icon_uk (![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} icon_uk) wrote in ![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} scans_daily,@ 2009-08-30 17:03:00 |
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| Entry tags: | creator: enrique vegas, genre: parody, title: star wars |
An old Star Wars post from SD 1.0
I've recently visited Paris, and as a warm up to posting some things I found there, I thought I'd repost this from the old SD for your enjoyment.
I found this in a bookstore the last time I visited Paris, and thought I'd share it with you.
I'm not patient or good enough to change the text in situ, so I'll put in as much of the text as seems appropriate after the fact, and apologise to any French speakers as I mangle their lovely language (And that's why Cypher is my favourite superhero!)
Written and drawn by Enrique V Vegas
Be warned this is not only not dial-up friendly, it's actively dial-up hostile!!
Even in SD mode he knows how to make an entrance... (And the first of many... many pointless but cute little cameos from other franchises...
The story progresses pretty much as normal, Princess Celia is captured, a couple of comedy relief robots escape, and land near the home of Lucas Eskaywalker... long story short, he's mugged by Sandpeople and rescued by a crazy old hermit.
He has a casette tape of importance (Nothing to do with the robots, he's just got it)
"Who is she? She looks a bit like Angelina Jolie"
"Ah, just an angry feminist who hates the world, she'd been after me for years. We need to leave the planet before she gets here!"
That adds a certain new spin to the story, no? :)
Another page solely there for the cameos!
I'm sure there are many cultural references I'm not getting in these pages, few moreso than the Cantina Band singing lyrics that translate as "Give me venom, I want to die."
I love that Lucas' idea of restraint and sophistication is to order rum'n'coke for everyone in the house!
Enter the dashing rogue... whose just shot Alfreedo for catching him with four kings in a card game... which wouldn't have been a problem if two of the kings hadn't been of the same suit! (I love Lucas' wide eyed "WOW!" look.)
Though they've hired him, Obiwan still wants to get out of there before a patrol comes along and gets them involved in this mess.
So as you might imagine, they end up on the Death Star anyway...
Whilst the guys go and rescue Leia, Obiwan sneaks through the Death Star, but like many of us in such situations, never gets past the Duty Free. I love the starstruck Imperial officer asking "Can I have an autograph Mr McGregor?" OUCH!
"That's MR Vader to you, I hate it when you call me Anaklin!" (Wouldn't it have been great in the first movies if Ben HAD only ever called Darth 'Anakin', either as conviction that he must be in there somewhere, or just to piss him off.? But that would imply forward planning and plotting and... well, never mind)
"Oh look it's Obiwan... Hello Obiwan"... I'm not sure why Lucas is such a doffus here, but it's cute, isn't it?
"It's been a long time since we last played together. I hope you enjoy this"
"You have really bad breathing problems there"
"Oh look! Your son is here, hello Lucas"
"Lucas? Is that what the little devil's name is?"
"Indeed"
FFFAS!
"As the week starts badly...."
A short while later....
The watchpeople on Yavin are bored (and can you blame them, you think that they'd be able to detect approaching Imperial ships before manned lookouts are actually needed until a bit later, but never mind.
The Rebellion now have the secret plans for the Death Star (and also the Emperors personal recipe for mushrooms). Sadly the conference room only has a VHS, so they can't play the information, but the diagram summarises everything quite effectively, all things considered.
Lucas' is a little surprised that no one's asked either he or Han to help with the attack, but Han is happy since he's heading off to meet with a couple of girls on the other side of the galaxy with a pair of... well, we never do find out as Leia interrupts.
I like the fact that Lucas' induction into the Rebellion is "Not so fast. Get over here, I've got a helmet with your name on it blondie-boy!"
Cue the big fight scene! I have a feeling if I were in the Rebellion I'd be assigned to Fuschia Squadron. Oh, and the kamikaze pilot is asking if his "Yellow Squadron" can be assigned a different colour!
Not EVERYTHING goes quite the way it does in the movie.... and Lucas IS a doofus, but he's cute and usually means well, though not above a little creative manipulation of the truth, as he tells them the missile DID go in...
All hope seems lost, but....
Luckily the gods of destiny are on the Rebellion's side, thanks to the Empires unfortunate hiring policies..
Guess which button he presses? "Fire!" "Self Destruct" or "Microwave"... Yup, well, we are talking Homer here...
So now you know how the Death Star was REALLY destroyed!
I also have these for Empire and Jedi if these prove popular enough!