That... might be a little complicated to explain. Let's see— you said "a god", so I'm assuming yours is a culture that doesn't believe in just one deity. Just imagine it being only two. A benevolent one, and a malevolent one. Two sides of the same coin, but largely different. God would be the benevolent one, and the Devil would be the malevolent one.
As for that, you don't need to worry. I don't know why I was so ready to get killed, but... I'm not going to disappoint you all like that. No matter what, I'll fight it to the very end. In any case, Ayumu doesn't want to kill me.