Rey Skywalker (sandstorm) wrote in saveatlantisic, @ 2018-06-26 20:17:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | *jeanna, rey |
Diary Challenge
When I was on Jakku, I used to mark the days off on the wall of my house. Which wasn't actually a house but still it was my home. Finding this book the other day made me happy. I have a lot of things in my head that I need to talk about but I'm not sure who I can talk to. There are things happening in my life that I'm confused about, feelings that I don't really understand and perhaps writing things down will help. I have friends but I feel like I have to sort through things on my own. I guess it's because I lived alone for so long that it just seems natural to do it on my own.
I wonder what my real name is? What did my parents name me? I picked the name "Rey" when I found an old helmet on Jakku that was left from the battle, it was the name of a Rebel pilot. Or part of the name actually. It was very long so I picked part of it out and that's what I called myself. I don'tsuppose I will ever know exactly what they called me, I only remember them leaving me and for a good while no one called me anything other than "girl." I hated that, I wanted a real name, I wanted to feel like a person and so when I found the helmet, I picked my name and I think it suits me. If I ever did find out what my real name is, I would probably keep calling myself Rey because that's how I think of myself now. It would be hard to change to something else.
Sometiimes I feel so confused when I'm wth Luke. He's very nice to me, he treats me well but I don't understand what he sees in me. He's a Jedi Master, he was one of the people who saved the galaxy, a hero, and he could have anyone he wanted. Even though he just rolled his eyes at me when I said that to him. I sound like a star struck teenager but I'm really not. I keep remembering him the way he was when I found him on the island. He looked so sad and lonely and I wanted to bring him back to the Resistance so he could help and so he could be with his sister again. We never spoke a word though because I picked up the coin and came here. When he got here, I couldn't believe it was the same person, he wasn't what I expected and I wasn't even sure I liked him to be completely honest. Then we got zapped by whatever made us think we were in a Disney movie and that changed the way I looked at him. Not to mention embarrassed because I had kissed him even though it wasn't me. After I got kidnapped I saw another side of him and I started to wonder if maybe there was something there. Finally we figured out that there was but I still don't understand it.
I kind of like having this dairy! I wonder if Atlantis will give us one every month? Or maybe I could just keep doing it on my own. So where I was I? Oh yes, Luke. I'm afraid that I will start to bore him. He's used to a lot of excitement and I'm not very exciting really.When we're together, we have fun, we like to do a lot of the same things and it's nice to have someone to talk to about the Force because that all feels so new to me. And he's a really good kisser. I haven't kissed a lot of guys because there wasn't a big choice on Jakku and the few traders that came through were usually only after one thing and I wasn't interested. It's not something Luke and I have talked about, sometimes we do sleep together but usually because one or the other of us fell asleep o the other's bed while we were watching a movie or something like that. It's perfectly innocent. And part of me doesn't want it to be perfectly innocent. I have no idea how to bring that up because I've never done that with anyone. I always wanted i to be with someone who meant something to me and Luke does but what if he doesn't feel the same way? No, it's better not to talk about it and just let things happen as they will.
I saw Han today but he didn't see me. I feel so guilty sometimes keeping what I know from him and Luke yet I know it's the best thing to do. Luke would blame himself for what happened to Ben and I'm certanly not going to tell Han that his son fell to the Dark Side and then killed him. There are some things that a person is better off not knowingand that would be one of them. Yet I know that Poe comes from further ahead than me but I haven't asked him anything other than whether or not Finn recovered and he did. I'm very glad of that.I know we only known each other for a few days but it seemed as if I'd known him forever. I keep hoping that he'll come here but he hasn't.
Vader is here. Luke's father and I'm worried about him. He's spoken to him and he says that he has returned to the Light and I believe that but what if he falls again? I can't say that to Luke because he wants to believe in him and i understand that. I would feel the same way if I learned who my parents are and they suddenly appeared here. All i can do is be supportive and when I meet him, maybe I will be able to get some sense ofwho he is now. Probably not a lot since it's still new to me but hopefully.
It's been storming for days and I find it strangely beautiful.I've never seen so much rain in my life! But when you think about it, I hadn't seen rain at all until a few months ago. As wild as the storm is, there's something quiet about it too. I'm going to be sad when it stops.