Not just pain. Diminshing value, making someone feel inadequate and powerless, like they aren't getting through and can't hope to.
I get it. I'm the same exact way. And my friends have beaten me for it over and over. And it's only because of that that I can even say all this, and I'm pretty hypocritical just doing it! But did you ever think that maybe the reason it's so hard to let others take some burden is because it's less selfish?