remus lupin (unmoored) wrote in saveatlantisic, @ 2018-10-20 21:24:00 |
|
|||
3 october
REMUS LUPIN ✦ NYMPHADORA TONKS
A first meeting (for Remus) Low Complete |
Remus Lupin had faced a lot of terrifying things in his short life. He’d faced countless full moons, alone and scared and half-broken. He’d faced a brand new school full of people who didn’t know his secret, who couldn’t know his secret, who he’d planned to lie to every day of his life. He’d faced minions of the greatest evil his generation (or any other) would ever face. He’d looked betrayal and loss in the eye and he’d survived. But this? A part of Remus thought this was going to be worse. He could fight Death Eaters without blinking, but Remus still had no idea how to handle romance. He had no idea how to handle a wife. It was so outside the realm of what he’d ever thought possible for his life. He owed it to her to meet face to face, however, so he’d found his way to the cafe, ordered tea and sat down at a table in full view of the door, but still out of the way. He kept fidgeting in his seat, itching to get up, so he finally pinned his hands under his knees. Don’t be a coward, he told himself. It was going to be okay. It had to be, right? Tonks stood outside the door, making sure to not look for Remus inside, just in case he was already in there. It was going to be a shock no matter what, but she wanted that five seconds to collect herself. The two shots of whiskey she’d downed before heading out were loosening her nerves and sending a warming sensation through her arms. Still, it wasn’t enough. Her stomach was still wrapped up like a sailor’s knot and made anything else going into her stomach feel just...not possible. Oh, this is stupid, she growled inwardly at herself. She’d faced Deatheaters, made Moody like her, dealt with things only someone with a target on her back would understand. This was Remus, even if he technically was a different one. She’d been through so much with him in the few short years they’d known each other. This was just another hurdle. Atlantis’ funny magic. Giving up easily wasn’t in her nature. She’d fought for him before and she wasn’t going to stop now. Except this time would be different. This one didn’t even know her yet. She had to go slow-ish. Remus had to be freaking out and the last thing she wanted to was scare him; at least more than he already was. With one deep breath, Tonks opened the door and nearly in an instant his thin frame came into view, as if her eyes were magnetized toward him. He was still beautiful. Younger, less scarred from the looks of it, but recognizable in an instant. “Remus,” the currently dark-pink haired witch muttered under her breath and took a tentative step toward him and his table. Then another. And another. He thought he knew what to expect, at least a little. He’d been warned ahead of time, and Remus wasn’t stupid. He’d known when he was in London that people were from his future and that they knew him and why; it would have been massively idiotic to not try to understand the circumstances on his own terms, before he said or did something to hurt someone. His eyes widened a little when he spotted her, and for a moment he found himself frozen in his seat. This was Sirius’s baby cousin, all grown up. This was the woman who’d decided to marry him? Merlin, he was in over his head, he thought. He’d been so sure he knew exactly what his life would look like. He’d been so careful to keep everyone an arm’s length away, at least. He stood, abruptly, and knocked into the table in the process. “Oh,” his hands shot out to steady it so his cup of tea wouldn’t tumble onto the floor. “That’s embarrassing. Hello.” Tonks slapped on a friendly smile with no effort whatsoever. That had been so very Remus. Nervous and polite. “Don’t worry about it, Remus,” Tonks assured him and quickly looked him over again now that she was close.. Just like his old pictures, the ones from the first Order of the Phoenix and from his school days. “Wotcher, Remus” she said, reaching out and holding her hand out to shake. Easiest and least awkward form of greeting, she hoped. “I’d introduce myself, but you know who I am,” she said with another smile, this one a little more practiced instead of easy. She’d stood in a nice pair of rather skinny jeans, black ankle boots, and one of her newer tops. Black V-Neck with a small emblem that said “RIOT” in fun letters magenta letters in the corner. She’d actually changed about three times to find the perfect outfit that was ‘her’ but still trying. “How’re you?” Tonks asked sincerely. This had to be a mind-trip for him. First Atlantis, then finding out about her, about their Teddy. For anyone it’d be insane. She herself had problems knowing her sweet infant was now a thirty-year old man. Now though, it was alright. He was a great man and there was nothing she could do to go back and change anything. “I know who you are,” he admitted, reaching out to shake her hand. “Tonks, is it?” If he recalled correctly - and he didn’t doubt his memory this time - she preferred her surname over her first. Remus smiled a little. He couldn’t blame her. He understood what it was like to be saddled with a strange name, and his really had nothing on her own parents’ creativity. He took a deep breath and gestured for her to sit at the chair across from his. “I’m… managing.” With someone else, he might’ve lied, but that didn’t feel right with Tonks, especially once he put a face to the name. “It’s quite a lot… I hadn’t thought I would actually meet you, or -- or Teddy, for that matter. It didn’t seem real until now. Like some -- some other life.” Tonks quickly sat, accidentally kicking the bar under the chair while she slipped into it. Then she shook her foot to ride out the throb that was burning through it. Perfect, she thought, but instead of acknowledging it, she just nodded at him sympathetically. “I can imagine.” What had he meant by that? She wondered. That he just never thought they’d exist or that he’d literally never meet them? It didn’t really matter. She knew the first was true, even if the second was too. “Last I remember, he was only an infant and now he’s older than me,” she shook her head, smiling slightly despite the subject matter. Teddy was something to be proud of. Part of her, part of the man sitting across from her, and wonderful on his own. “Took me a while to get used to that and…” Tonks gave a shrug. “I”m glad you came though. I’m not sure how much you know. How much you want to know…” she trailed off for a second, but looked back at him as soon as she realized her eyes trailed away. “Just, I’m glad you came.” She said with a push of brightness. She didn’t have the heart to tell him that she missed him. Not yet. A small part of him wanted to go into this with a fresh slate, but Remus knew that was impossible. She carried a life with her, one that he had been an integral part of. He couldn’t just ask her to pretend it didn’t exist. “Whatever you want to share,” he answered, leaning forward slightly. He clasped his hands in his lap for want of anything else to do but be awkward. “I know this has to be strange for you. I’m supposed to be older…” He smiles sheepishly. “So I don’t want to push if you’d rather talk about this place than us.” Tonks looked back at him with a small, loose smile. He didn’t want to push her and the same was right back at him. It was kind of nice, really. The consideration and that smile she’d seen so many times before staring back at her. If she just focused on that, it’d be hard to tell the difference between this Remus and the one that knew her. “I should probably start slowish with the entire story part, I think.” With a deep breath, she gave him another look and wished she’d taken that third shot of whiskey before walking in here. “We met, well older you and I met in the Order of the Phoenix,” Tonks said. “We went out on missions together and...I instantly knew you were fantastic,” she chuckled. “Took you quite a while to admit you liked me though. I bet you know why.” This time when she looked at him, there was a semi-serious look behind her eyes that dropped instantly. But it all worked out, Remus, she thought silently. Back then. “You’re pretty hard on yourself,” she added. It was stupid not to order a tea before she sat herself down, now that her mouth was going dry. “I’m trying my hardest not to freak you out. I know everything is weird for me, but having this whole other life that you don’t or haven’t..” Tonks blew out a breath. “Anyway, you’re just the best guy I’ve ever known. Is there anything specific you want to know? About me? About us? About here? Open book.” she replied with a curious look and resisted the urge to wink at him. Barely. Some of what she was telling him he already knew: he knew about his involvement in the Order, years in his own future. He knew he’d been offered a position at Hogwarts as a professor, and he knew how that tied into the Order, into Sirius, into Tonks. They were all pieces of a bigger puzzle. The only things missing were the emotional connections to those memories, and all the little moments in between the bigger things. It added up to a lot. Her understanding of him was both comforting and alarming. He smiled, but he was blushing, too, embarrassing by how well she knew. Of course his own insecurities had gotten in the way. He had stood in the way of his own happiness over and over. It was nice, however, to know that there was still hope for him. “You won’t freak me out,” he reassured her. It was a relief that he’d already gone through traveling through time and space before, or the entire situation would have been more distressing. As it was, Remus felt more prepared to handle Atlantis than he did anything else. “How long have you been here? Have I -- have I been here before?” Tonks beamed at him and shook her head. Had he been here before? She hadn’t been told anything like she had or he had, though there were people who had come and gone without knowing it until someone else told them. That was even scarier. “I don’t think so. I don’t think I have either, but I’d have to ask. I never thought to,” she admitted with a sheepish look. As an auror, that probably should have been a question she got to at some point after she found out it was even possible, but she’d just assumed someone would have told her. Running a hand through her short hair, Tonks tucked it on the edge of the table. “I’ve been here since the beginning of June, I think. After Teddy. After a lot of people actually,” she shrugged, but kept her smile on. It’d been hard, hard without him, especially now that the rest of the Tonks family had left. “My mum and dad were for a bit, but they’re gone…” At least that version of her father was alive though. It was something easier to swallow than him being completely gone from the world. Remus couldn’t help the sense of relief he felt to hear he hadn’t been through before -- or at least that she hadn’t seen him come by. This, their relationship, was going to be difficult enough to navigate without the added pressure of multiple versions of himself. He could just be himself. Besides, Tonks already had to deal with this; if he’d come and gone here in Atlantis, too, he imagined it would be that much harder for her. His eyes lit up briefly at the mention of her parents, tempered only by the fact that her father was gone now. “I’m sorry about your da and mum. They’re good people.” He didn’t know Andromeda and Ted well, but he knew who they were through Sirius. Everyone knew their story, but it was his best friend’s opinion that had always mattered most to Remus. He couldn’t fault anyone for choosing their heart above all else, anyway. He admired them, honestly. “How’d your mum deal with a grown-up grandson?” He wondered what his own father had said when he heard the news. His mum would’ve been over the moon. “Thanks.” Tonks accepted the condolences with a sad smile. Once, her dad had said to her that he wasn’t surprised she’d picked Remus and headstrongly bulldozed through any naysayer without flinching. With parents who walked into danger hand in hand, to follow their hearts instead of what society expected of them, what chance did she have to not be just as stubborn and loving? “I think she was a bit freaked, but honestly, I think she handled it well.” It just took some getting used to, like everything else. Again, Tonks wished she’d gotten that tea, just for something to do with her hands this time. The room around them seemed so quiet compared to how it should be, but she figured that could be her imagination, what with her focus so intently on the man in front of her. “Have you met him yet? Or are you working up to it?” she asked curiously, figuring it was the latter. Wife first, kid second. Maybe a bit less scary that way, like dipping your feet into the pool instead of diving head first into the deep end. Either way though, he had some adjustments to figure out. From what he know about Andromeda, there seemed to be little she couldn’t handle. It took an exceptionally strong woman to handle that family, and to leave the life she’d had. Remus admired that. “Ah…” His cheeks turned pink, and Remus averted his gaze, looking down at his cooling cup of tea. “I’m working up to it.” It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see Teddy. He did, desperately. It was more that Remus had no idea what he’d say. He hadn’t known what to say to Tonks, either, but he had to start somewhere. “He’ll be next, I think. If he wants. I’m sure I’m not --” The smile on his face was wistful, a bit sad. The history with his son was loaded in a different way, and Remus didn’t know what Teddy expected. “I’ll find him soon.” Tonks quirked her smile up in the corner of her mouth. “Don’t pressure yourself or anything. Kid’s got a good head on his shoulders. He knows this is hard for us,” she said. Hopefully using ‘us’ put some pressure off of him. She couldn’t believe she’d forgotten both of the for those two months in Breck. Magic though, it was more powerful than any of them, even if they could use it. Tonks hadn’t admitted to Teddy just how hard it was for her to have met him. His whole life had been void of parents, besides Harry and her own mother. If she’d had to choose anyone beside the man across from her to raise him though, there was no better answer than those two, three including Ginny. “But anyway,” she said, deciding to side step that for a bit. His cheeks betrayed him terribly, but then again, her hair wasn’t much better on that front. “How old are you? Now?” It was a place to start. Any place was better than nothing. “I have a photo of you around this age. I actually have it here, a whole album that came with me.” Not that she’d offer it to him just yet. If he wanted to see it, he could ask when he was ready. “Oh, do you?” Remus’s eyes lit up momentarily. “I’d love it.” A photo album -- of their life? It was almost too good to be true. It would give him more insight into their lives than he thought he’d have, outside of actually talking to her. And, he thought, maybe there’d be a photo in there he could copy, hold on for himself, maybe one of baby Teddy… He cleared his throat. “I’m, ah. Twenty fi-- no, twenty six. I had a birthday a few months back. We actually…” He’d been nearly about to tell her about where he’d spent his birthday, at an amusement park based on their world. If she didn’t know about that, however, Remus really wasn’t sure he wanted to be the one to tell her. “Spent it eating ice cream, really. It was grand, considering my last one was…” He chuckled a little, though it was a bit dry and self-deprecating. “I’m sure you can imagine.” “I do!” Tonks said with an extra spring in her spirit. It wasn’t quite the reaction she was expecting, but she’d take it, one-hundred percent. “It was one of the few things that Atlantis was nice enough to bring with me.” There sadly weren’t pictures of baby Teddy past the age she and Remus had been made to leave him, the nicest way she could think of to describe ‘died’, but there were frequent ones of the newborn with wild hair, flashing colors. A few of even Remus playing with him, the relief and joy on his face that she was sure was him being reminded he hadn’t passed on his affliction to their son. She and Andromeda both had gone a little crazy with the camera during that first month. “There’s this one with you and him… just, you’re going to have to see it.” Tonks sat up a little straighter. “Twenty-six! You’re still older than me! She let out a sound that was halfway between a laugh and a giggle.. “Some things don’t change,” she added with a smirk, passing right around his depreciating laugh. The thought of his life with Teddy sent a sharp pain through his chest, at both its brevity and at how unexpected it was. Remus had never thought he’d have a family outside of the Marauders and his parents. He’d specifically avoided making connections because he didn’t think it was safe or wise. Because he was sure that he would hurt the people he loved most. And to know that when he finally found the happiness that he’d seen in James and Lily, it was all taken away? It was devastating. Remus put on a brave face, however. “Not that much older,” he pointed out with a smile. “Hey, do you, ah. Do you want some tea? I’m sorry, I ought to have offered… anything you want, it’s on me.” “Still older,” Tonks smirked with a loving sort of smile. It was one she’d given to him countless times before, whether he knew it or not. “But you’re right, of course,” she chuckled. He usually was. While she had talent in certain areas other than her Metamorphmagus ones, Remus had always been the one with intelligence to spare. He was prepared and knew how to take care of himself too. He had to. There wasn’t any other choice. Of course he’d been wrong about them, in the beginning, but he eventually saw her way. “You read my mind. I was just about to go up and get some. Something to do with my hands,” she chuckled, admitting her nervousness while she held up her fingers and flashed them like she was loosening them up. “Thanks, Rem-..us.” “Yeah, I get that.” The look on his face gave away his embarrassment - not that he’d read her mind, but that he’d been anxious enough to need something to fidget with. “What would you like? I -- I could guess at your preferences, but I’d rather not muck it all up.” “Just a normal tea. Two sugars, please,” she replied. His face had given him away. It was strange, seeing that embarrassment on his face when she wasn’t even sure why he was. Maybe it was that he instinctively knew her more than he thought he would? Was he upset? The racing of her brain told her that the alcohol was starting to wear off. ‘Damn’, she mouthed silently. “Oh! Thanks, Remus,” she beamed brighter, to try and ease him yet again. It was instinctual on her end. He was nervous, Tonks slipped under him (metaphorically, of course) and tried to prop him up. It’s something you did for people that you loved. “Right then.” He stood and brushed his palms along his trousers to smooth them out. “Be right back.” Aside from it simply being the polite thing to do, the moment away from the table also afforded him some time to clear his head and refocus. It was difficult to sit across from her and find the words he wanted to say without constantly second-guessing himself. Remus often had that trouble in general, but he felt it more pronounced now. It didn’t quite help him figure out what to say when he returned, however. He set the cup down on the table in front of her and slid back into his own seat. “I’m sorry if I’m…” He waved a hand slightly. “If I don’t know what I’m doing.” “If it helps, I don’t know what I’m doing either. I feel like nobody in the history of the world has been in this exact position. I hope.”. Although there had been a few aurors who’d been in real head scratchers. Obliviated past the point where it was an easy fix, they’d forgotten their spouses, children, animals, until they could put them right again.. Without ceremony, she took the tea and sipped it. Not as good as the tea she could make herself, but as close as anyone else could get it. She wasn’t picky anyway. “I missed you though. That’s probably stupid to say, but I did. It’s good just to hang out with you.” She flipped her head, pulling some of her pixie cut behind her ears. “Do you want to see?” By now, people knew her and weren’t exactly shocked by seeing a woman’s hair flashing colors and growing as if it were doused in heaps of Miracle Grow. “Pick a color. Any color.” In that moment, Tonks felt like a magician with a set of muggle playing cards. “It’s not stupid,” Remus reassured her. He was glad to know he wasn’t the only one floundering - though he also wished it wasn’t his fault that she was put in that position. None of this was fair to her. To either of them, but especially not her. He felt slightly less alone, however. Her question received an arched brow in response. “Any colour? Are you sure you want to risk that?” He wasn’t going to ask for anything terrible, though, so his attempt to pretend didn’t last long. “Sea green.” “I trust you.” Tonks assured him, even though it was clear he was teasing. That arch of his eyebrow said it all and said a lot, in her opinion. And was rather hot. That, she couldn’t deny. “I don’t think anyone’s ask me that color before,” Tonks said thoughtfully. Not even Remus, though he’d never been one to ask her to perform for him. She’d simply done it. “Okay.” Within the blink of their eyes, Tonks’ normally bubble-gum pink pixie cut into a short length sea green with some curl to the ends. “So what do you think, Rem?” Tonks winked. She was glad to be doing something, anything she was used to. Her powers could make her forget for just a moment that most everything else wasn’t in her control. This was. For someone as used to hiding his own differences as Remus was, putting someone else’s differences on the spot wasn’t the most natural thing in the world. He doubted he would’ve asked if she hadn’t brought it up herself. It was impressive, her ability to transform herself in an instant, and he found himself feeling a twinge of jealousy that his own wasn’t quite so simple. “It suits you, I think.” So did the pink, for that matter. He wondered if that was part of it, an ability to make anything work if she wanted it to. “Did Teddy --” Remus cleared his throat. “He took after you more, didn’t he?” That worry had been center point at her pregnancy and had caused one of the most difficult, gut-wrenching times of her life. It wasn’t something she exactly wanted to think about, those weeks when he was gone. The important thing was that he came back. That was the part that Tonks focused on. To her, the monster of Remus wasn’t the werewolf at all, but that self-doubt that threatened to destroy all the things he deserved. Even if that’d been a werewolf son, his life would be easier than Remus’ had been. Teddy would have had someone to show him the way. She snapped back to the pink in another instant. “Thanks. I’ll have to actually do it one day.” For him. When she knew she’d see him, just to make him smile. A simple plan, but a plan nonetheless. “Oh yeah. HIs hair flashed like mad at Mungo’s. We knew right away, but he looks like you,” Tonks beamed. The moment she’d seen him, it hit her like a brick wall, their resemblance. He’d gotten some of her, yes, but plenty of Remus too, in both looks and personality. “It was so cute. He was like a partylight there for a while. The moment any color hit his eyes sometimes, he flipped it. “ Blue, red, green yellow, then blue again. Until she got a hold of it and understood she couldn’t imagine how her parents had taken her out in public during the war, particularly when they were in hiding. Bellatrix had her wand half-aimed at her very pink head for a long while. It wasn’t like she exactly blended in -or- listened to anyone. “Anyway, he’s lovely. I’m so proud of him, Remus. I know it goes without saying, but I’m so glad we had him, even if we couldn’t be there.” The world was simply a better place with Teddy Lupin in it and gave Tonks’ life a second line of meaning she didn’t think possible. “Yeah, I --” The smile Remus gave her was a bit tight and pained at the edges. The idea that he would have a son was still something that had seemed more like fantasy than anything else, up until he’d arrived in Atlantis. Now it was real, and it was hard to know what to do with that. Remus had spent twenty-odd years expecting life would go one way, and it had gone somewhere else entirely. And he’d been happy. He’d had a healthy child who wasn’t cursed like he was and it was more than Remus thought he ever deserved. “I’m glad, too,” he finished, his voice gruff and hoarse as he tried to hold the emotion at bay. He didn’t know Tonks well enough to feel comfortable opening all of that up for her to see, even though he knew she’d seen plenty. He couldn’t rightly say he wasn’t glad, but he knew that when he said he was glad, it was in a different way than she meant, and that made him feel queasy. Remus looked down at his hands again, clasped in front of him on the table. “I’m sorry that I --” His brow furrowed. “I know I’m not who you wanted to see here, and I’m sorry I don’t… I’m sorry I’m not him. I don’t quite even know who he is, really. But I’d like to get to know you, if it’s not too much for you. I can’t -- that’s all I can really say right now.” His speech sent a shiver down the young woman’s spine and not the good kind. Responses pinged around in her head like a muggle pinball machine. Things like, you’re the same man, just younger. You’re still Remus. You’re not two different people....Of course I want to get to know this you. We weren’t a fluke, Remus. I fully expect to make you fall in love with me again. Fear flushed her cheeks and for a moment, all she could do was nod. If she believed in anything, she believed in love and if she was sure about anything in this world of chaos, it was Remus. “You’d have to run pretty far to not hang out with me,” she said with an grin made look easy. “Wild horses and all of that,” she chuckled and then it faded off before she spoke. “I know you feel disconnected, but there’s new memories to be made here. For both of us. New chapter.” She raised both of her eyebrows and smirked over across the table at him. “Plus, I have so much more to tell you.” She was right, Remus thought, about how there were new memories to be made. He had no idea what he was supposed to do, with her or in general, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t still get to know one another. That was a gift all on its own. Here, their son had a chance to spend time with both of them, and he couldn’t throw that away. “I’m all ears,” he told her, smiling back. Remus had no idea what was in store for any of them, but at least this moment felt good, confusing as it was. “I want to hear everything.” |