The moment he read Wanda’s words on the screen, he knew she wasn’t alright. Because he wasn’t alright either no matter how much he said otherwise.
He had been fighting most of his life, he was used to make hard decisions. But Wanda... She was still too young and she had had to make the hardest decision in her life: kill her loved one in order to save the universe. It was one thing to give one’s life to save the universe, but to take your love one’s... Steve couldn’t even begin to imagine. And he only wished he could take all that pain away from her.
He knocked lightly on her door and waited for her to answer.
Wanda had been spending most of the morning alone in her room. It was during these moments that she often found herself lost in her thoughts and replaying the many memories from the last two years. This morning she had been staring at the window while watching the rain hit against the glass. Its steadiness was somehow soothing to her.
She got dressed once Steve said that he was coming over, and made sure in the mirror that she didn’t look a complete mess. It didn’t take long for there to be a knock at the door, and she knew it was him without looking through the eyeglass. The moment she saw him, Wanda could see that he looked a lot like she felt and probably looked too.
Unsure what to say, she stood there and just looked at him for a few seconds before eventually stepping forward and hugging him. Strong arms wrapped tightly around her, and she buried her face in his chest.
Things like "It’ll be alright" or "It’s okay" didn’t make sense here. Steve knew there was nothing he could say to comfort her. Things were not alright. Things were not okay. They had been through hell and they haven’t been able to save the universe from the worst threat.
So he comfort Wanda the best way he could, hugging her close and pressing a brotherly protective kiss on top of her head, letting her know he wasn’t going anywhere.
A part of her felt a small amount better just knowing that Steve was here and alive, but that didn’t take away the rest of the pain that came with knowing what had happened back home.
Pulling back from him, Wanda stepped aside so he could come into the apartment, and she shut the door behind him. Thankfully, her roommates were out for the morning, so they had the main room to themselves for the time being. They moved to sit down on the couch, and Wanda tucked her legs underneath her.
Finally, after a moment, she found her words. “What do we do now?” She asked. “Are you thinking about going back?” She knew he probably felt pulled to go back and help, but she wished that he wouldn’t. She didn’t want to lose him again with not knowing what the future held.
Steve followed her to the couch and sat down, running his hands through his hair and sighing heavily when she asked the questions. Questions he asked himself every single day.
“I don’t know, Wanda. I truly don’t know.” It was probably the first time Steve Rogers, Captain America, had no idea what to do. And he hated himself for it. Almost as much as he hated himself for not being able to save his friends and half of the universe from the hands of Thanos. “I think about going back every single day,” he admitted, “But I don’t know if that would do any good to be honest.” Not to mention he had a life here now. He had Hera. “If we can’t help in this war, what good it’d do that we go back and creativity is destroyed anyway.” He sighed and shook his head. “I don’t know what to do or say, Wanda... And it kills me.”
It was hard to admit, but Wanda knew that even if she wanted to, she wouldn’t be able to go back. If Steve wanted to go back, she would never blame him for that decision no matter how much she’d miss him. She would still understand, though.
“I suppose that if we don’t do our jobs here then it won’t matter if we go back or not,” she said quietly. It probably wasn’t supposed to be any sort of comfort - lose the war and their worlds ceased to exist anyway - but it gave her a sense of purpose that she needed to hold onto after everything had hit her so suddenly. The act of destroying Vision and the stone had seemed so worthless after Thanos turned back time. Now, she at least had her own purpose here.
“I do not think that there is a right or wrong way to think or a wrong thing to say.” She shrugged and glanced away from him. It was hard to look at how guilty he felt because it was like holding up a mirror. “It will probably be hard to know what to say for a while.”
“Yeah,” Steve said. “And maybe, if we win here it’ll all be worth it.” While the question of going back home haunted him every morning when he woke up, he knew he would never do it.
He nodded, looking down for a moment. “I guess sometimes we don’t need to say anything. We have to just try to go back to normal... or at least continue with our lives and do the best we can,” he said with a sigh, running his hand through his hair and then rubbing his face.
Wanda could practically feel the stress pouring off of Steve as she watched his inward thoughts appear in flickers in his facial expressions. She knew that he carried too much on himself and felt the responsibility of making sure everyone in the entire world was safe but especially those he cared for and members of his team. She felt a responsibility for what happened, but she knew he felt everything just as heavily.
“Yes,” she agreed. “We can focus on being here and fighting the fight here.” It was a simple distraction but a distraction nonetheless. Going back to fix things wasn’t an option for her anymore, so Wanda knew she needed to concentrate on the present. She needed to get back involved with her team workouts rather than spending her days here at the apartment or in her room.
Sighing, she leaned her head against Steve’s shoulder. “I’m so tired,” she said and didn’t mean that she needed to rest right then. Her mind was exhausted after the influx of memories and near break after witnessing and feeling what happened to Vision.
Steve wrapped his arm around her shoulders and gave her a squeeze as he pressed a kiss on her hair. “I know,” he murmured. He knew she wasn’t talking about being physically tired, but more like mentally tired. Those memories, the feelings they brought with them... It was too much to take, too much to handle.
“Wanna go for a walk? Maybe eat something while we’re out?” he asked, hoping some distraction would help with the memories; although those were always there.
Wanda leaned into him as he put his arm around her, and she closed her eyes. They both felt their weight of responsibility of what happened, and she knew that he understood that in a way that most people couldn’t because he felt responsible for everyone all of the time.
“In a few minutes,” she said quietly. It would do her well to get out of the apartment for a while. She hadn’t really been getting out much since the memories came, and a walk would probably do them both good. But, for now, sitting on the couch with him was comforting, and her mind was as calm as it had been in a while.