Red wine and Ambien Who: Caspian & Laura; Caitlyn What: Returning his daughter home When: Wednesday, March 20th night Where: Laura’s apartment Rating: Mild - language Status: Complete
”I don't care if we don't sleep at all tonight Let's just fix this whole thing now I swear to God we're gonna get it right If you lay your weapon down”
Footfalls echoed loudly upon the wood of the corridor. Caitlyn raced from the elevator, rounding a corner before she was standing in front of the door she knew would lead to her mother’s apartment. Her apartment. One of two places she called home, a place that held all of the things that she held dear during the week when she was there. Caitlyn knew every corner of the place, each piece of furniture. She knew the sounds that the floor made at night when her mother was up and walking around while she tried to sleep. She was glad to be home even though the last time she had seen this door it was fleeting, becoming smaller and smaller as she had left it.
Now she was standing there before it again, backpack over her shoulders, knocking almost frantically with excitement.
Caspian wandered up behind her, lingering back. After the fight via text he had gotten into with Laura he supposed that he was probably the last person she wanted haunting her doorway. The intent was to drop their daughter off, say goodbye, and leave. Whatever words bubbled up were left better unsaid. He did love Laura, deeply, even if over the last few years apart he’d forgotten how to tell her. Seeing her upset, angry, helpless left a bad taste in his mouth and made the singe he had across his heart twinge.
Laura had not been wrong in her accusations. Caspian was literally married to his work more so now than he had been, but it was all the same when you looked at the bigger picture. She was right about his priorities. Back then he’d been young, trying to make a living for himself and suddenly the new family he had helped her create and he hadn’t seen just how it had been affecting her. Hurting the family he’d once been so proud of. That part of his life was over now - here they were at odds with each other with no end in sight.
“Mummy?” Caitlyn called, knocking again on the door. She waited to see if her mother would answer or not.
The door was only closed over, and the knocking forced it open. Inside, everything was the way it had looked when they had last left save a blanket neatly folded on the couch and the heavy scent of smoke filling the apartment. Despite the smell, nothing appeared damaged or out of place, even Pengy still lay gently on the coffee table waiting to be claimed again. The room was silent when they moved inside.
Hearing her daughter’s voice, Laura stepped out of the bathroom. She looked pale and exhausted, her left arm wrapped tightly from elbow to fingertips in fresh white gauze. Laura’s eyes fell to her daughter with a faint smile. Her gut reaction was to run to her and hug her, but the last time she’d touched her child she hurt her and scared her. Keeping her distance, she knelt down and held a hand out to her, unsure if she would take it. Her voice was a hoarse whisper, “Baby, I missed you.”
Laura’s eyes only flickered to Caspian briefly as she braced for a verbal attack.
Creaking open, Caitlyn pushed the door further and stepped inside. Her father was a touch behind her. Something was a bit awry, no sounds were echoing out of Laura’s apartment. A scan of the air with his mind and he felt her there so the caution was less but he didn’t feel comfortable either way.
The girl looked around the apartment, trekking into the apartment. She noticed her penguin and went to it, the tips of her fingers brushing over its fur. She smiled and then turned to peer over at her mother.
Caspian lingered by the doorway watching the pair of them. He hadn’t missed her bandages - the ominous texts from Roman confirmed what he’d been told on those fresh wrappings - but he said nothing to her.
Turning fully, Caitlyn smiled and rushed toward her mother, small arms curling tenderly around Laura’s neck. “I missed you too, Mummy!”
“Are you alright?” Caspian inquired, finally, softly. He didn’t engage her any more than he had to but bandages often meant pain.
With Caitlyn in her arms again, Laura exhaled slowly and it felt like she could breathe for the first time in days. She hugged her carefully, burying her face in her hair. “Thank you for coming back.”
Laura knew she shouldn’t make any assumptions. Maybe they were just there to get more of her things. Trying not to think of that now, Laura leaned back to look over Caitlyn’s face, memorizing it. “I can’t wait to hear more about the puppy and the pet store.”
Hearing his question, but almost afraid to look at him again, Laura nodded yes, if for no other reason then not to worry the little girl. She didn’t think Caspian would care either way so there was no reason to upset Caitlyn.
Caitlyn closed her eyes. She nestled into her mother’s hair, the side of her neck, arms tightening. “I’m sorry, mummy,” she whispered. Turning her face she pressed a kiss on her mother’s cheek and then her eyes opened. She was beaming, glad to be back home and for once in the same room with the people she loved that wasn’t always so loud.
“The puppy!” Backing up slightly, Caitlyn did a twirl of excitement, arms thrown up into the air. “Da said it was a Dalmatian, it had all sorts of spots.”
The nod of an answer Cas had gotten was enough. He wouldn’t press her. He backed up a step, enough to give them space.
“His name was Bertram,” Caitlyn giggled, grinning at her mom. “Peter called him Bertie. What a silly name for a doggy, don’t you think?”
The hug and kiss made Laura feel like she was alive again. When she pulled away, that feeling faded but she just kept her eyes on the child, savoring these moments in case they were taken away again, Sitting back on her heels, Laura watched Caitlyn intently as she chatted excitedly.
Gently resting the injured limb on her lap, she offered a little smile to the question. “He sounds like quite a handsome little puppy. It must have been nice to meet him. I hope he was a friendly dog.”
She nodded. “He was! He was little,” Caitlyn explained, kneeling down to show Laura how tall the dog had been with the flat of her hand in comparison. “We all tried our hardest to count his spots but there were too many.”
Standing up, she cast a look over her shoulder at her father and she grinned, “Da took me to the pet store, but there weren’t any puppies.” Caspian nodded at her and Caitlyn turned back to her mother. “He said if I came around more than maybe. Work is busy, too busy for a puppy and that it’s not fair to a puppy.” It made sense to her, puppies needed attention and would be sad if she wasn’t home to play.
Her backpack was set down on the floor. “I finished my homework.”
Laura nodded quietly, listening to the pace and pitch of her voice, the excitement in the sound and her features as she told the story. “I bet it’s hard to get a puppy to sit still enough to count his spots too.”
Dark eyes flitted to Cas once more as Caitlyn included him in the story. Work. That was familiar. Clearing her throat, Laura nodded in understanding. “Having a pet is a lot of responsibility. Maybe we could try to start off with something a little smaller first, if…” if she planned on returning. If she wanted to be there with her again.
Standing slowly, Laura looked to the backpack, then back to the girl. “Really? Already? I’m proud of you.”
The girl nodded, giggling again at the mental image of trying to get a small puppy to sit still enough to count its spots. Caspian picked up on it because of its strength and he couldn’t help but smile a bit at it, sharing that moment with his daughter. He didn’t hold on to it, not wanting to overshadow Laura’s moment.
“A smaller puppy?” Caitlyn inquired, eyes widening. She knew that was far fetched but she asked anyway.
From one foot to another, “or a kitty? Or a bunny?”
Finally Caspian laughed, softly, finding her eagerness infectious. “Let your mother take a breath.” Caitlyn laughed, grabbing up her backpack. She turned and rushed off toward her room to put her things down.
“She has a project to work on for school, it’s in the folder they send home. Picking a country and telling a bit about it,” he explained, “and something about a Mother’s Day event at her school.” He looked down at the floor, “Id be happy to help with the project if you’d like, work isn’t nearly as hectic as she makes it out to be. My landlord would throw us to the curb if he saw a dog,” he managed, laughing a little.
He lifted his gaze. “If you’re sure you’re alright I won’t keep you.”
Laura laughed lightly at the guessing game. “Why don’t we try starting with a goldfish, maybe a bird. Maybe.” A fish meant water, but birds were sensitive to smoke. She’d have to be even more careful than usual, but for Caitlyn she would do anything.
She watched to girl run off, bandaged fingertips lightly brushing her shoulder as she moved beside her. Listening to Caspian, Laura’s eyes remained on the floor at his feet. “Is she staying? Or is this just a visit?” Her tone was soft, wary. She just wanted to be prepared for whatever circumstances may happen. “I’m sure she’d appreciate your help with the project, I’m never very good at that stuff. But I will try my best.”
When he spoke again, she just sighed, “it should be healed in a few days.” But she never once said she was alright. She wasn’t.
“She’s staying,” he replied.
Kneeling down where he stood, distance between them, he looked at her trying to get her attention. “Laura. If you need help, I’m here. I know we said things before, I did, and I regret saying those things to you. I was angry, I’m sorry, believe it or not. I know that you and Caitlyn need more than I can give, but you both are all of the family I have left.” His parents were shells of people, they existed only in the parameters he’d set for them.
“I know you probably don’t want my help, that’s fine,” he explained, looking at the floor again, “but I’m always here for you. I’m trying to put things into better perspective, evaluating the things which are important to me.”
Caitlyn moved a few things around in her room, banging gently around to make room for her dog. Or rabbit, or goldfish.
Laura finally lifted her eyes to meet his. He could see that she was changed, the heightened emotional pain of the last few days had taken a toll. The wounds were still raw. She took a deep breath before speaking again. “Is she taking care of Caitlyn when I bring her to you?” There was no protest or anger, just a hollow pain in her words.
She glanced over her shoulder to the source of the noise before continuing. “Does Caitlyn like her?” Her voice trembled with the question but she needed to know.
Caspian lifted his gaze. He looked at Laura, met her eyes and shook his head, “I would never leave Caitlyn alone with anyone. You can ask her yourself later if you don’t believe me. She’s never been to my apartment, truthfully. I go to hers on occasion when I don’t have Caitlyn but never with.” He didn’t want to impose on Nina, the woman was young and had a full career ahead of her that he didn’t want to dampen.
“Honestly they have not yet met, but they have a lot in common. It’s not for any particular reason other than I’m afraid that Caitlyn might not like her. That she might feel like I’m trying to replace you or something, which is not what I want. I haven’t — it's been so long and, I just don’t know how to —“ How did you approach that subject with Caitlyn? He hadn’t dated in a long time, not been with anyone in any serious capacity. All of this was new and odd and it scared him a bit.
What if all of that happened the way all of this with Laura had?
Laura just nodded and looked away. It didn’t really make her feel any better, now that the possibility was out there she was terrified that someone else would take over to raise her child. It hurt that it was even a consideration, that she was no longer the one he wanted.
Wincing as she accidentally moved the tender limb the wrong way, Laura turned away and wiped at her eyes quickly. “If you want to see her more often, I know Caitlyn would love it. Just… I need to be able to say goodbye each time. Just in case…”
They’d been doing this dance for a long time, the one he felt was finally slowing to a halt - it wasn’t that he didn’t want her, he always had, they just had not found the momentum when it had been lost. But the future was bright, life was funny.
He watched her face contort, the way she twisted so he wouldn’t see her. Creeping a bit closer he frowned, pausing within an arm's distance from her. “You don’t seem like you’re fine, Laura. What can I do to help? Please let me help you.” He hated to see her this way.
“I will be there every single time she asks, and probably even when she can’t find the words. I’d never take her from you, not unless she was in danger. Not from you, but this is not a timid world we live in. But her life will always have doubt and strain if you and I can’t find common ground and work together.”
This had blown over, this episode. But what happened when Caitlyn got older, started to rebel? Blamed them? What if she ended up with abilities? Mental, physical? She needed to know her parents would be there for her.
In Laura’s perspective, her future was dim. The events of the last few days made it clear to her that her life would never, ever be what she’d wanted it to be. Now she was just holding on in hopes that this nightmare would end soon. One way or another.
She spoke in a whisper, she didn’t want their daughter to hear. “I’m not fine. Unless you can give me back my life, you can’t help me. Just… just focus on Caitlyn. And… Nina. And be happy.” The woman’s name left a bitter taste in her mouth, but she didn’t fault this mystery person. She envied her. She had what Laura wanted and needed most, and that was what she never deserved.
Laura knew that after her actions in the last 48 hours, she’d pushed her self-destruct button. Now it was only a matter of time.
That low tone would have been misheard in any other situation, his mental power flexed to help and he caught each syllable. His heart was sinking. “You have your life,” he breathed, his own voice quieted to avoid being overheard, “You have Caitlyn. You are her life too. I wish I could make you as happy as she does. I wish you could see the way your face lights up, the color that dances in your eyes when you see her. I don’t think you ever looked at me like that, but then I probably wasn’t paying much attention anyway.”
He lifted a hand, holding it out to her, “I hate seeing you this way. I always have, and I hate being the cause of it.” If he could take everything in their lives and destroy it he would - he could bury it deep in her mind, but then she’d be no different than his parents and he didn’t want that. She deserved better.
Moving into the kitchen, she motioned for him to follow. Ignoring the pain in her arm, she pried open the window and climbed out onto the fire escape. She waited for him to follow to the more private place to talk.
“She has your ability. She is attached to you. I am her mother but I am not in her mind. I hurt her, and she will always remember that. My power hasn’t drawn her to me, it pushes her away.” Just like everyone else in her life.
Staring out down the city street, Laura barely felt the cold temperature. “I looked at you that way. You were my world, my life. I’ve spent all these years fighting for you. For her. For us.” But the fighting was over now and nothing had been gained from all the strife.
“Now I do things I shouldn’t. And I can’t say I regret them. I guess I’m just right back where I started.”
As she beckoned, like a pup he followed after as he once had. The climb to the fire escape was easy enough and he could feel Caitlyn in case she needed them for any reason. “If you don’t think you aren’t on her mind you’re wrong,” he explained, shaking his head at her as he took the place at her side but with enough distance between them to not crowd her.
“I can hear her thoughts, read her mind. She thinks about you a lot. She loves you dearly, you’re a part of her world and she could never love another person in the entire world as much as she loves you.” Life happened. Accidents happened. It was what you did after that set you apart. He was realizing that.
“I failed you, please don’t fail her.”
Finally he reached out and took one of her hands, her good one, and held it gently. “I never wanted any of this to happen for us. I’ve been so selfish, I don’t know what to do to fix it. There’s so much I’ve left in ruin. How do you begin to pick up the pieces? You were my life, too. Everything. And losing you — I never came back from that. It’s like trying to live without a heart, like being a robot.”
Taking a deep breath, she nodded once as she listened to his words. She wanted to believe him, but she was so afraid of hurting Caitlyn again and driving her away for good. Laura would never give up on her daughter but she wanted things to improve between them, not get worse. She wasn’t sure she can handle much more.
When he took her hand, she looked to him in surprise. She knew she should pull away but she didn’t. Turning to him, she watched him longingly. For a moment, she even moved in to kiss him before stopping herself. “I know how it feels. I’ve just been going through the motions for so long that I don’t know how to live anymore. But it doesn’t have to be that way for you, you can move on and be happy again. You deserve that.”
He wasn’t sure he could handle any more of all of this either. It was stressful, he disliked it immensely and their quality of life diminished more every year. There would be hard times such was life, he was prepared for that.
Caspian squeezed her hand, brushed a thumb across her skin. She felt warm as always but he found comfort in it. “I don’t really either. What happened to us, love?” The question was rhetorical, this had all been his fault. “I don’t know if I could ever truly be happy without you. The years have been telling.”
Reflexively he caught her around the waist with an arm before catching himself. He lingered and then let her go, though the gentle hold on her hand remained. “I don’t deserve anything at all.”
When he wrapped an arm around her, it was even harder to hold back. Her breath caught in her throat, this was so much more difficult than she ever imagined it would be. She’d had dreams about finding him again, settling everything and falling back into their love and happiness. But it seemed unlikely that was going to happen. That’s why it was only a dream.
Treading carefully, she moved closer to him and wrapped her arms around his neck in a cautious hug. She didn’t expect him to reciprocate, but needed this one brief moment of comfort and raw honesty. “I miss you.”
Lifting her eyes to meet his, she shook her head. “You do. You deserve to be happy, to have everything you want. I regret losing you, but I can’t expect you not to move on and have better.” She took a half step back, trembling lightly.
Challenge of the moment twisted his muscles, left knots in his stomach. She was there, so close, once again the way he had often imagined. He felt as if maybe he was dreaming and it was so wonderful. It would end, they always did, and they’d slip back into their nightmares but for a moment he would bask in the joy and the peace, tuck it away for the harder moments.
This time he let go of her hand and instead enveloped her in his arms. He couldn’t help it, she fit perfectly against him as if they were made for each other. It was the way they had always been, habitual and sculpted from the same piece.
“I miss you too, love. Every day.” The words were honest, raw. The dim light from her balcony was enough to shimmer in the water pooling in his eyes. There was so much regret. So many broken pieces. He was helpless to find out where to start the mending.
Desperation overtook him - he tried not to cling to her as she drew back but he couldn’t help but pull her close again. He needed her there, selfishly.
Clearing his throat with a sniffle, Caspian turned his head so she wouldn’t see the emotion there. A hand would lift, fingers swept over an eye to clear the skin of moisture.
When he pulled her back, she didn’t refuse. She held onto him tighter now, burying her face in his neck.
Hearing and feeling the emotion in him, she looked up again. A fingertip gently guided him back to look at her. “What’s the matter?”
There was no shame there in the moment with her. When she coaxed him back Caspian turned, the emotion there on his face for her to see. He did take a moment to brush the stains from his cheeks. Taking a breath he did his best to recover from the wave of emotion.
“I think,” he began, clearing his throat again, “everything came crashing down upon me at once. It was too much to bear for a moment.” He’d felt too weak with it, overwhelmed by it.
He kept her there, close, in his arms, unwilling to part. Another breath and he closed the distance, pressing his forehead against hers, the ends of their noses together.
Laura wanted to give him words of comfort and kiss away his tears. But it didn’t feel like it was her place anymore. She stayed in his arms as long as he would allow it, but she was afraid that anything more would cross a line and put them in conflict again. But she couldn’t see him like that and say nothing. “You don’t have to do it all alone.”
She closed her eyes when he rested against her, a rare true but faint smile crossing her features. This felt so perfect, this is how she wanted to feel all the time.
On the other side of the window, Caitlyn had been watching for a few brief moments. But she was unable to contain a happy little giggle as she saw her parents together in a way she couldn’t ever remember seeing before.
Startled by the sound, Laura’s eyes flew open and she looked to the source. Unsure how to react, she glanced back to Cas. She steadied herself, half expecting him to pull away now that they’ve been caught in the secret moment.
Finally able to find ground he sighed softly in relief and went back to holding on to Laura for dear life. He didn’t want to do this alone, they both had been for a while and it had gotten them nowhere. “We are stronger together,” he muttered.
He could feel Caitlyn there just beyond the window, her mind was bright and pure as she watched her parents together. He doubted if she had ever seen them in such a way before - they parted so early on in her life.
As Laura jolted and turned he pulled back slightly and did the same, unable to help but grin in response to the brightness in their daughters eyes. He didn’t know what to do - all of this was complicated and happened so suddenly - so he turned back to Laura for help.
Deciding it might be best not to make a big deal of it, she remained as close to Cas as he would allow, for as long as he would allow it. She gave a smile to Caitlyn, for a moment things were exactly the way she needed them to be.
Teasing the girl gently, Laura quirked a brow at her. “It’s best to stay as quiet as possible when snooping.” Reluctantly she moved to the window but kept her good hand on Cas’s arm, not wanting Caitlyn to climb out to join them. “Should we make some cookies? I’ve got everything for oatmeal or chocolate chip.”
That was probably for the best right now - this was something which needed to be sorted out. They needed time to talk about it, to try to figure out what the next move would be. His hold on Laura did not cease lest she disappear into the thin air.
Glancing at Caitlyn, she giggled and he smiled. He stayed close to Laura, moving toward the window.
“Cookies!” The girl shouted, bouncing up and down. Her hands clapped together. “Chocolate chip! Is Da helping too?” Her bright eyes turned to him.
“Helping you eat them, maybe,” he teased lightly. If that was alright with Laura, he would wait for the invitation to stay so as not to intrude on their time together.
Climbing back inside carefully, she moved aside to allow him in as well. Moving to her daughter, she gently wrapped her in a one armed hug, kissing the top of her head.
“If he has the time to stay, I hope he can help. I don’t think I can do it alone.” Laura looked to Cas again, her words holding more meaning than just the baking.
Caspian moved back into the apartment carefully once Laura had made it safely and gently back into the apartment. “How could I refuse an offer like that?” He inquired softly, an arm looping about Caitlyn. He drew the girl close, was rewarded with a hug before she broke free and darted off toward the kitchen to wash her hands.
When their daughter was gone he looked at Laura, drawing her good hand up to his mouth. He kissed her fingers, “You don’t have to do it alone.”
And then he was drawing her off toward the kitchen to dive into the process of making cookies.