InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "What would Brian Boitano do?"

fungo_squiggly (fungo_squiggly) wrote in scans_daily,
@ 2009-03-30 22:25:00

Entry tags:

char: cheetah/barbara minerva, char: snapper carr, creator: greg rucka

Another Important Moment in the Life of Barbara Minerva.

Because, you know, Barbara Minerva isn't all about finding ancient treasures and creating genocide-golems.

She also has a romantic side!

First off, I've been trying to resist doing this post. I've had my final Fuan no Tane post just sitting around, all ready to go.... but this is a story that's been haunting me. And since I have no recollection of this ever being posted on old scans_daily, truly, it is a story that must be told.

And so I give you the epic tale of that one time that Barbara Minerva made hot Cheetah love with Snapper Carr!

Our story begins with Snapper Carr (as part of a Checkmate cell) running around and trying to sabotage Darkseid's conquest of Earth. Snapper is off doing something or other, when suddenly he's attacked by an anti-lifed meta who I don't recognize.

When what unlikely rescuer should appear but--- Barbara Minerva! The Cheetah! I actually think it's pretty awesome how she's refusing to become one of Darkseid's drones.

As for why she randomly appeared and decided to rescue Snapper Carr... I dunno.

Again, that's kind of cool that Barbara let's what's-her-name live. It kind of harks back to the days when she'd only go around killing criminal scum for the plant-god's sacrifices, or when she was sort of helping Wonder Woman fight the White Magician and whatever.

But as for why she spared this particular meta on Snapper Carr's say-so... I dunno.

And what the hell happened to her tail? Has someone chopped it off yet again?

Anyway! Sometime later, Snapper Carr (with his nifty snap-activated teleportation powers) is sent after medical supplies.

And as you can see, he runs into some people in Justifier helmets tending to Darkseid's monster-babies. By a rather amazing coincidence he also runs into the Cheetah, who happens to be self-treating an injury she got off-panel.

Since they hit it off so well the last time, Snapper naturally decides to approach and make small talk.

And just as naturally, the small talk leads to-- WHAT.

Now bear with me, here. I must admit to being badly out of the loop as far as Checkmate goes. I understand that Snapper Carr is a pawn in that organization, which sounds pretty low-ranking to me, but I guess makes him a badass super-spy. So quite possibly Snapper Carr is widely regarded in the fan community as a piece of delicious man-candy, sort of a cross between James Bond and Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice.

But somehow I really don't think so.

Anyway, I mostly remember Snapper as the allegedly comic teen sidekick that used to hang around with the JLA ages ago, and who I first read about through the "Comics 101" blog.

Yeah, that guy.

Granted this is a few years later, but I'm not sure if Snapper's enough of a catch for freaking Barbara Minerva to be licking her chops over him after having spent approximately two minutes in his presence.

It's that first panel which I first saw posted online, and which lead me to belatedly hunt down down the actual issue (a rarity for me, let me tell you). It's safe to say that that horrifying little tableau (especially the remarkably bad art on Cheetah’s face) was burned indelibly into my brain.

Don't get me wrong: of course Barbara Minerva has ever right to sleep with whoever she wants. But frankly, considering that she just banged freaking <i>Snapper Carr</i>, of all people, I'm not sure that she has any right to be quite so smug about it. That's like Poison Ivy flashing a shit-eating grin because she just jumped Jimmy Olsen's bones.

But what’s this? Suddenly their post-coital cuddling is being interrupted by a Darkseid-controlled Gorilla Grodd! How could he possibly have... oh yeah, the lower levels of the hospital were completely infested with Darkseid’s minions. In retrospect this might not have been the smartest place for a quickie.

Man, how like a dame. Sleep with ‘em once and they think they’ve got some kind of claim on ya or somethin’. Amiright, boys? Of course, we all know no real man would leave a poor defenseless broad to the mercy of a possessed psychic gorilla. Yeah, it’s a damned good thing that the Cheetah had SNAPPER CARR around to rescue her sorry ass.

Okay, so in all fairness Barbara had rescued Snapper first. Kind of. But the Cheetah pleading “No, don’t leave?” Of Snapper Carr? Blargh. The simple fact of the matter is, Snapper Carr is nowhere near being in Barbara Minerva’s league. It’s like a case of, I dunno, Diana and... um... Tresser, I guess.

Or was that the point of this weird little interlude? Christ, this “dark mirror” stuff is going too far...

(Post a new comment)

	foxhack 2009-03-30 09:57 pm UTC (link)
	Look, the whole friggin' world was going to shit. Wouldn't YOU want to get some hanky panky before the end? That's the only explanation I can think of. Though I find her grooming Snapper kinda cute. (Reply to this)

bluefall
2009-03-30 10:07 pm UTC (link)

Why do you hate me, Fungo?

The most depressing thing is, this was hailed all over the internet as "Rucka's making Cheetah cool again! This is totally Diana's worthy foe!"

::headdesk:: ::headdesk:: ::headdesk::

Look, Maxima is totally a femme fatale, albeit a weird one. Poison Ivy, even the ecoterrorist version has her moments. Star Sapphire, that's the whole point of her. Circe? Circe is absolutely a femme fatale. Barbara Fucking Minerva is very much not. Rucka, you crazy person, where the hell are you getting from Barbara Fucking Minerva "would totally jump Snapper's bones and then playfully lick his Goddamned face"?

If there is *one* silver lining to Rucka getting knocked off Wondy by ICk, it's that he never had a chance to assert his deranged, insane, ridonkulous femme fatale version of Barbara Minerva over the mythos.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	arrlaari.livejournal.com 2009-03-30 10:16 pm UTC (link)
	If only she hadn't mentioned her god, this could have been saved. Even a composed individual like Barbara might, shortly after devouring her abusive husband-god, make more of her sexual liberation than in less elated circumstances. Alas, she did refer to Urzkartaga in the present tense, and so even the Grand Unified Theory is powerless to fanwank this dire continuity. (Reply to this) (Parent)

fungo_squiggly
2009-03-30 10:35 pm UTC (link)

Cheetah teaming up with the heroes against Darkseid is kind of neat.

Cheetah randomly boinking some Z-list hero and making with the lovey-dovey cuddling afterwards, on the other hand, is mind-bogglingly awful. Of course I had to share the pain.:D

I actually think Rucka got confused for a few pages and thought he was writing for Tigra (the Hank Pym-Skrull-boffing version, that is).

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	bluefall 2009-03-31 12:00 am UTC (link)
	Really, it's the lovey-dovey that burns the most. I could buy the sex as a "last romp before the world ends," but the whole post-coital-flirting, boost-the-guy's-ego nonsense, complete with cutsey intimate face-licking? You're so right, it's skrull-boffing!Tigra taking time out of her busy schedule to take a cross-multiverse vacation. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

seawolf10
2009-04-25 03:17 am UTC (link)

This is so incredibly late it's ridiculous, but I just wanted to toss my hat in the ring:

I'm reminded of drug interactions, where medications can react oddly with each other, producing effects you wouldn't see in them individually.

The Cheetah-spirit is devoted to death and rage.

Anti-Life is very similar, but not identical.

The conflicting influences produced a reaction in Barbara's psyche that's radically different from what either of them would have done to her individually.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

	ashtoreth 2009-03-30 10:08 pm UTC (link)
	It reads like classic wish fulfillment for fanboys. Cheetah is a bad girl, after all. (I would give much if the creators of Hulk vs. and X-Force would quit telling me about their sexual preferences..) Hm. The coloring manages to make it look icky, the dialogue is tacky. Something to scrub from my brain! (Reply to this) (Thread)

	kali921 2009-03-31 12:29 pm UTC (link)
	(I would give much if the creators of Hulk vs. and X-Force would quit telling me about their sexual preferences..) Oh, god. Which creators? Dare I ask? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

ashtoreth
2009-03-31 08:11 pm UTC (link)

It's either Kyle or Yost. They work together so much I can't separate them.

But in the ad for 'Wolverine and the X-men', one of them was going on about Emma Frost. Then, in the Hulk Vs. Thor dvd extras, same one keeps talking about how hot Enchantress is, how he likes both Emma and Amora better, et cetera. He won't shut up about it, and it's embarrassing and I really, really want creators to keep that kind of thing to themselves and their adult sites (even s_d is okay), but not on the thing my family watch, please!

(Reply to this) (Parent)

	seriousfic 2009-03-30 10:39 pm UTC (link)
	We really need some good man-meat for villainous femme fatales to mack on. Now, if this had played out with, say... Roy Harper? Easier to stomach. We need more Roy/Dick/et al quality C-listers out there if this thing is going to become a habit. (Reply to this)

	buttler 2009-03-30 10:52 pm UTC (link)
	On the plus side, Snapper's reaction to Grodd showing up is entirely appropriate. Two snaps up for that particular voiceover box. Oh, and at the beginning there, Snapper's being attacked by Firehawk, an old Firestorm supporting character. (Reply to this)

	aaron_bourque 2009-03-30 11:16 pm UTC (link)
	he's attacked by an anti-lifed meta who I don't recognize. Looks like Firehawk to me, former girlfriend of Ronnie Raymond, the only good Firestorm. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	icon_uk 2009-03-31 02:55 am UTC (link)
	Yeah, that's Firehawk, who was also mentor to Jason Rusch for a while IIRC. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	volksjager 2009-03-30 11:17 pm UTC (link)
	Didn't Snapper' get powers during the Invasion crossover ? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	cricharddavies 2009-03-31 04:05 pm UTC (link)
	I believe that he lost his ability to teleport in a later incident -- mostly because nobody bothered to do anything with it. (Reply to this) (Parent)

mullon
2009-03-30 11:29 pm UTC (link)

The yiffing. Good God, the yiffing!

But in all seriousness I don't see it as much of a problem. Two people don't always need an excuse for wanting to sleep with each other besides being attracted to one another. It doesn't hve to be complicated or emotional.

Although, they probably should have waited until the found a safer place than smack dab in the middle of Armageddon.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	bluefall 2009-03-30 11:57 pm UTC (link)
	Two people don't always need an excuse for wanting to sleep with each other besides being attracted to one another. It doesn't hve to be complicated or emotional. Provided they're the type of personalities that engage in casual sex, sure. When they're not, though, it ends up looking pretty stupid. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	mullon 2009-03-31 10:11 am UTC (link)
	They're not? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

bluefall
2009-03-31 10:30 am UTC (link)

Snapper? I have no idea.

Minerva? No.

Her just randomly having sex with a guy for no other reason than she feels like having sex is a significant stretch for her character already. The whole flirty, "my god is a god of fertility," post-coital cuddling, playfully-lick-his-face business, particularly with a total stranger is... Look, emotionally she's about as stunted as Batman. Her version of "playful" is our version of "sadistic" and only comes out when the Cheetah is in control, and the Cheetah is not interested in sex, just eating your face. Now, try to imagine Batman licking someone's face in that situation - not Brucie, mind you, but the actual real man under the cowl, since we're given no reason here to think Minerva doesn't mean it and she'd be extremely hesitant to play any kind of bluff that involved damaging her dignity anyway.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	mullon 2009-03-31 04:44 pm UTC (link)
	I don't know about Snapper Carr either, but I can't really blame the guy. But Cheetah never seemed like the most restrained person. But lately she seems to have calmed down a bit. So I could see it as a sort of balance. There's no excuse for the crappy dialogue, though. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	unknownscribler 2009-04-01 08:11 am UTC (link)
	Actually from her very first appearance I'd easily peg Barbara as a fan of the casual shag if she liked the trim of someone's jib. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	bluefall 2009-04-01 08:45 am UTC (link)
	Constant, crippling pain and a total obsessive focus on intellectual pursuits says to you "digs the casual shag"? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	unknownscribler 2009-04-10 09:00 am UTC (link)
	Well, before she got hitched to the plant, certainly. (Reply to this) (Parent)

arbre_rieur
2009-03-30 11:31 pm UTC (link)

If the genders were reversed and it was something along the lines of, I don't know, Lex Luthor and Cat Grant*, the majority of fans would think Cat's the one who's been done a major disservice and would be criticizing that. I'm sure that says something about society/fandom, but I'm not sure what.

*Not the best fit, I know, but I'm having a hard time coming up with female characters of a similar nature to Snapper Carr.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	seriousfic 2009-03-30 11:33 pm UTC (link)
	To be fair, most female characters run the spectrum of attractiveness from "underwear model" to "ridiculously well-paid underwear model." Now, what about Deathstroke and... Etta Candy? That might get some fangirls howling. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	fungo_squiggly 2009-03-31 03:33 pm UTC (link)
	A better gender-reversal might be Forager making sweet icy love with Mr. Freeze, at his instigation, and him playfully snuggling with her afterwards. Now would people actually say "This is a great disservice to Forager?" I think not. Everyone would be too busy being blown away by how wildly out of character their tryst was for Mr. Freeze. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	arbre_rieur 2009-03-31 08:25 pm UTC (link)
	I think we'd be hard-pressed to find a character it'd be more out of character for than Mr. Freeze, since his entire motive revolves around his wife. A better example would be Prometheus, who's been shown to be very driven and has never demonstrated any particular interest in sex or relationships. Who's Forager? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

fungo_squiggly
2009-03-31 08:37 pm UTC (link)

Yeah, I was intentionally exaggerating with Freeze.

Forager is the humanoid bug alien that was going out with Jimmy Olsen in countdown. She's actually a legacy character; you can look her up on wikipedia for all the gritty details.

I chose her in particular because, like Snapper, she's a little-known Z-list hero and, like Snapper, sleeping with her can't help but be somewhat embarrassing.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

	gargoylekitty 2009-03-30 11:52 pm UTC (link)
	Why'd I click the link? It's bad enough that's it brought up everytime someone mentions Cheetah on /co/. (Reply to this)

	gwalla.livejournal.com 2009-03-31 02:03 am UTC (link)
	Grodd: "ANTI-LIFE JUSTIFIES MY COCKBLOCKING" Possessed meta in the first page is Firehawk, I think. She's kind of a female Firestorm. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	kali921 2009-03-31 12:30 pm UTC (link)
	Yes, it's Firehawk. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	longhairedlady 2009-03-31 03:36 am UTC (link)
	My God, the art. In that pre cut panel, it looks like she's got a severed >thumb in her mouth, which I'm pretty sure wasn't the idea they were going for. (Reply to this)

	janegray 2009-03-31 05:14 am UTC (link)
	Say whatever you will about his personality and low rank, but he does have a very nice body. Pretty hair, too. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	scottyquick 2009-03-31 07:27 am UTC (link)
	Just gonna say that! (Reply to this) (Parent)

	interrobamf 2009-03-31 06:43 am UTC (link)
	Well, the pants weren't stupid in this issue. That's important, right? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	bluefall 2009-03-31 10:32 am UTC (link)
	Perhaps those pair don't have a hole in the butt, and she can only wear them when someone's recently hacked off her tail? (Reply to this) (Parent)

	his_spiffyness 2009-03-31 07:35 am UTC (link)
	That's Grodd in the helmet? For a second I thought Darkseid had brought in Ro-Man the Robot Monster to be his new minion. (Reply to this)

	alschroeder 2009-03-31 08:08 am UTC (link)
	There are a lot of comic characters that you might speculate on the sex life of. Snapper Carr wasn't high on my list. (Reply to this)

	remial 2009-03-31 08:50 am UTC (link)
	ok, this is Snapper's second love fest with a catgirl, (not that I'm complaining) but seriously, are they trying to turn him into a furry? or am I the only one who remembers Blasters? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	gwalla.livejournal.com 2009-03-31 11:36 am UTC (link)
	He's like a reverse-furry. All the fuzzy peoples want him. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	bluefall 2009-03-31 12:28 pm UTC (link)
	Brain better watch Mallah if they ever meet... (Reply to this) (Parent)

	filthysize.livejournal.com 2009-03-31 06:39 pm UTC (link)
	This was Rucka? The whole "Wow" "Yes, I'm very good" business read like Wynick. (Reply to this)

	jlbarnett 2009-03-31 08:19 pm UTC (link)
	you know with the actual Anti-life Equation used the use of the Justifier helmets just doens't make sense to me. (Reply to this)