Charlie Mills & Rey
"Since we’re sharing, there’s some stuff I should tell you too."
HEART 4 | HIGH | COMPLETE
Mentions of sex, drugs and addiction
“So, this is the lounge, that’s the kitchen and out there’s the deck,” Charlie said, walking hand in hand with Rey into Heart 4 and gesturing to each of the living areas. He stopped and glanced down at her beside him. “But I guess your house is exactly the same,” he continued with an embarrassed smile, feeling a little like an idiot.
The house was spotless - all Wendy’s doing - and Charlie suddenly found himself feeling very glad that he had a house proud roommate. His room - if they got that far - would be a completely different story but he wasn’t going to start counting his chickens before they hatched and worrying about that now. Instead, he walked with Rey into the space between the lounge and the kitchen.
“Would you like anything to drink?” he asked, feeling like offering hospitality was probably the polite thing to do in a situation like this. “Or eat? Ican see what’s in the fridge.” He couldn’t help thinking that he hoped she’d say no. They were alone together, in private, for the first time ever and his heart was beating like crazy, as it had been ever since they’d kissed on the beach. The last thing he wanted to do was lay her out a buffet.
“Yes, I think all the houses are the same. I don’t know about the ones in the family section though, they could be different.” She shook her head at the offer of something to eat or drink. “No, I’m good. There was plenty of stuff at the party.” Rey still wasn’t sure just how much of what she was feeling was party magic and how much was real but she was beginning to believe that it was real. She liked Charlie, she had since she first talked to him and even though they hadn’t known each other that long, she felt comfortable with him.
Charlie nodded. His hand was still in hers and he glanced down at their entwined fingers before gently extricating himself from her. He didn’t move away, though. Instead, he stepped closer and lifted his hand to lightly brush her cheek.
They were here. They were alone. There were no crowds. She wasn’t hungry. She wasn’t thirsty. There was only one thing left on their to do list. Charlie took a shuddery breath and gave her a small smile before lowering his head and pressing his lips to hers. His free hand rose instinctively to her waist as the other fell to meet it at the small of her back, holding her close to him. She had been right; this was so much better without a crowded beach full of people all around them.
Rey let him pull her closer and she slid her arms around his neck, kissing him back. This was nice and she knew that what she was feeling now was real, that was one thing about the Force, she could tell when things were natural or not natural. Most of the time anyway and this was natural, he was kissing her because he wanted to and she was kissing him back because she wanted to. And it was a very nice kiss indeed.
Charlie could have kissed her forever. She felt wonderful in his arms and he was enjoying learning the sensation of her lips against his. She seemed to fit just right against him and, as the kiss deepened and his hands drifted over her back, exploring her, he became acutely aware of the incredible curves of her body beneath the silk of her dress.
Feeling flustered and immensely turned on, Charlie pulled back a little so he could look down into Rey’s eyes.
“Do you want to go to my room?” he asked, in a thick, deep murmur.
“Or, you know, we could just hang out on the deck or something,” he added quickly. The thing was, as much as he wanted to take Rey to his room and fall into bed with her (and, fuck, did he want to!), he didn’t want to make her feel like that was all he wanted.
She hesitated, her body and her brain at war with one another. She knew that she wasn’t ready for anything more than what they were doing and she brushed a lock of hair off his cheek. “The deck sounds nice. You have one of those big chairs out there, don’t you? That two people can fit in? My house has one so I imagined that they were all pretty much the same.” It would certainly give them room to explore without going too far since they were outside. And Rey also didn’t want to admit that even though she had been in a relationship for a good while, they had taken things very slowly. Which would surprise a lot of people they knew.
Charlie felt a little deflated when Rey seemed to jump at the idea of going out to the deck rather than his room but the idea of snuggling up with her on the loveseat quickly lifted his mood again. He nodded in agreement then dipped his head to steal another, little kiss before he stepped away from her and led the way out onto the deck.
Heart 4 was oriented uniquely compared to the rest of the houses on that side of the lake, sideways onto the road; both the entrance at one end and the deck at the other were on either side of the house, rather than the front and the back like the others. It meant that he and Wendy had a much bigger garden than the other households but it also meant that anyone could see onto the deck from the street if they tried hard enough.
Not wanting that particular moment to be overlooked, Charlie took hold of one of the arms of the loveseat and heaved it around so its high back faced the outside world. It meant it was kind of blocking the steps down into the garden but Charlie didn’t care. He was more interested in making sure his private time with Rey was exactly that - private.
Turning back to Rey he murmured something about wanting her to himself before sitting down on one side of the chair and waiting for her to join him.
She slipped off her shoes and joined him in the chair, curling up beside him. It felt good being this close to him, just the two of them. Rey could sense that he was concerned though and she sat up enough to look at him and touched his face.
“I should explain why I suggested we come outside,” she said quietly. “I don’t want you to think that it’s because I didn’t want to be with you alone like that in your bedroom. It’s just….” she felt her face grow warm but she took a deep breath. “I was with Luke for close to a year and it was……. well, it was kind of complicated. He’s from my homeworld and was also my teacher here. Then there was the fact that I meet him in my future and he’s much older than he was here. He had gone into exile and I went to find him and that’s the point I came from. I had just seen him when I found the coin but when he came here he was much younger, only about six years or so older than me and well it was different.” She paused for a moment and then leaned in to kiss Charlie softly on the lips.
“We never……. well, we never. It was too confusing for both of us I think. We sort of met at a strange point. He didn’t know his future and I knew only bits of it and some of it I couldn’t tell him. So I’m kind of, inexperienced I suppose is the right word, in a lot of ways. I don’t know what would have happened if he hadn’t been taken back but I’m not sure either of us really knew what to do. So that’s why I might seem a little bit afraid. It’s because I am.”
It was a huge admission for her but now that they were here and away from the party and the influence of the magic food and drink, she could be honest. “I really like you though. I wouldn’t have come here if I hadn’t. So please don’t think that. I want us to get closer but slowly.”
Charlie lifted his arm and wrapped it around Rey’s shoulders as she snuggled up next to him. His other hand felt out of place and redundant with nothing to do so he pulled his lighter out of his pocket and began turning it around and around between his fingers.
When she began to speak he instinctively went to tell her that she didn’t need to explain herself. It was true that he hadn’t met many girls at home, at least recently, who would have had any qualms about going straight to his bedroom with him as soon as entering the house but he didn’t need to be told that Rey wasn’t that kind of girl.
What he hadn’t expected was what she carried on to say. His lighter stopped moving in his hand as he focused all of his attention on her. He had suspected, from what she’d said during their previous conversations, that she and Luke Skywalker had been more than Teacher and Pupil so it didn’t come as a surprise when she told him they’d been together. It did shock him, however, that she seemed to be telling him that she was a virgin. Or close to it at least. How inexperienced was “inexperienced”? He felt his eyebrows rising and he sucked in a breath between parted lips as he tried to think of something to say.
A sudden weight seemed to press down on him, which felt a lot like responsibility, and he couldn’t deny that it made him feel a bit panicky. He liked Rey… a lot. He just wasn’t sure he was the kind of guy she should be wanting to be the first to “get closer” to.
“Since we’re sharing,” he murmured, his brow furrowing. “There’s some stuff I should tell you too.” His eyelids fluttered uncontrollably as he tried to figure out what the hell he should say. There wasn’t a good way of putting it but, in the back of his mind, he couldn’t help thinking that maybe it was better for her to be horrified by him than naively giving up her “inexperience” to a waste of air like him.
“I’m an addict,” he said, deciding to rip the band aid off and just come out with it. “Drugs. Heroin mostly. I’m sober at the moment - ninety two days - but…” He paused, taking a deep breath. “I don’t want you thinking I’m something I’m not.” The creases on his forehead deepened and he licked his lips before lowering his eyes to look at her, expecting to see the familiar look of disappointment there.
She reached out and tenderly touched his face. That explained what she had sensed about him, that he had a burden he had a hard time sharing. “I wondered,” she said. “When I saw you at Dive. I could tell that you were fighting something, that’s one thing about the Force that I’m still working on, sensing people without trying to. It feels like I’m intruding.” Leaning in, she gave him a soft kiss. “I don’t think you’re something you’re not, Charlie. I like you, not some idea of who I think you should be. We’re all different, some people might tell you I’m some kind of a nut case but I’m not. I know I probably talk more than a lot of girls but I lived pretty much alone for a long time.”
Snuggling closer, she rested her head on his shoulder. “And you’ve been sober for ninety two days, that’s something to be proud of. I don’t know much about how it works but I believe in you, I believe you can do it and just tell me what I can do to help you.”
Charlie met her gaze. He shouldn’t have been surprised by her compassion - she had always come across as incredibly empathetic - but he hadn’t been prepared for her complete lack of the normal responses he usually got from non-users: disappointment, disgust, pity, irritation, even the sick sense of intrigue and excitement some people seemed to feel. Not Rey. She just took him at face value. Perhaps it was because the Force had already given her the heads up but, whatever, the reason, Charlie appreciated it. He really appreciated it.
He closed his eyes as she kissed him, feeling the relief flood his body, and kept them shut, basking in it, while she spoke, only opening them to look down at her with a smile when she said she talked a lot. She did but he liked it.
Taking a deep breath, Charlie nuzzled his cheek against the top of her dark head as she settled against his shoulder. He shifted his arm a little, finding a more comfortable position, and found that his fingers had come to rest against the skin of her arm. Gently, he ran them back and forth. Her words had ignited a warm glow inside him - something entirely different to the animal feeling of attraction which had gripped him earlier - and he was suddenly very glad that she’d asked to come out to the deck.
“You can keep doing this,” he murmured, turning his face to press a kiss into her hair.
“And, about what you said… about not having… you know... “ He stopped and tried to collect his thoughts into a coherent sentence. “I’m good with taking things slow,” he told her, finding a reassuring tone from somewhere. “I mean, that’s not the most important thing to me.” He had lived with Eva for months before anything physical happened between them; that hadn’t stopped him falling hopelessly in love with her. Sex was great but it wasn’t everything.
“Thank you,” she said and kissed him again. The way he was touching her arm felt nice and she didn’t want him to stop. “Even though I’ve been here for a while, there are still things about how people work that I don’t know. There’s so much about myself that I don’t know but I do know that I’m happy here and I’m happy with you.”