REBECCA LOGAN + CAPPIE
LOW BUT MENTIONS OF DEATH | COMPLETE
She’d toyed with the idea of going back home a few times here and there, but Rebecca had never given it serious thought until today. Her home hadn’t been destroyed, but so many others had including the homes directly next and across the street from hers. She could handle the diplomatic aspects of a war, but actual destruction and death? It was beginning to be too much for her. She was almost sure she would have ditched everyone and returned home to her mostly-cushiony life. Not that it mattered; Intake had been destroyed days earlier, and there was no going back unless by accident.
When the option to leave the city came up, Rebecca hesitated maybe a little but decided to take the offer and go to Mako Island. Atlantis City could possibly literally be on fire, but she was going to have a nice island vacation, right? Yeah, sure. Her practical skills were fairly limited, but she could help out with the injured if she was given a few instructions. Probably.
The trips to Mako would be going on throughout the day, but she didn’t want to leave without speaking to a few of her friends. She told her roommates, Lissa and a few others she worked with, and now she was on her way to see Cappie before leaving. She’d heard about what happened during the battle, from people who died to all of Head housing being destroyed, and she didn’t really know what to tell him other than to ask that he come with her. They were just college kids from Cyprus Rhodes. Did they really belong here?
She found out where Cappie had been moved to in housing and soon was on the doorstep with a bag of a few clothes and essentials hanging from her shoulder and knocked on the door. The door opened with him standing there, and she took a deep breath, unsure what to say other than a simple, “Hey.” She adjusted the bag on her shoulder. “Have a minute?”
Cappie blinked down at Rebecca with bloodshot eyes, red from smoke, exhaustion and the tears that were still wet on his cheeks. He hadn’t slept at all. Helping to evacuate the Head housing had given him an enormous rush of adrenaline which had kept him going well into the morning. In fact, despite the catastrophic nature of everything that had happened the night before, he’d been riding high. That was until he’d heard the news of Octavia’s death.
He thought he’d always remember exactly how he had felt in that moment and the hours which followed: the way his stomach had dropped as his brain scrambled to rationalise what he was hearing, the disbelief, the numbness, the inevitable sinking feeling and, only then, the pain, which seemed to rip through his chest like fire. He’d felt sick. He’d been sick. He’d hurt his knuckles punching a concrete wall and felt stupid at himself for giving the Medical staff and extra job to do when they were already so stretched. Eventually, once he’d found himself alone in his temporary housing, he’d curled up into a ball and cried.
He could have been like that for hours or minutes - time didn’t mean much to his exhausted brain - but Rebecca’s knock had roused him and forced him to pull himself together.
“Hey,” he replied, stepping back out of her way. “Come in.”
When she saw him, the look on his face was hard to take. This was Cappie. The most Peter Pan of all the Pans to ever Pan. He’d grown up a lot over the last year or two, sure, but he was still Cappie. Rebecca stepped into the house and placed her bag on the floor by the door. She immediately stepped up to him and gave him a tight hug. It was one of comfort but also thankfulness that he was okay. That it hadn’t been him. That was selfish, right? He’d lost a friend not a day ago, and here she was grateful that it was her and not him.
Not one to mince words, Rebecca got straight to the point of one of the reasons she was here. “I’m going to Mako,” she told him and stepped back. “I can wage war against the bitchiest, shrewdest, and pettiest of sorority girls, but I can’t fight this one.” She knew how to fire a gun at a stationary target with little to no opposition around her, but other than that? She would be useless.
“And I think you should come with me.” That was the biggest reason she was here. To see him but to also try to convince him to come with her to the island. They couldn’t go home, but she could get out of this godforsaken city.
Cappie needed Rebecca’s hug, even though he hadn’t realised he had before it was happening. He let his eyes close as he buried his face in her neck, breathing in the familiar scent of her hair. After everything, it was so good to be able to hold on to a little piece of home, of safety.
Cappie licked his lips as Rebecca started talking and pushed his hands into his jeans pockets. He could tell, even before she said the words, what it was she was leading up to and he’d already prepared himself to be stubborn in his refusal.
“I probably should,” he agreed with her. “But I’m going to stay here.”
He’d made his mind up as soon as he’d heard that they were moving people to Mako. He knew that he wasn’t a fighter. He knew that his strengths lay in beer pong and bodyshots. Still, playing a part in the evacuation the night before had given him his first real taste of what it felt like to be useful in Atlantis and he was determined to stay and carry that on. He’d spent two years doing absolutely nothing while others fought to save creativity and everything it enabled, everything he valued in life. Finally, he felt like he had the chance to start paying off some of that debt by helping other people. Even if he was just able to help keep up morale in the cramped and makeshift housing, it was something. He wanted to do something. Octavia would have been doing something, if she were there.
There was a small, illogical flare of anger that sparked in Rebecca’s mind at his answer. He knew that he should but he wasn’t going to leave. Of course. She turned her head and closed her eyes briefly to keep herself from saying something she’d regret. He was hurting, and she didn’t want to make that worse. Cappie had lost a friend, but Rebecca didn’t want to lose hers.
She sighed and took a breath. “Why?” She asked and turned back to look at him. It was a simple question and one she had a feeling she already knew the answer. It wasn’t like she didn’t understand why he might want to stay behind and fight. Normally, Rebecca didn’t back away from a fight but rather opposition brought out her metaphorical claws and biting words. This time? She’d need more than that.
“I need you for you to be okay, Cappie,” She said quietly. It may not have been fair for her to tell him that, but it was the truth.
Cappie could see that Rebecca wasn’t happy with the answer he’d given her and he understood why. Even if she hadn’t said that she needed him to be okay, he would have known that was the case. He felt the same about her, after all.
He took a deep breath, trying to formulate his jumbled thoughts into a coherent explanation.
“I’m tired of hiding out,” he said, squinting through a frown. “I’ve been hiding out here for two and a half years, putting off having to take responsibility for my life, but I can’t do it anymore. I can’t just sit back and do nothing while my friends get hurt and my home gets burned to the ground. I care about this place and I wanna play a real part in stopping the people who are trying to destroy it. I have to. Otherwise I might as well have just gone back to CRU when Casey did...”
Rebecca didn’t really know what to say to that. On one hand, she did sort of understand where he was coming from even if she didn’t agree with it. On the other hand, she wanted to tell him that he was stupid, and thinking like that was going to get him killed. If people with actual training and fighting experience had been killed then where did that leave people like them? It left them six feet under, that’s where.
She crossed her arms. “I care about this place too, but I’m not going to risk everything when I shouldn’t be out there in the first place.” Harsh, maybe, but Rebecca wasn’t known for sugar-coating or being gentle with her words.
It was obvious that he wasn’t going to change his mind. Hell, even Casey friggin’ Cartwright showing up and professing her undying love for him probably wouldn’t have even done it. She reached down to pick up her bag and secured the strap on her shoulder. “But you’re still going to do it anyway.”
Cappie wasn’t dismayed by Rebecca’s cutting remark - there was nothing new there - but he was panicked by the way she picked up her bag as though to leave.
“Becks,” he said, putting out a hand to touch her elbow, as though that would keep her there a while longer. “I’m not trying to be a hero here. I’m not going to do anything stupid. I’ll do what I can to help and the rest of the time I’ll stay out of the way. I know it’s not what you want me to do but…” He paused, licking his lips. “Please don’t leave mad at me.” He didn’t know when they would see each other again.
Rebecca wasn’t so sure about him not doing anything stupid, at least not intentionally, but it wasn’t like people getting shot or blown up chose that to happen when they were trying to fight. This was a war, an actual and literal war. Bad things happened and sometimes there wasn’t anything you could do to stop it.
“I’m not mad. I’m...” she said quietly, not looking at him at first. Frustrated that he was taking a note out of her book and digging in his heels, but not angry. Okay, maybe a little but it was the illogical part of her brain that she could actually admit was being illogical, so that didn’t really count, right?
“I’m scared.” Her brown eyes turned back up to him. Admitting she was afraid wasn’t easy for her, but ever since the attack on Intake, fear had started to creep in her mind and was then only amplified last night. The missions went on as normal, and there were small instances of COS interferences here and there, but most of the time the actual war felt far off to her, abstract. Except during the days of the arena. Back then she’d been scared but it had been for him, not for herself.
Cappie hadn’t been prepared for the way Rebecca’s revelation made him feel. She so rarely opened up and let herself be vulnerable that it caught him off guard and brought a painful lump to his throat.He quickly swallowed it down, sucking in a breath as he tried to hold himself together.
“I’m scared too,” he told her, his brows knitting together.
He sighed, rolling his eyes a little as he stepped close to her again and pulled her into a tight hug.
“I’m so scared. I just…” He shook his head with a rueful smile before resting his chin on the top of her sleek, dark head. “I’ve been using that as an excuse to do nothing for years. What better time to stop than when my life is literally in danger?”
“It’s the worst time you could have ever picked,” she told him bluntly when he moved to hug her. There was no point pretending she was okay with this. She might not be able to stop him, but she certainly didn’t have to like any of it. Besides, being afraid to grow up and take responsibility was a hell of a lot different than being afraid to die because people were blowing up buildings or shooting at you.
“Well, like you said,” she sighed and pulled back some. “Don’t go doing something all heroic. If you end up getting your arms and legs blown off, I’m so not going to spoon feed you or give you sponge baths every day.”
Cappie couldn’t help but smile and roll his eyes at Rebecca’s bluntness. He could rely on her, even in the most dire of circumstances, to tell it as it was.
“Believe me when I say I will try my very best to keep all my arms and legs attached,” he promised, looking down at her.
His smile gradually faded as his eyes roamed over her face. Although he knew every inch of her almost as well as he knew himself, saying goodbye to her like this was making him want to take the time to memorise every last detail, just in case…
He shook his head, stopping his train of thought before it got that morbid.
“Go on,” he told her, letting go of her and stepping backwards to give her room. “You need to go. It’s got to be nearly ten.”
“Good.” She hesitated and nearly told him that he’d better change his mind if he did get injured, even a little, but she didn’t want to make this harder if he still insisting on staying. Instead, she composed herself and nodded as she stepped back.
“Bye, Cappie.” Rebecca lingered only for a second before turning to the door and stepping back outside. She took a moment to adjust her bag on her shoulder and with a deep breath started towards the road to Mako so that she could get there before the first group left.