There wasn’t an inch of Charlie that wasn’t smothered in grime. He’d been working through the night to help rescue the people trapped in the rubble which was all that remained of Trocution.The explosion had been enormous. Even if Charlie hadn’t been nearby when it happened, he was sure he would have heard it. It must have rocked the whole city.
It was sick, blowing up a club, somewhere where civilians congregated. The injustice of it had turned Charlie’s stomach and he’d been quick to put himself forward to help with the rescue attempt when it had become clear that help was needed.
In truth, he’d been waiting for a way he could help ever since he’d decided to stay in Atlantis when the first wave of people had moved to Mako. He’d stayed to be close to Rey but she had been out patrolling with her team almost constantly and all Charlie had been able to do was sit around and wonder if she was alright. He wasn’t sure he’d ever felt so helpless. It had felt so good to finally be doing something. If he was honest, it was a bit of a rush.
The adrenaline was wearing off though and, as the tiredness had set in, the injuries had started coming more frequently. Eventually, when Charlie had had to stop and seek help from a medic for the most recent in a series of silly accidents (a deep graze and painful bruise on his left shoulder where a loose bit of rubble, which his tired brain hadn’t registered, had tumbled down onto him) he’d taken their advice and started out for home. The rest of the original rescue team had started to peel away too, either taking the injured to Medical or simply handing over to fresh and eager helpers, who had been turning up in greater and greater numbers ever since the sun had started to rise over the destruction.
~
Rey was exhausted. She’d been injured in the attack on housing but it hadn’t been severe and she’d been treated, observed and sent back to Atlantis. Her team had been patrolling the beaches, there was so much going on that she had no idea where anyone was. She constantly worried about Charlie but there was no way to contact him, no way to find out if he was okay. Then when Trocution had been destroyed, she had found him in the Force. He was there and he was okay, he was busy and she breathed a sigh of relief. He was helping people; that made her feel better and she knew that he would feel better about himself as well.
For the time being, she was off duty, they had her taking things slowly since she was still healing and when she’d gotten back to Housing, she had gone straight to Charlie’s. It was closer to where she’d come in and she was almost too tired to walk. Marty was safe on Mako, she contacted someone to check on the little dog, so she had nothing to worry about for just a bit. As soon as she got to Charlie’s, she went straight to his room, took a very quick shower, grabbed one of his shirts and collapsed into bed. She hoped he would come home while she was there but if he didn’t, she could leave him a note when she woke up before she left again.
~
Charlie was a little surprised to see Rey curled up on his bed when he eventually got back to his temporary accommodation. He realised that she must have gone to his room to wait for him as soon as she finished her duties for the night. It brought a small smile to his lips and he thought (as he frequently did) how lucky he was.
Charlie crossed to the bed and sunk down to sit beside Rey. He was about to put out a hand to gently rouse her when he stopped himself. He knew how hard she had been pushing herself, especially since she was still healing from the injuries she’d sustained during the attack on housing, and he was glad she was resting. He leaned down and brushed a featherlight kiss to her cheek before pushing himself to his feet, with much wincing, and making his way into the ensuite.
He started the shower running, turning the temperature up a couple of notches so it steamed invitingly, then stripped out of his dirty clothes. He noticed flecks of drying blood in amongst the grime which coated the outside of his shirt and he wrinkled his nose, not sure whether it was his or someone else’s. He had been going to put the shirt into the laundry basket but he decided against it and stuffed it into the trash can instead.
The warm water felt like heaven when Charlie eventually stepped underneath the showerhead. Closing his eyes, he let it cascade down over his head, feeling the dirt running off him in gritty, grimey rivulets. After a couple of minutes just standing there, enjoying the warmth as it eased his aching muscles, he set about lathering soap onto his hair and body before letting the water wash him clean.
~
She sensed his presence when he came in and felt the kiss but didn’t completely wake up. It was a few minutes later, when she heard the water running, that she realized he was home. Rey turned over and thought for a moment and then she smiled and swung her legs off the bed and stood up. She’d had a shower when she got there but another wouldn’t hurt, especially since this one would not be alone. Pulling the shirt off and tossing it aside, Rey went into the bathroom and opened the door to the shower and stepped inside with a shy smile.
“Hi,” she said. “I just wanted to see if you needed some help washing soap off your back or a hug or anything else.” This was the first time she’d seen him completely naked although they had certainly seen much more of each other than they had seen before his birthday. True to his word, he was being patient with her and it was that fact that made her brave enough to do what she had just done. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down into a kiss, pressing herself against him, grateful that they were here and alive and she didn’t want to waste another minute. If the last few days had taught her anything, it was that you could never count on that ‘one more minute.’
~
Charlie nearly jumped out of his skin as the shower door opened behind him and the cold air from the bathroom wafted over his back. Blinking water out of his eyes, his hands firmly clamped over his groin, he turned to see who had interrupted him. The sight of Rey, naked and so, so close as she slipped into the shower with him, did nothing to slow his racing heart. His eyelids fluttered nervously as he looked down at her, his lips falling apart. His gaze roamed hungrily across her body, unbidden, but then she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him to her for a kiss and his eyes closed as his sense of touch took dominance.
His hands automatically relaxed from their defensive position and rose to her waist. He felt a shudder of longing pass through him at the feel of her smooth skin, slippery with water, beneath his fingers. He let his arms slide further around her until she was enveloped in the midst of them and he could feel every inch of her torso against him. Predictably, his own body responded quickly to the intimacy.
Breaking away from her lips, he opened his eyes to look down at her as water continued to cascade down over his shoulders, saturating the white gauze (now pink with diluted blood) which covered the spot where the rubble had broken skin.
“Hi,” he murmured, an uncertain smile spreading across his face. “This is… new.”
~
Had she made a mistake? Rey felt her face grow red and she looked at him, hoping she hadn’t done anything wrong. “Is it okay? I can leave, I mean…..I’m sorry,, I just…” and she turned, but couldn’t get the door open and there wasn’t a lot of room in the shower anyway so she just ended up with her back pressed against him and leaned her head on the door. “I wanted…….I wanted…..” she didn’t know how to say it but she turned around and looked into his eyes. “I need you. There is so much sadness, I can feel it all, I need you. I need to feel you, I need to feel something good, something beautiful.” She was surprised as the words came out but they were all true. She could feel the pain from people all over Atlantis. Even though she couldn’t isolate who was who, other than ones that she was connected to, there was still a sense of immense sadness and she needed to feel loved right now.
~
Charlie’s eyes widened in dismay as Rey turned away from him. He instinctively reached out to catch her wet hand in his and stepped close behind her, not wanting to lose contact with her.
“Wait. Don’t go,” he murmured, his lips close to her ear as his cheek rested against her dark hair. He knew what it felt like to be addicted after just one hit and he could tell full well that he was addicted to the feel of her body pressed against his. He didn’t ever want to have to let her go if he could help it.
He was relieved when Rey turned back to face him and he quickly slid his arms back around her, his nose close to hers as he looked down at her. At first he wasn’t entirely sure what she was saying but it dawned on him quickly and he found himself swallowing hard as a mixture of nerves and excitement formed a squirmy ball in his stomach.
Lowering his lips back to hers, Charlie gave her a tender kiss before reaching out to turn off the flow of water.
“Let’s get out,” he breathed to her, his voice sounding low and thick.
A large, white towel was hanging on the rail outside the shower and Charlie reached out of the cubicle for it, pulling it back in with them. He passed it behind his back then wrapped it around the pair of them, cocooning them together.
~
Rey returned his kiss and, when he wrapped them in the towel, she wrapped her arms around him and said “I love you. I have no idea what I’m supposed to do,” she gave a little laugh. “But I trust you and I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.” Trusting people didn’t come that easy to Rey. She’d learned to take care of herself, she’d learned to trust her instincts and while she’d trusted Finn immediately, she knew that part of it was that she could sense that he was running from something and she wanted to help him. Now that she understood a little bit about how the Force worked, she knew that was what has guided her. And it was what had guided her to Charlie that night and she would never regret trusting that impulse.
~
Charlie smiled at her words. He wasn’t all that used to being loved, not the way Rey loved him, and he certainly wasn’t very used to being trusted. It made him feel warm deep down in his core, much warmer than the steaming shower could have. Again, he lowered his mouth to hers and kissed her more slowly, with an intensity that said much more than just, I want you too.
When Charlie finally broke away from her, he let go of one end of the towel, stepped out from inside it and wrapped Rey back up in it. He was mostly dry already, with the exception of his hair and the gauze on his shoulder, so he stepped out of the shower and, doing his best to cover his erection with his hands, tiptoed to the bathroom door to check that the coast was clear. He’d never particularly liked having a roommate, even when he’d been living at the half-way house, but he definitely didn’t want to have to deal with Harley walking in on him and Rey right now so, once he saw that the bedroom was still empty, he crossed to the door out onto the hallway and locked it shut. He paused for a second, feeling the nervous thud, thud of his heart, then took a deep, steadying breath and went back to the bathroom to find Rey.
He found her much where he had left her. Circling around behind her, he wrapped his arms around her waist and leaned down to rest his chin on her shoulder as he started walking her forwards towards the bedroom, nuzzling his face into her neck as they moved. Once they reached the side of the bed (it didn’t take long - with two people’s stuff in it, the bedroom felt rather small), he let go of her and moved back around in front of her. He still felt a little self conscious about his nakedness but there were a million other thoughts running through his tired brain at that moment, pushing the need to feel embarrassed right down his list of priorities.
“Do you want to get under the covers?” Charlie asked, nodding down at the bed, where he had watched her dozing not too long ago.
~
Everything he was doing was so gentle and sweet and the nerves she’d been feeling earlier were slipping away. She knew this was a big step but it was the right one and when he came back to get her and took her into the bedroom, the butterflies in her stomach had settled down a bit. At least until he looked at her and she saw the love and wonder in his eyes and then they started all over again.
“No, I’m not cold,” she said, shaking her head. “Unless you are?” She sat down on the bed and looked up at him. Rey really had no idea what to do next so she did the first thing that came to mind and took his hand and pulled him down on the bed beside her before leaning over to kiss him again.
~
Charlie shook his head too. The room didn’t feel cold at all, not now he’d had time to adjust after the heat of the shower. Still, his skin was feeling flushed and clammy because of the closeness of her so he wasn’t entirely sure how well his inner thermometer was actually working. For all he knew, it could have been the adrenaline keeping him warm, just as he was sure that it was adrenaline which had banished the exhaustion he’d been feeling earlier.
When Rey tugged on his hand he sank down beside her and let her kiss him, his hand rising to the side of her face to cup her cheek. After a moment, he let it slide down her neck to her shoulder, where the edge of the white towel sat against her skin. Hooking his fingers into the fabric, he gently pulled it apart and let it drop to the bed around her. He pulled back a little then, to cast his eyes down at her body, and let out a shuddering breath as he drank in the sight of her. He lifted his gaze to find hers again, his tongue flickering nervously over his lips, but he only hesitated a moment before leaning in to kiss her again.
This time, he put his weight behind the kiss and, slipping one arm around her, he guided her down to the mattress. Once he was beside her, Charlie propped himself up on one elbow, his torso half covering hers, as he let his mouth begin to explore the exposed skin of her neck, shoulder and collarbone. He’d kissed her like this before, a number of times, but there had always been layers of clothing between them. This time there was nothing and, as a result, the tension between them felt suddenly supercharged. Charlie could feel his pulse racing as his fingers found the silky, smooth skin at her stomach and, from there, drifted upwards to caress the soft mounds of her breasts.
~
Rey’s eyes were closed, she wanted to give in to the feelings, the sensations around her, let her senses run free and his fingers and mouth brought sighs of contentment to her lips. She raised her arms and tangled her fingers in his hair, encouraging him to keep doing what he was doing. She’d never been this close to another person without layers of some sort between them and this felt amazing, being able to feel his skin on hers. “That feels good,” she whispered. “I like this, being close to you this way.” She still hadn’t opened her eyes but she was smiling, she was feeling what he was feeling in a way that she didn’t understand and couldn’t explain but it was wonderful and she could imagine anything feeling this heavenly.
~
Charlie grinned against her skin and lifted his chin to peer up at her. The expression of enjoyment on her face made his stomach dance happily.
“Me too,” he breathed in response, lowering his mouth back to her skin to press a line of kisses from her clavicle to her breastbone. As he did so, his hand abandoned its position at her chest and moved lower again, down past the dip of her bellybutton, until he could slip it between her legs. He caught his breath as he felt the heat of her body there, beneath his fingertips, but let it out again as he murmured, “Is this alright?”
~
She took a shaky breath, not used to the feeling of someone touching her there but it felt good, and she dug her fingers into his back slightly, her body moving under his touch, wanting more. Rey wondered why she’d been nervous, it seemed as if her body already knew what to do, it was instinct almost but the feelings, those were all hers. “Yes, it’s perfect,” she said, her voice a little breathless.”Don’t stop please don’t stop.”
~
Rey’s encouragement bolstered Charlie’s confidence. He wasn’t the most well-practiced when it came to sex and he’d certainly never taken anyone’s virginity before so he was trying his best to improvise. He desperately wanted to make this a good experience for her and her reassurance told him he was on the right track, helping to quash his nerves.
He was careful not to let his newfound confidence translate into roughness however. He kept the movements of his hand slow and gentle, responding to every little way she reacted beneath his touch, as he explored her upper body with his lips. Eventually, he found her mouth again and kissed her deeply.
When he drew back, his breathing was short and shallow and he licked his lips as he peered down at her. His hand had withdrawn and found a resting place at her stomach where his warm fingers traced patterns on her skin.
“Do you want me to go further?” he asked, finding that his voice had become husky somewhere along the line. He knew he had a few condoms in his nightstand but he didn’t want to be presumptuous and get one unless he was sure that was what Rey wanted.
~
Everything he was dong sent waves of sensation through her body, she could sense his emotions too, she knew what he was feeling and that made her only want this more. She loved him, she had known that for a while but what she hadn’t known was that it was possible to love someone even more than you thought you could. And right now, the way he was touching her, and looking at her and letting her make the decision about how far to go, she couldn’t have loved him any more.
“Yes,” she kissed him tenderly and smiled at him. “I want you to love me, Charlie. Please.” She didn’t know what else to say or how to say it so she did as she always had, she was honest and kind, assuring him that this was what she wanted. “I love you.”
~
Charlie felt a little shiver of delight and excitement run through him at her reply and he nodded to let her know that he understood. Before he moved, though, he pulled his head back a little so he could look her in the eye more clearly.
“I love you too,” he told her seriously. “With or without…. this,” he gestured down at their bodies with a little movement of his head. “I would love you whatever.” It felt important for him to tell her that. He gave her a little smile before he pushed himself up to sit on the bed and turned to pull out the drawer of his nightstand.
Of course, the condoms weren’t easily accessible. When he’d moved into this new room, after the attack on Housing, everything had got thrown in together and sex had been one of the last things on his mind. As a result, it took him a few moments of rummaging before he found the packet and pulled out one of the little foil wrappers.
He turned back to Rey and shifted so he was kneeling down on the bed beside her hips. Again, his gaze flickered over her toned body and a smile twitched at the corner of his mouth as he thought how insanely lucky he was. He tried to focus on the condom instead, feeling rather out of practice as he fumbled to get it out of its wrapper and into place.
Once it was done, he tossed the foil away onto the floor before looking down at Rey. Slowly, supporting himself on his arms, he moved over her, gently nudging her legs apart so he could nestle himself between them.
“Promise you’ll tell me to stop if I hurt you,” he said, his dark eyes peering down at Rey from above with concern. He was going to do his best to be careful but he couldn’t stand the thought of her hurting in silence because of him.
~
She was so captivated by the way he was looking at her right then, that she barely heard him. Pain had never crossed her mind, although she knew to expect it but she also knew how to center herself so that she wouldn’t be that uncomfortable. This wasn’t the time to try and explain that though so she laid her hand on his cheek and smiled at him.
“I promise but it’s okay, you won’t hurt me.” She moved her hands to his shoulders and let herself relax. She could sense that he was nervous so she whispered, “it’s okay, I love you.This is right, we belong together.” And as she said the words, she knew them to be true. She’d never considered who she might fall in love with one day or what it would mean and while she had loved Luke, it was something entirely different from what she felt for Charlie. Love was clearly a very difficult thing to understand and it existed in many ways but she knew that this was meant to happen.
~
A smile passed over Charlie’s face at her words and he nodded as he let his tongue run over his dry lips. He was self-aware enough to realise it was stupid for him to feel so nervous about this; he wasn’t the one doing this for the first time, his heart had no right to be beating out of his chest as it was. He’d just never been such an intimate situation, emotionally, as this before, that was all. This fucking mattered. He didn’t want to screw it up.
Charlie shifted a little to support his weight on one arm so he could push his hand down between them. A few moments later, he returned it to the side of Rey’s face, his thumb caressing her cheek, and lowered his mouth to hers as he eased himself into her.
He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to stop and wait or to just fucking go for it, like ripping off a band aid. He was finding it hard to think clearly enough to reason it out. In the end, he decided to go for something in the middle and began moving against her, slowly, gently. He pulled back just a little from her lips, letting his forehead rest against hers, his eyelashes resting shut against his cheeks.
“You okay?” he breathed.
~
Rey opened her mind, she felt the love, the anticipation, the joy, all of it coming from him, mingling with her own. She could tell he was anxious and she gently touched his mind, a way of reassuring him that he had no reason to be nervous. She had never felt anything like this, she wondered if it would always be this way but even if that weren’t the case, today was magical. “I’m fine,” she said and ran her hands over his back. “Don’t worry. It doesn’t hurt.” and it didn’t. It felt a little uncomfortable, the sensation of having another person so nearly inside her, but it was also wonderful and she shifted her body as a way of encouraging him, letting him know that she was fine. “You make me feel beautiful when you look at me like that,” she said softly.
~
Charlie’s eyes had flickered open as Rey spoke and her words brought a shaky smile to his lips.
“You are,” he murmured, his thumb moving softly across her cheek before he let his hand slip from her face down to curve around her thigh. He loved the feel of her fingers on his back and the little movements she made beneath him. Although his eyes felt heavy and his muscles tired and aching, he couldn’t have imagined anything in the world feeling better than being with her did right then.
With the hand on her thigh, he shifted her position a little as he carried on moving. Her reassurance had given him a surge of confidence and, as he stopped worrying so much, he began to enjoy himself more. He remembered how fucking good this should feel, did feel, was going to feel - for both of them. He nudged her face to one side with his nose as his lips found the warm nook of her neck and he covered her skin with kisses.
~
She let out her breath, letting her body get used to how he felt inside her and she made a small noise, not of pain but of pleasure. It felt good, she had never known what it could be like to be this connected to a person, to not only be able to share their body but to feel their thoughts. His lips on her neck made her smile and she moved one of her hands to his hair, tangling her fingers in it. All the worry and stress of the last few days fell away as they moved together and she was amazed at how easily they fit, how natural it all seemed and she arched her back, trying to get even closer to him as she started to feel things that she had only heard people talk about and she gave a little cry of pleasure as it seemed that the whole world had turned into nothing but pure joy and she gripped his back tightly.
~
Charlie was well aware that he was beginning to fall apart. The way Rey grasped at his wet hair and his aching back sent ripples of pleasure through him, adding to the rising swell that was bubbling up inside.
“Fuck,” he breathed against her neck, trembling, as he felt her body arc beneath him. The grip on her leg was tight, his fingertips pressing little white blotches into her flesh, as he held onto her for dear life.
“Fuck, Rey, I’m gonna come,” he groaned unwillingly. He didn’t want to, not yet, but it had been so long and she felt so good and he was too tired to have more than the most basic self control.
~
She already had and she was still feeling the aftershocks and she moved her face to kiss him. “It’s okay,” she said, “It’s perfect.” And it was. Rey knew very little about how sex actually worked, all she knew she had read since she was too embarrassed to ask anyone about it but this was far beyond what she had expected. Not just the physical part of it but the emotions, feeling so connected to him, so close, it was almost as if they were one person and she couldn’t help but smile as she held on.
~
All he’d needed was her permission. Her lips found his just in time to swallow his guttural moan as he came, his hips juddering arrhythmically against her and, after a few more half-hearted thrusts, finally stilling.
There was a moment of quiet, broken only by the ragged sound of their breathing, dampened by each other’s lips. Eventually, Charlie pulled out of her, wriggling downwards so he could lay his hot cheek against her sternum. Sliding a hand down between them, he quickly discarded the condom, with its milky contents, before lifting his fingers to trace unintelligible shapes against her hip.
“So,” he murmured, his voice already thick with the exhaustion that was quickly catching up to him now he was spent.
~
“So,” she said, her voice filled with happiness. “I love you. That was everything I had hoped it would be. I hope I didn’t disappoint you.” It had suddenly hit her that she might have, in her inexperience, not been what he had been expecting. As far as she was concerned though, it had been beautiful and she was content and satisfied.
~
A lazy smile had spread across Charlie’s face, his eyes half lidded as he basked in the way ‘I love you’ sounded on her lips, but he lifted his chin to peer up her at her face when she started talking about disappointment, a frown darkening his forehead.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” he asked with concern, his gaze meeting hers as his hands found the soft curves of her waist on either side. After a moment, he tilted his face, pressing one, two, three soft kisses to her chest, between her breasts, over the place where he could feel her heart pounding, then he looked back up at her. He wished he knew the right words to say to stop her from ever doubting herself again but he didn’t so he said the words that were his absolute truth.
“You’re everything to me.”
~
“I feel the same way. You have shown me so much, Charlie. I always knew there was more out there and you’ve helped me see it. I’m so glad we found each other.” Yes, he was different from other people she knew but this whole world was different from hers. It was big and more varied than she could have ever imagined and she knew in her heart now that this was where she belonged, this was the place that she was meant to find her balance. There was another her out there somewhere who was on a different journey but hers ended here in Atlantis. At least the first part because there was still more to come and someone to share it with.
~
Charlie listened, his body still apart from the rise and fall of his chest pressing down against her pelvis and stomach, as she spoke, the frown fading away and being replaced by an expression of absolute fulfilment. He lowered his face back down to the hot skin of her sternum and closed his eyes as he just breathed in the closeness of her.
After a few minutes, when he realised he was beginning to feel the irresistible tug of sleep, he shifted off of her so he could lay beside her instead. He pushed one arm beneath her and pulled her onto her side so she was facing him, nose to nose, keeping her pulled tight against him. He wasn’t ready for their closeness to end. He knew he hadn’t been the most selfless lover and he would put that right one day very soon but, for right now, the closeness as he drifted off was one last thing he needed from her. With her in his arms, it was only a matter of moments before he had sunk into a dreamless but much needed, restorative sleep.