Kai Parker is not the craziest in Equilibrium (abominationtwin) wrote in saveatlantisic, @ 2018-04-25 20:31:00 |
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The morning after was disappointing. Damon wasn’t there. But he’d needed to talk to someone and it couldn’t be Claire cause it was about Claire. He was a bit all over the place. though and part of him wanted to talk about it but he wasn’t sure Katherine would really want to go into it. Probably not. Human as she was though he did the nice thing and made her breakfast, bringing it back in to her. Never let it be said Kai Parker couldn’t do romance. Psychopath he may be, but he wasn’t a monster.
Or well, he was, but not like that. “Morning Kitty Kat.” he said easily masking the weirdness after his conversation with Claire. But then Katherine Pierce was a master at reading people. It was a fun little fact he liked about her. But if she was distracted by Damon and not enjoying her time in here. “I was gonna go but...yeah.” Katherine was doing her best to make good out of a bad situation. There was nothing about the current state of things that she was happy with, she didn’t want to talk about things but she knew eventually her and Kai would need to have a discussion. It was just a matter of time before they had to address the elephant in the room. She was stubborn though and she’d rather ignore it until she couldn’t anymore, she knew it wasn’t healthy but she’d never claimed to be a healthy individual. “Morning,” she said as he walked back in with breakfast for her. The sight made her smile but deep down she knew it was sort of fake on his part. She decided to leave it for the moment, not wanting to start the day off badly with what would likely end up as an argument. “You were going to go without saying goodbye? You know I’d never let you live that down,” she teased, sitting up properly. “And what did you bring me for breakfast?” “I didn’t know if you wanted to do that part, the whole sappy goodbye thing? I mean unless you wanted another round before work?” he said amused. He knew she didn’t want to talk about it and neither did he really. But it was weird now and he knew it was weird. He wasn’t going to get mad at Kathy for being human and having human feelings for him. He wasn’t human but he was having complicated feelings he blamed Luke and Josie for. Katherine was perfect, and he thought about her a lot, but obviously, he also wanted the person he couldn’t have. “I made pancakes. I became a friggin awesome chef when I was stuck in 1994. Like, professional level. So, here. They’re breakfast pancakes. I was going to make waffles in honor of yesterday but…” He sat down, handing her the tray and meeting her eyes. “Do you...want to talk or anything?” “Well usually we’d have another round before work, neither of us are the sappy goodbye type,” she said. There was no denying things were weird now. It had only gotten weirder the last couple of months with the children from the future showing up and making things even more complicated. Katherine wasn’t even sure what she wanted anymore, she had feeling for Kai and she knew he didn’t return them and that had been fine until the truth had started to reveal itself. There was only so long Katherine could continue to ignore the truth and that time was running out. “But you decided that would be in poor taste? That doesn’t seem like you at all so it must be something else. I know you’re a good chef, definitely the best looking one around here.” She took the tray, giving him a smile that was entirely fake and she suspected he’d see it for what it was. “No… you know I don’t want to talk. Not on an empty stomach.” Not ever was the truth but maybe it was better to just get it over with. Maybe talking would reveal something neither of them were aware of. Maybe she was fooling herself but she’d gotten so good at it over the centuries. “No, waffles are more effort and maybe I wanted to get back to you for that extra round.” he said. He was getting annoyed at the fake-off though. It wasn’t doing either of them any good and awkward wasn’t what he wanted. He knew it was complicated for her and he knew she wanted more than he was giving her. He didn’t know why it was different. “I don’t like messing with you. I mean, I wish it was easy and she wasn’t a thought. It’s stupid and soooo much of me wants to just turn it off but we know how that would go.” he said in a rush. “Tell me how to not want her.” He hated the outburst, it was weak and stupid and pointless. “You’re perfect for me Kitty Kat. We both know it.” She couldn’t help but smile when he said about wanting to get back to her. She wished this could be it, that there wasn’t an element of fakeness to this and that it could just be them like this. It was a stupid wish really and she knew it could never be true. She should have been used to complicated, every step of her life had been full of complications. The outburst caught her by surprise. “I can’t tell you how to not want her,” she admitted, putting down the cutlery she’d picked up. “If I knew how to make it possible I’d tell you in a heartbeat. I don’t like this, you know I don’t and I know when you’re with me it’s me you’re with but in the back of my mind I know I’m not all you want. I don’t want to share you but it’s either I do that or I lose you entirely. I don’t want you to turn it off even if it would fix things. I wish I was enough for you but I’m not, I don’t know why, only you can answer that, Kai.” She felt vulnerable and she wouldn’t let anyone else see her like this but he made her vulnerable. “And it’s not that I don’t like her, I do, she helped me and I know she’s helping you. I just can’t seem to compete with whatever it is that keeps you interested.” “I can’t figure out what. And it won’t happen. She’s being professional or, y’know more than if something happened. I don’t even know anymore if she wants anything and I hate being this emotional loser mess like my brother was. And it’s not that I don’t like you, Kathy, without you in hell I’d have lost my mind. You’re perfect but I shouldn’t feel...this...for you, for her, for anyone.I tried, I tried to be better and I got locked in 1903 for my troubles. So I stopped trying, you know that, you thought it was super hot.” He moved to sit beside her. “Look, I...if you don’t want this because of my weird stupid impossible crush, it’s okay. But I think I’d actually miss you. I’m not giving her up because, I can’t. But I can’t give up you either. That’s not your fault and I don’t think it’s Claire’s. It’s me. It’s me and this stupid...thing in my head that keeps making me…care I wish it didn’t. It would be so so much easier.” “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do here?” he said simply. “It’d be easier if I could work that out.” She watched him as he spoke, trying to pick up on anything he was hiding but he wasn’t hiding anything here. “If anything happened she’d lose her job and you’d possibly both be sent back home. I don’t know about her but I know you don’t want that. Saying you shouldn’t feel anything for anyone is wrong, just because you’re you doesn’t mean you can’t feel things. Maybe this is all because of your brother but that doesn’t mean you have to ignore it all. You’re not going to get locked up here for trying to be better. We can both try and be better, people won’t buy it but we shouldn’t care what they think.” When he sat down she shifted closer to him. “I know I’d miss you. If it’s a crush then eventually it’ll peeter out, that’s what crushes do. I don’t like that you care for her but that’s only because part of me worries that because you care for her you can’t or don’t care for me. You know my history, you know what I’ve been through and I can’t stop thinking that I’m always going to lose out to someone else.” “Emotions aren’t easy,” she told him, a weak smile on her lips. “I think we just both need to be honest with each other, that’s the only way this is going to work. It won’t be easy but then nothing worth having is ever easy.” She leaned in and kissed him, it was chaste and not at all like what they normally shared. “I’d really like to eat these pancakes before they go cold.” “I want to not. Because it’ll clearly never happen. But we’re still doing the friends thing and ugh, it’s like I’ll take that just so I can be around her. With you it’s...easier, there’s no reason we can’t be together, no big taboo, nothing. It’s just you and me and it’s pretty damn awesome.But she’s...Claire.” He didn’t get why it wasn’t enough for him but they both kept telling him emotions weren’t easy. That he had to work on them. He wasn’t afraid of hard work, he’d been doing that all his life but this, this was insane. “Eat your pancakes Kitty Kat. I’ll wait, we can leave this for now. Wasting precious time we have before work, don’t you think?” “Give it time, if it’s just a crush it’ll run its course. Being friends with her at least allows you to try and work through it. I’m not going to lie, it won’t be easy for me but I’ll deal with it. Because you’re right, we are pretty damn awesome together and there’s no one to stop us from just being us.” Katherine knew this wasn’t going to be over anytime soon, it was something that was going to take time to work itself out and she wasn’t going to walk away just because things got tough. She was just worried at the end of it she’d lose out again. “They look delicious. We can talk about this properly another time,” she told him, at least a little reassured that he wasn’t just going to disappear on her. “Because you’re right, we are wasting precious time. Stupid human need to eat food.” She gave him a smile as she picked up her cutlery and started on her pancakes. |