Jacen was annoyed. Being told he didn’t understand the Force by his Grandfather the Sith Lord? Being called a child? He understood the Force better than most people. He had been the sheer embodiment of it to win a war. He was Jacen Solo. And he would not be insulted by a Sith. He’d learned so much from Vergere and he’d been planning to go and travel the galaxy and learn more.
His father was right about Vader. So was Jaina, as he suspected she was wary of him too. Jacen had simply wanted to learn why he’d done what he did.
He knocked on Jaina’s door, letting himself be felt in the Force long enough for her to know who it was and to get a sense of his anger. He found himself also really hoping she wasn’t with Poe. Poe, as good as he was for Jaina, as nice a guy as he was, wouldn’t understand this.
Jaina always understood him. His other half. His twin. She’d understand his annoyance.
Jaina felt the presence of her twin, moments before she heard the knock. And, was already halfway across the apartment when it came. If she was honest, she’d been expecting it based on the conversation she’d seen between her twin and their grandfather. Pride was one of Jacen’s faults, and she was glad in some ways that that hadn’t changed.
Opening the door, she stepped aside to let her brother in. “Annoyed at Vader, I’m guessing?” She smirked, wishing a bit that she could actually feel that from him. And, wasn’t having to have a very well educated guess.
“How the kriff dare he? A Sith Lord? Telling me I don’t understand the Force when he failed it. Not the other way round. He failed it.”
He knew he was prideful. Knew it’d get him in trouble one day but this day, he would not be dictated to by someone who had fallen so far. It had stung more than he’d want to let on, though he’d been mollified somewhat by the Guardian of the Whills who seemed to have similar views on what the Force was.
He was right. Jacen was right too and Vader had no idea what he was talking about. Jacen would know if he was close to the point of no return. He’d know because he wasn’t stupid Vader had let his feelings influence him to the point he didn’t understand good and evil anymore. Or didn’t care.
“He has no idea, born of the Force he might be, but he has no idea of what it really is.”
“Way I see it, he failed himself. Not the Force. You keep saying there is no Light or Dark. But, did you consider the Light and Dark is down to how and why you use it. So, the Dark Side as we call it, is actually the Dark Side of ourselves?”
Jaina wasn’t without experience in that. She’d felt it, the Dark Side, when she’d lashed out with hate and anger after she’d felt both of her brother’s die. Or at least, thought she’d felt both of her brother’s die. The Force only knew how far she would have gone, if she hadn’t woken up in Atlantis to feel both of her brother’s there with her.
“He only knows what he was taught by Obi Wan and Sidius. Besides, we probably don’t get all of our pride from Dad. So, I bet he doesn’t like being told he’s wrong anymore that you do.”
“It’s not that simple. You’re using the Force for something it should never be used for. I think if you let yourself fall that far, do the things he did? You lose any right to it. People like that should have it taken from them.”
He didn’t want to think back to how it had felt but he had learned from his time with Vergere. She’d taught him more about the Force than he’d ever learned at the Academy. “He had no right to say that to me Jaina. I just...I expected more I guess. Luke was so convinced he could bring him back to the Light. But I’m not sure even Luke understands.”
It was prideful. It was arrogant even. But it was coming from somewhere important.
“I wanted to go off and learn. Understand the Force at a deeper level. I still want to do that but this, being here, it’s more important right now. But there’s more to learn than we’ve even scratched the surface of.”
He was pacing. Annoyed. And it was only around Jaina he’d let himself show this kind of emotion.
“How do you know it’s not that simple? Other than someone you met while you were captured filled your head with fairy tales.”
Jaina threw herself into a chair, she’d never been one for the more theoretical side of the Force that Jacen always seemed so obsessed with. But, she figured someone who had been raised in the old ways, ought to know something.
“Like I said, he’d proud too. Guessing it’s a family trait. But, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t know anything. He knows aspects of the Force you’ve not even scratched the surface of. And, sure. The Jedi and SIth have probably oversimplified things. But, that’s probably because it’s a whole lot easier to explain to their students, and get them to do the stuff they want them to do, and not the other things. There’s so much we lost after the Emperor destroyed the old temples. There had to be a reason they saw the Force the way they did for centuries, if not Millennia.”
“Those weren’t fairy tales. She’s forgotten more about the Force than Luke probably knows. Jaina, I...I just expected something else. Something more. I wanted to know what he does. I wanted to know what it was that pushed him and what do I get? Insulted.” He knew this side of things bored his sister. She and Anakin had always been more practical. More like their Dad while he was always compared to his mother. Except for the politics. He’d never be a politician. He’d go crazy having to deal with senators and things.
“I want to know all of it. All of the theories about the Force, how different cultures use it. I want to meet other Force users and learn from them. It’s presumptive to say you know the Force when we know so little. I want to study it.”
He sat down in the chair opposite her.
“I’m not a child.” he snapped. Not at her. She’d done nothing wrong. But he was finding it hard to calm down.
“Maybe, maybe not. But, they were stories where you only had the one person’s viewpoint. Hardly, a suitable pool of evidence.” Jaina started. Honestly not sure if she trusted the nonsense this Vergere filled his head with.
“No, you’re not. But, you started the conversation by saying you were his Grandson, and he has no idea how old you are. So, maybe he assumed you were?”
He knew she wasn’t entirely happy. He felt it. “Jaina, I have a viewpoint shared by even the Guardian that’s here. And they understand a lot that’s been lost so how can that be wrong? Vergere might even have known them at their height, it’s pretty hard to work out the age of a Fosh so...who knows. But it makes sense. It makes complete sense to me. I’m not sure how you can’t see it.”
He was probably overreacting. And she had a point about his pride. He knew he was prideful and he knew he had to be careful. But the fact he knew that meant he could protect himself from it.
“He’s formed his opinion on me. From one short conversation. No wonder he became what he is. Luke thinks he saved him on the Death Star. I don’t think he did. I think Dad’s probably right.”
“So did the old order. And yet, you’re saying that generations of Jedi were wrong.” Jaina sighed, “I felt the dark. When Anakin died, when I thought I’d lost you. I felt it’s allure. So strong that when I retrieved Anakin’s body, I used Force Lightning. It was my pain, my anger, my hate. So, I get how easy it could be to fall like he did.”
She’d been trying so hard to understand his opinions on this. She had. But, her experiences showed her otherwise. And, however close they were, their minds worked differently, and always had.
“You’re making assumptions. Forming your opinion of him on one conversation. Just like you’re accusing him of. I mean, I think Dad’s right, too. But, you are being a judgemental ass.”
“...I felt...something. When I was on the seed ship.” he said almost at a whisper. He hadn’t ever talked about it. Especially not to her. But what she’d said, he understood that anger. He’d lashed out, nearly hurt Vergere but it hadn’t been the Dark Side, it had been his own anger and fear.
She’d taken the Force from him.
“It wasn’t the Force. I didn’t have it. I was dead, I was…”
Maybe he was being judgemental. But he was right too. The two weren’t mutually exclusive after all.
“I think that generations of Jedi, and Sith too probably, didn’t have all the facts. Vergere was a Jedi but she understands more deeply than they do.”
It was almost unconscious now, saying ‘they’ instead of ‘we’.
“I’ll try again with him. If it makes you feel better?”
Jaina knew that she would never understand what her twin had been through. And, that broke her heart. Until the Yuuzhan Vong, they’d done everything together. But, the Vong war changed both of them. And, she could only imagine how much it would continue to change her when she went back to it.
“That’s the thing. The Guardian said there is a dark side of the Force. It’s around us when we kill, when we’re ill or dying. So, if we use it in hate, in anger. Then, we’re using those parts of the Force that are around us. And, maybe by using it like that. It influences us to continue using it like that.” She started, as she leant forward to take his hand in hers. She valued that he’d opened up to her like that. “That, and from what I’ve learned here. Power is its own allure.”
“Still, I don’t think you necessarily need to give him a second chance. Not unless you still want answers from him. Personally, I think he’s far too dangerous to be here. But, there have been others that have said that about others, and they’ve been ignored. So there’s kriff all we can do about it.”
“It's not for the sake of power. I want to learn. That’s all. I’ve never wanted power, or responsibility like that. So...maybe what I felt was something else.”
He let her take his hand. He knew he’d been an awful brother. He’d kept her out, at a distance and he didn’t need to do that. This was Jaina. His twin. But he also knew she could never understand everything he’d lived through. And he didn’t want her to know how bad it had gotten and how far he had fallen.
Not to the dark. Just...the things he’d done. She wouldn’t understand.
“I want answers. I want to understand why he did what he did. But to do that I have to approach it clinically. Without anger, without pride. And you’re right. I carry around both. So, I’ll learn from that. I promise”
“I never said you wanted power.” Jaina replied, frowning. “I was talking about why people may fall. That once they get a taste of using the Force like that, they might want more.” She shook her head briefly, wishing he could open up to her. She guessed that he didn’t even open up to her in the future, and that saddened her.
“What you felt was probably similar to what I felt. Anger, hate, darker emotions. Emotions which aren’t necessarily anything to do with the Force. But, if you’d had it, maybe those emotions would have influenced how you used it?” She still felt it, sometimes. But, being here changed those feelings. She knew Anakin could come here. He’d been here when she’d gotten the memories of him dying. And, here she knew that Jacen was still alive.
“Good.” She smiled at him then. “Family trait, I’m afraid. All as cocky as Dad.” She squeezed his hand, before she stood up, and turned towards the kitchen. “Do you want some kaff?”
He knew she was right. And a large part of him wished he could confide in her more about what had happened on the seed ship. On Yuuzhun’taar, but he couldn’t. Knowing that she’d felt those darker emotions…
“I can’t tell you...a lot about what happened during that time, but I can tell you if it wasn’t for Vergere, I wouldn’t be here now. Or, maybe I would but I wouldn’t have gotten off the seed ship.”
Vergere and Ganner. But she didn’t need to know about that either.
“Kaff sounds good.” he said, sitting back once she’d stood. Jaina had a way of calming him down that no one else could match. He just had to remember to let her in.