Well my entire squad, my sisters, all died in service to a king who did not deserve them trying to quell an evil he made himself. No honor, only death. I survived because I saw an opening and left, I suppose I deserted but it doesn't feel like that.
I stopped believing in our duty when it became about dying to fix one man's mistakes and left him to deal with his crazy daughter himself. After that it took me eons to wake up from a spiral of drinking, fighting and waiting to die so I supposed I might as well have died there.
I wear our title as my name to honour them. Especially the one I loved who died so I wouldn't, put herself between a cursed spear and me. And I have since changed my stance on that last part.
But I don't wish it on anyone, so I am sorry about your partner. I'm sure if you did try to honour him then...you did. There's not a lot the dead need after it's all done. Did you do right by him when he was alive? That's what matters. Of course remembering them matters, but like I said, I don't think they care as much as we do.