dean winchester (shotgun) wrote in salemscenes, @ 2017-02-11 21:13:00 |
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Entry tags: | dean winchester (lovespie), sam winchester (agentaguilera) |
WHO: Dean and Sam
WHAT: Dean losing his soul shit
WHERE: Outskirts of town
WHEN: Tonight
WARNINGS: Talks of violence
Dean knew that the mark was starting to take over. He could feel its power and its seduction. The mark wanted him to kill. It needed blood to be spilt so Dean pushed himself more when it came to hunting. Dean didn’t take who or what he killed but he made it his mission to go out almost every night. Vampire. Werewolf. It didn’t matter. Dean was slaughtering things left and right to sate the mark of Cain that was literally eating away at him. There was no way to tell Sam who didn’t even remember all the things that Dean did. A part of him felt that it was better this way. Maybe if he kept Sam at arm’s length then it would be so much easier to let him go when the time came where the mark took over completely.
He had stumbled upon a nest of vampires-- vampires from Dean’s world who didn’t turn into dust but still needed to die. Dean took them on by himself and killed six of them with two others escaping. Dean didn’t realize that tonight he had been followed and he couldn’t help but wonder if Sam watched him the entire time. If he witnessed just how deep Dean was in all of this and how it could be explained. It was just a hunt to Dean. What else did he have to say?
Standing there with a blood splattered face, Dean didn’t look at Sam who was approaching him with caution as his machete was slipped back into the sheathe that he wore at his belt. Around Dean were the bodies of the vampires who no longer had their heads. Dean tried his best to play it off as best as he could.
“I think I’m getting the hand of the solo thing,” Dean said, going as far as to shoot Sam a smile until it disappeared the moment he knew that Sam wasn’t buying it. That his brother was legitimately concerned about what was happening here.
“Look, you don’t have to say it. I’m telling you I’m fine, Sam. I’m working.”
But Dean wasn’t. He was far from fine but it was better to lie to Sam than to tell him the God’s honest truth about what was happening. About how Sam was literally losing his brother.
Sam knew that something was up with Dean. Something was off. At first he just brushed it aside and blamed it on the drama that Hanna had dragged him in, but then it just continued. He thought maybe it was because he and Hanna had broken up, but no. Something was definitely wrong. He and Dean didn't really hunt together anymore. Hell, they barely even talked and they lived in the same apartment. Some nights Sam would just stay at Jondy's as a way to avoid it, but he couldn't avoid it any longer.
Sam knew that Dean was going out tonight on a hunt and it wasn't as if Dean gave him a choice. He just left. Sam hung back for a few minutes, contemplating and he pulled out his phone and texted Emily asking her if she was hunting tonight and she texted back that she wasn't. Which meant Dean was once again on his own. After a minute, Sam got up and pretty much geared up, taking weapons and making sure they were concealed before he headed out behind Dean.
The night took the two of them to a nest where Dean had no problem taking out the vampires. In fact, it was as if he got joy in it, that he couldn't get enough. Blood was splattered over his face, his clothes and there was this look in his eyes that was almost sinister. Sam walked from the shadows, not saying anything. He was just listening.
Dean was getting the hand of this solo thing. That was the thing, Dean wasn't alone. He had Sam. He had Emily. Hell, he even had Jondy - whatever he was going through right now, Sam would help him. He would always help him, but Dean seemed to have a way to medicate himself through his problems and that was taking it out on the supernatural with evil glee.
"I didn't say a word, but you pointing that out tells me you're not fine. And it also tells me that you know it too," Sam stood there, looking at his brother. He wasn't going to tell him how to hunt, Dean had been hunting a long time. It was kind of hypocritical because of all the shit that Sam had given him over the kitsune Dean had killed, Sam's friend. But right now, Sam could give a shit about vampires. He was more concerned with Dean.
"Tell me what's going on." Sam moved, stepping in the way of Dean so he couldn't pass.
"No, we're not leaving until you start talking. You're hiding something, Dean and don't try to lie about it. I know you."
Dean knew that his brother was absolutely right. They needed to talk about this - Dean needed to explain what was going on. How he suddenly had the mark of Cain and what that meant for them. Dean opened his mouth and he was ready to comply but the voice inside of his head told him not to. Dean didn’t want to explain anything. A part of him didn’t care because what he was doing? Killing everything in sight? The darkness inside of him was getting off of it. It fueled him. It made him stronger that Dean felt like he could do just about anything.
What made things worse was when Sam stepped in his way. Stepped in the way of a monster because the truth of the matter was that Dean was turning into one. His soul was literally being darkened and soon enough it was going to be pitch black. The mark was going to turn Dean into a ruthless killing machine and there was nothing that could stop it.
“You need to get out of my way,” Dean said, suddenly eager to fight again, to show Sam why he needed to back off. Instead of being calm and resourceful Dean was jumping to conclusions and wanted to pick a fight. Dean would have never done that but right now everything was so goddamn warped.
“All you need to know is that I’m dealing with it. That’s all there is to it.” And in the end Dean would fail. He wouldn’t be able to suddenly turn himself around and what was Sam going to do? There was no way to remove the mark. It was going to last forever and so was Dean, apparently.
“So, get out of my way, Sammy.” Dean had every intention of moving him. All Sam had to do was say the word.
Something flickered in Dean's eyes. His eyes didn't seem so bright, they were more dull than anything. More dark. The way he carried his expression seemed darker, more indifferent ... Something was definitely wrong, Sam just had no idea what. He wondered if this was the result of his and Hanna's break up but it couldn't have been. He doubted Hanna would have him worked up like this. Dean tried to most past him but Sam easily stepped in his way, blocking him, which Dean didn't seem to like but the thing was, Sam didn't care. He didn't care about anything that Dean wanted - which at the moment was just for Sam to drop the conversation altogether. He wasn't going to and anything that Dean threw at him, whether it was his fist or not - it wasn't going to stop Sam.
"That's all there is to it?" Sam asked, his eyes own eyes growing darker. "No, I think that's where you're wrong Dean. I think this is the part where you tell me what the hell is happening to you." Because all Sam wanted to do was help him, but Dean always made it difficult.
When Dean tried to pass again, Sam stopped him only this time, Sam pushed him back.
He was getting angry and maybe he shouldn't have, but the confusion and the way Dean was trying to brush all of this off was getting to him. Dean and Sam were killers. They always were. They killed demons, vampires, werewolves, witches - it was what they did. But for the first time in a long time, Dean looked like a killer.
"You're scaring me, Dean," he confessed. And Sam watched him, he knew Dean and he also knew that right hook that would probably aim for Sam any second, but Sam wasn't leaving and he wasn't letting Dean go until he knew what the hell was going on.
You’re scaring me.
The words stabbed at something deep inside of Dean and he knew it was his humanity. The one thing that wasn’t completely darkened. A piece of his soul that still lingered the Dean that everyone was familiar with and loved. There was a small awakening in Dean’s eyes. He knew what he was doing was wrong but he also knew that fighting it left him weak. He wasn’t strong enough to fight the mark and even with Sam, even with Hanna, there just wasn’t enough love in the world to overcome something that was this ancient and powerful.
“I’m sorry.”
Dean attacked Sam with a reckoning. He remembered times where they fought against each other but this time Dean was packing a major power boost. The mark didn’t just make Dean untouchable but it also made him unkillable. He was powered up like someone on steroids because the hit that Sam would take would be like taking a hit from a brick wall. It would be enough to send Sam flying.
And that’s when Sam would know that Dean was different. Dean didn’t have any sort of special powers but now he was packing the mark from the father of murder. Cain’s mark was driving Dean towards the edge and the more he fought the more it activated.
“I’m too far gone, Sam. I can’t stop what’s happening to me. I wish that I could.” Dean rolled up the sleeve of his shirt, the mark on his arm pulsing, a red shine admitting from his veins. “This is what happened to me back home, Sam. This is what I’ve been dealing with.”
For some reason Sam wasn’t expecting that. He wasn’t expecting an apology. He expected something so much worse because Sam saw that look in his eyes. When he said he was sorry though, Sam was bracing himself, just in case Dean decided to be a dick but he didn’t. At least not yet. Sam moved closer when Dean started rolling up his sleeve, showing him a mark. Sam narrowed his eyes, moving closer, even reaching out to touch it.
“Where the hell did you get this from?” He asked, looking at his brother. Some part of him already knew. He knew that Dean had been acting a little more volatile. It was easy to blame it on the werewolf problem. Even Hanna. But it was this - this mark that was changing him. And Sam realized it had been since New Years.
“You’ve had this over a month,” Sam pointed out, looking at Dean. Okay. Sam could do this. He could figure this out - he could save his brother from this mark.
“You’re not too far gone. You’re never too far gone. I’ll get you back. I will find a way to get rid of it.” Unless Dean knew, but he doubted he did.
“You can’t,” Dean said, his voice a little more strained. Sam just didn’t get it but that wasn’t his fault. Sam didn’t remember all of the new things that Dean knew. The mark seemed to come with his memories and he guessed that made sense. Maybe it was the witches decided to fuck with him by making sure that he got a little extra. The mark was going to rip Dean apart and anyone who tried to stop him was going to get bulldozed. There was really nothing that could stop him.
“Back home. We had to figure out a way to stop a Hell Knight - Abaddon. The only way to kill the bitch was to use the First Blade. The only way to use it was to get the mark.” And then Dean changed. He felt powerful but the mark was killing him, too. It was the first curse ever to be used. First on Lucifer and then on Cain, the father of murder.
“This thing is going to hollow me out, Sammy. It’s going to erase every bit of me and there isn’t anything you can do to stop it.” Because Dean knew what the only solution could be. When Dean was changed and came out a demon then he needed to be put down. Dean wanted Sam to do that.
“And when I come out of it you have to do your job.” Because it was going to be kill or be killed. Dean knew that he wouldn’t be able to stop himself.
It almost sounded like Dean was just giving up. Sam wouldn’t let him. He would hold on for the both of them. The thing about Salem was apparently the memories were there, things happened, but how to stop it? Having the tools to do that? They were nowhere in sight. Sam would have to figure this out on his own. He was determined to save his brother. He’d done it a hundred times, this should have been no different.
“If it’s going to hollow you out, if you know what’s going to happen Dean, then fight it. Fight for yourself. I’m going to fight for you. I’ll make you remember who you really are.” Because this - it wasn’t him. He had to find a way to get that mark off of him.
Shaking his head, Sam couldn’t believe what Dean was even saying. “No. You’re not a job to me. You’re my brother.” And Sam would do whatever it took in order to save him from this. To save him from himself.
He needed to get back to the apartment to do research. But he wasn’t leaving without Dean.
“You don’t get it.” Dean almost wanted to laugh. God, why was his brother so stupid? He was supposed to be the smart one. Dean felt his fingers close again. He wanted to rip into Sam. Into everyone that he knew. It would have been so easy with the machete. The blood dripping. Dean had to close his eyes before the overwhelming need to take Sam down took over. He was so close. Dean didn’t want to hurt Sam but he felt like he wasn’t going to have a choice.
“It won’t be just you, Sam. It’s going to be Jondy. It’s going to be Hanna and all of her friends. I will kill them all. Don’t you get that?” Dean didn’t want to hurt any of them, either. It was just the matter of the mark and how it was going to take control of him. Soon there wasn’t going to be any of him left. Sam wasn’t going to be able to reach him when that happened.
“You have to protect them from me,” Dean explained, his eyes serious as were his words. “I’m serious, Sam. You need to warn them about me - especially Hanna. She can’t see me like this. I don’t know what I’ll be like the next time I see her.” Because Dean could almost imagine it in his head. He hated himself. It made him feel sick but some part of him wanted to gut her.
No, Sam got it. He knew, underneath it all what he needed to do and that was lock Dean up so he wouldn't hurt anyone. Right now though, he didn't have what he needed. Dean would be too strong for him, especially if he had the help of the mark on his side.
Why was this happening? Sam was frustrated and upset, but he kept his expression as neutral as he could. It was hard though.
“I will, I'll do what I have to do.” No matter how much it hurt. He would take what Dean had told him and do everything he could to save him, but right now getting him locked down was what his brother needed. Especially if he was threatening Jondy and Hanna. Sam wouldn't let it happen and he feared that Jondy would just kill Dean. She was so much stronger and faster, there was no way that Dean could go up against a transgenic, no matter what mark was on him.
“Is there anything else I need to know?” Sam asked. Because right now Dean wanted to be saved. He didn't have to say it. This was his way of telling Sam everything. “I'll warn them but I'm still going to try and save you.”
He already had an idea on how he could get Dean in a cage. He just had to make sure there was a follow through. And that would depend on Hanna.
“You can try.” Dean left it at that. He wasn’t going to convince Sam not to because he knew what his brother was willing to do in order to get him back. That’s what they did as brothers. As Winchesters. They would go to the ends of the earth, the deepest parts of hell and the highest peaks of heaven just to make sure the other survived. They had been through so much but Dean was tired. He wasn’t here to fight the mark. He couldn't even if he tried. He had no choice but to leave things where they were.
“Do what you think you have to, Sam.” But Dean couldn’t be there to save his little brother. Not this time. If Dean decided to come after him, if the mark tarnished his soul to the point of not caring, then there would be nothing left in him to reach out to. Dean was going to give in to his temptations and that was going to be the end of all conversations.
Turning around, Dean started to walk away but stopped, his eyes closing as the mark vibrated with pain. He could feel it burning a hole through his arm. It wanted him to spill more blood - maybe even spill Sam’s. Dean fought it, he resisted the urge but it was like ripping his body in half. The pain was just too horrible to handle.
“Don’t risk the world for me,” Dean added, his head turning to look at Sam over his shoulder.
Sam brought his hands to his hips as he just nodded slowly, trying to make sense of all of it. But he didn’t have time to do that. He needed to fix this. Now. And that’s what he planned to do. Dean turned to leave and Sam just wanted so much to keep him with him but he knew he couldn’t - not yet. That was the worst part .Because Sam had to let him go, there was no way that Dean would go with him now on his own and Sam had nothing to knock him out with and he wasn’t going to shoot his brother. Which meant that for however long, Dean would be out there, possibly hurting people.
Hopefully, he just stuck to vampires.
“I’ll do anything, Dean.” And Sam left it at that. Because he would do everything. Even if that meant risking the world. Swallowing hard, he watched as Dean went and Sam took a deep breath, trying to stop the tears from coming because this was overwhelming, but he couldn’t.
He didn’t have time for that. Instead, he turned, going his separate way. He pulled his phone out and started texting Hanna and Jondy.