Rebekah MacKenzie (beckathesweet) wrote in rrinitiative, @ 2012-11-20 18:24:00 |
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Entry tags: | day eight, leandro, leandro and rebekah, rebekah |
What a Pair We Make
Characters: Leandro and Becka
Setting: Her room, night
Becka kept waiting for the overwhelming, crushing disappointment that she and Adam weren’t going to be together to come over her, but it just wasn’t. She supposed that it might have something to do with the fact that she understood why it needed to be this way. It wasn’t about her, not entirely, and she cared about Adam enough to want him to take however much time he needed to take care of himself. With everything that had come up, it had just felt like there was so much going against them, which really made her think that this was for the best. Adam would be able to focus on dealing with his issues, and Becka? Well, she would just focus on making friends and working on the clinic and maybe even learning some new things.
That was for the best, because she needed to focus on things that will make her happy, and stressing out or constantly second guessing herself around Adam was not making her happy. Maybe sometime down the line they would be able to be friends without the difficulties they’d faced while trying for a relationship. She hoped so, anyway. She felt like she was probably a better friend than girlfriend, anyway, even if only because of lack of experience. Maybe someday it would be the right time with the right person, and she would give it a try again; or maybe she would just keep doing what she’d always done and avoid romantic relationships. Tonight she just wasn’t going to worry about it. She was going to relax with Leandro, watch movies, and maybe talk about the whole situation here.
Truth be told, for once Leandro didn't really feel like having fun. He'd spent an entire day uncharacteristically quiet; he thought he slept for much of it, and then listened to Bob Dylan's "Blood on the Tracks" a number of times, and then tried to wander out a little to find something to do, but nothing appealed. There was no one in particular he wanted to talk to and nothing he wanted to do. Not until the days passed a little swifter, until he stopped feeling quite so bad.
It was one thing to know someone he cared for was having trouble, but it was another to be so flatly rejected, and yet another thing still to then watch him cry for help in public, to anyone but him. It left Leandro a little speechless. He wouldn't call himself depressed – not now and not ever – but something in the air around him felt awfully heavy.
Nevertheless when Becka called for him he answered. He put together a little pack of extra pillows for them and, dressed in his pajamas which included a pair of grey sweatpants and a thin black tank, traversed the elevator to the hall upstairs. He knocked on Becka's door.
When the knock sounded at the door, it was actually expected and didn’t surprise Becka. She got up from her spot on the couch and opened it, smiling at Leandro as she stepped back to let him in. It was only a couple moments later when she realized how he was dressed and what he was carrying, and she let out a soft laugh. “Well now, I’m feeling overdressed,” she said as she closed the door, amused. Sure, she was just wearing jeans and a t-shirt, but even so.
Leandro glanced down at himself at her laughter and then shrugged. "I didn't want to get dirty clothes all over your pillows and stuff. Unless you expected me to sit on the floor. Then I brought this to hit you with." He lifted his pillows for show, indicating the raucous pillow fight he would start to earn the honor of a place to sit. He smiled a little more mildly than usual. "So what are we watching?"
It wasn’t hard to tell in just those few moments that Leandro was in a different mood than she’d seen him in before, and she didn’t really need to wonder why. Becka just didn’t think there was anything she could do to help that, it was something that would only be resolved for sure one way or another when Kyle got his results back. She waved a hand at the explanation, rolling her eyes in amusement at the implication of an impending pillow fight if she planned for him to sit on the floor. “Nope, not necessary. You can sit wherever you want,” she assured him. “Hmm, I hadn’t picked anything else to watch yet. There anything you’d want to watch right now?”
Leandro wandered all the way inside, not showing any inclination either to over-fake it for Becka or to go into dramatics. He pulled his pillows out of the linen bag and then dumped them onto the bed opposite Becka's own. "Well, if you want to snuggle then this would be the best spot." Turning to glance over his shoulder, he winked at her playfully. "Don't worry. I'll behave. What have you already watched today?"
Smiling softly, Becka nodded at Leandro, thinking that maybe he needed a good snuggle session as much as she did just then. “You’re probably right about that,” she agreed. Moving over to her dresser, she opened a drawer to get a pair of sweats out. “I’m not worried! And uhh, Easy A and Kung Fu Panda. I’m going to go change, but if you want you can pick something to watch. I’m really not picky,” she assured him as she headed toward her bathroom.
"Aww, no way!" Leandro huffed as Becka went towards the bathroom. He'd set himself up in front of her computer and talk to her through the door as best he could while she was changing. It didn't feel weird at all, mostly because he felt like he was talking to his sister more than anyone else. They seemed to have that sort of chemistry, which could have been a surprise to any observer, seeing a punk paired up with a cheerleader.
"You watched Kung Fu Panda without me? I love Kung Fu Panda, man. And Easy A. I could dig that. There's just something about redheads, I don't know." Though he tried to keep levity in his voice, he scowled a little through the romantic comedy category, heading instead for more comedy of a less sharp reminder for the both of them. "Hey, what about Hairspray? John Travolta in a dress and all."
Becka pressed her lips together to keep from laughing. “I didn’t know! But jeeze, what is it with you guys and Emma Stone?” she teased. It hadn’t bothered her when Adam had pointed out that she was hot, and it definitely didn’t bother her that Leandro was joking about it now. She went into the bathroom, changing quickly into her sweats and tossing her jeans in the laundry basket she’d never returned to the laundry room. There’d been plenty there, so she didn’t feel guilty about it. “Ooh, Hairspray could work,” she decided, glad that he hadn’t picked any kind of romantic type of movie as she really didn’t think either of them were in the mood for that.
At that, Leandro stood up with his hands on his hips and gave Becka a curious look. "You guys? Who's "you guys"? But I don't know, have you seen her? She's got that killer look thing going on. Very sexy."
Without looking back at the screen he started up Hairspray, since Becka seemed to approve, and then went to crawl onto the bed. He lumbered up on top and then to the back to let Becka take the front. She might never see over his bigger frame otherwise. All ready, he propped his head up on his arm and pat the blanket in front of him to welcome Becka in.
At Leandro’s response, Becka almost wished that she could take the words back. She didn’t really think he would take kindly to being compared to Adam in any way. “Oh yeah, of course I’ve seen her. She’s very pretty,” she agreed. “And... You guys is men in general, but uh, yeah, I was watching it when I came by earlier and Adam commented on her, too.”
Becka waited until Leandro got situated, moving the monitor for the computer around so they would be able to see it a bit easier from the bed. When he patted the blanket in front of him, she smiled and went to the bed, climbing up and laying down next him, head resting on her pillow. She glanced at him, not really paying attention to the movie just yet. “Thanks for coming over,” she told him genuinely.
As soon as Becka was in next to him, Leandro curled his arms around her shoulders and pulled her to his chest with a soft, playful "rawr!" in her ear. He wasn't quite watching the movie either, and at any rate it had an extensive musical intro. It was much more fun to snuffle his nose into her hair and give her the snuggling of her life. The skin to skin contact was a relief even for him, bringing with it all the pleasure of touch and none of the pressure or anxiety that came with others.
After a moment he let up on her a little, enough to sit back and talk to her properly. He was still strewn languidly against his own pillows. For the first time in a while, his scent was nothing more than soap and a bit of somewhat floral detergent – he couldn't resist taking that one rather than the one Wren had recommended for him. No cigarette smoke. "Well, there's one thing I can't fault him on," Leandro said with a wry smirk. He hadn't missed her mention of Adam. "His taste in women."
When Leandro pulled her into him, Becka giggled softly, snuggling into the embrace happily. It was comforting and relaxing, especially without any worry of awkwardness coming from it. When he pulled back a bit, she glancing up at him with a smile. When he started speaking, she quirked a brow. “Oh yeah, what’s that?” she asked in the pause. When he finished, though, she let out a soft laugh, shaking her head. “You would say that,” she said drily, reaching out to poke him lightly. “But if I was into girls, I’d totally crush on Emma Stone, too,” she added, purposefully going in that direction.
Leandro grinned a big, dopey grin, curling his back to try and escape the poke but failing. He laughed too, and resorted to flipping his hand at hers to try and repel it. "Of course I would say that. I'm me," he countered, as if this was a thing that should be known.
And then he lifted his brow high, leaning forward with interest. "Is that so? You have my attention." It immediately made him think of Becka's poll on the computers, having been a little surprised by her admission but hoping it, along the tap dancing thing, were both the truth. "Did you really kiss a girl? Come on. You should so tell me. After all, you know I kissed a boy." His smile went decidedly naughty. "I pretty much served him to you on a plate."
Becka laughed at the obvious interest, not really surprised that he was taking that comment as an opening to ask about her poll. And really, out of anyone here, she felt the least silly about telling Leandro about it. “Hmm, you’re right, you did pretty much do that. Let’s see. You got the lie wrong, so that image of me in sequins and kissing a girl just isn’t something that happened, sorry!” she said, fighting back the wide smile that wanted to break out on her face. She was intentionally not actually telling him which one of the two had happened.
Leandro just propped himself up a little more so that the heel of his hand was squishing his cheek a bit. He could have soft eyes when he wanted to, big and brown like a puppy's, and now he was using them to reflect a sort of warm "telling secrets at a slumber party" expression. "Aww," he sighed. "You would have looked great in sequins. But no really, who did you kiss? What was it like?" He scooched an inch closer. "I'll tell you a secret if you tell me."
If she hadn’t already figured she would tell him, that look likely would have gone a long way to convincing her to. She bit her lip, flushing just a little bit at his questioning. She laughed at the offer. “Okay, okay! I share, you share,” she finally agreed. “Soooo, it was like three years ago? Thereabouts. I was nineteen, and my best friend and I went to this over twenty-one club, and she thought that the doorman wasn’t buying the IDs she’d got us, so she grabbed me, said, ‘Just go with it,’ and kissed me. We kissed long enough for there to be cheers in the line, and we got into the club,” she told him the story, the flush in her cheeks not dimming at all. She knew that she didn’t seem the type to do stuff like that, but it was just one thing in a whole list of crazy things over the years that Lucy had got her to do.
At first Leandro stared down at Becka with a sort of stunned, crooked smile. Then he started to laugh. He reached out and nudged her on the side. "Wow, girl. Just wow. I wouldn't have expected hijinks like that from you. I was all prepared to hear some sort of cute and cuddly schoolgirl story, but you just blew my mind."
He turned enough to rest on his back for a second, staring up at the ceiling. He knew that now he owed her a secret, but it was definitely worth it and he planned to take his time, enjoying the entire process. "Man. That is really hot. Pretty little you, all clubified, making out on the street. So, do you make a habit of kissing your best friends?"
He said the last part as suddenly as he could, looking over to waggle his eyebrows several times, just to say he wasn't serious.
It was kind of worth telling the story to see that expression on Leandro’s face, and when he started to laugh, she joined him in it. At his words, Becka groaned softly and jokingly, lifting her hands to cover her cheeks in embarrassment. “I know, I know! It’s not really like me at all, but Lucy... God, she was the best friend I could have ever asked for. I miss her like crazy,” she admitted.
At the question, Becka looked at him with wide eyes. “What? No!” she answered, staring at him with lips parted in surprise even if she could see that he wasn’t really serious. “No, it was just the once, and we laughed about it for weeks after. God, even more recently, whenever it came up, we’d just laugh about it.” Her smile dimmed at that, though. No matter how much she already adored Leandro, he wasn’t Lucy, and she did miss her best friend so much.
When Becka put her hands over her face, Leandro reached out and picked at one of her fingers, trying to peel it back off. "Don't be like that, honey. It just means you have an inner cool streak! Be proud of it. Hey, if that got me into bars I'd so do it every time."
He spared another short laugh for that, but quieted down as Becka continued to talk about how much she missed Lucy. Apparently Becka also didn't catch everything he had insinuated when he asked about kissing her best friends, but she seemed too disappointed to actually press the joke any further. Instead, Leandro just sighed and rested his chin on the pillow, staring over the fluff at her. "I'm sorry you're sad," he tried. "If you want to talk about her, you can."
Becka let him pull her fingers away from her face, and she dropped her hands, wrinkling her nose at him. “I’m not ashamed of it or anything. It was fun, even if most people think I don’t know how to have fun because I don’t sleep around or drink - or well, I didn’t drink.” She rolled her eyes at herself before briefly glancing over at the bottle sitting on her desk.
She smiled softly at the offer. “Thanks. I just... I’ve talked to her about everything since we were like twelve, so... Yeah. I sent her a letter last week, but I don’t think we can get letters or anything back, so I don’t even know if she got it. It sucks.” And she really wanted to write Lucy again, because she was worried that she would be freaking out about what she’d told her about Adam in it, and she really didn’t want Lucy to be worried about her; she just hadn’t been in the mood for writing all her thoughts out lately. “But!” she said suddenly, reaching out to poke his arm lightly. “Your turn to share, mister!”
"Ohhh," Leandro cooed at her, taking the hand that had been pulling on her fingers and using it to smooth her hair in a somewhat paternal way instead. He smiled earnestly at her, though he followed her eyes to the bottle briefly. "Of course you're fun! And believe me, I've had a lot of fun. I know you're having a hard time making everything make sense lately, but let me tell you that drinking is best done when you don't have anything better to think about, not when you do. Okay?" He didn't really mean to lecture her, and he was surprised that he had said anything of the sort... but there it was. It felt a little odd on him after the fact, after hearing his own words. He crumpled his brow briefly and shook his head.
"I must be getting old. Nevermind. Maybe she will get your letter. Who knows? If they won't send them, you can put them all in a box to give her when you do see her one day." Becka poked his arm, and he jutted out his lower lip at the reminder. "Yeah, yeah, what do you want to know?"
At the mini-lecture, Becka glanced away, sighing softly. “Yeah, I know. Not my most shining moment. Don’t even really know why I did it. And then Ryan found me, and I don’t know, I’m pretty sure I babbled incoherently at him about things. He was really nice, though. Walked me back here and made sure I took some aspirin and went to sleep,” she admitted, her confusion where Ryan was concerned showing clearly in her expression and tone.
“Oh! I already put it in that mail dropbox that’s in the cafeteria, so I think they sent it, but I can’t know for sure if I never get a response, right? But I’ll probably write her again.” Though writing letters and hanging onto them wasn’t a horrible idea. She just wasn’t sure if or when she would ever see Lucy or her family again. That was far too depressing a thought, though, so she pushed it away. “Oh, hmm, I don’t know! Well, I guess since I told you about my truths and lie, you should share alike. So did you really make out with a celebrity in a bar?”
Leandro too had a more sour look crossing his face at mention of Ryan. He was the very one that two different women had told him had been in their rooms on the day Ryan had been put in the stocks. It was strange behavior, to say the least, and even if he had no intention of ill will behind it, it was still... weird. There was something going on in that man's head, something to be wary of.
"Ryan did?" Leandro asked, just to be clear. "But he behaved himself this time, right? He didn't try to get too close?" Becka did look a little confused, but he trusted for now at least that she hadn't come to any harm. He slowly shook his head and moved on.
"That's good, yeah. Keep trying. She sounds important to you." Leandro wasn't well-connected enough to fully understand the depth of Becka's emotion, but he at least tried. He would be better telling a story to distract her, so he didn't mind the question she chose. A feline coyness spread over his features. "Well, there was this one time... I was in the Viper Room. It's a club in L. A. Johnny Depp owns it. The live music is mostly rock. Well, there was this one rock band, whose name I won't mention for their privacy's sake, and they played there on a night my bouncer buddy snuck me in. After they played, a certain guitarist went to the bar, and I went over and had a few with him and then his tongue ended up down my throat. It was good but it wasn't great, so I sold his phone number to a fan for like fifty bucks." He stuck his tongue out at that in an expression of his own naughtiness, laughing to himself. "I bet he had to change it by Monday after."
Becka pulled a face, wrinkling her nose a bit and nodding. “Yeah, Ryan did. And no, he didn’t do anything untoward. He really was nice and helpful. He even put out more aspirin and wrote a note saying I should take it when I woke up,” she explained. She wasn’t really defending Ryan, she was just trying to figure out why he’d been so nice after the whole stocks thing. It almost felt like it would be foolish to trust him, and she didn’t, but she couldn’t help that small part of her that was wondering whether or not the whole thing before had just been some kind of misunderstanding.
Not wanting to focus on Lucy anymore because it was just too painful for her, Becka put all her energy into listening to Leandro’s story, laughing by the time he got to the end of it. “Oh my God, Leandro! You’re horrible!” she chastised jokingly. “But only fifty bucks? I bet you could have got more. Unless they’re not a very good rock band?” she questioned, because she had no idea without him having named them.
"Hmuh," Leandro murmured in response to the knowledge of what Ryan had done. It all sounded very innocuous, and even nothing Leandro wouldn't do himself had he encountered a roaming drunk woman. He couldn't place why it still didn't settle quite right, but he always valued his own instinct. "Be careful around him. At least until somebody finds out the whole story about why he was creeping around women's rooms." He realized he had used the plural, but hadn't told Becka that Wren had felt the same way. Maybe Wren didn't want to make it known. He hadn't spoken with her in some time in order to find out. Knowing that made him feel a little extra sour, but he too pushed it aside to continue their evening of trying to forget. It seemed as though it wasn't working as well as they'd hoped, since hints kept creeping back in, but at least they were still trying.
Leandro just lifted his eyes to the ceiling in a mimic of helplessness, opening his palms wide. "What can I say? It's just how I was made. No, I mean, they're good. Not like the next household name, but they've been around and they have music videos and shit. And what can I say? I was a little drunk and she looked kinda desperate. I'm a sentimental drunk. I felt bad for her. But see?" He stopped to waggle his finger at Becka. "This is the kind of bad decision you make when you're drinking. I could have sold it for way more than cab fare, or I could have kept it and been a rock star's wife. I just didn't want to live alone in a big house while he hangs out with his other lovers, Gibson, Marlboro, and Jack."
Smiling a small, private smile, he added after a moment. "I was more proud to have made out with a future celebrity than one that's already made."
Becka nodded slowly at the urging for her to be careful around Ryan. She intended to because she just couldn't trust him completely, even if she wished that she could. His last words there, though, had her frowning, wondering if he was just making a point or if there was more there. "Women's rooms?" she decided to ask, not able to shake the thought that there was more there.
She just grinned as he explained more about the celebrity incident. She giggled softly when he waggled his finger at her. "I didn't make any kind of bad decisions! I just slept. And hmmm, sharing with Gibson, Marlboro, and Jack doesn't seem like a happy marriage, so probably for the best that you skipped out on that." When he added that bit a moment later, she looked at him speculatively. "Okay, that sounds like there's a story there, too," she prompted him.
As if becoming aware that he had said that out loud, Leandro glanced over at Becka and then back into the pillows, shaking his head. He stuck his fingertips out and tried to smooth the space in front of him into a neat plane, something to do with himself while he talked.
"Well, no. Not really. It's just that... I missed Kyle today, okay? Maybe I sound nuts but I did. Hanging out with him just had me thinking... about the difference between kissing someone because it'd be cool and kissing someone because you feel... something. Because you want to, maybe even so bad you can't stand it so you just do it. I've done a lot of stuff because it'd be cool, you know? But not a lot of things like that. And it's been hard to stay away today, not because I'm going off into crazy-land with like..." He seemed to search for words for a moment, his fingers tapping the mattress. "If he won't ever speak to me again then I'll just wilt away and die I'm so attached already. But more like... kind of mourning something that could have been really great. Does that make sense?" He eyed Becka sideways, pulling his lip ring into his mouth anxiously. As the day wore on without any more contact it had made him all the more nervous that Kyle was really serious. He was not going to speak to him again. "So like... this one little thing has more meaning in it than a lot of other really big stuff did, because I kind of wanted this. And now it just sucks, because all the little stuff I started to learn about him and like? I have to toss it out."
As soon as Leandro started answering, Becka felt like a little bit of an idiot for not making the connection. She listened as he spoke, thinking that what he was saying made a lot of sense, so when he asked that, she nodded. "Yeah, that does make sense," she assured him. She understood that feeling all too well, because she was feeling it with everything with Adam. "Aww, no, I don't think you have to just toss everything out. The game's not over, honey. People say things when they're stressed that they don't really mean all the time, so just wait and see how things go once he gets his results back, cause nothing's set in stone until then, right?" she posed. She just didn't think Leandro should give up hope on things with Kyle, not like she was doing with Adam.
Leandro shrugged kind of numbly, his eyes still on the blanket. "Maybe. I don't know. He made good on his word all today. He hasn't spoken to me once. I haven't even seen him around. And I just keep thinking, what if he gets his results back and they're positive? This is going to be the new usual. He's going to avoid me forever. I'll just sort of hear that he's still around or not through other people, or see him posting things online that aren't really meant for me."
His eyes tracked back up towards Becka. His mouth drew into a line. "I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about someone who can say they won't speak to me for a whole day and then actually do it. I don't like this feeling like I did something wrong when I know it wasn't me. Plus, I know this is a crap thing to bring up at a time like this, but before we talked about tests and shit I caught him in saying he's said things about me to Adam. Like, that I'm really ambiguous and he was giving me a chance or something. I don't know. I don't like that he said those things to Adam of all people." If anything, his grimace grew a little stronger with that thought.
Becka's frown deepened as Leandro responded to her encouragement. She didn't like what he was saying at all, but she could kind of see why he was focusing on the worst case scenario. She just thought it was good to still hope for the best. "What if's will drive you crazy. You don't know what tomorrow's going to bring, so stop worrying about it. As for Kyle? I would imagine that it's just as hard for him to stay away from you. It's pretty clear that he likes you a whole lot. I mean, he specifically asked me to check in with you and make sure you were doing all right." She just didn't think that Kyle was completely done with Leandro.
She sighed softly at the mention of Adam, glancing away and shrugging slightly. "Well, I think they're kind of like best friends - or as much as you can be here after only just over a week. So, I mean, it would make sense for him to talk about you to Adam. I would bet that Adam wouldn't have been thrilled that I'd talked to you about him and I," she pointed out gently. You couldn't change who someone else was friends with, not without being a complete jerk. "What bothered you most about it, though?" she asked curiously.
Leandro just gave Becka a skeptical stare. He shook his head imperceptibly, his fingers lacing together. "You might also ask someone to check on someone you didn't necessarily like hurting, but did anyway. And he still asked someone else to do it. He didn't do it himself. Maybe it sucks of me, but as more of the day's gone by I sort of doubt more and more what's going on. If he's positive, I really don't think there's any getting him back, and if he's negative then I just have that to think on. That we're starting on a sort of conditional basis. That if things had gone any other way we wouldn't be doing this. I don't like that."
He shrugged a bit. His fingernail snagged on a stitch in the pillow, so he pulled on it as an outlet for his frustration. "I don't really want that kind of thing for myself. If I'm going to go for something I want it to feel like nothing could stop us. Not that every little thing along the way has to be poked and prodded to death to make sure we still like it. It should just be good and messy and sweet." Leandro paused for a sigh, and then drew his eyes back up to meet Becka's for her question. "What bothered me about it is that when I talked to Adam about him, or anyone else for that matter, I said nothing but good things. I made sure Adam knew that I loved the time I spent hanging out with Kyle already, and I was even nice to somebody I know hates me. Do you think I ever do that normally? Normally I tell them to go screw themselves with something spiky and be done with it. But come to find out he didn't have the same sparkling review of me."
Becka really couldn't fault Leandro for his thought process on that, because it was awful that Kyle was pushing him away so firmly right now. She would have hated it too in his position. She didn't really know what to say to that, though, so she just shifted, turning a bit so that she was facing him more. Giving him a one-armed hug, she sighed again. "I'm sorry that this is happening. But I'm still going to hope that things will work out for you, even if you don't want to," she said, looking up to give him a soft smile.
Frowning a little at his answer, she shifted again, bringing her other arm up to rest her elbow on the bed with her head propped up on her hand. "So you're upset that he was honest with his friend about you? Like yeah, I get that it's not really awesome to know that he told someone who doesn't like you those things, but that's what people do with their friends. I've told you some less than sparkling things about Adam," she pointed out, wondering if he would even see that as being the same thing as what he was upset with Kyle doing.
Leandro returned Becka's hug with one of his own, draping his own arm around the back of her shoulders gratefully. "Thanks," he said, and that was all he could muster on that particular matter. It would simply take more proof than he had been given for him to hope for the best.
When she shifted again he hesitantly let her go, mirroring her movement to stretch onto his side on his pillows again. He was more comfortable staring into the blankets, but he knew too that Becka liked to be engaged. "Well... no. It's not so bad to be honest. But that's kind of the thing I guess. When I said good things, I was being honest. I really didn't have a single complaint to share. Maybe it bugs me that he did." Leandro sighed again, a puff through his nose, and now he had to shift onto his back to face the ceiling. It relieved a little of the pressure building in his chest. "Just kind of knowing that I was more moved than he was. It's a weird feeling. I'm not used to that, and I really don't like it. It is probably better to just forget about it. If he doesn't speak to me, then I shouldn't bother either. I don't need to waste my time like that."
Becka’s brows furrowed a bit when he said that, surprised and a little confused. “That seems a bit unfair, honestly. I mean, it’s great to focus on the good in people, but no one is without faults. And, I don’t know, ambiguity isn’t necessarily a complaint? If he’s as much of a thinker as you said and as it seemed like even to me, then that kind of behavior probably would have been pretty confusing, and that’s just the kind of thing you talk to friends about.” Though she wasn’t sure she believed that Leandro was in the wrong to be hurt by it.
Frowning as he spoke again, Becka kind of thought that she understood that feeling. She’d felt that way with Adam, even if she hadn’t been able to articulate it before. “I understand that,” she said softly, reaching over to take his hand, squeezing it lightly. “I was constantly feeling like I was more interested or cared more than Adam or whatever for the past week, and it’s just a horrible feeling. And the worst part? He was the first guy I’ve actually given a real chance to start something up with in a long time, and it just makes me wonder...” she trailed off, glancing away. Sighing, she rolled to lay on her back again, staring up at the ceiling as well. “I knew he had issues before we started anything; I didn’t know what they were, but I knew there were some there. So maybe starting something was just a way of sabotaging things before they even had a chance?” She wasn’t sure it would make any sense outside of her own mind, but she had a track record for it, for making sure her romantic relationships didn’t go anywhere.
"Does it?" Leandro wondered. He seemed genuinely interested in the answer, his gaze tracking to the side to look at Becka from the corner of his eye. "Maybe it is. I mean, I know he has faults. Nothing that sends me running. Though I am here now, talking about all this, kind of doing the same thing as him now, so..." In a pause, he shrugged loosely, maybe a symbol of defeat. "Maybe I'm just mad at him. I don't know. I'm not used to talking about this stuff. I wanted to hope he'd been excited to get to know me, like I was with him, and I didn't like hearing his doubts."
Now his face fully turned towards Becka. His hands folded over his stomach. "That is wrong, isn't it? I should have been better about his doubts. Maybe he'd talk to me now if I had been." When she reached out for his hand, he dropped it onto the blanket to let her have it, feeling the smooth of her palm over his. He laced his fingers in between hers and let it warm him. "Maybe I was wrong about Adam too. There were things I didn't know. Maybe I made him feel bad by accident. I don't want to be a bad person. Yeah... maybe you're doing the right thing by stepping back. Give him a chance to take care of himself. I should too. Or keep on doing it, anyway."
At the question, Becka nodded slightly to confirm that it did seem unfair. At least it seemed like he was able to see how he might not be being completely fair. She nodded a bit at that last bit. “I think it’s okay to be upset about it, but I think you should also consider that maybe his pushing you away or having some concerns doesn’t mean he isn’t excited about you; it might just mean that he can’t turn off that part of his brain that overthinks things. I get that, because I do it; I’m constantly overthinking things,” she admitted, thinking that it might not be that big of a surprise.
Becka squeezed his hand lightly, nodding again. “Yeah, I really feel like I’m doing right by stepping back, and if Kyle can’t stand to hope for good things right now, then giving him time and space is probably for the best too. And I don’t think you’re a bad person.” Although she realized then that she didn’t actually know why he was in prison to begin with. She didn’t want to ask just then, though. Maybe some other time, but not when they were already both feeling this way.