AND HERE'S WHAT SHE WROTE:
Once upon a time in the magical land of ungulates, there was a piggy princess called Porkella. Her father, King Katsu, was a pearl before swine, and a darned good ruler for a big fat pig. He treated all of his subjects magnanimously, but one day he got eaten. He was just a pig, after all. And for the record, he made an even better ramen than he did a king.
Little Porkella, still a tender young piglet, could never have imagined a world after her father's greasy demise. The subjects that he had treated so magnanimously didn't even wait before they started rolling around in filth.
The evil Deacon Bacon, who had kissed her dad's curly tail the entire time he was alive, had his snout buried in a plot to marry the princess and take the throne, and now that the king was dead, he needed to hoof it. So he tried everything he could to seduce her. Really went whole hog.
But Porkella had already been betrothed to, and more importantly was already in love with the noble Prince Tapir. So she decided to trot by night, packing her best feed bag and escaping the castle. Her great adventure began then, through enchanted woods and accursed mountains; over roaring rivers and churning seas.
Finally, at the end of a long and troublesome journey, Porkella had reached the end of her character arc and was reunited with her beloved. She was as happy as a pig in mud. Also, she was in mud. So they lived happily ever after.
For about two days, then she too got eaten. She was just a pig, after all.