Closer
Characters: Matt and Edan Setting: early morning, Matt's room
Edan woke early because she heard Matt moving around, stretching and rolling slightly on his bed to look for him. She hadn’t wanted the bed, but she supposed after showing up with a blossoming black eye and a bleeding arm with an ice pick in hand he was bound to let her sleep in his bed. She was still in her clothes, but content to sleep in them if it meant she slept on a pillow that smelled so much like him. Sitting up more she drug fingers through her hair, looking around the room she’d barely noticed the day before. She’d been too caught up in Pippa and her attack, in Evan and how he was such a contradiction, all of that. As the room came more into focus though she noticed what he’d been working on, his mural of sorts of photos and the map of the facility, how he’d photographed so much of it and so many of the people, putting them where they belonged.
She’d shifted to the end of the bed, knees pulled up to her chest while she studied it. That was more than interesting.
As much as he’d insisted that Edan take the bed, a night spent on the loveseat combined with the circumstances that had brought her to his room in the first place meant that Matt had slept poorly and woken even earlier than usual. After a quick trip to the bathroom, he had come out with the intention of turning on his computer but an odd smell wafting in through the slightly open window had him stepping outside instead, the look of curiosity on his face quickly replaced by a frown as he took in the sight of what had clearly been a fire in the courtyard. A stray gust wind sent a fragment of burnt paper twisting up towards him and with a speed that would have surprised people, he snatched it from the air and his expression darkened when he realised where it had come from.
Edan wanted to ask about the wall, but Matt was outside, so with a frown she got up, following after him, arms around her self. “What’s going on Matt?” she asked wiping at her eye and wincing at how it felt. It was probably black at this point, and it definitely still hurt.
If he wasn’t struggling to keep down the anger bubbling up inside him, Matt might have considered a more delicate way of replying given what he knew about Edan but instead he spoke without thinking. “Someone set a fire,” he replied, an obvious disgust in his voice as his grip on the paper tightened. “Willfully, deliberately....”
“That’s why most fires are started,” Edan said, more ice in her tone than she meant, but that disgust in his voice hurt her. Moving away from him and closer to the balcony she peered down to see the charred mess in the courtyard. “Did someone get hurt?”
The coolness in her tone registered with him and was enough to distract him from his anger, at least for a moment. “I don’t know,” he said, confusion creeping around his words at her demeanour, not yet realising his misstep. “It d...doesn’t seem so.”
Edan bit her lip and looked at the mess then back at Matt. “Well you know it wasn’t me. I was here.” Though it could have been someone else. Leandro was a firestarter too. And she hadn’t met that many others, there could be more.
Matt frowned. “I didn’t think it was,” he told her, wondering why exactly she’d felt the need to tell him that. “Even if you hadn’t been here, this...” He waved his hand still clutching the paper out over the balcony’s edge. “You wouldn’t do this.”
“I wouldn’t?” she asked. “No one got hurt, it burned well, looks like someone gave it something to really start it and...” Edan trailed off with a frown. It looked like something she would do. Which gave her an idea for who might have done it.
“Oh they f...f...f...found something to start it,” he snapped, holding the burnt piece out to her only for his resolve to waver slightly at her expression. “What is it?” he asked.
Edan frowned at the burnt piece, obviously a piece of paper which meant...a book. “I told Pippa about how I started my fires,” she said softly, frown creasing her features.
The mention of the girl who’d hit Edan did nothing to improve Matt’s mood and the notion that she might somehow be involved with the mess down in the courtyard and the smell of damp ash and liquor that still lingered only increased his animosity towards her. “And you think she...?” he trailed off, his intent clear.
“She flooded the laundry room,” Edan pointed out before dragging her fingers through her hair. “I wouldn’t put it past her. She seemed to like the idea of setting something on fire.” Which meant that this was at least partially Edan’s fault.
There were many things Matt could sympathise with but vandalism for its own sake wasn't one of them. Adding to that the burning of books, a crime beyond abhorrent in his eyes, he found himself itching to see the culprit punished. "I just don't understand what possesses someone to do that," he said, shaking his head. "To willingly burn a book..." He was practically shaking with anger as he spoke, hands coming to clutch in his hair. "Fuck."
“Or a building...” Edan added, that ice still in her tone. Glancing at him when he swore though cut through a good bit of her own frustration at him as well as that overwhelming sense that she’d wished she’d come up with the idea. Maybe burning books was a bad idea, but at least it was burning something. And it didn’t look like anyone got hurt. Still the book were probably still in use or usable, so that went against her own code. Instinctively she reached out to pull his hands out of his hair, but stopped short. “You’re mad.”
The implication of her tone wasn't lost on Matt that time and a flash of guilt moved across his face. "Edan I..." He wasn't sure what to say and that uncertain brought his stutter out in full force. "I d...d....d....didn't, I w...wasn't talk...k....king about what you dooo..do." Or at least what he understood of what she did from the conversations they'd had. "B...but y...yes, I am mad. More than m...mad. Fascists burn books, people who w....w...want to destroy the b...best of what humanity has to offer. Even the w...worst of books have lessons they can teach and to just destroy that as if it were trash..." His chest heaved with the exertion of his little speech, bright spots on his cheeks that had nothing to do with the morning chill.
Distantly, Edan was surprised to see him so passionate about something, but she was still frustrated with him. “I’m doubting whoever did it was trying to destroy the best parts of humanity,” she said softly, wanting to reach out to him again, but knowing that would just upset him more. “If it was her, she’s just crazy. If it was someone else...sometimes it’s a compulsion.”
"Regardless of their intention, that's what they've done," he countered, the gentleness of Edan's voice cooling his ire slightly. "And in a place like this it's even more important we have them, to remind us of what's important." He let out a sigh, reaching for the balcony rail and allowing it's solidity to steady him. "I understand compulsion Edan, I can even understand crazy but to do this, I...I can't forgive it."
Edan bit her lip, not sure what to say to him. “I’m just trying to help Matt. I’d hug you but you’d probably just feel worse.” She wrapped her arms around herself to keep from doing just that. “I wouldn’t expect you to forgive it.”
All too aware of how it felt wanting to offer physical comfort to someone but being unable to, albeit from a flipped perspective to Edan, Matt looked over at her and although he was unable to summon a smile for her benefit, his expression did soften. " There's nothing to be done Edan," he told her, voice quieter now. "But thank you for wanting to." He let out another sigh. "And regardless how I feel on the matter, it can't undo this."
Despite his softened features, Edan wasn’t feeling all that better. “Maybe there isn’t. I just wish I could.” She hated seeing him mad, seeing him upset, and it was hard not to just reach out and hold on to him, tell him he’d be fine, but she knew that wasn’t going to do anything but make it worse. “Maybe I should go..”
"No, don't go," he said, letting go of the balcony and taking a small step backwards towards his door. "Let's go back inside." Perhaps if he couldn't see the courtyard he'd be able to push it out of his mind.
She was quiet, watching him step back towards his room, but not following after him. “Are you sure you want me around?” Edan guessed he might say yes, but right now she was having hard time keeping her hands to herself.
Matt nodded. "I can't think of anything I'd want more right now," he told her honestly. "Please. Stay."
Those words sent a small chill up her spine, killing all of her resolve. Who didn’t want a guy to talk to her like that? Moving a few steps forward she followed after him. “Alright. For a little bit.”
"Thank you," he replied, walking backwards into the room and holding the door open for her so she could pass in front of him. "Did y....you sleep okay?" He asked, shutting the door once they were both inside, the question coming from both a place of genuine concern and a desire to move his thoughts away from the fire's remains.
Edan went into the room, looking around a little before sitting on the edge of the bed. “I did,” she said softly. “Thanks for letting me stay. I didn’t feel safe in my room.” Not that Pippa knew where she was staying, but Edan had been a little too anxious. The ice pick Evan had given her was still there, on the edge of the desk, close to the bed.
Matt actually managed to smile a little at that; when Edan had turned up in the state she had, the only thing he'd felt that he could do was insist on her taking the bed so knowing she had slept well meant something to him. The fact that she felt safe with him as well, enough to choose him over the arguably better 'protector' of Brady was gratifying in a way he didn't completely understand. "It was nothing," he said. "I'm just happy I could do something to help."
“Did you sleep okay?” she asked, guessing he might not have. “You should have let me take the couch.” Or shared the bed with me. She didn’t say the second part. He couldn’t hold her hand, she knew better than him being able to do that. It shouldn’t be bothering her as much as it was, but she was feeling useless, not able to help him calm down when he’d been angry because her only responses would have just upset him in a different way.
"As well as can be expected," he said, smile turning slightly crooked. "And no I really shouldn't have. I may have my failings but a lack of m...manners isn't one of them."
She smiled a little at him then nodded. “Well I appreciate it. And I will try and not make a habit of forcing you to sleep uncomfortably.” Edan let her eyes wander around his room, falling on the collection of photos of herself behind his computer. “This is impressive. I don’t...I don’t remember you taking some of these.”
Matt shrugged. "It's a small price to pay for knowing I helped you feel safe," he told her. Her observation about his photographs however was not so easy to shrug off and a faint flush of embarrassment began creeping across his cheeks. "You w....w....wouldn't have," he admitted, stepping over to the desk. "Do you remember what I told you the day we met? About the kind of photos I like to take?"
“Where the subjects don’t know you’re taking them,” she said softly, looking up at him. “Even after I offered to model,” she added, pointing to a few that were taken in her bathroom when she wasn’t looking. “Why am I not...” she turned back to the other wall. “Over there?”
While his blush didn't fade, the fact Edan had remembered what he'd told her and the lack of any kind of judgement or reproach in her voice meant he was able to relax a little as he nodded in assent. He was about to point out he wasn't against the idea of her modelling for him, it was just that he wasn't sure what to do, but then she asked her question which caught him by surprise. "There's a p...p...picture of you up there," he pointed out, gesturing to the first shot he'd taken of her which sat beside her room on the map though it was practically lost amongst the other photographs there.
“There’s one,” Edan said getting up to look at it. She wasn’t looking at him, or anywhere near him and it wasn’t up close either. She might not have met him at this point either. That was slightly unsettling, but she didn’t comment. “There’s like a dozen over there,” she said nodding towards his desk. “Why only me?”
A number of possible answers flitted through Matt's head but in the end he settled on the simplest. "Because you're important to me," he said. "And because you aren't like anyone else so why would I put your picture with theirs?"
That had her looking back at him, staring for a moment. “When did you decide that?” she asked. “Did I move from here to there?” She pointed between the two places before moving closer to the desk, where her photos were more displayed. “You don’t get tired of looking at me?”
"I don't think it was something I decided," he said, looking from her to her photos. "Rather it's something I've came to realise." He smiled albeit self-consciously and sat down at the computer. "And no I don't. Not here or in person."
Edan sat back on the bed, picking up the ice pick to toy with it, poking the sharp edge against her thumb. “I guess that’s good thing, you not getting tired of looking at me.” She wondered how it would feel for all this to come down off his walls, to find out he was tired of looking at her. Probably gut wrenching.
Matt frowned slightly, pulling himself away from his photos to give the flesh and blood Edan his full attention. "Why would I get tired of you Edan? You're amazing to me."
That made her blush so hard she felt it all over her skin and couldn’t quite look up at him. Biting her lip she nodded. “When you say it like that I don’t see how you could.”
"Well good," he said, a rare note of determination in his voice. "Because it's the truth."
That he thought she was amazing was still ringing in her ears, keeping her from being able to focus on anything that wasn’t trying to get her blush under control. Maybe it made her a sucker, but there hadn’t been anyone in a while who saw her like that, probably not anyone at all who believed it as much as Matt did. Finally managing to get her eyes up to meet his she smiled more. “I’m lucky then. That I have you.”
It still amazed Matt, the impact his words had on Edan, and it was all he could do to just smile back at her. "That makes two of us then," he said, tugging his chair a little closer to her. "Who could have expected to find so much good fortune in one place?"
Edan looked up a little surprised that he was moving closer. “I know I didn’t expect it. Nothing like this,” she told him. She hadn’t expected to feel close to someone in a long while and now here she had Matt. Beyond him there was Brady as well, someone else she felt close to and if she let herself think about it, she’d include Evan too, even if he’d probably tell her not to think like that.
There was no missing the surprise in her expression and Matt couldn't blame her for that given his behaviour up to that point but something becoming increasingly clear to him was that, although the notion of actually being touched still filled him with anxiety, he genuinely enjoyed being close to Edan. "Neither did I," he said softly, the fire forgotten for the moment in favour of the happy albeit surprising truth of the relationship they had found themselves in.