Who: Laura & Caspian What: First date When: July 3, 2010 (backdated) Where A little restaurant in the Bronx Rating: Mild Status: Complete
I want to drink you in like oxygen, like oxygen. Baby, I’m a house on fire, and I want to keep
Since first meeting several weeks ago, Laura had spoken with Caspian several times before it occurred to her that maybe, just maybe, he was coming to the bar more often just to see her. Despite creating multiple different concoctions for him to try while he lingered at the bar, it was clear by now that he certainly wasn’t showing up for the drinks. She wasn’t sure that her conversation skills had improved much, but the more they talked, the more comfortable she became around him. So comfortable, that when Laura spontaneously asked Caspian to have dinner with her one night, she really didn’t consider the implications of seeing him outside of work.
Until several days later, when she casually mentioned it to her co-worker at her day job, Sally. The young girl didn’t know Laura very well, but she knew that she only went to work and went home and barely talked to most people. So the prospect of going out on a date was a big deal, and Sally was eager to give Laura lots of unsolicited advice and ask far too many personal questions. Suddenly, Laura was nervous about dinner with Caspian, and considered canceling. But it would be a waste to spend a rare night off of work sitting home alone when she could spend the time with someone she liked.
In the end, telling her fellow barista about things ended up working out well. She helped Laura find the perfect restaurant, a quiet little hole-in-the-wall place with a good variety of amazing food. It was a place Laura could afford, sort of. Apparently, one of the unspoken ‘modern rules of dating’ (rules Laura was sure her coworker just made up on the spot) included that the person who proposed the date should pay. Laura had no problem with that, and thought it was absurd that dating had rules to begin with. Why did being social need to be so complicated? She just wanted to go out and have a nice time with a nice guy, and if that meant she had to work doubles for the rest of the month to afford it, it would be worth it.
By the actual night of the date, Laura was even more nervous about the whole thing. Hurrying down the block, Laura almost tripped in her plain black heels, unaccustomed to wearing such things. Sally had insisted on it, along with the simple, fitted black tank dress that showed off Laura’s curves a little more than she was used to. They were going to meet outside the bar, mostly just because she was a little ashamed of her crappy studio apartment and didn’t want Caspian to see it.
Rounding the corner to the bar, she was suddenly aware of how hot it was outside. It was the day before the holiday, the only day she could reasonably get off around this time of year, and the air was sticky. Normally she didn’t even notice the heat, but in combination with her nerves she hoped she wouldn’t be a melted sweaty mess by the time he arrived.
Laura was not the only one of them who was stricken with nerves about the date.
If he was being honest with himself he was looking forward to it; the offer had come unexpectedly but much to his delight. She had beaten him to the punch, so to speak, and while usually that happened the other way around it was a nice change of pace. Laura was keen. He was sure she had caught on to his frequent appearances at the bar which might have been odd considering his distaste for drinking.
Relationships weren’t necessarily his thing but something about the dark haired beauty had caught his attention. He genuinely liked her. Some men chased a woman for her curves, Caspian was interested in that but more so in her - who she was, what made her eyes shine when she was excited. He wanted to know the musical tone of her laughter, the way her face lit up when she smiled.
Nothing seemed to want to look the way he had hoped. At least four shirts had been tried on. One after the other, each criticized for something minimal and inwardly he was scolding himself for not having nicer things. He had plenty of money at his disposal but being ostentatious was not something he desired.
Finally he had settled on a light gray button up shirt, one that made his eyes stand out, and comfortable slacks. It was July after all, so a lightweight sport coat would do. He also would forego the tie for a minute until convincing himself that she deserved to see him at his best. And then the tie was added to the ensemble.
A breath to calm himself and Caspian was out of his apartment and down on the curb doing his best to hail a cab. Finally he managed to get one flagged down and it was only moments before the yellow vehicle was edging the street outside of the bar. Even from afar she was an utter vision, nearly blinding when he got closer. Paid and done with the transaction Caspian got out of the taxi and pulled something from the inside of his coat.
A small assortment of flowers tied with a ribbon of ivory were offered to Laura. His Mum always reminded him never to visit a woman empty handed, it was a lesson he recalled.
“Hello Laura,” he said softly, grinning at her, “You are an absolute vision.”
Laura had to remind herself to take a deep breath as well, especially when the cab came to a stop nearby and he emerged. Why the hell was she suddenly so nervous? He wasn’t a complete stranger, and every interaction they’d had thus far was enjoyable, despite any false steps she thought she made. They were just two adults, going to restaurant. There was no need to be so anxious about that.
She greeted him with a smile, blushing a bit at the compliment. He looked good too, but she wasn’t sure how to say that without seeming awkward. But it was the gift of flowers that truly caught her off guard. She hesitated before taking them, and instantly brought to bouquet to her nose to take in the scent. She liked plants and flowers, and rarely had the opportunity to have them. Something like this, a man giving a woman flowers, she was sure it was something that only occurs on television and in the movies. For it to happen in real life, she hadn’t expected that. “Thank you, they’re beautiful.”
She was distracted a moment too long, and then blinked at herself as her cheeks reddened again, this time in embarrassment. “So… the restaurant’s not too far from here if you don’t mind the walk. It’s only a couple of blocks.”
A breath escaped him upon hearing the compliment about the flowers - when he’d taken it he wasn’t exactly sure - and a weight felt as if it was lifted off of his shoulders. No longer was he Atlas bearing the weight of that.
“Thank you,” he replied. “I didn’t know what you liked, so I hoped they would do.” In his experience women tended to be particular about what flowers they liked, what colors. His and Laura’s interactions had never made it to a point where he knew right away what she preferred and the florist kiosk he’d stopped at on the way over promised to deliver on the assurances that the lady in question would be satisfied.
She was not in good shoes for walking but the day was fine for it, not too hot with a light breeze.
Caspian nodded, hand extending outward with his palm up in a gesture for her to lead. She would not walk near the curb if he could help it (God forbid some asshole blow exhaust at her or she end up in the street for whatever reason) and when Laura began to move Caspian fell easily into stride alongside her.
“So, where are we going?” He inquired casually, “Or is it a surprise?” He didn’t want to ruin it if it was but the idea of a surprise restaurant was a bit intriguing.
At his gesture, she turned to lead them down the block in the opposite direction she’d come. She walked slowly, staying in step with him, both to enjoy the walk and not tumble in her shoes. She made a mental note that heels were horribly impractical and she shouldn’t wear them again, but she already knew she probably would if she were to dress up for Caspian again.
Laura was still a little taken with the flowers, her smile lingering. “They’re perfect.” Had the subject come up, she had no idea what her favorite flowers were. But the florist had not steered him wrong and she was already making plans to dry them and save them once they began to fade.
At his question about the restaurant, she shrugged a little with a renewed smile. “I suppose it’s a surprise. I don’t eat out often. Or ever, really, but it came highly recommended. I dropped by on my way home the other night to check it out, I hope you’ll like it. I should have asked what kind of food you like.”
The gesture put forth warmed his core. She had taken steps to ensure that this date was going to go without a hitch - if it was a date, he did not want to assume but so far it had all of the signs of such a thing - and he appreciated her effort.
In his experience he had found that most women wanted to be doted on; the man was supposed to coordinate everything even if the event went poorly and while he was not opposed to that the idea that this was mutual in effort was taken in stride. It was refreshing. It meant both of them were moving toward the same things, whatever that might be.
“A surprise then.” Those three words were said with delight and he hoped she could see it in his features.
“I prefer cooking, myself, to dining out but I suppose it does save from having to worry about dishes afterward.” He was by himself for the most part, eating out night after night got expensive even for just a single person. “I’m partial to just about anything as long as it’s not too spicy.” Anything with flavor. Heat was good, but it was hard to enjoy your supper when your tongue was scalding due to too much spice or hot sauce.
“What sort of food do you prefer?” He kept the questions light and easy, genuine.
Laura had never been on a date, or even considered dating before, so this was all new to her. She didn’t live under a rock, but she also never felt like one of those girls who was overly traditional. It sounded nice to be doted on and pampered, but the little things meant more to her, like being thoughtful about the flowers and the way he smiled at her.
Laura wondered if this was even a good idea, she never really got close to anyone. And she knew that going on a date at least showed interest in doing so. The problem was, despite her conscience telling her not to be, she was interested in Caspian, and that felt risky.
Trying to stay present and just enjoy the moment, she looked ahead as they walked. “I’m not a very good cook. I get by, but I have a tendency to burn things.” She smirked at herself, and smoothed her hair back behind her ear. “Oh, I’ll eat anything, I’m not picky at all. I do enjoy spicy food though, the hotter the better. I think that’s an acquired taste for a lot of people, though.”
She worried a little about that contrast between them, but tried not to focus on it. “And I have a terrible sweet tooth. It’s hard working near the sweets at the coffee shop sometimes, and I’m not even allowed back in the kitchen during the baking unless absolutely necessary.”
The way she exuded confidence in her reply as to what sort of food she liked had him impressed. It was almost a contrast to her demeanor - Laura had been cautious, not necessarily shy, and he wondered if she even noticed the change. She was lovely, every part of her he had experienced so far he knew for sure he liked. It was dangerous considering his occupation and ties to the darker sides of the world but that was still in its infancy. Maybe he could have a different life after all if he wanted it. Laura made him feel as if his life could be better, could change and grow into something real. Something to be proud of.
“Well, I believe strongly in trying something at least once so if it’s spicy I suppose you’re worth the challenge.” A burnt tongue was a small price to pay in the grander scheme.
Opposites had a way of making couples unique as long as the contrasts weren’t too outlandish. It offered a dynamic that could be interesting in the right setting.
“Really?” He chuckled, the end of his nose crinkling in amusement. While he was young the corners of his eyes creased with the amusement. “They probably know you’re sweet enough without all of that blasted sugar.”
Laura wasn’t completely aware of the change in her personality around him. But she did know that she never found it this easy to talk to someone, and she never smiled as often as she did when he was around. And she planned to enjoy that as long as it lasted. She had a feeling that someone like Caspian wouldn’t find her interesting for very long, and if he was like this with everyone, surely he’d catch someone else’s eye soon enough.
Laughing softly, she shook her head and looked to him. “I wouldn’t force you to eat anything you didn’t want to. This place has a good variety of food, and it’s small enough that I bet they could adjust anything to your liking.” She wanted him to have a good time, and no one had fun with a stomach ache or an inflamed mouth.
Her laughter faded and her pace slowed as they approached the door to the restaurant. “I think ‘sweet’ is the last word most people would use to describe me.”
Her laughter was like music - light and graceful - he wanted to record it only to play it over and over again. “I know you wouldn’t,” he replied with a grin. He would have probably tried something hot if she’d asked if only to appease any curiosity. He could appreciate her kindness and consideration, rare things in this world.
As her pace began to slow he followed suit, curious as to what chord he had struck which had made her smile fade. It posed a challenge though of finding that beat again.
“They’re fools then,” he assured Laura. They’d only know each other for a couple of weeks but in that short time he knew she was more than what she lead others to believe. It helped being able to read someone’s mind though he never did that to her. The fun was deciphering the code yourself to see what lay beneath and beyond.
Reaching the place he got the door for her and waited for her to enter first before following after.
The smells alone were enticing enough to ensure this had been the right decision. The last bits of his nerves began to fade away and he waited for Laura to take the lead.
When he held the door for her, she ducked her head a tad in thanks and slipped inside ahead of him. The place was small and quiet with only two other tables of couples occupying the space. Reservation checked, they were seated immediately in a spot near the corner, perfect for chatting freely. The host handed them menus and water glasses were filled as they settled in.
Once they were alone, she spoke again, a little ashamed. “I’m not like this with most people. Most people think I’m cold or snobby or something, I guess. Maybe they’re right.” Confession made, she immediately regretted it and buried her gaze in her menu to avoid seeing his reaction.
The next steps were familiar to him.
Hostess would check their reservation, seat them (he made sure to hold the chair out for Laura first before seating himself), hand them menus. Caspian thanked the young woman politely for the menu and the water.
And then as the table was vacated and they were again alone he began to settle into the atmosphere. Her words were soft but he heard them clearly, watching as her menu was lifted as if to put a barrier between them.
“I can assure you, my lady, that I am not like most people,” he breathed softly, his own menu still folded where it had been set on the tabletop. “I don’t think you’re either of those things at all, you don’t give off that impression.” Unless she was an outstanding actress or he had been reading her incorrectly the few times they’d seen each other before this.
“To be honest, I find you charming and intriguing. I don’t do this very often, myself, dating — or, well, you know what I mean….” He was rambling a bit but he wanted her to know clearly that he did not have any interest in seeing anyone else, even if this faded out he doubted he would jump back into the dating pool again quickly. It wasn’t his style.
“Something about you, when I first saw you in that bar — I can’t describe it in words. You know I had been to that place a few times before and never had the courage to talk to you. Nervous, I suppose. And then it happened almost out of nowhere.”
Laura listened intently and as he continued on she lowered the menu to face him once again. His words surprised her and it showed on her face. “You didn’t have the courage? To talk to me? But you’re so…” She couldn’t think of the right words to describe it.
“I’d have thought you could talk to anyone you wanted to, and they’d be crazy not to respond. You are definitely not like most people, in a good way. I’m sorry I made you nervous, it wasn’t intentional. I’m just not very good at… well, at being a fully functioning adult. I’ve got the working thing down, everything else I just fumble my way through or avoid completely. It’s usually more of that last one.”
Taking a deep breath, Laura felt embarrassed again but this time just laughed it off and tried to relax. “I don’t think I’ve ever said that many words in a row before. And I’ve never been on a date before, so please let me know if I completely mess this up.”
She was endearing.
Caspian nodded, “I didn’t, but I am glad that I finally worked up the nerve to approach you. My friends,” he explained, though they weren’t so much friends as they were peers in the gang he was in, “they gave me such a hard time for not being confident enough. But then, here we are.” He had managed to find it in himself to talk to her and he had no regrets about that.
“You would have had no idea that you did, and to be honest I’m glad for it. You are...If I might be so bold, you’re so beautiful. I wasn’t sure if you’d even give me the time of day.” She had no reason to apologize, at least in his mind. She’d done nothing wrong, and nothing had been intentional.
Her admission at never being on a date before probably shocked him in the same way it had shocked her that he had been so nervous. “Really? No, you’re — you’re doing well so far, I — I don’t date much either. I’m afraid that I come on too strong. Most women that I do meet are after money and limelight, neither of which I have any of.”
Well, he had a little. Or plenty. It was enough and more than a man his age needed to have at his disposal.
“If you’d permit me to be humbled that you are here, I would be gladly.”
The waitress appeared ready to take their order. Caspian had not even opened his menu and he offered Laura a desperate, almost silly look.
Laura arched a brow in surprise. “You told your friends about me?” It didn’t upset her, it was just odd to think that he thought about her enough to share it with other people. And in a way, that felt dangerous. For now, she focused on his words to avoid getting caught up in fear.
She glanced down with another blush at his words. “Me? Beautiful? It’s nice of you to say, but I’m pretty more in the range of ordinary than beautiful. Beautiful is for snowflakes, and stars, and fireworks. Not for someone who looks like this.” She motioned to herself vaguely. She didn’t think she was ugly, but she didn't think she was much to look at. “As for giving you the time of day, you can’t be serious. You do own a mirror, right? You have to know you’re hot. And you’re pretty charming yourself. Anyone who doesn’t give you the time of day is blind or stupid, possibly both.”
Laura was curious about his statement other women and what they wanted from him. It didn’t really add up, but she was unsure how to ask without making it awkward. Luckily, they were interrupted by the waitress and Laura had also momentarily forgotten about choosing a dish. She offered the waitress an apologetic look. “I think we might need a few more minutes to decide.” Luckily, she wasn’t too upset by that and excused herself to leave the couple alone once more.
“Not about you, but about you,” he explained, not that it made the matter any different. He didn’t have friends really, all of them wanted something he wasn’t willing to give them and just about all of them were easy to bypass. He liked her, and without anyone close to tell he’d gotten caught up in a bit of bragging and the like. A bit of shame came with it now that he was telling her aloud. The color in his cheeks probably told more than he had to.
When she began to mention her perception of him he listened to her. He was not a bad looking fellow, he knew that, but he wasn’t interested in a lot of what other men his age were. Sex was a good thing, but he preferred getting to know someone before he took that leap. He wasn’t interested in ladies of the evening (or men, he had no preference) mostly because they weren’t there to have deep conversations.
“You should think more of yourself, Laura. You’re stunning. How you manage in a place full of drunks I haven’t the faintest, but you seem to be doing quite well.” Not that she couldn’t handle herself but god damn if she wasn’t a vision.
She was the reason love songs were written.
“I am absolutely serious, you have no idea.” It had taken a while to gather the courage. The heckling at the bar had almost prompted him to step forward but he’d stood his ground and waited. Bided his time. “I wish I had done it sooner.”
When the waitress wandered away he breathed out with a bit of relief. His eyes had gone to her apologetically and then went back to Laura.
Laura was curious what that conversation between Caspian and his friends had been like, but he also seemed a little embarrassed about it so she didn’t press. She looked to her menu, for no other reason than to get the waitress out of their hair so that they could get back to talking. She listened to his words with a faint smile, wrinkling her nose a little. It was still awkward to hear someone speak so highly of her, it certainly never happened much before. “Most of them aren’t so bad, and they all know to keep their hands to themselves.” How they learned that lesson, she didn’t say. “I know it’s not the greatest place to work, but I’m not really qualified for much else. Plus, I’m used to the place by now.”
Hastily deciding on her order and closed her menu, glancing up to him shyly. “I wish you’d done it sooner too. But here we are, and it’s not such a bad way to end up. Although we should probably order soon before they get annoyed and kick us out.”
“They’re drunks,” he replied with a grin, shaking his head at her. Did they have variations? He didn’t care for the lot of them no matter what stage they were in and he cared less for how they treated others when in those various states of intoxication. Just because someone worked at a bar didn’t mean they deserved to be heckled or talked down to. They were trying to make a living like anyone else.
“I’m glad to hear that you can keep them in line.” Perhaps that was a touch saucy but he couldn’t help it. Part of him was livid at the idea that any of those men would be brave enough to try something, anything, with Laura. Why he was feeling so protective he wasn’t sure but it went back to their first meeting with Walter.
“If you could have any job in the world what would you do?”
She had potential - it felt on par with the way she had first described her sense of well-being in her life. You did what you wanted, you did what was important to you.
And then the waitress found her way back. He ordered the same thing that Laura had in effort to satisfy the waitress (he hadn’t even opened his menu) and handed the folded laminated menu over when she offered to take it.
The waitress flitted away and they were alone again.
“They might still throw us out for such an absurd order.”
Laura smiled because it was hard not to do when seeing his grin. But she disagreed. “They’re people. They drink because they’re sad, or lonely, they drink to try to forget terrible things. It doesn’t excuse bad behavior. But I understand it. It could easily be me, or anyone, really. We all cope in different ways. Some better than others, but I don’t judge them.”
She caught on to his little teasing, but she took it in stride. “I’ve been taking care of myself for this long, through a lot worse. It’s not so hard to manage a couple of guys who can’t even stand up straight after a few hours in the bar.”
Caspian’s question was a lot harder to answer than she expected. So many parts of their conversation in the last few weeks had been automatic for her. She knew the answer, even if she was ashamed to say it sometimes. But this question left her wondering. “Honestly? I have no idea. I always looked as work as just a way to make money to make it through the day. I never really thought about wanting to work, wanting to have some meaning to it. What about you?”
Once the menus were returned and the waitress satisfied, Laura relaxed a little more in her chair. “At least it’s an easy order for the cook. And if they do kick us out, there’s a pizza place at the end of the block. Please tell me you like pizza.”
What she said was true. He believed her because she had the experience to tell him otherwise. He considered it more of an education, a lesson in her day-to-day goings on. Caspian was better for it, that tiny peek into her existence. “People are strange.” He left it at that. It was the truth, all of them - gifted and not - were odd and delightful.
When she mentioned she’d been through worse he felt his heart sink a bit. She was too lovely for tribulations but then again life didn’t care who it touched or scarred.
“I thought, perhaps, one day maybe I would try to help children who couldn’t help themselves.” That had gone by the wayside long ago but he didn’t want to give up on it quite yet. There was good he could do, he knew it. He wasn’t so ingrained in this situation in his life that he couldn’t undo what he had done, plus they wouldn’t remember him anyway.
And then he smirked, “What bastard hates pizza?”
“Amen to that.” Laura knew that people thought she was odd, and they barely knew anything about her. If they knew the truth, the whole truth, well, they’d go running to avoid her. She hoped that wouldn’t happen with Caspian, but it was a legitimate fear.
She hadn’t expected that answer from it, and it was heartwarming. She looked at him differently now, he continued to keep her guessing and she liked that. “That sounds very noble. It’s not too late for it. There’s always children out there who need someone.” She was sure her life would have turned out differently had there been someone around with a good heart to look out for her. She outright laughed at his response, amused and relieved. “Good answer.”
How did you explain a power like his to a woman like Laura? The fact that you could warp someone’s mind without their consent if they didn’t have mental walls? That you could make them forget who they were, the people who loved them, what they believed about themselves. He figured a woman like Laura would flee for the hills if she knew. It frightened him.
“Do you think so?” Nobody had ever put it to him like that other than his mum, that he had other options. His peers were loyal to the gang. Night school for a teaching degree wasn’t unheard of, he could manage it.
If Laura thought that was a possibility then perhaps it truly was.
And then he was beaming at her. “I’m a fan of supreme, a bit of everything. You should let me make you pizza, though. Home made. It’s much better than delivery unless you know a more authentic place.”
Laura was so used to hiding her ability from people that it never even occurred to her that she may ever have to share that secret. Even here and now, as much as she enjoyed spending time with him and the attraction was growing, Laura couldn’t imagine telling Caspian what a destructive force she was.
The corner of her lips upturned in a lopsided smile, quirking a brow at him again. “Absolutely. I think you could do anything you put your mind to. You told me before that you want to live your life on your own terms. That’s all part of it, isn’t it?” Her belief in him was strong, which was a strange feeling to have for someone she knew so little about.
His smile was contagious, and distracting for more than a moment. She’d almost had to ask him to repeat himself when his words finally registered. “Wait. Are you telling me that you would make me homemade pizza? If you haven’t already been trying to get in my pants, homemade pizza is getting you on the right track.” She was kidding. Maybe.
He nodded. A shy smile was offered, a bit bashful he was and Caspian leaned a touch backward in his chair. “Yes, you — you’re right. Perhaps I’ll look into it.” His mum had been adamant that he have a family but what if this sufficed? It wasn’t a family but working with children felt like the right thing to do.
And then her next words had him laughing, “Well, I won’t lie to you and say I wasn’t trying, but if you’d been upfront with that information weeks ago …” he teased. “I would be honored to make you homemade pizza with no obligation at all.”
The waitress came to check on them, in effort to refill glasses they had not touched.
When he leaned back in his chair, Laura leaned forward slightly. She didn’t even realize she’d done it, unconsciously trying to close the distance between them. This was all so new, and she didn’t want to get caught up in second guessing herself and her every move. That was what she did all day every day, but she refused to let it control her now and ruin these nice moments.
She bit her bottom lip lightly. If this was flirting, it was fun. He made her feel safe enough to be playful. “I’ll hold you to it. To both of those things, actually.” She’d meant she’d hold him to looking into his dream job, and making her pizza, but she realized it might have been a little more questionable than that. She let it be, too taken with him to even realize the waitress was hovering again.
The way she had bitten her lip..
His throat cleared. Caspian leaned a bit more forward, elbows resting upon the table. He set his chin into his hands and watched her. If only she could see herself through his eyes, see how lovely she was.
Her words would be taken as it was. He would not make her promises he wasn’t sure he could keep, that wasn’t fair to her. All he could do was his best.
“Then I suppose our next date should take place at my flat so I can live up to my word.”
The waitress was replacing his glass of water though it was untouched. His attention never waned from Laura.
Laura’s eyes stayed on his, only briefly noticing the waitress when she turned to leave them. She made a quick note to be more careful when she was on the serving end of things, so as not to interrupt others clearly engrossed with each other.
Turning her attention back to Caspian, Laura considered a moment before nodding. “Agreed. I have to say, I’m glad to hear you’re interested in a second date even though we haven’t even gotten to this dinner yet.”
The prospect of seeing him again outside of work was exciting. Next time, she’d try not to be so nervous in the beginning.
“How could I not be?”
It was as honest as he could be with her just then. Perhaps he was being too bold but he liked her a lot. More than he should, and investment in people was rare. She was special and he wasn’t yet sure why - an answer he hoped he would decipher in time.
It was calming to hear her entitling this as a date for sure. They were dating. Was this dating?
There were motions they both would have to go through but he found that he didn’t mind. His place was clean, comfortable. Why not entertain?
In that moment, Laura felt like she could have sat there with him forever. If this was how people felt when they were around each other,, Laura finally understood why companionship was so important. She lost track of how long she sat there just watching him with a foolish little smile, but soon enough the waitress was returning with their meals.
Blinking back to reality, Laura felt silly. She sat back slightly and focused her eyes on the plate before her. She’d observed some couples in the coffee shop, the girls would sit back and pick at their order and be dainty. Laura never understood that, and frankly thought they looked stupid. They were wasting perfectly good food, and for what?
She kept her good table manners, but was happy to eat a fresh, healthy meal for once. Her diet was severely lacking, and she intended to make the most of visiting a restaurant. After taking a few bites, she tried to spark a new conversation. “I just realized, you know what I do for a living, but I can’t say the same about you.”
The feeling was mutual with him. So far what he knew about her was intriguing but there was a deep yearning to know more. He could have sat there with her and chatted for the rest of eternity, she was comfortable and easy to talk to. She made him feel a sense of pride and purpose, almost as if things were beginning to look up and would finally begin to go right.
When their food came he sat back enough to let the waitress set down his plate, and then the task of opening up the silverware came, his napkin into his lap.
He took bites of the food that were small enough to manage through conversation, always aware of his mannerisms. “Actually, I am training to hopefully be a pharmaceutical representative. I was just hired on to this company that is known for its reputation in the medical community. It’s quite interesting.”
That was not the response that Laura expected from Caspian but she was charmed by the way he seemed so hopeful about the position despite having other dreams. “Really? That is interesting, I bet it’s a really good job too. Everyone is using medications these days for everything, so business is probably booming.”
She ate quietly, looking to him every so often. “Do you like it here?”
Making money was one of those things that made someone aggressive in the right setting. He was not your typical drug pusher in appearance but he’d learned what to do and what not to do from the people in his group. They were teaching him a lot more than they realized. It wasn’t his career of choice, he’d happened into it and was good at it, but up until now anything else seemed hopeless.
“It’s exciting, and you’re right. I suppose there will always be a need for medication.” It was his attempt at making a decent living for himself.
He ate slowly, savoring the meal and when the question came he nodded, “I do. You have good taste in places.”
Laura smiled, pleased that he enjoyed the place. She shook her head though, a little bashful. “I wish I could take the credit but it’s all my coworker’s doing. When I asked her for advice, she was so excited I couldn’t hold her back. She practically dressed me too. I’ll have to think of what to tell her about tonight without saying too much.”
Laura wondered for a moment if Sally was her friend? She was sure the things the girl did to help were friendly, but was she supposed to reciprocate now? And how? “I don’t really have any friends to ask but she definitely came through.”
Caspian found the small bit about Laura’s coworker endearing. It told him that perhaps she really did not do this as often the way she had claimed. He was honored that so much trouble had been taken on his behalf. “Tell her you’re thankful, and that the evening went well.” So far that was the impression he had and he didn’t think the assumption was invalid.
They were akin in that aspect. He didn’t hold many in the proximity of friendship either - trust played a large part in that and those he was normally around couldn’t always be given such a tender thing as trust. They were more of a family to him than he’d had back home.
“Glad that she did. You’ve orchestrated everything perfectly so far, credit is due to you as well.”
Laura smile once again, glad that he felt like things had gone well so far. “I like that, I will tell her that. Thank you.”
She was quiet for several minutes, letting him eat in peace despite sort of missing the sound of his voice. That was strange and she knew it, so she let the comfortable silence linger a bit longer just to prove herself wrong. When they’d both just about finished their meals, she spoke up again quietly. “How did you find yourself there? In the bar? The more I learn about you, the more it seems like it’s not your kind of place.”
He was pleased she thought enough of his recommendation to take it and use it. Caspian nodded in kind and then took a few moments to himself to eat. The silence was comfortable, she made it comfortable, and as they shared those quiet moments together he knew that there was no going back from this.
As they finished and his plate was pushed away, a question came he had been expecting.
“The truth is that it was also recommended by a friend,” he explained. He wasn’t sure Brice was really a friend, but enough to get Caspian to trust a recommendation. “I don’t go to bars or clubs, you’re right, they’re not my type of place. My friend was taking liberties with my lack of having a relationship and recommended I try out that place. I believe I also owe him a word of thanks for the recommendation.”
Laura was amused by his response and nodded I agreement. “You’ll have to thank him for me too. I’m not sure we would have crossed paths another way. I don’t know why but I don’t take you for much of a coffee drinker either.”
The waitress came again, this time to clear plates and offer the dessert menu. Was Laura that everpresent when she was working? Or did it just seem like the waitress was there so much because Laura realized she’d rather be alone with Caspian.
Lifting her water glass, she took a sip as she studied him. “Tell me more about your family. You speak highly of them, you must be close.”
“I grew up on tea, actually, but I don’t mind coffee now and then.” He had grown tired of tea though it was probably healthier for you. Coffee was stronger. Not partial to sweet he didn’t mind the original form of it but now and then he took it if it happened to be on the sweeter side.
When the waitress reappeared to gather the plates Caspian shook his head to decline the offer for dessert. If Laura wanted some that was her decision but he was much too full to consider more food just then.
“I am an only child, we are primarily close because of that.” He didn’t have siblings to help shoulder the burden but that was a good thing - he didn’t have the patience to tend to his parents mental states and siblings who might protest. “But they aren’t so bad. My Da loves to create things with his hands, for a long time he had a workshop where he would tinker. He was in engineering for a spot up until recently. He’s taking retirement hard.”
Sitting back a little Caspian began his tale again, “Mum spends a lot of time out in the yard. She can grow just about anything, I’m always impressed when I visit. The neighbors are envious.”
Leaning her chin on her hand, she listened intently as he spoke. She was truly interested in learning about who he was and where he came from, she wasn’t just asking to make small talk. “He isn’t enjoying his retirement? That’s a shame. Both of your parents sound wonderful. You’re lucky to have them.” The tone of her voice dropped a bit when she shared about herself, a mix of sadness and shame at her lack of a family. But she wouldn’t get into that unless he asked. She didn’t want to put a damper on the evening.
“Are you more like your father, or your mother? Have you always gotten along well, or is that just something that came with age?” Laura knew she may be asking too much but she hoped he would stop her before she crossed a line.
“I think it’s more because he’s used to being busy all the time, not really that he doesn’t like being retired. Both of my parents are used to working hard for what they have and down time takes a bit of adjustment.” He supposed that time would come for everyone eventually, where you were too old to keep working but young enough still to be ambitious.
The urge to take her to meet them was upon him. He pushed it aside for now, it seemed too soon in this to extend an invitation but perhaps if things continued to move forward he would take her to Albany to see Mum’s garden and his Da’s workshop. Mum would love Laura, he knew it already.
He noticed the slight shift in her voice but didn’t inquire. He avoided asking because it seemed to bring her such sorrow - at least he assumed so - and it felt sensitive. She would tell him when she was ready, and no sooner.
“Ah, that is a challenging question,” he chuckled. A moment of consideration and Caspian sighed softly, “I suppose more like my Mum though I’ve been told I look a lot like my Da - he has dark hair too. Mum always had the prettiest blue eyes and Da told me a lot as a lad mine were close to hers. For temperament I would say possibly a mixture of both.” Before the muddling of their minds he hated both of his parents equally. His Da had been abusive, drunk and violent. His Mum was too weak to leave him and while she had been nurturing her fear of his Da overrode her ability to fight or fly.
While the idea of dessert briefly crossed her mind, Laura preferred to sit and listen to Caspian talk, about his family or anything really. That filled a different hunger she hadn’t realized she’d had. She just hoped that the restaurant would allow them to continue to sit and chat for a while. She didn’t want this to end.
“I never really thought about that before, but it makes sense. I doubt I’ll ever make it to retirement, but I think I’d probably feel similar. I’m so used to having so many things to do, too much time on my hands would be hard to manage.” Tucking a dark wave behind her ear, she glanced around briefly, only taking stock of their surrounding for a minute before falling back into conversation with him.
“It always so interesting, to see how much people are like their families. I don’t think a lot of people even realize it either. There’s this little family that comes into the coffee shop on the weekends. The father and the little boy have the same exact walk, but I don’t know if either of them ever stopped to notice it.” She smiled faintly thinking about it. “Do you think it’s just part of genetics or something? Or things we learn?”
He was having a good time chatting with her, too. They had not yet paid so he doubted the staff would be so keen on uprooting them, especially since the place was not too busy to encourage people sitting about leaving. He could have changed their minds anyway, regardless.
“I think children are impressionable, they want to follow those that they look up to - parents, adults in their lives - and I don’t think anyone realizes it until it’s pointed out to them.” If he ever had children of his own he supposed it would be the same thing there. This was not the first time he had thought about what it would be like to have a child, a family of his own.
“Would you tell me a bit about your family? I feel as if I’ve taken over the conversation.”
Laura was expecting that question, it was only fair after all of the prying she’d done into his family life. The strange this was, she wanted to tell him. She wanted him to know the things she never dared speak to anyone else about. She wanted him to know who she truly was. At least then, if he walked away, she’d know the reason.
Looking down to the tabletop, she idly played with her water glass as she tried to figure out where to begin, since in her mind the question of family was a jumbled mess. Without realizing it, her voice dropped to a whisper, loud enough only for him to hear for now. Secrets weren’t meant to be shouted. “I don’t have a family. Well, no, that’s not true. Everyone comes from someone. I just don’t know who they are. I was in foster care for as long as I can remember. And I wasn’t exactly a perfect child, so I got moved around a lot. I never really tried to find my birth family. I figured they had a good reason for giving me up, and if they wanted to find me again they could try. It’s probably harder now though, I don’t go by my birth name anymore.”
She stopped there, that sounded like more than enough of an answer to his question. If he asked more, she would answer.
Those fingers and hands clenching her water glass told him a lot more than she had to but he listened anyway. Her tale was sad, he couldn’t imaging such a thing but then again while he had a family they were more like robots than actual people. Was that a family? He knew he wanted more than a couple of programmable beings in his life and that was one of the other reasons why he had taken Brice’s advice on the bar.
“You have the chance to change that, Laura,” He explained. “You can make your own family. The past can be hard - while I can’t attest to what you’ve been through I can understand being without solidarity. I won’t try to compare my life to yours, but you can do something on your own. Something you’ll be happy with.”
They could change the future. The past is what made you who you were but the future was yours to change. Perhaps he wasn’t a proponent of faith or fate. But he was certain that the future was theirs in whatever capacity that entailed.
Caspian reached across the table for one of those hands. He found her fingers gently, cautiously, knowing she didn’t seem much for willing contact but he wanted to hold her hand anyway if for nothing more than comfort.
Laura almost laughed at his comment, a dry crackle leaving her throat before she shook her head. “Me? Have a family? I don’t think that’s very realistic. It’s hard to find someone to want you when no one ever has.” She hadn’t even really thought about the words until they were hanging in the air and then she frowned at herself. It was really how she felt, but aloud it sounded so hopeless. She didn’t want him to know that about her.
Trying to shrug it off, she offered a half smile. “I don’t know what I would be happy with. I’m not 100% sure I know what happy is to begin with. But I’m not sad, or angry about my life. It is what it is, I’m just… complacent.” Again, it sounded totally different outloud and she knew she wasn’t making herself sound very appealing at the moment.
When he reached for her hand, her whole body tensed, and in her head she heard the echoed memories of people screaming ’Don’t touch!’. But she didn’t pull her hand away, and after a few moments her muscles began to relax once more. The palm of her hand was warm, but her fingertips were abnormally hot to the touch, almost reddened.
Taking a deep breath, her eyes met his once again. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to put a damper on things.”
His eyebrows arched a touch at her response. Caspian blinked and his frame tensed though he didn’t hold that against her, it was a response of defense - one of recovery. “If I’m not being too bold,” he began, eyes diverting as he tried to collect his thoughts. When he figured out how to put what he wanted to say he turned back to Laura, “You might not believe anyone would want to start a family with you, but I would at least like to have a go at it. Not a family right away, but at least being a part of your life.” If she would have him, anyway.
It was clear that both of them had their issues. He felt that could be worked through with some help from each other. At the very least he wanted to try. She made him feel hopeful, as if there was more to life than what he had been through already and that was not something he felt with anyone else.
He was glad she had not pulled away though he saw the way her shoulders tensed and her face contorted. He did not mind the heat, either. His eyes found hers. “You didn’t. Not at all. It will take more than that to have me running for the hills, love.”
A part of her expected Caspian to just get up and walk away. Maybe he would be better off if he did. But the fact that he stayed, and kept his grip on her hand, put Laura at ease. It took a few long moments, but she did finally relax back into how she’d been feeling just minutes ago. “I would really like it if you were a part of my life. I’d like to try to figure out what that means and how it works. But I also have to question your sanity about saying that after just getting a glimpse of how much of a hot mess I actually am.” Her tone was lighter, and she was joking again. Somewhat.
Laura didn’t know if this was how typical first dates went, but somehow it felt like more. It felt like she was stepping into something life-changing. But that didn’t stop her. Would it really be so bad if he changed her life? She doubted he could do much worse than what she’d already experienced, and somehow she knew he had the potential to make her life incredibly better.
Staring at their hands, she smiled a little. “Care to tell me what would make you run? Just so I can be sure not to do it.”
He grinned, eyes finding the table again as he assessed how to best answer her reply, “Truthfully, I am probably crazy, but crazy enough about you to want to try to figure out what this is,” he explained, gaze lifting to find hers again. He had not let go of her fingers, offering a gentle squeeze. This was turning out better than he had ever anticipated it would, she was better than she let herself believe and he wanted to show her just how beautiful she was.
Finally he did offer a bit of a chuckle, shrugging his shoulders, “I suppose if you truly did not want me in your life, if you told me to leave with enough conviction I would. That would be, of course, after a lot of groveling and such. I don’t own your life and never would pretend to. I want to be mutual with you, to do this together if you would. Whatever that means for the pair of us is up to you and I alone.”
If she was super crazy or intense he supposed that would be a determining factor but so far she seemed pleasant enough. There was no way he would just up and leave unless things got to a point where he felt it couldn’t be salvaged but who knew what life held? He wanted to stay positive.
Laura’s fingers tightened around Caspian’s for a moment, giving a little squeeze. “If I didn’t want you in my life, I think that would be a sign that I’d gone completely crazy. I like the idea of that, figuring it out together. Promise me one thing though? Don’t ever grovel. No one should ever make you have to do that, and if I did, then I didn’t deserve you and had turned too cruel to deserve anyone.” Her voice was stronger again, confident with her words.
Looking away from him briefly, Laura caught the eye of the waitress to indicate they were ready for the check. Her focus fully on Caspian once again, she smiled. “Do you want to get out of here? It doesn’t have to be the end of the night just yet. We could go for a walk, or go somewhere else and keep talking, if you like.” She had no idea what time it was, but she hoped it wasn’t too late to be an imposition.
That confidence radiated from her. It touched the deepest parts of her eyes, the color shimmered and he felt helpless in that moment. A nod, “I shall not grovel unless I feel all hope is lost.” It felt strange, this connection, but he wanted it. Craved it. Yearned for it. Did that mean they were more than friends now? Labels felt odd and yet he felt himself already bound to Laura.
The idea of taking their conversation elsewhere was an idea he could get behind. “My lady, in any other circumstance a walk would be ideal however I’m afraid that your shoes would begin to hurt you after a few moments. If it would be alright with you, I don’t live far from here. There would be no obligation of anything other than getting you out of those shoes.”
If she insisted on walking or going some place more public he would comply.
When the check arrived, Laura took it and paid quickly, including enough extra for a generous tip. Regardless of the waitress being a bit of a pest, she did her job and did it well and Laura could see by the quiet room that she probably wouldn’t be taking much home in her pocket tonight. She knew the feeling too well.
Once the business was done, Laura stood to go and looked down at her shoes regretfully. She knew that he was right about the walking bit, but she didn’t mind the prospect of going back to his place. Obligations or not, in this moment she’d give anything for time alone with him. She didn’t think he would force anything, and she had no idea what she wanted out of this evening other than to just be with him as long as he would allow.
“Lead the way.” She knew she sounded a little too bold, but she trusted him and needed to learn to trust herself more.
When the check came and Laura paid Caspian had half a mind to protest. Just because she had initiated the date did not mean she was obligated to cover his portion, especially when he had more than enough cash in his pocket to cover their dinner twofold. He let her cover the bill though since she seemed adamant about it.
He rose as she did, ready to be off with the remainder of the evening.
An arm was offered, and whether she accepted or not he was leading the way out of the restaurant. The evening so far had been charming, eventful. Caspian wandered into the warm night and managed to hail a cab easier than it had been before. The door was opened for Laura, and once she was inside the taxi he climbed in afterward, offering his address to the driver.
Moments later they were off and on their way to privacy.
“Shouldn’t be long,” He promised.
Taking his offered arm, Laura was happy to have the chance to be closer to him as they exited the restaurant. Seated in the back of the car, her hand found his hand, her fingers moving lightly around his. “Are you sure this isn’t an imposition? Your home is a private place, and as wonderful as tonight has been so far, I don’t want to overstep my bounds.” He had invited her, but she still felt like she needed to say what was on her mind.
She looked out the window as the cab moved down the street. She was curious about how he lived, the type of neighborhood, what he chose to fill his home. She hadn’t even considered having the opportunity to learn this much about him in one night.
Their hands found each other, fingers entwined and it was then he knew he was utterly done for. She had his heart whether she knew it or not and he was alright with that. The seat of the taxi was hard on his frame but he didn’t notice “Not at all. I don’t mind as long as you’re alright with it.” He was glad she was checking with him but he had decided long before that he was alright with it. His flat was clean, his mother had insisted that he learn to keep house at a young age, more than accommodating.
As she turned to peer out of the window, Caspian felt bold enough to lift their combined hands to his mouth and pepper the back of her fingers with small kisses. He adored her whether she believed it or not and he was proud to be there with her.
Finally he let their hands settle back against the cloth seat of the cab.
Laura was surprised to feel his lips on her skin, and turned to watch him curiously. She hadn’t expected that, and it felt nice for someone to be so gentle with her. She’d never been kissed, she had never wanted to be. Until now. Without hesitation, she scooted closer to him and leaned in, her lips brushing his lighty. Laura had no idea if she was doing any of this the right way, but for now she just followed her instincts.
Returning back to her place beside him slowly, she covered her mouth with a wry smile. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. But I couldn’t help myself.” She had a feeling he wouldn’t mind it so much, but it could still be considered a bit inappropriate. What if he hadn’t wanted to kiss her? Hopefully that wasn’t the case.
He had not expected her mouth against his in response but he took the gesture in kind, kissing her sweetly, gently in return. His eyes had closed, he savored the feeling, the tenderness. His free arm had wound around her, a scramble for purchase to keep him anchored in reality.
When she pulled away he let her go, his eyes fluttering open. He paid no mind to the driver, totally caught up in Laura and the feeling she left in her wake.
“Please don’t be sorry,” he replied, shaking his head at her. He never wanted her to regret her impulsiveness. A hand lifted. The backs of his fingers grazed the swell of her cheek and jawline.
Hell if he wasn’t utterly smitten with her already. It was dangerous but then everything in his life was dangerous. Why shouldn’t love be?