Cappie had wanted to see Octavia since they’d got back to Atlantis and, while it had been really great to talk to her over the network, they’d both avoided the topic of the elephant in the room. Cappie had got the impression throughout that Octavia was anxious for things not to be awkward between them now and, while he wanted the same, he was desperate to know how things stood between them now. What they’d started in Breckentale… Well, it was everything he’d been thinking about for months, in both realities. Was that all over now? Was she going to jump right back into bed with Captain Tall, Dark and Gormless as if nothing had ever happened between them? She’d told him about her dreams, for fuck’s sake. She’d trusted him with things that she hadn’t told anyone else, here or there. There was a connection between them that was deep enough to transcend worlds. That had to mean something. Right?
Cappie made his way down to the beach with two cups of coffee from Coffee Me Better. He’d wanted something to do with his hands during this conversation. He could see Octavia and Cooper playing in the distance - it would have been difficult to miss the giant Dogue de Bordeaux. A somewhat pained smile spread across his lips as he watched them. A couple of days ago he would have felt like he belonged in that tableau but now... He sucked in a deep breath before beginning the long trudge across the white sand towards them, the coffee cups steaming invitingly in the cool, fresh air.
To be honest, Octavia was a little surprised Cappie had “asked” to hang out as soon as he did. She’d kind of assumed they be doing the awkward dance of small talk and avoidance for a little while longer because of past experience. Not that she wasn’t grateful for the lack of avoidance, but she still was a little bit surprised. The tiny dogs were with Becker for the day, so it was easy to grab the gigantic beast and take him out for a walk towards the beach. He was a lot slower than Buka and Loufa, but he also didn’t stop and try to greet everyone they passed by on the way.
She had picked up some kind of nerf ball thing on the way to have with them at the beach for Cooper to be able to play, and she could already tell he was a fan of the the waves and the sand seconds after they arrived. He was already soaking wet and wearing sand all over his body. She’d thrown the ball back into the water, and as Cooper started trudging out of the waves with it half-hanging from his mouth, he caught sight of Cappie coming up and started barreling towards him.
“Incoming!” Octavia shouted and winced when she saw him carrying two cups of coffee. Jogging over, she let out a whistle and hoped it would at least slow Cooper down. “See, I guess you were right. He was just biding his time with me until you got here.”
Cappie realised, as soon as Cooper saw him, that he wasn’t going to get out of this dry. He heard Octavia’s whistle but he knew that Cooper had momentum on his side. Turning himself sideways, he braced himself as best he could and tried to protect the coffees with his chest as he felt the mighty beast slam into him. He stumbled a bit but remarkably stayed upright, coffees intact, although he could feel the wetness from Cooper’s coat already beginning to seep through his jeans as the big mutt leaped excitedly around his legs.
“I told you,” Cappie said, holding one coffee out up high for Octavia to take over the top of Cooper’s large, copper head, which was bobbing around in excitement.
Once he had a free hand, he gave the dog a good fussing over before snatching the nerf ball away from him and using his best football skills to throw it down towards the waters edge.
He wiped his hand on his jeans to get rid of the dog saliva before looking up at Octavia. It was as weird seeing her in person again as he’d imagined it might be. He gave a strained smile.
“How are you doing?”
Having such a big dog was a lot different than the two smaller ones. Most of the time, and she remembered this from her Breck memories, Cooper often thought he was a lap dog or just didn't bother to care one way or another. At least you could hear him coming. The other two liked to be sneaky.
“Thanks,” she said, taking the coffee. “I'm okay. Things are crazy back at the base right now with everyone combing each floor to make sure we don't find any other surprises. I definitely didn't miss all the paperwork. It's been busy.” And awkward, but she didn't mention that part. There was this really weird vibe between her, Becker, and Sharon, but other than acknowledging the awkwardness, that was all that had been said about it so far. Her real life boyfriend had been dating her fake life sister and real life friend.
She looked down the beach where Cooper had run after the ball and saw him engaged in his own epic nerf battle. “How about you? It's good being back but still kind of weird.”
Seeing Cappie here now, she knew that second part was true. The problem with living an alternate life for two months was remembering that life and keeping the memories. Not just of the last two months but memories of a completely different life. As if her head wasn't already a jumbled, confusing mess.
Cappie was a little dismayed to hear that things at the base were all go, even though he understood why they would be. It meant that Octavia would be spending long hours with Becker and Cappie was very not alright with that thought, although he knew he was powerless to do anything about it.
“Really weird,” Cappie agreed, looking down at the sand as he slowly started wandering in the same direction Cooper had bounded off in. He kicked at the soft grains with the toe of his Vans with every step, a little frown on his brow.
“I guess I’m not thrilled to be back,” he said, shrugging and glancing up at her somewhat wearily. “I could have been a rockstar,” he added with a wry smile, although he figured they both knew that wasn’t the aspect of his former life that he was missing the most. Although he and Octavia hadn’t been seeing each other romantically for very long in Breckentale, they had quickly fallen into a close and comfortable relationship there. Even when the dreams and memories had set in, Octavia had been a pillar of stability in a slowly shifting world. Now, being apart from her, not sending her flirty texts throughout the day and not being able to snuggle up to her at night (if he could wrestle enough of the bed off of Cooper), felt wrong and unnatural. It was as though his perception of reality had been completely rocked so that the dream felt more real than being awake. And, to rub salt in the wound, before Breckentale, he’d finally started to feel like he might be able to get a grip of himself and move on - from her, from Em, even from Casey. Now he was back to square one.
“Are you proud of me?” he asked after a moment of silence, forcing his usual, flippant Cappie smile. “I bet you thought I was going to avoid you when we got back.”
Yeah, she knew what he meant even if the life of a rock star sounded pretty cool - and Octavia only knew what that even meant thanks to Breckentale. She tried to match his smile but looked forward and watched her dog shake his new toy back and forth in his mouth. They'd been duped by Atlantis at one point before, and things had been awkward enough then. The difference then was that they weren't themselves. Sure, she hadn't completely been herself in Breck, but there was no magical spell making her have feelings one way or another. She was still that version of herself. Right?
The more she thought about it, the more her head hurt.
“I thought you might,” she confessed and gave him a small smile when she glanced over at him. “I'm glad not though.” She never wanted to lose Cappie as a friend even if Atlantis was trying its damndest to make things as complicated as possible. Not even just with her but with Becker too when they hadn't been together very long, and he wasn't always known for talking shit out.
“I'm glad to be back but sometimes not,” she shrugged. “It was nice being out of my head for a while. Having a family that isn't incredibly complicated and sometimes volatile with each other. College was kinda cool. You know. Normal stuff.”
“I guess I learned a few things about being mature from Breckentale me,” he shrugged. That Cappie had his life together in a kind of way that still left room for adventure. He’d liked having the freedom to dip between studying, lecturing and rockstarring and he’d come to understand that growing up, or at least acting his age for a change, wasn’t as horrendous as he’d feared.
He nodded in response to her answer. He supposed, considering some of the things she’d been through in her life, getting the chance to just go to college and have a normal family must have been like the most relaxing vacation ever. For him, it hadn’t been so different from his old life. Ever since his memories had begun to come back in earnest, he hadn’t been able to help thinking that Breckentale was what his life would have been like if he’d never met Evan. If he hadn’t met Evan - if he’d gone to Breckentale Mountain Camp each year growing up instead of Camp Kitchiwawa - he never would have rushed a fraternity, he never would have met Casey and he never would have pledged Kappa Tau. He could even have ended up joining U-SAG. Hell, he might even have founded U-SAG, although he almost certainly would have thought up a better acronym…
Cappie took a sip of his coffee.
“So,” he said awkwardly before gritting his teeth and carrying on. “Where does all this leave us?”
There. He’d done it. He’d bitten the bullet and asked the one question he’d been dying to ask since waking up in Atlantis on Tuesday morning. He wasn’t particularly looking forward to the answer but, in the spirit of newfound maturity, he guessed it had needed to be said. This way, it was like ripping off a band-aid - over with nice and quickly.
She had to admit that mature Cappie was a lot of fun. Not that she didn't enjoy his company other times too, but it went back to how she'd ended things during their last semi-serious talk before the fantasy of Breckentale happened. With all of the new memories, it felt like so long ago when really it was barely a few months.
Octavia paused when he spoke again and turned to look at him. She was grateful for the cup of coffee because soon she lowered her eyes and traced the lid circumference with her finger a couple of times. She knew what she was going to say, but it was a lot harder than the first time they'd sort of had this conversation. Another version of her had cared about Cappie in the way he wished that this version of her did, and those memories didn't just disappear completely now that they were back to being their normal selves. It didn't mean her feelings for Becker had changed, or that the memories were stronger than reality. Basically? It just sucked.
"I don't think there is an us," she said quietly before looking back at him. "Not here. At least not like that." Thanks, Atlantis, for pulling this shit again. Or more like COS. Where was a COS agent to beat up when she needed one?
Why did this feel like breakup when they were never really together? "That version of me, she was all in. But here... it's like - I remember what she felt and her memories, but I'm still separate from her." Octavia shook her head. "I don't know how to explain it."
He nodded, mirroring her as he stared down at the white plastic lid of his own coffee cup. He had been expecting her answer. So why did it still hurt?
“I get what you mean,” he said, frowning. “I don’t feel the same but I get it.” He’d had it easy. The Cappie who’d lived in Breckentale was basically him, just with a slightly different backstory. His lived experiences there hadn’t done much to alter who he was, just where he’d ended up and his views on a few things, like the Greek system. Octavia, on the other hand… her life there must have been so radically different to what she’d known at home, it was completely understandable that she’d feel like two separate people.
Cappie lifted a hand to rub at the back of his neck as he took a long sip of coffee. He was buying himself time. He knew what he needed to say next, he just didn’t really want to do it. Eventually, though, he let his hand fall to his side and glanced up to look at her out of sad, blue eyes.
“I think this means we need to stop hanging out for a while,” he said hesitantly, as though he was doubting what he was saying even as he was saying it. He knew it was what he needed but the idea of not having Octavia at the forefront of his life here sounded like some kind of hell.
“I need to get over you,” he explained, imploring her to understand. “And normally I would just take off but… well, I’ve only just been taken off of gum duty and…” He trailed off and licked his lips. What more was there to say, really?
She was glad he at least seemed to understand what she meant. Octavia had virtually lived two different lives that weren’t at all comparable. So much about her circumstances shaped who she’d become throughout her life, and even though some of her basic personality was the same, there were a lot of vast differences, too.
At his response, Octavia took a deep breath and shifted a bit on her feet. She looked down at the sand and nodded after a short pause. “I know.” She wished she didn’t know or understand why he needed space and that their friendship could just move along like normal. Insisting for normalcy wasn’t fair to him, though, no matter how much she didn’t like it.
She started to open her mouth to tell him that she was sorry, but quickly stopped herself. He didn’t need her sympathies, and he probably didn’t want them. The truth was that even though this Octavia didn’t feel the same way about him as he did her, the other version had, and she wasn’t sorry about that.
A big part of her wanted to hug him or try to offer a small comfort or something, but it wasn’t her place and wasn’t what he needed. She took another breath. “I get it, I promise,” she said, raising her eyes to look at him with a sad smile. “I’ll still be here when you’re ready.”
And when would that be? He didn’t have a very good track record of getting over ex-girlfriends, not ones that meant anything to him anyway.
Cappie took a deep breath and tried his best to smile back at her before lifting his coffee cup to his lips for a long gulp, an attempt at hiding the sadness on his normally jovial face. God, this was worse than an actual break up. At least when he’d ended things with Emilia there had been shouting and passion and a dramatic exit. This was just… really fucking disappointing.
They had come to a natural halt while they’d been talking, still a little way from where Cooper was doing his best to fight the nerf ball to its bitter end. Cappie chewed at his lip as he watched the massive dog rolling and jumping and twisting in the surf. He was going to miss the pair of them. He wanted to tell O that he’d be up for dogsitting his buddy Cooper sometimes but he knew that was a slippery slope on the way to spending months pining over another girl who didn’t want him back, with a pathetic little pit stop at, You know you can always talk to me about anything.
“Well,” he said eventually, his stance changing as he made up his mind to leave. “I’m gonna head off, leave you two to it.” He nodded towards the Dogue de Bordeaux as he began backing away, back up the beach towards the city. “Say goodbye to my buddy for me, won’t you? Tell him I’m sorry for ducking out on guy time.”
Octavia glanced down the beach to where Cooper was manhandling the nerf ball. She nodded, keeping her eyes on the dog instead of turning back to look at Cappie. “I will,” she replied. Once she turned back, she offered Cappie a slight smile and a small wave. This was such a weird and shitty situation to be in.
As Cappie began walking away, Octavia started the same in the opposite direction towards Cooper but turned back. His back was to her, and she hesitated for a second before calling out,” Hey, Cappie?” Waiting until he turned around, she hesitated again for a short moment.
“I still think you’re a good guy,” she said, recalling their talk during the night of Cappieland while they were in Breckentale. One last sad smile and she eventually turned around and started after the canine nerf ball champion.