InsaneJournal

First off, I've been trying to resist doing this post. I've had my final Fuan no Tane post just sitting around, all ready to go.... but this is a story that's been haunting me. And since I have no recollection of this ever being posted on old scans_daily, truly, it is a story that must be told.

And so I give you the epic tale of that one time that Barbara Minerva made hot Cheetah love with Snapper Carr!

Our story begins with Snapper Carr (as part of a Checkmate cell) running around and trying to sabotage Darkseid's conquest of Earth. Snapper is off doing something or other, when suddenly he's attacked by an anti-lifed meta who I don't recognize.



When what unlikely rescuer should appear but--- Barbara Minerva! The Cheetah! I actually think it's pretty awesome how she's refusing to become one of Darkseid's drones.

As for why she randomly appeared and decided to rescue Snapper Carr... I dunno.



Again, that's kind of cool that Barbara let's what's-her-name live. It kind of harks back to the days when she'd only go around killing criminal scum for the plant-god's sacrifices, or when she was sort of helping Wonder Woman fight the White Magician and whatever.

But as for why she spared this particular meta on Snapper Carr's say-so... I dunno.

And what the hell happened to her tail? Has someone chopped it off yet again?

Anyway! Sometime later, Snapper Carr (with his nifty snap-activated teleportation powers) is sent after medical supplies.



And as you can see, he runs into some people in Justifier helmets tending to Darkseid's monster-babies. By a rather amazing coincidence he also runs into the Cheetah, who happens to be self-treating an injury she got off-panel.

Since they hit it off so well the last time, Snapper naturally decides to approach and make small talk.



And just as naturally, the small talk leads to-- WHAT.

Now bear with me, here. I must admit to being badly out of the loop as far as Checkmate goes. I understand that Snapper Carr is a pawn in that organization, which sounds pretty low-ranking to me, but I guess makes him a badass super-spy. So quite possibly Snapper Carr is widely regarded in the fan community as a piece of delicious man-candy, sort of a cross between James Bond and Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice.

But somehow I really don't think so.

Anyway, I mostly remember Snapper as the allegedly comic teen sidekick that used to hang around with the JLA ages ago, and who I first read about through the "Comics 101" blog.



Yeah, that guy.

Granted this is a few years later, but I'm not sure if Snapper's enough of a catch for freaking Barbara Minerva to be licking her chops over him after having spent approximately two minutes in his presence.



It's that first panel which I first saw posted online, and which lead me to belatedly hunt down down the actual issue (a rarity for me, let me tell you). It's safe to say that that horrifying little tableau (especially the remarkably bad art on Cheetah’s face) was burned indelibly into my brain.

Don't get me wrong: of course Barbara Minerva has ever right to sleep with whoever she wants. But frankly, considering that she just banged freaking <i>Snapper Carr</i>, of all people, I'm not sure that she has any right to be quite so smug about it. That's like Poison Ivy flashing a shit-eating grin because she just jumped Jimmy Olsen's bones.

But what’s this? Suddenly their post-coital cuddling is being interrupted by a Darkseid-controlled Gorilla Grodd! How could he possibly have... oh yeah, the lower levels of the hospital were completely infested with Darkseid’s minions. In retrospect this might not have been the smartest place for a quickie.



Man, how like a dame. Sleep with ‘em once and they think they’ve got some kind of claim on ya or somethin’. Amiright, boys? Of course, we all know no real man would leave a poor defenseless broad to the mercy of a possessed psychic gorilla. Yeah, it’s a damned good thing that the Cheetah had SNAPPER CARR around to rescue her sorry ass.

Okay, so in all fairness Barbara had rescued Snapper first. Kind of. But the Cheetah pleading “No, don’t leave?” Of Snapper Carr? Blargh. The simple fact of the matter is, Snapper Carr is nowhere near being in Barbara Minerva’s league. It’s like a case of, I dunno, Diana and... um... Tresser, I guess.

Or was that the point of this weird little interlude? Christ, this “dark mirror” stuff is going too far...