Grant Ward is not a true believer (notanazi) wrote in saveatlantisic, @ 2018-06-15 14:58:00 |
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Daisy didn’t deal very well with losing people. Most of her life, she’d been alone, going from foster home to foster home and never finding a place to really call home. Family was something she hadn’t found until she was an adult and she’d already lost far too many of the people she was close to. Lincoln was the person who came to mind immediately when she considered those losses, but there had been others, too, and each one hurt. Even losing her mom, who had been kind of evil had been hard after her long search to find just where and who she’d come from.
Lily wasn’t dying, but she’d chosen to go back to her own time, which meant it would be years before Daisy saw her again, if she ever did. She didn’t subscribe to the theory that time couldn’t be changed and that fate was locked in and there was no telling if the futures they’d heard about could come to pass. And as much as the idea of her and Ward having a kid together had weirded her out, she’s quickly grown to love their daughter. Saying goodbye to her, well, that hadn’t been easy. As promised, Daisy was sitting on a stool in Dive within 5 minutes of their conversation, her first drink already in front of her. It wasn’t the healthiest way to deal with her problems, but here she was. Learning he’d had children in various Atlantis futures had stunned him. Not so much the future thing, he’d lived a lot of weird. But Faith, it was casual with Faith and he loved Emilia, she was witty and clever and very clearly his kid. With Daisy though, with Lily… He’d thought about it, fleeting, passing thoughts back in Lawrence. How it would be to raise a child with her. The thoughts had always been brushed aside, believing while she would be a great mother, he could never be a father. The girls had taught him otherwise. Lily had been so like Daisy but he’d been able to see himself in her too and god, he’d miss her. He’d gotten to say goodbye at least and he really did understand that she wanted to be back in her own time. She had made that choice and he was proud of her whatever she did. But it left them behind. And as he arrived in Dive he spotted her immediately. He was grateful to her, she’d given him a chance here. There was still so much between them, she’d become someone so different to the Skye he’d remembered. But the woman he’d loved was still a part of her and he’d learned to know when she was hurting. They’d both loved and lost since then. Both felt that pain. And here it was again. He quickly ordered a whiskey and joined her. “Hey” he said simply. “I’m not gonna ask if you’re okay. But if you want to talk that’s fine, if you don’t...that’s fine too, we can just drink.” Daisy didn’t even know what she’d say. However far they’d come in rebuilding a friendship here, having a child with Grant Ward had never been something she expected. Maybe there was a version of her somewhere that had thought about it, but that was another lifetime and she wasn’t the same person anymore. Sometimes she wasn’t sure she was even the same woman Lincoln had loved, but that didn’t stop her from missing him terribly. She knew she’d have to move on eventually, but with a part of her still in love with him, she wasn’t sure she’d ever be ready to be with anyone else, least of all someone like Grant Ward. Shaking her head, she picked up her glass and pulled it up to her lips. “Drinking’s good,” she said quietly. Even if she wanted to talk about it, she didn’t really know where to start. Knowing he probably felt a lot of the same things she was feeling didn’t change that. Drinking it was. He was happy to sit in silence with her if that’s what she wanted but he knew it could only last so long. Silence made you think. Made you remember the worst times. And he remembered Kara dead in his arms, he remembered Lawrence, taking a shot to save the woman he’d loved, he remembered Maveth and how lost he’d been, but he actually found it was different, when he remembered his last talk with Lily. It was bittersweet, easier because he knew she’d still have them. Older them but parents that he knew were capable. He’d become that, he and Daisy had managed in spite of their past to co-parent a pretty amazing young woman. After a few minutes he broke the silence. “You know, I wouldn’t trade a second of the time we had with her. We got to know her and that’s...more than I ever could have anticipated. She was so much like you, I could see it from the first time I talked to her. After I freaked out, obviously.” he said with a wry smile. “And we did good. With her. Both of us. So, maybe that’s something we take from this. That we’re better than our upbringings.” She should have known he couldn’t keep the drinking in silence thing going for long. Maybe it was a good thing. Maybe she needed to talk about it, even if she didn’t really want to. Daisy nodded as she took a sip of her drink. Everything he was saying was true. Lily was an amazing woman. She wasn’t sure how they’d managed to raise someone so amazing when they were both so screwed up. She was glad for the time they’d both had with her. “I’m just really going to miss her,” she admitted. Lily would still have them, in her timeline, but without the guarantee that future would come to pass - and how could she hope for a future where the war was still going on years later just to satisfy her own selfish wants - it wasn’t a given they’d see her again. For this version of them, that goodbye could very likely have been final. “And that’s okay. Missing her. It’s normal, isn’t it?” he said, trying to make things even a little better for her. Neither of them probably really wanted to talk about it, but he knew it was important to talk things out. He’d learned that over time. “I guess we can take from it that we’re capable. That we’re maybe not so screwed up we can never have kids. And it won’t be...probably won’t be us unless...something we can’t...you know what I mean, but it does mean if we do end up with someone...it’s not out of the realm of possibility. It doesn’t scare me as much as it used to.” Yes, he’d miss her. But he could hope she came back here someday. Or he could content himself to know she still had him in that future. A him that had learned to be a good father. He took another sip. “You can tell me to shut up and drink if you want?” he offered. Daisy shrugged. “I already knew you weren’t hopeless,” she teased. It wasn’t a position she ever planned to be in, being with anyone, not unless Lincoln came back and ever then- he’d only vanish again if he did. She’d come to accept the fact that anyone she got close to was doomed. Even if she wasn’t still a little in love with Lincoln, she wasn’t sure she wanted to ever go there again. The idea of getting serious with someone, having a family, she didn’t think that was in the cards for her. “I’m not going to end up with someone,” she heard herself saying out loud. It surprised her that she was admitting it. “Not like that.” “I guess we learned neither of us are.” he said with a smile. He was happy she was in a position to tease him again. She was upset, they both were, but they’d be okay. He didn’t expect what happened next. Not so much what she said, but that she’d said it to him. And honestly, she wasn’t the only one who believed that about themselves. “Tell you the truth, me either. Even with Kara I didn’t see kids. I saw a chance for something good, building a life but never that. And here, now. I love Lily, but we know, how she was conceived wasn’t our choice. I’ll never regret it giving her life but...you know. We weren’t ourselves..” And with Faith, he’d never expected more than casual. Still didn’t. “I think we have similar reasons for thinking like we do. And I wish it was different. I wish you still had Lincoln here.” He’d loved Daisy, part of him always would. He’d always be there for her, as long as she wanted him to be. And he’d started to love Kara. Started to see a future when it all went wrong. “We have no one else to answer to when it comes to this. You know your own mind and you know what you want, or don’t from life. But life throws curveballs too. And I think it’s learning to ride those out that helps us grow.” He shook his head taking a long sip of his drink. “And now I’m done sounding like a fortune cookie. You want another round?” “When did you get so smart?” Daisy teased. She wasn’t going to acknowledge what he’d said about Lincoln. As a rule, she didn’t let herself think about Lincoln much. Losing him in Atlantis had been different than home, but it hurt all the same. She wasn’t sure she wanted to see him come back if she was only going to lose him again. Truthfully, she half expected all of the people she’d gotten close to here to up and disappear. Enough of them had already - Jim, Spock, Zane. It cemented her feeling that she was meant to be alone. She nodded at the suggestion of another round. “Damn right I do.” “I know this pretty smart woman. She helped me a hell of a lot.” he said. He didn’t ever want to make her feel awkward but it was true. His time with her in Lawrence had shaped a lot of the man he was now. And weirdly they’d become similar people. Given how everything went. He stood up, ready to go to the bar for that second round. “You’ll be okay Daisy. You’re the strongest person I know.” “Yeah, I will be,” she agreed. No matter what, she always seemed to be okay, even after the things she was sure would break her. Sometimes, it took time, sometimes she lost herself for a while, but ultimately, she always came out stronger. She guessed that was the point of it all. He nodded. She would be fine. And so would he. It’d just take a while. “I’m here. If you ever need anything.” He suspected she knew that but he’d wanted to say it all the same. Now he had, he went back to the bar to get them another round. They’d be here a while yet before anyone else showed up. |