one, not even the others of his group, to trust.
Stepping further in, he started to wander the space, taking in the information laid out by the pheromones all things left behind. Not as much information came from humans as it did animals, but there were still hints at her life there. Roman smirked, realizing finally he was not quite dressed for a visit with an old friend.
“I’m a bartender. No need to have my information out there on the internet. How long have you lived here?”
---
“Oh.” Beck was clearly not familiar with the notion of inviting people you didn't know into your home. Her home was a very private place, and not many people made it inside. Of course, Roman was different. She felt like she knew him with her whole heart, despite so many years having passed. She could tell - she could feel enough of the same boy she grew up next to in this man to trust him.
She laughed at his comment about her job being fitting, and nodded her head. “Why not put what I can do - and what I've been through - to good use?” So many mutants out there struggled, and Beck was driven to help. She had the skills to do so, it's exactly why she joined Eleos as well.
“Bartender… Given what you do, that seems pretty fitting. I bet the tips are good.” She teased, and then laughed at the similarities between their jobs. “Both of us went into professions where people come to talk about their problems.” Bartenders didn't get a reputation for basically being therapists for no reason.
---
The true differences between them were apparent. It reflected their abilities and their coping mechanisms opposite ends of the spectrum. He needed people around, whether they were actual friends or not. Regret filled his head otherwise and an unsteadiness came from too much silence. It could be exhausting in the end as he did not regain energy being around people, but by being alone.
“Except you care about their problems, Delia. I just want their money.” Roman laughed, something genuine that had not surfaced in some time but seemed flowing with her near him. “And tips are always good if I have any say over it. The funnier thing is inhibiting their metabolism of the alcohols… well, something along those lines, but it helps drive up sales.”
Cordelia might have felt the boy she knew inside of him, but that boy had long since been present in his life. The amount of collateral he let go on the wayside would not have been something that boy would have allowed. Roman was the bad guy now, no matter what a childhood friend might see in him.
His eyes lowered and brows furrowed. “You’ve made a pretty nice life… I probably shouldn’t ruin it for you. If you think my being next door will bring back the nightmares, I’ll move again. It’s not like I couldn’t get another place quickly.” Roman gave few such consideration and her knowledge of his abilities in their fullest partially made him uncomfortable. Only the other Chrysalis members really knew what he could do.
---
Seeing him here, now, with that stupid sign around his neck. Hearing him talk about how he didn't care about people's problems, the friends that were literally in his apartment that weren't really his friends at all, Beck felt... extremely guilty. If she had stayed, would things be different? Would she have turned out differently, gone down a different path, or would he have softened, grown, and changed with her? Even though she could feel who she had always known, Beck wasn't blind to the changes.
"You know you're the only person aside from my immediate family to ever call me anything other than Beck." She very rarely even shared her first name. It wasn't that she didn't like Cordelia, but she didn't often like when people used that name for her. It reminded her too much of her parents, or of him. Beck was a way to remove herself from herself. A way to separate, to distance herself from other people. "I don't always care about their problems, but I do care about the people. I can feel their pain, their fear. Guilt. I see how these people suffer and agonize want so much to be different, feel different... how could you not want to help that?"
Hadn't he helped her? When she forced her feelings on him accidentally, when he felt that fear and saw the terror on her face, felt her loneliness. He'd helped her for years. She was just returning the favor in a different setting now. Shaking her head, Beck watched as he assessed her life, mentioned ruining it, and then moving. Her face narrowed, a cold chill ran through the air. "I'm not so much a fragile child anymore that I can't handle seeing you because it reminds me of my shitty past, Roman. You remind me of the best part of my past. Of course I don't want you to go. Don't be ridiculous."
Arms folded across her chest, her face remained quite set in that narrow, incredulous-meets-angry expression. "I understand if you don't want to be - " What, friends? What were they? What had they been? "Neighbors, but, I can kinda feel that that would be bullshit and I don't mind you living next to me. If your not-friends get rowdy I'll make them all leave myself." Shifting her weight, she even jutted her hip out a little bit. Yeah, little Cordelia Beck had some attitude now.
---
“I always liked the name Cordelia,” he returned. A young boy hearing the name from a girl behind the wall had made it so. Even now, her very presence had a kinder affect on him. His focus lost on her even as he offered to pull away. His guests in the other apartment could burn the place down and he'd still be standing there in a state of shock that she existed. Uncertainty lacing his emotions.
So many answers crossed his mind about how he could not want to help with other's feelings, many influenced by his typical surroundings. He helped people, but he allowed for collateral. He helped his people and left normies to starve in his path. Yet, she would have been right to say that he had helped her in the blacksite for no other reason than empathy. For wanting to change her agony that he knew came within those walls into something more tolerable. He had been a better person with her.
An impressed smile tugged at his lips. “I can handle my rowdy guests.” Stepping forward, he brushed his fingers over the side of her face. “I guess, I just never stopped worrying about you. Though, I wouldn't mind seeing you clear out my apartment of people.”
----
She rolled her eyes, though was grinning all the same. "That's because you've always been weird." She countered, though shook her head soon after. "I definitely start to appreciate my name as I got older. It was the kids that called me Cordy for a long time that made me hate the name." Little kids weren't always smart, just lazy - so cuter nicknames like Cori or even Delia didn't occur to them. Not to mention, the more she protested the name the more they called her by it. Kids were definitely the worst.
When he came closer, Beck could feel her breath catch in her throat, the feeling of his fingers brushing across her cheek made her heart skip a little beat. Beck was quite sure she'd never felt like this before. She didn't often find intimate relationships with people - not necessarily physically intimate, but emotionally intimate. Sure, she was an empath, but she was just as closed off and careful about friendships as Roman was, as anyone who came from a black site likely was.
With the comment about wanting to see her clear out his apartment of people, a sly sort of cocky smirk flitted across Beck's lips. "Oh, Ro, you have no idea. It'd be like that." A snap of fingers to accentuate her words, she laughed and took another smaller step closer to Roman, both her hands lifting up to his face now. Just to touch it. There was something just so innocent about this, it wasn't even remotely sexual. She just wanted to feel his face, like double checking it was real. It was really attached to the voice and the emotional profile she knew so well.
"I never stopped worrying about you either." She admitted, finally dropping her hands. "I feel like there's so much catching up to do, so much I want to know." Beck clasped her hands in front of her, a little shyly. "Unless you don't want to - I mean - I would understand, you know, same thing as what you said. Too painful. Just because we were friends doesn't mean we still have to be. I just - I feel very much the same about you now as I did back then. It's stupid, I know, it's been so long."
---
Physical intimacy was easy. Sex drives, changing the littlest touches to something more carnal exactly what he was made for. With Cordelia, none of that happened. Her beauty, her attractiveness, all his desires and lies stopped at her feet because their connection went deeper. Not that he wouldn't bed her if given the chance; it was just a less pushed agenda.
World spinning, yet frozen in time, the two could have been teenagers again. Roman would never admit it but she had been his first love. She had not even been the only female interaction he had at the blacksite, merely the most important one.
“No.” Came out too quickly. “No, I wouldn't mind getting to know you again. We could clear out my apartment and then you can ask all the questions you want.” That was not to say that he would smart every question. She did not need to know of his position as a Horseman, nor that he has killed people or put them into harms way to protect himself. She would get more answers though than anyone else asking the questions.
---
She knew how he'd felt back then - of course she did. Her feelings had mirrored his. Often, she worried if he only felt that way because she was projecting it, or if she only felt that way because he did. She knew now, the subtle difference in feeling what someone else was feeling and identifying her own emotions. She also knew now what it felt like to project, it had taken years of testing - both within the blacksite and learning on her own - to identify those differences. Knowing that now, she knew both their feelings had been truly their own.
Roman had certainly been her first love. Perhaps her only real love. It wasn't as if she hadn't had boyfriends over the years but the connections had never been there, never as deep as the one with Roman had been. Oddly enough, he was the standard she held all of her relationships to. Perhaps their closeness had been borne out of necessity, but she knew what they shared was so much more than just because of the situation they had been put in. They could just as easily shut down. They kept each other going.
His words came out quick, just as her own thoughts were flowing at a similar speed. "Great!" She replied with a similar feel of rushing, like if they didn't do everything now, it all might disappear. Like this was some kind of dream they could wake up from and find that they had never really reconnected. "I can - make us some coffee, or tea, whatever you prefer, and dinner or snacks or something, I don't know. Whatever you want."
---
Teeth scraped over a plump lower lip. “Give me a moment to get rid of my guests and I’ll be back over. Coffee is great,” he smiled softly. “And dinner.” Turning toward the door and then looking back at her over his shoulder, he hated having to leave even for a moment.
Greys and blacks reformed the visual of the back of his shoulder. The image of cracked and crumbling stone scales tattooed in great detail adorned his skin, with human skulls waiting to be weighed and judged upon the hanging pans. “Just… stay right there. Okay?” Roman had not been ready for Cordelia to be there in his life. He would not have showed up at her door half dressed. It was frightening in a way that he held her to a different level than all others.
Re-entering his own apartment, he looked around at the people as he stepped easily away from his door to give them a place to run. Dark eyes darkening with intend, he leaned his head to the side and smirked as attention fell on him. All actions and sound stopped. “Get out.” His words were half growled, fear pheromones lacing each simple syllabyl, traveling to the back of the room before release. The guests burst into activity, barely remembering to grab their things in their panic. First those closest to the back windows pushed out, dragging others with them, their bodies telling them that something was to be fled from in that back corner.
After a few minutes of rush of people and panic, bodies stumbling over each other as they found the stairs down and out of the building by any means necessary, Roman returned to Cordelia’s apartment. Pulling on a shirt, his aura and feelings an utter calm but back to the boyishness being around Cordelia caused in him. “Now we won’t have to release you on them.” His smile was far more innocent than one would have expected after his guests left in a hurry.
---
"Okay!" She replied with excitement, and slight nervousness. As he turned to go, she was thrown slightly by the sight of his tattoo - it wasn't a particularly positive image. Then again, not everyone could come out of a black site situation with a positive attitude. She certainly hadn't at first, and if things had been even a little different in her life - she might have gone the other way entirely. Her empathy was really the only reason she didn't turn to anger and hatred, why she joined Eleos instead of Chrysalis. She could feel the pain and regret in some of the black site employees.
And when she had used her abilities to negative effect on someone, she felt everything as they suffered. It had been the worst experience of her life and not something she wanted to experience again.
He was out of site before long and Beck went to work on making coffee. She realized she definitely didn't want to spend time making dinner, so instead she ordered some Chinese food - with all the favorites she could remember they'd talked about missing when they were at the black site. French press (because yes, she had become a coffee snob) was brought out, and as she began the process to brewing the coffee, she felt a sudden rush of fear come over her - multiple people were suddenly very scared. Panic, scrambling, moving farther and farther away until they were gone.
Moments later, Roman had re-entered her apartment and she turned, now that the coffee was well on its way to brewing on its own and no longer needed her attention (for the moment). "Unleashing me would have been a kinder fate. You didn't have to do that, you know. I'm sure they would have left if you asked them nicely. Maybe with a hint of making them a bit more compliant." She folded her arms over her chest, frown etched into her lips.
"Could you hop up and down on one foot for me, please?" She asked, manipulating his emotions into feeling more compliant, happy, willing to please. Not trying very hard, and since he obviously knew what she could do, Roman would likely be able to fight it off with relative ease. The point was clear, though. "I ordered Chinese, because I thought cooking would be such a waste of time right now."
---
“Compliance doesn't suggest urgency.” Roman truly did not see the issue with what he did. The people who influenced his life after his release from the blacksite had not been the kind to tell him to go easy on humans. He had been found and given meaning by a group that did not shy away from his use of his abilities of the extent they went. He could easily have been subtle. The need to see them leave quickly so he could go back to reconnecting with his invisible childhood friend had won out. It was no matter, they would likely come out of their daze once they were half way down the street. Their returning for another party never mattered.
A soft chuckle escaped his lips, the light feeling she rendered in him recognized for what it was and his hormone levels changing in an attempt to counteract. While he did not hop for her, Roman paused in his movement. “I’m not sure you want to start that game with me.” The certainty in his voice did not mean he wished to use his abilities on her. To do so would destroy the purity of his feelings.
“Chinese is good. I haven’t had it in a while.” Roman walked up to take his place close beside her. To be that close felt strange in his bones. Once their friendship had been made the doctors at the blacksite made sure they never saw each other. The rotation of experiments changed to be opposite of hers as a kind of punishment- for what Roman had never been told.
---
Cordelia held her tongue - her lips pursed in a clear way that meant she was holding back. There was no reason to argue about this. She knew he was different. She could feel it as much as she could feel the same boy she'd always known. He might be shrouded and enveloped in darker, more devious feelings. He might be angry, as angry as she had been when she first got out. More, maybe, and he'd let that anger take over and feed his desires for revenge, but all the same. The thirteen year old Roman she'd first met was there, too. At least, for her. Maybe she was deluding herself.
"Oh, don't I?" How many times had their abilities come to a clash, so close to each other like that? Not on purpose usually, she'd had many instances of broadcasting her emotions onto other people when she first got to the black site. "I've done a lot of work since back then, you have no idea how good I am now." She laughed, turning to the cabinet to grab two cups. "Do you take anything your coffee?" Beck asked, holding the french press in her hand but not bothering to pour just yet.
She wasn't expecting such closeness, and a sudden rush of longing came over her. It was the sort of feeling when you missed something that was, nostalgia and memory all wrapped into a messy packaging of emotion. It swept out from her, encasing him in it, softly, before dissipating. It was a small taste of what she felt. Sharing it with him was as natural as breathing to her. "I haven't, either. I try not to eat out too much." Came the easy reply, though her voice was softer, a little breathless.
---
Tracing his finger over her skin, he could feel her chemical makeup. Identifying people by their personal pheromone/hormone mixture was not something he cared about all too often. Certain members of Chrysalis could be sensed to be identified, but few others mattered enough. “You would be surprised how far I’ve come also. I offered to let you get rid of them,” he teased, trying to make light of the situation.
“Sugar mostly.” A breeze of emotion skimmed across his mind, caressing his skin with a warmth of nostalgia. Thoughts of the coffee less important when such feelings pressed into him. Roman always knew what he wanted even when he did not care. Cordelia made him want to kiss her, yet he felt the need to stop himself from doing it, as if to do so would make her disappear again.
“I didn’t think remembering the past could be a pleasant thing. But here you are.” Roman leaned against the counter taking her in as much as he could, anything he could identify of who she was now he tried to find. “Tell me about yourself.”
---
"Hm." He had offered, but he'd also ran off before she could really say she wanted to. It hadn't been important really, and it still wasn't - but the manner in which he'd made them leave bothered her. Not just because of the clear lack of concern he had for their well-being, but because the feeling of their fear lingered in her own abilities, latching on to her, too warm and uninviting.
With his reply, she poured both cups of coffee - hers a little less in it, to add some cream and sugar to. Condiments had been gotten out when he'd left to clear out his apartment, half & half on the counter (just a dash of it) and a two teaspoons of sugar. She stirred and tried to refocus herself. It wasn't often she shared her emotions with someone else. She'd spent years keeping up a careful guard around herself. It just seemed to dissolve when Roman was near.
Dumb, really, but she couldn't help it. Or maybe just didn't want to help it.
Turning now, she realized how close they were, and she didn't shy away from it. She looked up at him for the first time since he'd come back in - really looked at him, and searched his face. It was beautiful, more attractive than she could have imagined. She lifted a hand to touch his hair, pushing a few strands back though they quickly fell to their original positions. She felt the buzz of his emotions underneath her fingertips as they traced his cheek down to his neck, to his shoulder. "That's because you forget to remember the best parts of a terrible situation. When I think about that place, I don't think about what happened. I think about you."
Maybe that's why it was so easy to fall back into it all, to be so vulnerable. She'd never stopped thinking about Roman, she'd forced herself as hard as it was to carry that light always, let that take over the entire memory of that place, illuminating even the darkest parts. "You know me, Ro. What is there to say? I - I live alone, I don't have many friends. I closed myself off after leaving you - the site." She corrected, feeling guilty. "I threw myself into finding something good, I didn't want to be consumed by hate. I - I almost did, and it was one of the worst things I ever felt. I went to school when I was mentally able to, I graduated and became a therapist for mutants. Not just for mutants, but mostly." She was rambling a bit, trying not to let her feelings drive her too much.
Sliding one cup of coffee over, she took a step back and picked up hers, taking a single sip. The cup was quickly placed back down, and she leaned back against the counter, watching him. "Your turn."
---
“I never forgot you. I just couldn’t let the terrible portions go.” Roman leaned into her touch. Every soft moment, gentle movement of hers touched him further than any emotional or pheromonal manipulation could go.
“I knew you, but that doesn’t mean I know you now. Plus I like to hear you talk,” he admitted. A nod of the head proceeded as she gave the quick rundown of her life. Being a therapist for humans would be a waste at some point when it is mutants who are taught to hate themselves by the lower beings, his mind practically mantra’d. Her need to look for the good made him smile. She really was the good guy.
Taking the cup to forcibly separate himself from her. Looking into the depths of the hot liquid, Roman shrugged. So much of his life could not been spoken about. What would someone trying to fix people think about a Horseman or just someone willing to break others for the end game? She’d probably therapist him to death knowing what he has done- or hate him. Roman was not sure he could take it if she hated him.
“I was in there from opening to close. Even with the law changes, my mother-” He cut of his thoughts, licking his lips, and shrugging once more. “I practically didn’t exist coming out of there, so I hit the ground running letting the world pull me whatever direction it decided. Some people found me, took me in, taught me how to better control and focus my abilities, so I change the world rather than the world changing me. I’ve travelled a lot. Bartended at some of the best clubs and bars you can find. Been working in and out of New York city for about a year and then I moved in beside a voice behind the wall.”
---
“It’s not easy to forget what happened there.” Cordelia never really forgot. She did her best to keep them away, push them back, deal with them when they came up - but they weren’t gone. It’s not like she had magically only remembered the good parts of it, the Roman-laced memories. It had taken years of work to get to a better place. She still had never spoken to her family after it all, either - still worried the they put you here mantra the people at the blacksite had told her was true. What made it more difficult to not believe was how true they all felt it was.
Another smile, a blush into her cheeks and eyes fell to the floor briefly. “I always loved listening to you.” She said, laughing. Roman, even as he got older and his voice had changed - even when his thoughts and words were harsher, she’d always loved hearing him. Her conscience, her real life Jiminy Cricket. The voice on the other side of the wall.
He stayed farther away, and Beck felt conflicted - part of her wanted him to stay close and never go away. Another part of her fought that, knew he was different, wondered if she should still trust him (she saw the Pluto necklace, she knew what that could mean). Was it smart, to get re-involved? More than anything else, though, she wanted him here. She wanted to know he was alive and well and hear his voice. Nothing brought her that same safe, home feeling as hearing him speak.
In general, Beck did not wish harm on other people. She was an adamant proponent of finding the good in everybody, but at the mention of his mother her brows narrowed, her lips pursed and she let out what almost sounded like a growl. She hated Roman’s mother. Not just for her part in Beck’s testing, but because of how she treated her own child. Sure, her parents may have sent her off to testing but they didn’t conduct that themselves. There was a separation there, out of sight out of mind. They could believe she was being treated well, delude themselves. But Roman’s mother? She actively participated in it all.
“Found people to help, huh?” She said, implication heavy in her tone. “I’m glad you had someone.” The second part was honest, though. Even if it was Chrysalis, she was glad he hadn’t been alone. If Chrysalis had ever approached her, she was sure she could have just as easily fallen down that path instead of the one she was on now. “Moving in next to voices on the other side of a wall seems to be a theme for us.” She teased, grinning again now. “Sounds like you’ve had your share of fun over the years, then?”
---
How he lived his life would always be affected by his mother. Without the blacksite, no one could be sure Roman would have turned out much different given her entire view on raising him before she knew what he was. Though, the softness from his father might have helped him turn out more balanced in his views. Roman had a lot of traits from his mother that he would have rather forgot. Her personal experiments on her son had left emotional, psychological and physical scars. Pin-prick circles hid underneath his hair and ran across his lower lumbar. Barely noticeable in everyday, it was a reminder every time someone mentioned them.
Glancing up at the quality of her tone, his expression flickered darker in question, but passed quickly. “I’ve tried to. There was enough seriousness in our childhood to last five lifetimes. Not sure I could ever be a proper functioning part of society now.” His tone kept the teasing notes, though the psychological implications of everything made the statement true. Humans had enough issue when released from a life sentence in jail, imagining the effect of such jail time and torture on the developing mind of a teenager would not be hard to understand.
Taking a sip of the coffee, Roman set down his cup. Pushing off the counter, he grinned at her, brows raising slightly to give him a more mischievous look. “Now we don’t have to talk through the walls.And honestly, your apartment is better than mine so it’ll be hard to get rid of me when I’m not working.”
---
“I know what you mean.” Rejoining society had not been easy, and for a long time she didn’t know what to do. She’d missed out on learning how the world had worked and changed in the five years she was at the blacksite. Everything had been different when she left, and it had taken years for her to feel even remotely normal or acceptable in public. What to wear, how to talk, those were just the least of her worries. She was lucky to have been able to seek help while she attended college. Which, honestly, she only did in the first place because it seemed like the normal thing to do.
“Even now, I find it hard to be out. Do things like anyone else would.” She shook her head, a small smirk on her lips though it was clear there was nothing amusing about that at all. Another sip of her coffee was taken as she watched Roman set his down, mischievous look crossing his face. She couldn’t help but laugh when he said her apartment was nicer, and she rolled her eyes. “They’re all the same, it’s just about what you put in it. If you need decorating tips I can totally help.”
Brief pause, before adding “Not that I mind you being here.” She really didn’t. Beck would love nothing more than to see him frequently now that they had reconnected. There had been a lot missing from her life since she’d been taken and subsequently released from the blacksite, and part of her longed for some kind of familiarity there. “You can come over whenever you like. Just knock on the wall.” She teased, and then jumped when a knock came from the door. “Foods here.”
---
“I just might need you to help me in that. I’m-” He paused thinking how to phrase himself. “-unaccustomed to having to decorate and furnish my own place.” Moreover, Roman had taken up residence in someone else’s house or penthouses. Initial manipulations of trust and familiarity need not last longer than an hour when it created the base of their view of him and willingness to him a charming young fellow out.
A sigh of unexpelled air released as she ran off to answer the door. His breath held at her presence, worrying that it was all a dream. Both uncomfortable with himself- an odd feeling for Roman- and utterly comfortable with her, a million things could be said in the silence they shared that no one else would understand. In a blink of an eye, Roman went from being the master of life with no weakness toward others to having one very large weakness that could cause issues in the future. He was not use to having to think about the future.
Carrying their cups into the living room, Roman sat down on the couch to wait.
---
Rushing her way to the door, Beck felt exactly the same as Roman did. She was acutely aware of his feelings, not altogether surprised at how they mirrored hers. Not being able to see him while she got the food brought up the worry that he would be gone when she came back, that she’d lose him again.
The whole encounter took only a few moments, but it was obvious she was rushing the poor delivery guy. The door shut, perhaps a little too harshly, and she brought the bag of chinese food to the coffee table in front of the couch. “I think they only brought chopsticks. Is that fine?” She asked, instantly relieved when he was back in her sights.
“It took me like two years to learn how to use chopsticks.” She’d never eaten Chinese food with anything but a fork at her home, and it had been an infrequent occasion even then. It was a simple task to focus on and master when she was finally out and free to do whatever she wanted, and she had spent an unnecessary amount of time learning.
---
“I have never used chopsticks. Even with sushi, I’m without manners and use my fingers.” Chopsticks had not been too important for him to use ever. Though they made him think of Massacre and how she would likely use them to slaughter three people before they broke. The thought flashed across his mind but left quickly enough to not leave a reaction behind. “I’d hope you have forks in your house.”
A Charbroiled Kobe Filet could have been sitting on the table and Roman’s focus would have stayed on Cordelia. Nothing mattered in the rest of the world, because the feeling of her there was so new and yet familiar that his body could not process the sweet smells of Chinese food. The words of hope for forks merely syllables on his tongue. Roman could not get past any of it.
“Okay… I need to apologize.” He smiled. “Dinner sounded great but I’m not sure I can even eat right now.” His senses were coming back; his current self reappearing from the shock.
---
“Well on top of decorating your apartment, I’ll teach you how to use chopsticks.” She said decisively, but not without a bit of humor. She smiled easily at him, and would have gone to get him a fork but Roman’s next words stopped her, and she sat down anyway, pushing the food a little bit aside.
“It’s okay, no need to apologize. It just seemed like… appropriate for the situation but also not appropriate and I really wasn’t sure what to do. I mean, no one can really prepare for a situation like this.” She didn’t have much of an appetite herself, and folded her hands easily into her lap instead of grabbing anything to eat.
“Besides, Chinese food is just as good a bit later as it is right now.” Mostly true. She preferred chow mein cold to be honest, but the rice was only really good right off the bat. Still, it would be fine and she couldn’t think about eating anyway.
---
“We’ll start slow with the chopsticks.”
Taking her hands in his, to stop reassuring she was real would have been to lose his mind. “You’re going to be the death of me. You know that right? I was barely a functional part of society and now all I want is to stay here.” Thumbs ran over the back of her hands. “I want to feel you…”
Rain clouds could take the sky, a call to arms could scream into the wind at that very moment and Roman would be hesitant to leave. Brain function and logic begun to process once more leaving Roman with an internal duality he never realized sat inside of him. A sincere desire for something he could have ever felt belonged to her alone. Emotions leveling still left him in a mixed buzz of innocent desire to be as close as possible to her, a desire to kiss her, and a seriousness of the danger her existing in his life caused.
Roman laughed, trying not to be such a flutter of emotions, knowing she felt them. “This is not normal for me.”
---
“It’s going to be tough for me too. I feel like if you leave, I won’t see you again. This’ll all have been a dream.” She admitted, frowning. Her eyes fell to their hands, finally holding after so many years. His fingers ran over her skin and she sighed a soft, happy sigh. Eyes closed, she felt as his emotions filtered through, amplified by the skin to skin connection.
After a moment she finally spoke again. “You’re conflicted, though.” Opening her eyes, she watched him, concerned. “There’s hesitance, like, I don’t know. Something so serious, and reluctant.” Was it because this was too hard? Would this be bad for them, both? Beck ran through her own feelings, so similar to his but with a touch less reluctance. Then, she remembered the Pluto necklace.
“Whatever it is, it doesn’t matter. We’ll find a way, won’t we?” She asked, nervous and very scared that she’d lose him so easily and so quickly. “You won’t disappear on me?”
---
“It will have been one of the best dreams I think I’d ever had.” He laughed softly. The cocoon of innocence, hope and love that came with memories of her had always been overtaken by the nightmares. After the initial release it would have been common for him to wake up from a nightmare and find whatever person he had been sleeping next to dead. People with no history of diabetes suddenly going into diabetic comas and dying followed him for a year- before he got control of that part. He still had nightmares, merely less killing people.
Eyes lowered at her comments. Roman might have pulled away; having anyone read him on any level something he did not like. His hands stayed firm in hers, moving slower with thought now that it had been said out loud. “I won’t disappear on you, Delia.” A flicker of a smile passed over his lips as they were replaced with a look of concern and his brows rose in honesty. “I don’t want to be the cause of any pain in your life. I couldn’t do that to you. I need you to know that.”
Moving in closer, his lips grazed hers- asking for a kiss that he was sure now that he wanted, but for the connection rather than the sexual association.
---
“I feel the same.” Maybe this was all moving too fast, maybe the time that had passed was to much, but there was no reasonable thoughts passing through Beck’s head. She was always all emotion, thinking with just her heart.
This was exactly what her heart wanted.
When his lips brushed hers, she didn't hesitate to respond. It wasn't rushed or heavy just because she reciprocated - her kiss was soft and lingering, feeling the joy and closeness the act had provided.
Typically, she had shied away from interactions like this - because who could ever properly understand her? Who else had such similar experiences? Beck placed a hand gentle on his face, and let her emotions flow to him. Happiness. Relief. Feeling safe. Warm. Cared for. Understood. Feeling like, weirdly, she was home.
---
The flood of emotion made his head swirl. His abilities clawing at him to equal out all levels to keep his emotions in check as they always tried to do. A shaky breath in, he closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against hers. Honestly, those feelings were so foreign to him, he did not know how to react. His happiness and caring for Cordelia had always been tainted by fear- fear of losing her, fear of having her, fear of hurting her or her being hurt. Whatever it was there was always fear. The truth of the feelings she sent to him had none of that.
That was the first time he felt at home, ever. A tear rolled down his cheek. “You shouldn’t do that,” he whispered trying to recompose himself. Roman was fully aware how dumb such a thing said by him sounded. A soft laugh flowed from his lips, knowingly.
“... Okay, if I continue… We’re going to end up staying inside for a week. Maybe we should eat something.” Such things never came from his mouth, ever, to pull away in any manner as to stop him from continuing to kiss her, stop any furtherness he would have usually pushed for, it was entirely out of character from the man everyone else knew.
---
Using her ability in this way felt so natural to Beck she hadn't even given it a second thought. She could feel his abilities trying to regulate his emotions, something she'd always found so sad. How could he ever feel really passionate about something? In love? How could he feel any strong emotion for long enough to matter when his abilities kept him at such even levels?
“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to - cross a line, or anything. It felt natural. I should have been more careful.” He laughed though, and Beck smiled softly, relaxing and sitting back against the couch, trying to catch her breath.
Part of her definitely believed if they didn't stop, stopping later would be near impossible. Still, the longing to not stop, the disappointment, was palpable. Whether or not that was her empathy was questionable. “I suppose so.” She agreed, not seeming like she really agreed at all.
---
“Never apologize for who you are. I just-” He let the thought slide into nothingness. She knew enough to not need an explanation. Passion was easy enough to fake while his body regulated itself. Most intense emotions were. Not having intensities for extended periods of time made him able to focus better when he needed to, to be logical in the things he did, even as he rushed in carelessly on things or let flirting move further with no intention on relationships.
Cordelia would be the only one he could see himself capable of having an honest relationship with and even that would always be tainted by what he did for Chrysalis. That was until their goals were reached.
His fingers reached again to move over her hands, to keep the contact. “You suppose so? As I remember you were trying to work before you knew I was on the other side of the wall.” Roman’s smirk held a teasing quality. “If you would rather continue, I won’t stop you.” But his face fell from the mischievous look and he shook his head.
“Those emotions… they are so intense that I can’t seem to catch my breath. I want to feel them, but I can’t promise I could stop if we don’t find some kind of other distraction.” Faster the better came natural to his life decisions. The linger emotions even as they leveled made want to him seek her comfort, to melt into the emotions they both shared and have each ability affect each others. He could see the night ending with them cuddled in her bed before he would have to disappear for work… if he could pull himself away.
---
“Yeah but I’m not a mean spirited person, I apologise of who I am makes someone uncomfortable in a way I can control. You’re not uncomfortable because I have abilities, you didn’t like that I used them. That’s something I can apologize for.” She shrugged, not seeing there being a big deal in apologizing for it, even though honestly wished sometimes she could use her ability always, at least like this.
She snorted out a little laugh at his mention of work and she shook her head, definitely not wanting to get back to it. “I just had nothing else to do but work.” She admitted, doing her best now to hold the way she felt back in, the skin to skin contact practically begging for her to share it. “Not that I don’t love work, I just don’t love it that much. Not more than wanting to reconnect with you, for sure.”
Beck never felt anything lightly - she knew her emotions could be overwhelming, and she felt them so distinctly, so fully. It could take over everything else, and though Roman’s own abilities tried hard to regulate and bring him back down to a base level, it wouldn’t stop him from knowing how she felt, which was the point. For her, anyway. “Fortunately for you, I can’t skip out on work, so I could make us stop… I just don’t want to have to be cautious with you, Ro. I don’t want to hold back. We never had to before, and I’ve never been able to be that close with anyone since.”
---
Roman pushed his hair behind his ear, keeping one hand on hers always. He did not have to feel her emotions to recognize she was holding back after he had asked her to. Immediately, he felt regret over it. It had been a sudden reaction to certain emotions she passed to him that he had no way of understanding their meaning. No way, but in her.
Chewing on his lip, he looked up at her, dark eyes gazing through dark lashes. “Don’t be cautious with me… I just… it was instinctive.” Roman gave her a soft smile as he rubbed her hand with his thumb again. “I’ve never felt some of those before.”
Searching her eyes, he nodded to himself. Releasing some pheromones and manipulating both of their serotonin levels, the air filled around them with a gentle fuzz of happiness. “Can you not skip work?” He leaned in and gently kissed her again, allowing his own feelings to circle around them in the air the way hers had through their skin.