nyota uhura has a talented tongue (justuhura) wrote in saveatlantisic, @ 2017-07-01 22:32:00 |
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Entry tags: | !log, *lena, *ragna, james kirk, nyota uhura |
Jim Kirk & Nyota Uhura [Backdated] a few nights ago Kirk's apartment low; kissing and stuff Complete |
The suggestion had just really come out of nowhere. Well, not entirely; the more he'd thought about it, the more he wondered about what had happened in his future that Nyota knew about and he didn't. He knew if he asked she would tell him about what happened to her, if she could. He knew there were painful things beyond what had happened with Spock because she had her own occasional nightmares and there were times it was his arms wrapping around her in the middle of the night. But they weren't together for everything that had happened. There were things that had happened to him that she didn't know all of. The movie would show him, though. He could easily have watched it on his own; there was a media player and a television in his office and he could just tell everyone not to bother him for two hours while he watched his future play out on the screen. But he was scared. He could admit that now. It wasn't like it had been years ago for him, when e couldn't admit things like that. There were a ton of things that even here in Atlantis scared him. Losing his life again was one of them. Losing his family, and that included extended family like Lauren, Molly, Rose, Dimitri, Ivan, Daisy, Sharon... Losing Nyota. He had the feeling there was some scene in that movie where he was going to have to confront that fear head on. He wasn't entirely the smartest when it came to snooping around on the internet about his facetwin and himself and with "Wonder Woman" being so big and the anniversary of Anton Yelchin's death people were talking about that last movie, about certain scenes. And he had seen a gifset of one where they were separated that had to be from his future; he didn't remember it happening in any of the time he was in his own universe. One of them made a sacrifice. How it played out, Nyota knew and he didn't. And he wanted to know. He'd been surprised she agreed, so when they decided to watch the movie he made sure they had her favorite blanket on the bed, and no matter how they were positioned she was nice and close. The beginning went well enough, with the montage of the time on the deep space mission, the diplomatic liaison trip that went disastrously wrong, the arrival at Yorktown. He'd tightened his grip around her when the part where she and Spock disembarked and she asked about the necklace. And, in turn, she held him tighter when he was left all on his own in the sea of people. Loneliness, apparently, was what he had to look forward to if he went home. He was surprised to hear that he was being considered for a Vice Admiral position. Apparently a lot about him had changed over the years at home, enough that even that far into the mission he wasn't seen as a maverick. Safe enough choice to be a Vice Admiral. Kind of like here, but different. It had been a smart choice to make him senior staff, but it had been a safe choice for the teams. Back home it seemed he was better. Not the best, but better. Here...getting there, slowly but surely. But it seemed different here. There it was an honor to be Vice Admiral but it felt like a cage. Here it was an honor to be senior staff, and it felt like a relief. Not going into the field again was a good choice here. Back home, he had the feeling not being in a ship would have killed him. It wasn't until the action started and they were attacked he felt the urge to grab the remote and press pause. Seeing what Bones had seen, his crew in the hallway...he was livid. But seeing the scene with Nyota sacrificing herself to save him? He wanted to kill Krall. And he had the feeling it was just going to get worse. He wanted to know, but maybe this wasn't the way to find out. He picked up the remote and shifted so he could wrap his arms around Nyota more, keep her close. She had promised she wasn't going anywhere. She said if there was a glitch and it took her she'd find her way back. And he believed her. He'd do the same himself. But he needed to reassure himself she was there. "I need to take a break," he said, pressing his forehead against hers for a moment. "It's just going to get worse, isn't it? Nyota didn't especially want to be watching this movie. All of that had happened several months ago for her, but seeing it on screen was enough to bring it all back and that wasn't a prospect she relished. Jim wanted to see it, though, and there was no way she was letting him do that alone. She knew losing the ship was going to hit him hard and she knew watching what happened to his crew would be hell, too. If he was determined to do it, she was going to be right by his side. It was just as hard as she'd known it would be to see it all unfold on screen, knowing what was coming. There were parts that made her smile, parts that made her reach for his hand and hold it tight, like when she saw how obviously lonely he had been. That was something she hadn't known. Nodding her head, she leaning into him, grateful for the break. Worse was kind of an understatement. “Yes,” she whispered, looking up into his eyes. She was sure all her emotions were written on her face. “We don't have to do this, Jim,” she told him, reaching a hand up to touch his face. “You don't have to watch it happen.” He nodded, then turned the TV off before shifting to let her lay her head down on his chest if she wanted to. It was probably better if he found out from others who lived through it or just waited to see if he ever got his memories of that time like other people in Atlantis did. The headache would probably be a better alternative than making either of them go through this. After a little while he began running a hand up and down her arm. “If you ever want to talk about it…” he started, and then stopped. Then he tried again. “You listen to me when I talk about everything that happened with Khan on the Vengeance. About...dying. And all the crap that came with the decisions I made that led up to that and now the stuff that’s happened here. You know I’ll do the same for you, right? With all of this? If you ever want to talk about it?” “I do know,” she confirmed as she shifted to lean against him. Sometimes, she did think she might want to talk about it. She was the only one of their crew here with those memories and there were times that ate away at her. At the same time, she didn’t exactly want to talk about it. Reliving those memories wasn’t something she was especially keen to do. “What happened with Khan was never your fault,” she said, because it was easier to focus on his trauma than her own. That had been traumatic enough for her, too, watching him literally sacrifice himself for the crew. She hated knowing that he thought all that had happened then was his fault. Somehow, she suspected he’d try to take just as much blame for Krall. “Everyone tells me that but I trusted him,” he said, letting his fingers trace patterns on her skin. “Even if it was a ‘damned if I did, damned if I didn’t’ situation. Either way, none of us were supposed to survive. If it hadn’t been for Scotty getting pissed at me but still taking my message to him, we wouldn’t have.” He shut his eyes and waited for images and sounds to ghost over him like they usually did, but thankfully this time his mind was quiet. That was nice. “I kind of wish he was here,” he went on, wanting to move away from the bad memories. “Him and Chekov and Sulu. They’d probably be weirded out by stuff but...then everyone would be here. It’d be better than home in all the best ways. I mean, once they get used to us, and Bones being a dad and Pike being alive with a wife and kid.” He grinned. “Did I tell you he’s thinking it’s not fair I’m grounding him from missions the month of his wedding so he won’t have any excuse not to be at the altar?” “Marcus used your grief over Pike to manipulate us into being there to begin with. He lied to you. He lied to all of us. That was on him. And you never trusted Khan. You accepted his help because you didn’t have much choice, but that doesn’t mean you trusted him. You weren’t the only one who was willing to do whatever it took to avenge Admiral Pike.” She knew she wasn’t likely to convince him of any of that, but it was what she believed. Sighing, she nodded her head as he talked about their absent crewmates. “I wish they were here, too,” she admitted. “But they could still show up and then we can have fun shocking the hell out of them.” “I know that, logically. I do. I know when I made the announcement of what we were going to do, anyone who wasn’t behind the mission, I would have put them on a shuttle and sent them back home. I know that. I just…” He trailed off. “I know it in my head, but I just can’t always believe it. I remember running down the corridors with Scotty, trying to get to the ship’s core, and seeing being falling down corridors and knowing they were falling to their deaths. I can still hear them screaming sometimes. I can still hear Marcus when he died. And I just think if I made a different decision here or a different decision there then maybe some of these people would still be alive.” He nodded, cracking a small smile. “Oh yeah. We might have to warn Bones to make room in medical for some heart attacks. Either that, or go pick one of the bars and run up a hefty tab.” He shifted so he could look down at her. “That reminds me. I was thinking we could skip a night doing the tango dancing and go out on an actual date and dance somewhere else where it’s not a competition. Any kind of dancing you want.” “You can't think like that,” she told him. “None of us can go back in time. We can't change what's happened. We can only control our future choices. And everything you did to try and save us- you gave your life for us and I know you'd do it again. That is what matters, even if none of us really wants to see that happen again.” Shifting so she was looking up at him, she reached up to gently caress his face. “Those deaths were on Marcus and on Khan, not you. It was horrible, it was heartbreaking, but you saved so many lives, too. Don't forget that.” An actual date sounded nice, especially if it was going to be just the two of them. “That has possibilities,” she agreed with a small smile. “A night out, just the two of us? I think I'd like that.” He nodded and reached up to pull her in for a soft kiss. She was right. He knew she was right. And one day maybe he’d know it without second guessing it like he still did. It looked like he’d gotten to that point in the movie; maybe he could get to that point here, too. “Good,” he said. “I definitely want to take you on more of those. There’s a lot to do here and we can’t spend all our time cooped up in here or at the office.” Then he grinned. “Though it was nice getting to have lunch with you more often when you delivered reports. Even if everyone else kept giving the various surfaces in my office weird looks. Especially when I put that container of wipes on the desk and that industrial size bottle of hand sanitizer.” Nyota laughed at that. “You're mean,” she teased, shaking her head, “but I'm happy to bring you ‘reports’ anytime you want.” Smirking slightly, she shifted closer and pressed her lips to his. Being in here was nice, too, she thought, but it would be nice to get out more with him. Atlantis had a lot to offer. They should probably take advantage of that more often. He kissed her for a little bit, enjoying it a lot more than the movie, and then pulled away for a moment, remembering his wish. The rings were hidden in his office desk; no point in keeping them in the room as he was still technically sharing an apartment with Sharon, not Nyota, and even though they more or less made it work it wasn’t like they had an apartment that the married or engaged couples had. But that could change, if she said yes to a proposal. “You ever wish we had a place here that was...ours?” he asked, running his fingers up and down her spine. “I mean, Sharon’s like my sister and I love her, but three of us here is a bit crowded.” His question wasn’t completely unexpected, even if it wasn’t something they’d talked about before. “Mmm, all the time,” she admitted, a little distracted by his fingertips moving over her back, even through the shirt she wore. “You wouldn’t have to put on clothes to make us something to eat in the middle of the night if you didn’t have a roommate.” Well, that was a good answer, he thought to himself, relaxing. The fact she thought about it meant she probably wouldn’t say no to something more permanent. Not that he didn’t really think she’d say no otherwise, but like Bones had suggested, he was bringing it up, seeing how she felt. This seemed to indicate she might at least be perceptive to it. “That is a definite perk,” he said with a grin. “Of course, I think you just like any excuse to ogle me. You’d probably enjoy having an apartment with just me so you could demand I stay naked all the time.” He slid his fingers under her shirt. “I mean, I’d be trying to do the same thing, so…” “Guilty as charged,” she agreed, laughing. “Don’t tell me you wouldn’t love it if we could just walk around naked all the time.” There were other perks that might come with living together, like never having to go back to her own room to get more clothing or anything else she might not have left here. She leaned in and kissed him again, cutting off her own thoughts and when she pulled out a moment later, there was an impish grin on her face. “Speaking of getting naked,” she said, trailing off as she made a move to relieve him of what he was wearing now. He let her begin to work on getting him undressed as he made a decision. At some point, in the very near future, he was going to make that “walking around the apartment naked” fantasy a reality. He just had to figure out the best way to surprise her, and on that, he had an idea... |