leonard mccoy (dammitjim) wrote in saveatlantisic, @ 2017-01-22 18:25:00 |
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Entry tags: | !log, *lena, *ragna, leonard mccoy, molly hooper |
January 22, 2017 Molly Hooper • Leonard McCoy Their Apartment PG • Complete |
The dreams she'd been having had had their ups and their downs. It had been lovely having these things that brought her closer to Jemma, to understand the place she had come from and some of the things she had gone through, and she was glad for that. And she could see that the life that the Molly that Zane and Jemma had known had been happy, though at times a bit lonely. Until lately. And that was the bit that worried her. She had shown an increasing closeness to Khan, and while she had hoped the other her would come to her senses and see what a horrible evil man he was, she just got closer and closer. And then...off to London they went. And there was a fight. And tonight, as she lay in bed next to the man she loved, one of the men Khan tried to kill in his home universe, they began to hit a new level of intimacy they hadn't before in a hotel room in London on New Year's Eve. She woke up gasping for breath, wanting to vomit, wanting to scrub every inch of her skin raw because it was like she could feel his touch on her. No. No no no, she did not want that man touching her, even if it was just in her dreams. She threw back the covers on the bed, trying not to hit Leonard, and rushed to the loo, stripping off her pyjamas and her knickers and getting under the hottest shower she could stand, putting some body wash on a washcloth and scrubbing herself furiously as she tried not to retch. After some months of sharing a bed, Leonard was well aware when his fiancée wasn’t next to him in their bed, even with the change in apartments that had left them with an extra room. He woke moments after she slipped from the bed, wondering what had sent her rushing out of their bedroom so suddenly this morning. “Molly?” he called out as he pushed himself up. It took him a moment to wake up enough to figure out where she’d gone and then he followed into the bathroom. Being engaged didn’t mean he was entitled to just invade on her privacy, he knew, but he made an exception this morning out of worry. His brow wrinkled when he heard the sound of the shower and he called out for her again. “Molly, are you alright?” he asked, hesitating only slightly in joining her. She could see her skin turn red under the hot water but she didn’t care. She wanted to burn away any layer of skin that damn psychopath could have touched. Between losing Sherlock and John in the span of days, everything she’d seen on the telly from home and the dreams of Lawrence her mind had been a mess and this...this had just been the last sodding straw. After a moment she stopped scrubbing so furiously and just started sobbing, sinking to the floor of the shower and not caring she was probably getting burned. At least until she heard Leonard come in. She frantically pulled the curtain towards her and tried to speak while crying. “You don’t want to come near me!” she said. “You….you don’t. You won’t want to touch me. You won’t, I know you won’t. I’m filthy.” And then she couldn’t get any more out, just sobbing again, clutching the curtain in her hands. Only growing more worried with every word, he moved forward, ignoring her protests to wrap his arms around her. He didn't care that she was wet from the shower and that he was quickly going to become a mess, himself. All that mattered was fixing whatever was wrong with Molly. “Molly, talk to me, please,” he pleaded, pressing his lips to her forehead as his hands stroked her skin on what he hoped were soothing motions. “Tell me what's wrong.” It was all too much. She didn’t push him away, reaching up to grasp his arms. “Dreams…” she choked out. “Lawrence...dreams. Khan...dating...other me...and tonight…” She couldn’t get any more out as the images flashed through her mind again and she shook her head and pushed him away to retch towards the drain. When she’d emptied the contents of her stomach, she reached up and turned off the shower. “It’s...it’s all too much. Home and the dreams and I just...I can’t. I can’t...he kissed me and he touched me and…” She felt ill again and curled in on herself. “I don’t deserve you. I’m horrible. I’m a wreck. I’m just such a horrible person and then I have these dreams...he tried to kill you!” She started to cry again. “Why would I ever…?” Staying close, he gently rubbed her back as she retched and tried to soothe her the best he could. Leonard still didn't really know what was going on with his fiancé, just the little tidbits she managed to get out, but he wasn't going anywhere as long as she was like this. “Shh, Molly, it's okay,” he tried to reassure her, wrapping his arms around her once more and pulling her close to him. “You're not horrible. Not even close, darlin’. You're beautiful and amazing and I love you. I'm not going anywhere.” He didn't know if anything he said was getting through to her, but he didn't really know what else to do. She simply continued to cry, nodding slightly at his words. He did love her. She knew he did. She knew it, deep in her bones. She clung to him as she got it out. And it all came out, everything, all the hurt and loss that not just she felt at watching Mary die and feeling the loss of her friendship with John here, knowing she couldn’t look at him the same way again, but all the losses the other Molly had felt, losing her Mary and John and goddaughter, losing Olivia and Harry. She sobbed for losses she’d bottled up and tried to feel okay about. When she started to feel cold, now that the water was off, she lifted her head up and sniffed. Oh, she knew she looked a mess, and Leonard didn’t look that good himself, with his T-shirt and sleep pants soaked. But she felt better for him having come in to comfort her. She didn’t know if he would have done that. She pointed to the towel rack. “Could you get me a towel? I’m cold,” she said. She was sure she probably had low grade burns from the scalding water, but the room was chilly and a towel would be nice. Leonard’s arms tightened around her, pulling her closer as he tried, almost frantically, to comfort the woman in his arms. He’d been right by her side as she’d watched those scenes. As she’d watched all her belief in the goodness of her friend fade. Good people could do terrible things, he knew that, but he also knew what a shock it had been for Molly to see that from someone she’d never expected it of. While she poured out her heart, everything that was causing her pain, he was wholly focused on holding her and bringing her whatever comfort he could, whether it be through softly spoken words or gentle caresses to her skin. He was barely aware of the mess they both were in, but as she lifted her head, he realized there were probably better places for a heart to heart and his hand was already halfway to the nearest towel when she made her request as he tried to reach for it without having to let go of her. Moments later, he’d gently wrapped the towel around her, still not caring about his own messy appearance. “Do you want some tea?” he asked, reaching his hand out to touch her cheek. “We might still have some cheesecake in the freezer if you feel like eating.” He had no idea what time it was, but he didn’t care. This might just be a morning when Jemma would do without him for a few hours, if not the day. He knew her well enough to think she’d be understanding, especially when she’d come from the place Molly seemed to be dreaming about. "Just tea," she said, snuggling against him. She didn't think she could handle food at the moment, and she just wanted a hot cuppa and warm clothes and the only man she wanted to be in love with. She didn't care that she had some sort of relationship with Sherlock back home, or that in her dreams she was shagging Khan. She loved Leonard wholeheartedly and that was all that mattered. She let him carry her back to bed and then curled into the towel. Her arms hurt and so did her back, but it was better than being under the scalding hot water. When he came back with the cup, she took a sip of the tea before setting it aside and reaching for his hand. "I don't want these dreams anymore," she said quietly. Leonard got her settled in the bed before he went to make the tea. It took far too long for his liking, but eventually he was coming back in with the steaming cup and handing it to her before he crawled into bed next to her. His fingers laced through hers when she reached for his hand and he smiled slightly, nodding his head as his other hand brushed some hair away from her face. “I know,” he said sympathetically. It seemed like this hadn’t been a very good month for her, between these dreams and that damned show of hers coming back on. He could just imagine how confusing it all was for her. “Do you wanna talk about them?” he probed gently. A part of him wasn’t sure he wanted the details, but if she needed to get it out, he would listen. Anything to make her feel better. “Not particularly,” she said. “I know it’s true, I know it all really happened in Lawrence. Jemma said so. The less I think about it or talk about it, the less I’ll…” She shook her head and then moved closer to him. She didn’t want the mental images of kissing Khan or doing anything more with him. Not when she knew who he was and what he had done to the people she cared for, and not when he looked so much like Sherlock. “It’s all so confusing, in my head, right now,” she said. “Here, I have you, and you make me happier than I’ve been in so long. But at home, if I go home, there will be...something...with Sherlock. And I can’t even talk to him about it because he’s gone. And then there’s these dreams of me with someone who I’d never want to touch in a million years, but the other Molly, she loved him. And I can’t understand it, and I’m not sure I want to. But I see it and it makes me…” She stopped and shudderedat that. “I feel like some higher power just wants me to suffer,” she said. “Like this is some sort of endurance test. And I just want it to stop.” Wrapping his arms around her, he pulled her close and kissed the top of her head. “You loved him because you have the biggest heart of anyone I know. I doubt you knew everything he’d done, he looks just like a man you’ve loved for years and if there’s anyone who can find the good in someone, even someone like that, it’s you, Molly.” He’d be lying if he tried to say he liked the idea of that bastard touching her. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t jealous, knowing how she felt about Sherlock. A part of him was conflicted about whether he should be glad the man was gone. He was certainly glad Khan’s other look-a-like was, if only for Jim’s sake. She nodded and then moved closer to him, practically into Leonard's lap. This was why she loved him so much, she realized. He made it all seem okay, made it all make sense. She could beat herself up for something that she had no control over and he would be there, patient and loving, and still love her. Still care for her. Even if he had thoughts that might be different, he would still love her. And for that reason, no matter what else was going on at home or in another universe that she was forced to see, that would be why she stayed in Atlantis, because she would love him the same way. He deserved that much. "You have a big heart too, you know," she said. "And I appreciate it more than you'll ever know." She rested her head on his shoulder. "I think I should avoid sleeping for a while. And as much as I would love to show you how much I adore you by doing all sorts of naughty things, I'm fairly sure I burned my skin a bit. So...movies and careful snuggling? And then maybe later I can try and repay you in some small way by treating you to breakfast in bed?" “Yeah, well don’t tell anyone,” he said with mock gruffness. “I have a reputation, you know.” His smile was fond as he brushed the hair away from her face. Molly was one of the few in his life who got to see that side of him. It was hard to maintain a grumpy facade with her, even if he tried with everyone else. He nodded, agreeing to her suggestion. “What kind of movies are you in the mood for?” he asked her as he reached for the nearby remote control. He was glad Atlantis had easy access to every movie ever made. That was going to make it easy to keep her distracted until she was willing to try sleeping some more. Not that these dreams seemed to care if you were asleep. He’d heard reports of some people getting sucked in when they were wide awake, but he wasn’t about to tell her that right now. "Our secret," she said, pressing a soft kiss to his neck before snuggling in against him. She loved that he would let his guard down for her, and sometimes even in front of other people, and she cherished that. She was very lucky to have been taken to Breckenridge, she thought to herself. Much better than to have been taken to Lawrence, or to have lived life out in London. She didn't think she would be nearly so happy in either of those places as she here. "Mmm...the Lord of the Rings trilogy?" she suggested, knowing it was fun to tease him about his facetwin being in those movies. But truthfully she did love those films, and she was in the mood for something sweeping and grand and needing to be paid complete attention to. It would probably be the best to get her mind off of things, to delve into that world for a while. “Your wish is my command,” he told her with a smile. Right now, he probably would have agreed to anything that made her happy. Even watch those damn Lord of the Rings movies and let her tease him. He knew she was having a rough time with her friends from home leaving, no matter how angry she’d gotten at John after watching the show. That meant he was willing to deal with a little teasing if it’d cheer her up. Turning on the tv, he quickly got the first of the movies started and then he set the remote aside, carefully wrapping his a blanket around them as they settled in to watch. |