Tenzing Tharkay had been raised with few expectations. For all his fine education, he’d known since he was quite young that he was not the sort of man anyone wanted for a partner, whether in business or in life. He had spent most of his youth penniless and forgotten, and people of mixed race had few places to properly call home in his time. He made himself a vagabond, heart and soul, forging a life alone and rejecting the world that had so often rejected him.
Until he met William Laurence, and everything changed. Here was a man who had every likelihood of being like every other son of an English lord, spoiled and pompous and bigoted - but he wasn’t. He was better than all of them, better than any man Tharkay had ever known, in fact. He was good and honorable to the point that Tharkay thought it was stupid sometimes and loved him all the more for it. He trusted Tharkay in a way that no one else in his entire life had, and from the moment he’d realized that, Tharkay had decided that he would be worthy of it, and trust him in return. Trust, over time, had turned into affection. Friendly affection had then turned into love, so much that when Tharkay at last had the home and land he’d fought in the courts for, he didn’t even think twice about inviting Laurence and Temeraire to come enjoy their retirement from the Aerial Corps there with him.
He hadn’t thought too much at the time about how happy he had been to hear Laurence accept. He’d spent little consideration on how much he enjoyed having tea with Laurence on a daily basis, or going flying with him and Temeraire, or sharing drinks and conversation after dinner. If an odd feeling pulled at him here or there, he simply ignored it.
Time in Breckentale had changed that. There, he had been someone who didn’t simply dismiss desire for a man as something to be brushed aside. He didn’t dismiss love as merely a close friendship. He had known his own feelings for what they were, and upon arrival in Atlantis, he could no longer make them be anything else. He’d thought of saying so time and again, always cut off by something or another or simply held back by his own fear, and having received Laurence’s letter, he had officially run out of all excuses for doing so.
He read it twice, just to be sure of what it said. A third time he glanced over its salient points, and then, at last, started to smile. The letter was real, truly real, and there was no time to waste sitting around his room staring at it.
Will Laurence loved him. That meant Will needed to hear the words in return before he thought of taking them back.
Tharkay covered the ground quickly, not at a dead run, but certainly a very brisk walk. When he reached Laurence’s door, he knocked sharply, probably too loudly, but he had too much nervous energy to contain in a proper polite rapping.
To say that Laurence was pacing nervously in the front hall was an understatement. The stress and fatigue was clear on his face to any of his housemates that might have walked by. But he was polite to a fault, as he always does, even if a little shorter than normal. His hopes and expectations were all over the charts right now, having told Dash to make a few laps around Atlantis before delivering just in case he chickened out and attempted to take back the letter before it was delivered.
But he didn’t. He squared his large shoulders and let fate have it’s way. And paced. Please just burn it and never think of it again, he hoped quietly to himself, more than once. It was a man unsure that he would actually get a positive reaction, and unable to hope for more.
So when the knock on the door came, he damn near jumped out of his own skin. Realizing it was still early in the day, and it might not actually be for him, he gave himself a full second of bracing before swinging the door wide open. He opened his eyes not-quite-as-sharply and let out a breath before trying to act… casual. Some semblance of casual. “Tenzing.”
“Will.” Tenzing kept his features calm - they were practically in public at the moment, after all, standing here in the doorway. He might have been holding his breath, but he felt he needed to maintain appearances until they were out of the view and hearing of passers-by. “I know it’s early, but your letter said that you would be at home to visitors all day. Have you a moment to speak privately with me?”
In all honesty, Laurence would rather have been let down in public, as embarrassing as it might end up being. But he would never decline Tharkay anything, so he gave the other man a curt nod and gestured to his bedroom door.
Because really, that was his only option. He had three other people living in his house, and whoever might pass outside. Temeraire wasn’t far away in his pavilion. So his room, which was sparingly furnished, had the door closed behind him and Laurence standing there, back pressed up against it, waiting impatiently for anything from Tenzing. “Tenzing, I-” He clamped his mouth shut before he said something stupid, and instead just gestured for the other man to speak.
“Thank you.” Tharkay acknowledged Laurence’s allowing him the floor with a polite nod. Now was the moment when it became difficult, when he had to actually say what he felt and not ruin it all. “Will...there is no one I care for as I do you. There never has been. Nor has there ever been a person whose company I so enjoy, or whose opinion I so value.”
It sounded like the sort of thing that could be leading up to a “but.” It was actually leading up to an “and.”
Good God, he couldn’t take it. Laurence was never the patient sort, and right now he was about to melt into the ground. The range of emotion his face went through was telling, and finally Laurence just ran a hand through his hair and interrupted, despite telling himself not to. “I do really wish you had just burned the letter, Tenzing. This would be much easier.”
“You also have the patience of a teenage dragon,” Tenzing added, as though he were simply continuing his declaration, but with a pointedly annoyed look. “And I suppose if I expected you to listen for more than half a minute all together without interrupting, I should have followed your example and written a letter. You, however, said in your concluding paragraph that I ought to come see you today if I returned your feelings--so here I stand, and I would appreciate the consideration of you holding in your self-doubt and impatience long enough to let me tell you so.”
Now properly chastised, Laurence had the grace to look ashamed. His face flushed a little and he shuffled in place, unsure of what to do with his hands. But now there was a look of hope on his face, and his breath caught in his throat at the lack of outright dismissal. Looking up through his eyelashes, he regarded Tenzing carefully. “My apologies. It won't happen again. Do continue.”
Tenzing’s expression softened; he wasn’t without sympathy for Laurence’s struggle, given how much of the same doubt he had experienced himself. He could see the fidgeting born of nervousness, the difficulty staying calm with so much on the line, and stepped in closer to take Laurence’s hands in his.
“I came here to tell you that though you are indeed my dearest friend, friendship is insufficient in describing the whole of my regard for you,” he said, quieter than before. “And that though I feel a bit as if I am walking aloft with harness straps cut, with little idea how to proceed without plummeting...I think that if I hold on to you, I might find my way to safety again. Finally, in the spirit of full honesty, I must also say that in these last months, every time our eyes meet I find that I want to kiss you more than I want to continue breathing.”
Laurence was certain he went far too long without drawing a breath, it catching in his throat from the moment Tenzing touched his hands. That was almost silly, given the number of times they had touched, and yet it felt new this time.
“Oh.” He’d wanted to say more, and instead just opened his mouth and closed it again. He moved forward a little more, his eyes staying pointedly trained on Tenzing’s face and no lower than his nose, before finally taking a breath. “I’m afraid I think I expended all of my feelings in a massively embarrassing and long letter. I don’t know what to say now.”
There it was again, that powerful urge to lean up and kiss Laurence to breathlessness. Before, Tenzing had always shoved that thought aside and buried it deep. Now things were different; now he knew Laurence felt as he did, and they were in a world where those feelings were no danger to life, fortune, or reputation. Tenzing still didn’t have any idea what he was doing--he’d never kissed a man before, was it supposed to be different?--but he found the courage within himself to attempt it anyway. He took his hand from Laurence’s, raising it to rest butterfly-light at his cheek, tracing along the edge of his jaw.
“There was nothing to be embarrassed by in your letter,” Tenzing said. “I should know; I read it three times before I came here, just to be certain wishful thinking hadn’t affected my interpretation of it. One thing it did not say, though, was whether or not you would allow me to kiss you now.”
When faced with a battle, Laurence had no hesitations. The exact opposite, usually, as his tactical mind took over. That was easy comparatively. Over the last decade, he had only been with Jane Roland, who was not a woman that waited for any man to make a decision - and that was more than fine for Laurence. Tenzing’s hand on his skin burned in a different way - but not in a way that turned him off, instead making him lean into the touch as if he were starved for it.
Now, faced with the daunting prospect of something so new and different, he had to swallow the lump in his throat and actually speak his mind. “Then let me apologize for my bad manners, and agree most heartily that it would be welcome.”
Tenzing wasn’t short, but Laurence was tall; even when Tenzing tilted his head all the way up, Laurence’s lips weren’t quite in reach. The solution there seemed simple, though. Tenzing let his hand drift on to curl around the back of Laurence’s neck, just at his hairline, and guide him gently downward. From there, a kiss was easy--except, of course, for the way it made Tenzing’s heart pound and his head swim. It was a slow, careful kiss, and nonetheless the most powerful kiss of his entire life.
Laurence had never felt anything like it. He hadn’t known what to expect, exactly, but to be pulled in so deeply, and to find himself surging forward ungentlemanly, hands grasping for Tenzing’s hip to hold the other man steady, and to never want to let go? That was new.
Before pushing himself too further, or either of them uncomfortable, Laurence pulled away. But not by much. His hand stayed on Tenzing’s hip, touching foreheads. He could have said something long and meaningful, but instead he just let out a breathless little chuckle. “Well.”
“Indeed.” Tharkay chuckled softly, too, and he was still smiling even when the laugh was gone. He was happy in a way that he hadn’t been in a long time, maybe ever. He looked up at Laurence, just with his eyes. “I feel I should admit that I have no idea how to proceed now, though I suspect the same is true of you.”
“I-” It was true, even if Laurence hated not knowing how to push forward. Still, he echoed Tenzing’s grin himself, letting it expand when he saw the other man continued smiling. That smile alone made his chest puff up with ego, knowing he’d caused that reaction. “You would be right, as you so often are.”
Laurence brought a hand up to cradle Tenzing’s face, and he leaned down for a brief and downright sweet kiss, cut off all too short for his own liking. “I would like to make breakfast for both of us, if you would be amenable? Then, perhaps a walk together? I have no expectations of you, all I want is more time spent together. In any capacity.”
“Breakfast and a walk seem like a good beginning.” Tenzing had considered a number of things he might like to do with, to, and for William Laurence, but the idea of jumping into everything at once felt wrong. That was how one went on in a casual liaison based primarily around physical desire, and while the physical desire was certainly there, Tenzing knew that wasn’t all he wanted from Will. Having breakfast and going for a walk sounded something like courtship; that was more along the lines of the kind of relationship Tenzing wanted, now that he lived in a world where such things were allowed. The idea of taking more time to get to know his friend in this way, figuring out together where they stood now that romance was involved, sounded like a good one.
He tipped his head up to look at Laurence with a tilted grin. “If we go for a walk, do I take your arm, or do you take mine?”
Laurence knew that exiting his bedroom with Tenzing close at hand, on his way to the kitchen for breakfast, would be telling enough to his roommates - and hoped Isabela was still asleep just to save them the grief for now. Mostly because he couldn’t get that damned smile off his face if he even tried.
“Hm, I don’t know the proper answer to that.” So Laurence reached down and threaded his fingers through Tenzing’s. “Hand holding would be a good equal partnership.” His grin got wider. “We can save the arguing for when we inevitably have to pick a side on the bed.”
“I am glad to hear that seems inevitable to you, as it also does to me,” Tharkay replied, quite pleased to hear that Laurence did not intend to stop at kisses. He was quite pleased with everything about this situation, a fact easily seen in the smile on his face and the way his hand easily twined with Laurence’s. “For now...let us see if you are as good at making breakfast here as you were in Colorado.”