SYDNEY CLARKE + JESSE McCREE
SYD GETS CANON BUMPED AND NEEDS TO TALK ABOUT IT.. and things evolve.
PG-13 | COMPLETE
Sydney hadn’t expected to wake up in the morning with a rush of new memories. A year’s worth that made her head throb irritatingly as everything merged together. She’d padded to the bathroom silently, blonde hair a messy wave falling to the tops of her shoulders, Dol following her as he always did. He laid down outside the bathroom door while she stared at herself in the mirror, blinking with an inscrutable look.
Visibly, there wasn’t much of a change. Her hair was a little shorter from a recent haircut, and features just slightly changed. Matured. Some teenagers could manage to look mid-twenties by the time they were eighteen, but Syd had only barely changed in appearance since sixteen or seventeen, and she wouldn’t have realized the physical changes had even happened in Atlantis if it wasn’t for the new scar on her shoulder, or the bruise on her hip that hadn’t been there before.
After putting herself together and taking Dol for a walk, she’d ignored Victor and Mitch both and shot Jesse a text, asking if he was home as she emerged, snow getting on her phone as she typed with one hand, the other holding Dol’s leash. The snow was amping up just now, as they walked around the pond to the other half of Atlantis Housing. She always took a wide berth around that pond, and as it was frozen over, she went a little wider, glancing over with a glaring expression that would probably crack the ice if she’d had any offensive-type powers at all.
Coming here hadn’t been that odd of an instinct, on reflection. Jesse was one of the better friends she had in Atlantis, and the one most likely to just listen to her if she needed to talk. But the last person she had that sort of feeling with left her disappointed and once again feeling like she was being manipulated. She almost walked away, almost decided not to burden anyone else with suddenly getting extra memories, but decided against it, and knocked lightly.
It was still pretty early in the morning, but she leaned against the frame of Jesse’s front porch while Dol rolled around making dog-angels in the snow next to her, waiting for the cowboy to open his door.
Once upon a time, Jesse McCree would’ve slept in on a Saturday. Probably laid around in his underwear, watching old movies or lazily planning a heist using empty beer bottles and cigar butts. He’d grown up since then. Or, well, he’d been browbeat into being the type of asshole who woke up with the sun no matter if he could sleep in or not. Goddamn Gabriel Reyes.
Still, it meant he wasn’t woken up by Syd’s text, or put out in any way, and he at least had jeans and an unbuttoned flannel on by the time he opened the door.
“Mornin’.” Jesse was actually pretty decent at reading people and the tension in Sydney’s shoulders was telling. He stepped aside and swept an arm towards the interior of the house. “Come on in outta the cold. Er, well maybe shake him off first,” he nodded at Dol.
As if the large dog understood him, Dol stood up and shook off, before following his owner into the house, tongue out. After the door was closed and they were inside the house, Syd dropped Dol’s leash and he just sprawled out on the floor, eyes half-closed as he went into sleepy guardian mode.
Most people shrugged their coats off when entering a warm house, but Syd kind of burrowed a little into hers, still not (rarely, if ever) warm. She sat down on the edge of the couch, so she’d have a place to perch instead of pacing around. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have bugged you but-” There was a shrug under the bulky coat. “I woke up with an extra year of memories, most of them shitty, and if I stayed around Victor for today, I was probably going to punch him.”
Jesse smirked at the smart dog and scratched his head as he passed by, following Sydney’s lead into the living room. She’d asked to talk when she was clearly sorting through something, and it made him feel warm and weird inside, anyone using him for a sounding board when they were upset. Still he was surprised by the cause and his eyebrows lifted comically high.
“Well, alright. That...sounds like a helluva mornin’.” Not sure how much to dig, Jesse dropped his gaze to her hands. “You still cold? You want some coffee?”
There was a hollow laugh as Syd looked down at her hands too. “I'm always cold. Sure.” Hot drinks helped, at least, and they'd give her something to do besides just… sit. Think. She'd already known that Eli was dead - Victor had told her that the first day out of the hospital when he'd arrived. There was still a part of her that had scoffed, though. She, Sydney Clarke, had killed the unkillable man. Sure.
But it had happened, and the part of her brain that constantly brought him to the surface was quieter now. Comforted.
“I killed someone.” she was loud enough that he could hear her if he walked the few steps to the kitchen, but still focused on her hands. “He definitely deserved it. I guess I didn't know I'd feel relieved about it, though. I did it to save Victor, but… Not just to save Victor. Because I just wanted Eli dead. Is that-” she laughed quietly again, watching her fingers weave into each other. “I was going to ask if that was normal, but I know the answer.”
The coffee was already made so Jesse was pouring her a mug full when he heard her confession. It wasn’t what he’d expected at all, but then it made sense she’d come to him. He was likely the one of her new friends with the shadiest past and therefore most likely to understand. He poured a little whiskey into her coffee before bringing it back through to the living room.
“Ain’t gonna pretend I know what normal is anyhow, Syd,” he smiled sympathetically and pressed the mug into her hands before plopped down next to her. “Sounds like he was a bad man and you served some justice. If you were a cop and you’d stopped a murderer you’d been huntin’ a while...would you beat yourself up for feelin’ good about it?”
Syd mostly just wanted the coffee for the warmth, but she took tiny sips of it anyway, and held it kind of close to her as she resembled something of a human armadillo on the couch. “That’s where morality gets murky. He was a bad dude, and working with the cops. It was basically a us or him thing, though, and I don’t feel bad about it. He’s been haunting me for a long time.”
She shrugged again, under her big coat, and tried to suck in the warmth from the coffee, staring ahead rather than looking at Jesse. “Victor’s done just as much bad, if not more. Feels a little like picking exactly who’s right or wrong just because one of them saved my life and the other tried to take it, you know?”
“Oh.” Jesse kind of wished he’d brought himself a mug with more whiskey than coffee. With nothing to keep his hands busy, he saw no reason not to press a comforting hand to her back. Well, the back of her big coat, anyway. “I ain’t got the best moral compass, but I try to do better now than before, and if somebody kept coming after me and somebody I cared about? I’d put em down and probably not lose a whole lotta sleep over it. For whatever that's worth.”
He rubbed at her back and leaned over to nudge her with a shoulder. “I am glad you came out the other side on top, I can tell ya that much. Sounds like it coulda gone a whole nother way.”
Well, this was why she came here. Fray likely would’ve said similar, in probably more blunt of a way, but having someone that didn’t hit on the moral high ground and tell her hey, it’s fine made Syd’s shoulders finally relax. She leaned a little against him, just barely, which just made her bulky coat swish. “It was a giant clusterfuck, but I’m not sad. And I sure as fuck am going to sleep better.”
Syd went quiet for a few minutes, sipping her coffee and letting the heat and whiskey warm her. There was a lot more than just Eli in her head, anyway, Victor and his disappearance, along with his stupid lack of trust and transparency. June-- Syd made a noise of annoyance, and bumped his shoulder lightly. “If you turn out to be a shapeshifter or manipulating me for your own gain, I’m going to shoot you. And I’m a way better shot now.”
Jesse’s understanding smile turned into an amused squint. He knew she was still sorting through some heavy feelings and his hand kept making circles against her back without him really thinking too hard about it, but he didn’t mind taking the thread she offered and giving it a good tug for humor’s sake.
“If I could shapeshift, you think I’d keep that shit on the down low? Everybody’d know. That’d be the first thing outta of my dumb mouth. Howdy, I’m Jesse McCree.” He leaned in close, smirking dangerously and tipping a hat he wasn’t wearing. “This mornin’, I was a hippopotamus, just for kicks.” His smirk softened to something more genuine and he stayed close. “As for the rest,” he murmured, “I promise I ain’t never gonna try and make you doing anything you don’t wanna do.”
This kind of comfort? Not something Sydney ever got. Mitch tried his best and she loved him for it, but she rarely went to him when she just needed a hug, feeling more like a bother for the big guy who barely knew how to handle a teenage girl. Hugs were unusual, but just staying close and the hand on her back and the gentle touches and jokes- she sucked in a breath, having the immediate instinct to pull away.
But she didn’t, she just laughed against his shoulder, which was a step up from her usual gut instincts. “Okay, but why wouldn’t you pick something cool. Like a red panda, or a tiger?”
Finally feeling a little warmer, Syd pulled away a little to shrug herself out of the coat, before stopping mid-pull. “Er- you can kick me out, if you want. I don’t want to like, loiter around talking about my problems if you have things to do?”
“I mean, I should kick you out,” Jesse teased, reaching over to help tug off her coat with a smirking roll of his eyes. “It’d serve you right for implyin’ that the majestic hippopotamus ain’t cool.” It was probably crossing a line, putting a hand on her ribs for counterbalance as he pulled the coat from her shoulder with the other. But he’d always been a bit too generous with touch. Probably a little desperate for it, all said, but nobody’d be hearing him admit to that.
“Stay as long as you like,” he shrugged. “It’s Saturday. Most I got planned is watching Christmas cartoons.”
“Elephants are way cooler.” Sydney didn’t back down, but she did eventually get her coat off and gently tossed over the edge of the chair. The hand on her midsection caused a little noise, half from her own touch desperation and half just from the warmth of a hand through her shirt. Syd had to remind her brain to shut up, they’d touched before. They had danced and touched and- ugh. Her brain wasn’t helping as it shorted out for a good twenty seconds, before she finally just plopped down on the sofa.
“I’m good with that. I don’t feel like going back home and Dol’s clearly not going anywhere-” She gestured to the passed-out dog on the floor, sprawled over the entire entryway. “So. Charlie Brown? It’s not a cartoon but Muppet Christmas Carol is my favorite.”
“Your wrong opinion has been noted,” Jesse grinned. Sinking back into the sofa, he draped an arm across the sofa back behind her. He was usually better about not manspreading, but he let his leg press against hers anyway. So, alright, maybe he was testing the waters. Like anybody’d actually be shocked.
“I’ll look for the Muppet one.” While the menu scrolled by on the screen, he gave her a sideways glance. “You gonna tell me why you’re mad at Victor?”
Sydney kicked her shoes off and pulled her feet up to tuck under her, which put her in a position a little closer to him. And since neither of them seemed bothered by the idea, she kind of just …. Settled in next to him, under the crook of his arm and up against his side. It wasn’t cuddling if that’s just how the couch put them together, right?
“Ugh.” She was about to ask if he really actually wanted to hear, but gave Jesse the benefit of the doubt that he wouldn’t ask unless he did, and sighed. “I- He saved my life, years ago. When Eli shot me, when I was alone, my parents didn’t- my sister- All that shit. I just kind of ended up with him and Mitch and they took me in, but Victor’s never been…” Syd shrugged. “Caring. I just thought after that long he would- He lied to me, and he manipulated me, and then he ghosted us, after I killed Eli. It feels like it’s been months since I saw him and like it was just yesterday.”
Jesse smothered a pleased little smile as her answer turned dark, and his eyebrows furrowed together instead. He had his own history with uncaring parents and it pinched a nerve in his chest to know she’d been mistreated like that.
“Hell, darlin’,” he murmured softly. The tv and the Christmas program search were forgotten for a moment as he moved his arm from the back of the sofa to actually rest it gently around her shoulders. It might’ve felt like a move if he weren’t frowning in genuine concern. “That sounds like a damn migraine of a situation. What was he tryin’ to pull? Or was he always lyin’ from the start?”
Sydney blew out a breath and just shook her head, having no real answer to that. Victor usually had good reasons for things. She’d supported him unconditionally, even when June was trying to get her to leave, and she still felt obligated. But without that obligation, what was left? They’d had good times, sure, usually quiet ones that were few and far between - her birthday, the occasional netflix binge watch that was amusing. But did that make up for the murder and manipulation? She used to always think so, when she was younger.
“It usually always boils down to people saying the’re trying to protect me.” She was talking with her hands now, maybe a little too much, as her hand flew to bumping him in the chest. “Why can’t people just realize I can fucking protect myself?”
Even though he had less experience with the overprotective thing, Jesse could still sympathize. And get a little frustrated on her behalf. He ducked his chin to catch her gaze. “I don’t know, but you ain’t gotta take that shit from anyone, right? He saved you, you saved him. Sounds fair and square to me? Might be you need to take some time and figure out what’s left between the pair of ya.”
Syd let her head fall back, where it landed on his arm resting behind her. She knew he was right, but she wasn’t entirely ready to let the anger go just yet. Mostly because, well, teenage rage. Syd was looking right back at him, though, and enjoying the fact that she could just vent to someone about this that wasn’t immediately judge her. Syd had limited experience with friends (and crushes), but this place afforded her both, and she couldn’t even be grumpy at that.
“Yeah, you’re probably right.” She wrinkled her nose. “But like, way later. Right now I just want to hang out and not talk about Victor?”
Three years ago, Jesse would’ve probably jumped straight to offering her booze. But three years ago, he wouldn’t have let himself like her this much. He’d have made his move ages ago and moved on. It left him in unfamiliar territory, always off a step and still trying to play it cool.
“Well, sure. We can talk about whatever you want. Just watch some tv.” He had no idea where he’d tossed the remote and his smile was nervous for a cowboy who prided himself on being charmingly cocky. “We don’t have to...” His eyes flicked to her mouth without his say so. “...talk at all, really. I’m damn good at not talking.” He huffed self-deprecatingly and rolled his eyes at himself. “When I decide to shut the hell up that is.”
One thing Syd had going for her was that she was rarely oblivious, and now was no exception as she watched him go through a range of emotions that were a little less unlike him. The rambling, the looks. At first, she was trying to figure it out, where he was going with this, and then it dawned on her.
And she started laughing. Quietly. Her head was still against his arm and the back of the couch, and she was still pulled up with her feet under her, and there was no moving away or nervousness, but her heart rate did pick up (and she could’ve sworn that her body temp went up a few degrees as well). “Are you hitting on me?” She gave him her own self-deprecating grin, teasing. “Is this because I’m older now?”
If Jesse McCree were the kind of fella to blush, he might’ve turned an annoying shade of red right about then. As it was, his face crunched up into a grimace that didn’t quite mask his laughing mouth. “I ain’t never cared for that term. Hittin’ on. I was only sayin’...” He sank down into the sofa, turning towards her so their faces were close.
“I was only sayin’...I’m good for a lot of things.” Laughing at him could be a bad sign, but it didn’t feel that way, so he let his gaze drift a little slower, and warmer, over her face. “Bein’ distractin’ is my specialty, after all.”
“A girl wakes up more jaded and angry and suddenly there’s interest.” Sydney joked back, still grinning. Still wasn’t a no, either, cause she wasn’t in the business of turning down interest. As it was, she was already in a level of unexperienced that annoyed her more than it was cute or endearing for her age. A couple mistletoe kisses didn’t count, really. And there was no preconceived notion that their friendship would get fucked up if they added fooling around.
Syd reached up to tug him a little closer via his shirt, already feeling warm just from his look, and selfishly a little more interested in someone else’s bodyheat. “You should know, I am like, so much better at this now after three whole mistletoe kisses. A true professional, even.”
Jesse huffed a laugh and reached up to graze the back of his hand up her neck. “There was interest before you were angry and old.”
That seemed important to say, as joking as the delivery was, but it also meant Jesse felt a little more exposed than he cared to be. So like a true twenty year old ex-degenerate, he followed it up with by smirking and twisting his hand to grasp her face, fingertips curling into her hair.
“But I am mighty interested in seeing what you’ve learned, Miss Professional,” he whispered, wasting no more time in pressing in for a kiss.
“So many things.” Being all talk meant Syd really hadn’t learned all that much, but was still open and willing enough to follow along. Things devolved quickly enough that she ended up with both hands on him, one wrapped around his neck and the other with fingers clutching his shirt probably a little harder than intended. Every previous kiss she’d had was just a peck, something simple and short, with very little actual skill involved.
This was different, and made her head spin. Slowly, she adjusted herself a little next to him, turned fully and going for what was most comfortable for both, which left her pulling him partially down as she sunk back on the couch a ways.
Being a bit of a show pony by nature, Jesse took her ‘I’ve kissed three people recently’ as a challenge to impress. To be fair, he’d have tried no matter what she said beforehand, because he was always trying to impress. Even with all his experience, he got lost in kissing her pretty quick. One hand stayed lodged in her hair and the other roamed as she tugged him down, and he only broke away to press a few kisses down her neck.
Which was why he didn’t see the giant dog coming. Dol pounced all of his furry self onto Jesse’s back and Jesse made a loud oof sound as he immediately pushed up on his hands so he wouldn’t crush Syd underneath their combined weight.
“Alright, alright, take it easy now,” he grumbled, a laugh underneath the petulant words. “I ain’t hurtin’ her.”
The big furry dog seemed to take his words to heart, and simply laid down on Jesse’s back, his large frame taking up most of the cowboy’s surface area. Sydney was already laughing at that point, with her head falling back against the sofa and peels of laughter too much to just tell Dol to get down and now Jesse was above her and straining to not crush her under the weight of a hundred pound dog and his own body and just-
Yeah, the laughing wasn’t stopping. It was the best she’d felt all day, though, so the distraction had worked, and Sydney was more than a little grateful. And warm. “Okay okay-” Finally, she took a gasping breath and snapped her fingers towards the ground, where the dog followed immediately, sliding off of Jesse’s back like he was melting tar. He licked her hand before plopping down on the floor in front of them. “Maybe he’s just reminding us that we’re in a semi-public place?”
Her laughter set Jesse’s own free and he nearly landed on her before the dog’s weight was suddenly gone. He made another oof, more in surprise, and sat up. It was on the tip of his tongue to suggest they just go somewhere more private then, if the venue was the problem, but he bit it back with a smile.
“Just couldn’t have a dumber dog, huh?” Realizing his hand was still tangled in her hair, he drew it back and gestured at the tv. “You still wanna watch that movie?”
Sydney used Jesse to pull herself upright, feet dropping down to rest lightly on Dol as she smiled at the black dog fondly. “He has his moments.” She wouldn’t have complained if he’d just not interrupted too, but it was something to keep in mind for the future. Probably.
Maybe. Whatever.
She still didn’t scoot further away or make any effort at all to disengage some limbs as she settled back against the couch properly. “Sure. If you can find where you ditched the remote.”