To The Rescue
Characters: Adam and Kyle Setting: Kyle's room, morning
Adam had left Wren’s room after messaging with Kyle some, apologizing for just dashing out, but thankfully she’d seemed to understand. Kyle was upset and needed someone and he’d message Adam. Despite everything, that meant the world to Adam.
So sure, he was still in the clothes he’d slept in on Wren’s floor, t-shirt and jeans, hair not quite long enough to look a mess, but he looked like he hadn’t done much in the way of getting ready. There was a quick and necessary stop by the kitchen, snagging some fruit and granola bar, just so he’d eat something with enough for Kyle because he was sure Kyle hadn’t eaten either, and then he was at Kyle’s door. Adam had to force himself not to pound on it, not because he was mad, but because he was worried and after a breath he managed to knock like a normal human being.
Kyle hadn’t bothered to answer Adam back for this very reason. He knew who was at the door when the knock came. He didn’t open it straight away. Instead, he leaned his forehead against the door, his hand on the doorknob. “You’re not going to take no for an answer, are you?” he asked. This wasn’t like Brady - that had been time limited. Yet, Kyle did want to talk to someone. He just wasn’t sure he was ready for it to be in person. He’d been far more comfortable over the journals.
Adam hated that the door didn’t open right away. And he hated that Kyle was talking through it, keeping the wall between them. “No. I’m not. You wouldn’t if you were me.” He touched the door for a moment, then pulled back. “Come on Kyle. I’ll just sit out here otherwise.”
Kyle laughed, humorlessly. “Yeah, you would, wouldn’t you?” he said, then opened the door. “I guess then you should probably just come in,” he added. He was very aware of his appearance. The fact he’d been crying on and off over night, leaving him with puffy, red rimmed eyes. The fact that he’d not showered, or changed, certainly not shaved. With the way his mental state was right now, it felt only fitting that his physical state should match it.
Adam had a retort, but the sight of Kyle had him letting it go, instead moving into the room and closing the door. Concern etched across his face and even though he only had one hand free he was reaching for Kyle offering a hug he wasn’t sure he’d take.
Kyle hesitated, and it was a clear hesitation, but then he just went with it, melting into Adam as though he was suddenly boneless, his arms going round him as he buried his face into his neck.
He couldn’t be upset about the hesitation, not when Adam had been worried if Kyle would even take the hug at all. And whatever was there, was long forgotten the moment Kyle was hugging him. For someone who’d been so terrified of touch the day before, Adam surprised himself even without easily he went into it, one arm around Kyle’s shoulders, supporting his weight, head close to his. Warmth spread through Adam, realizing belatedly that he needed the hug as bad as Kyle did.
“You’re never going to just take no for an answer, are you?” Kyle mumbled into the other man’s neck. He didn’t sound annoyed. He couldn’t be. He’d been pushing everyone away, but he needed someone. He knew he wouldn’t have taken this from Leandro - he couldn’t have. He would have felt too guilty. And so here he was, crossing boundaries he had set with Adam and never mentioned to anyone, but the rules had changed now. He didn’t worry so much now. He felt like damaged goods.
The question got a half a laugh out of Adam, something that got choked before it really came out and he shook his head a little, so close to Kyle’s head. “No, probably not.” He tightened his grip on Kyle’s shoulders, more pressure to prove he wasn’t going anywhere. “You’ll get used to it.”
“Like I have a choice,” Kyle told him, before attempting to pull back, uncertain as to whether Adam would let him even do that.
“You make me sound awful,” Adam said, hesitating in letting Kyle pull away. He was just as desperate for the contact, but he knew better, and he didn’t want to push too hard. That was probably selfish anyway. He managed to hold him there for a breath longer before letting go, but not straying too far. “I brought you food because I was sure you haven’t eaten in hours.”
Kyle squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, then opened them. “Right, yeah. So - on a scale of one to very, how pathetic do you think I am right now?” he asked, very aware of his conversation a while ago with Brady.
Adam set what was in his hands down, finding a space on Kyle’s cluttered desk then turned to look at him. He looked awful. Probably close to how Adam looked when he showed up on Wren’s doorstep soaking wet the night before. “Two maybe. At best. Though if you were to pout you could maybe get a three.”
Kyle sat back on his unmade bed. “Now you’re just being kind,” he said, looking up at Adam. “I’ve already been told once today that I’m having a major pity party and I should just snap out of it. And that was from someone who didn’t have the first fucking clue what was going on.”
Adam took a moment to look at Kyle, hands on his hips. “Alright, I’ll level with you. You are being a touch dramatic. You are determined to think your world is ending, when I am pretty sure it’s not and that because of one mishap, you’re going to ruin everyone around you. Which is taking something that’s kind of reasonably sized and making it Mount Everest.” Adam reached for one of the granola bars, then moved closer, squatting in front of Kyle before pushing it into his hands. “That said. I get it. I know why you’re thinking like that and you have really good reasons for your mind spiraling out of control. Happens when you spend too long stuck in your own head. So no, not pathetic. Human, yes. Very. You are one hundred percent guilty of being human and having been through some really shitty stuff.” Distantly Adam was surprised at how easy it was to give the advice, to talk to Kyle about what was bothering Kyle rather than dealing with his own, but maybe Wren was right. She’d told him before he left that he’d done a good job helping her and she thought he’d do good helping Kyle too. Maybe he was just better at helping others than himself.
Kyle took the granola bar and unwrapped it almost reflexively, though he didn’t bite into it. “I hate this,” he said - also clearly not talking about the granola bar. “I just... I’ve been going round and round about it and every time it just gets worse. I was dealing with it okay, at first.” He closed his eyes and dropped his head for a moment, then looked back at Adam through his lashes. “It’s fucked up, I know, but it was easier when - When I found out, when Lee brought it up. There was this chance we both had it. And god I don’t mean to say I wish he had, I’m glad he hasn’t, but he messaged me and said that he was clean and that he wanted to see me and he was so fucking happy and acting like everything in the world was okay and - for me... For him it was sunshine and fucking rainbows and for me... It just made everything worse.”
Adam nudged at Kyle’s hand, trying to get him to take a bite before he moved to sit next to him, shoulder against his. Lee. They had pet names. Okay maybe not pet names but shorter names. And he was sure Adam had shortened Kyle’s name before, but for some reason ‘Lee’ annoyed him. Swallowing his annoyance though he forced himself to listen. “Well it was sort of a dick direction to go with it,” he said frowning a little. “I mean yeah, great he wants to be with you with the clean bill of health and all but you don’t know yet. And he knows you don’t know. So he probably should have you know..realized that.”
Kyle looked pained for a moment. "I don't know how much of what you say is what you think and how much is because you don't like him," he admitted with a sigh. "I don't think... I don't actually think that he thinks there's a real chance I have anything. I think he sees me as living in some kind of different world. Like I'm some kind of untouchable. As if I can worry, but it's never actually going to happen to me like it might to him, so why wouldn't we start to celebrate immediately?"
Adam made a face. “I’m trying not to be too biased...” Because he was. Sure, he didn’t like Leandro, but he was more upset that Leandro had just trod all over Kyle’s worries. “Which isn’t fair. It’s writing off everything you went through just because he looks scarier or he had a different life than you did. That’s not fair. Would you write me off, say it couldn’t happen to me because of where I come from?”
“I don’t think it’s him writing things off,” Kyle argued, defending Leandro the way he had done in the past. “I think it’s that he, I don’t know, like he is of the opinion that I deserve better than that and he doesn’t want to think that anything bad’s going to happen. Which, I know, ends up leaving me in the same place, but his intentions are very different. He doesn’t mean it badly.”
“That feels less like he’s seeing the real you then,” Adam said, tilting his head to see Kyle more. “But it also sounds like you’re not mad at him, you’re upset with the situation. Do you think he’s being fair just...assuming you’re going to be okay because you’re Kyle and pretty and untouchable?”
Kyle looked across and decided to answer the question with a question. "Do you think I'm gonna be okay?" he asked, shrugging one shoulder.
“Yes.” Adam said to start. “What kind of okay? I don’t know. But I know that no matter what happens, positive, negative, yes, no, whatever, you are. Do you think I am?”
"I hope so," Kyle said, offering up a wavering smile. "Will you go see Cal?" he asked, leaving the subject of his own issues for now. Maybe it would help him, focusing on someone else for a while, though he hadn't felt up to dealing with Meg today, not even through the journals. It was probably vastly unfair of him to think it, but that girl was exhausting at times.
Adam wasn’t so sure how he felt about the change in focus to himself, looking more towards the ground than Kyle. “Yeah I guess. I mean I gotta get him to look at my hand again...” He paused, eyes cutting to Kyle before touching his shoulder, a reassuring squeeze. “You believe me though? About no matter what happens things being okay?”
So much for changing focus. Kyle sighed, running a hand through his birds nest of a hair. "I think everything will work out the way it should," he admitted. Figuring that probably wasn't enough for Adam, he continued, "It's the not knowing. Once I know, I can get used to that, but right now... Nothing's certain and there's nothing I can do about it. I know I'm overreacting, but I can't stop myself."
Adam had to bite back a smile at the sight of Kyle’s hair, a messed up from not bothering with it. He probably thought he looked ridiculous, but in a way it was nice to see, Kyle less smeared with perfection. “Alright, so you don’t know. There’s a lot of things we don’t know, but if you want we can run through the worst possible outcomes and make a plan for them. Then you’re ready. Or you could tell me what else you’ve overreacted about and we figure out if it can get fixed.” Adam shrugged again and couldn’t resist trying to pat at least part of Kyle’s hair back into place. “Or we go avoidance and come up with something completely distracting and go with that instead.”
"I don't want to hurt anybody else," Kyle said immediately and with stony determination. "That's my priority. Everything else will work itself out." He wondered if that was the real reason why his freakout began when he got the news from Leandro. If the other man had been positive, then it wouldn't have been Kyle's fault.
“You and me both,” Adam said with a nod. “So I say we focus on that. Being better. More aware. Was it just Leandro so far since here? Or did something else happen?”
Kyle shook his head. "In here, just him. I think that's enough. But the idea of it scares me, because it was so unintentional. Whenever I think about it, I begin to panic about other things I might just not see. I've been trying to be more responsible lately, and I feel like this has just entirely set me back to the start."
Adam shook his head. “Don’t let it. Seriously. It’s a bump, not a failing. You didn’t hit the reset button.” He gave Kyle his best stern look, trying to be tough even if it didn’t quite fit his features. There was a pause, an obvious hesitation where he didn’t want to ask the next question but he was sure he should. “Do you think things are over between you and Leandro?”
Kyle looked away, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. “I don’t know,” he said, quietly. He made himself think about it, rather than just react to it. “He - his last message to me kinda suggested that he was still there when I was willing to talk, but I know he’s hurt. I was pretty harsh. And - honestly, if I’m positive, I don’t think I want to be round him,” he admitted, feeling a pang of guilt about that. “I’d said that, regardless, we’d still be friends. But, if he’s going to try the whole ‘hey we can make it work anyhow’ thing, then I think it’s probably best I don’t give him the chance. I won’t... Risk things. No matter what anyone says about being careful. And if he’s pushing for that, then we’re not going to be able to be friends. Because he won’t let it go, and I... I like him. And I’m not...” He shrugged, his head still hanging slightly. “One day my resolve will weaken and then I’ll hate myself all over again.”
He looked at Kyle, biting his lip a little. “Are you not going to want to be around me if you’re positive?” Adam asked, feeling both selfish for wanting to know and also wanting to know how far that extended into everyone. “So you’d want nothing if you two started dating and you were positive.” Adam was trying to wrap his head around it. “And if you aren’t. If you’re negative?”
"I'm always going to want to be around you," Kyle said, finally looking back over his shoulder. He held Adam's gaze for a moment and then looked away once again. "As for if I'm negative, I suppose that's up to him," he added with a depressed sigh.
Despite everything hearing that had Adam’s stomach twisting a little, meeting his gaze despite the fact that his cheeks felt warm after the fact. Leaning forward he put his arm across Kyle’s shoulders, squeezing them a little. “Okay. Though I guess...If you’re negative you could apologize or something. Let him know you might still be interested.” As much as Adam didn’t approve, he was trying, really hard.
"I'm not sure I have anything to apologise for," Kyle said, stubbornly.
“Maybe not, but I tend to go with apologizing anyway,” Adam said smiling and not letting go of Kyle because he didn’t pull away.
Kyle rolled his eyes and looked at Adam sideways. "Yeah, I just bet you do," he said, wryly. "But you would apologise for breathing if someone looked at you wrong," he added, somewhat fondly.
“Hey, if I was getting in the way or breathing too close,” Adam said, trying to hold his smile back to a smirk. “Breathing’s forever getting me in trouble.” He was joking now, trying for a smile that went with that fond tone, the one that made Adam feel infinitely better, even if he wasn’t the one feeling bad.
He got the smile he was after - plus a little chuckle as well. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say.” He dropped the smile fairly quickly. “Anyway, I’ve already apologised to him. At least, for the way things turned out.” Kyle looked away again. “I don’t know - I think... I think I’m not going to try and make a decision on anything until I know what the results are. I think that I’m bad when I’m second guessing things and I’ll just start myself spinning again. I think it’ll be better if I just wait and then decide then. And if he’s decided that he’s better off without me, then that’s a risk I’m willing to take. I’d prefer it this way,” he said, determinedly.
That smile, no matter how brief meant everything. Not just because it was Kyle smiling at him, but it meant not all hope was lost. There was still a smile in there. “I think waiting’s best. Then you’ll know and you can figure out what you want.” Adam paused for a moment then said what came to his mind hoping it didn’t upset Kyle. “It’d be his loss if he decided he was better off. I don’t see how that’s possible.”
"Maybe because I'm stupidly high maintenance and freak out at him at every turn?" Kyle suggested. "I swear the guy thinks I have some kind of an anxiety disorder."
“Do you think you’ve done that, freaked him out at every turn?” Adam asked, honestly wanting to know if that was the truth. “That’s also kind of harsh isn’t it? I don’t think I’d ever assume that about someone.”
"Yeah, I pretty much have," Kyle admitted. "Three, maybe four times to date? Couple of times over the journals, couple of times in person. And no, I don't..." Kyle looked back over his shoulder. "You wouldn't think it even if you were worried about someone's behaviour?" he asked. Kyle moved, shuffling up the bed until he could lean against the pillows and look at Adam properly. "Like, okay. That day, when he gave a me these," he explained, gesturing at the fading hickies. "Becka made an offhand comment about them looking like marks of possession. And I completely overreacted and flew off the handle at him. I mean, even I knew I was acting crazy. But he was just concerned. And he calmed me down and talked me off the ledge."
“Well maybe, but I don’t know...Maybe I’m not a fan of labels like that. They come with a lot of weight. I’d be worried, but maybe not jumping to that.” Especially considering his best friend had been completely insane. Just tacking a label on someone’s being upset with things was a long way to the mental issues that he’d seen. Adam didn’t quite like Kyle moving away, but he let it go, finding it easier to look at him anyway. “Isn’t that the point of them?” he asked, not much of a hickey person in the first place. “Sounds like he handled it well though.”
Kyle brought his legs up a little, setting his feet on the bed, though not in any way that was defensive, merely for comfort. He felt calmer now, talking things through. Adam had been right - he needed to not be alone. It had been no good for him. He could think more now. "He didn't label me," Kyle averred. "He asked if I had panic attacks and suggested that if I did that maybe I should talk to someone about it. If anyone's labelling, I'm labelling myself. He did handle it well. He helped." Kyle paused and considered the question. "Maybe that is the point about them - but I hadn't thought about it until Becka brought it up." he laughed, humorlessly, short and tight. "There I go again - not thinking about things, right? Just... Totally oblivious to shit until someone brings it up and suddenly I'm being a drama queen, massively overreacting and it's the end of the damn world."
Adam waited a moment before toeing out of his shoes and scooting back along the bed so he was taking up the space that Kyle’s feet had abandoned and could rest his back against the wall. “Don’t label yourself. You start doing that you’ll make yourself crazy. If you want to talk to someone, you should. Like Cal or whatever, he’s pretty chill and a such, but don’t go thinking you’re something you’re not. You aren’t qualified to figure that out.” When Kyle went from answering the question to almost rambling, he pushed at his legs gently to get his attention back. “Stop that. You do that like I apologize. Run off with things and find a way to put yourself down in the middle of it.” He tried his best to give him a look, but again, Adam wasn’t entirely great with that sort of thing. “I would think...think it’s some sort of marking. Even if it’s just...an obvious sign that you’ve been with someone, someone’s been there, like...doodling on your desk at school right? So yes you probably took it a lot farther than it was, but what if he had been thinking about it like that? You didn’t know and you’ve got...are they commitment issues? Something like that, so he pushed a trigger. We’ve all got triggers. I almost puked on Mazie yesterday because she pushed a few by accident and then almost lost it when she touched me. It happens.”
"I'm seeing Cal this evening. He suggested that we talked through a few things. And I think that's a good idea," Kyle said, not mentioning that he'd pretty much overreacted on the doctor as well when that suggestion came through. Not that he was thinking about it, it felt everywhere. He took a breath, pushing that thought away. He wasn't doing himself any good with it.
"I don't have commitment issues," he said, eventually. "Not proper commitment. Not relationship stuff. I just - it's really important to me that I stay my own person this time. I have a problem with being property. Which sounds perfectly normal and reasonable when I put it like that. Because, who wouldn't have? And, of course, when I explained that to him he was pretty wide eyed that I'd even considered it. But, you're right. It was a trigger for me." Kyle pulled his knees up further, and this time his position was highly defensive, as though he could hide behind his own legs. "Because I've been there," he said, in a smaller voice.
“He’s good for that. Like even when he was patching up my hand he was talking me through things, trying to figure out why I was so angry. Probably would have done a better job of explaining myself if Becka hadn’t been there. Didn’t seem right to say she was a big part of it when she was listening.” And she’d made Adam anxious about how he looked in her eyes. Like the victim, like Dominic had said.
“It’s important for me that you stay your own person too,” he said lightly, giving Kyle a small smirk. “He was bound to find out it was a trigger right? Good thing it came up before it was him trying to do something nice or whatever.” It would have been hard for anyone to miss the way Kyle’s body language changed, and with it, Adam was moving closer, hand reaching out to find Kyle’s. “Not anymore Ky...Never again.”
"No, never again," Kyle confirmed, wrapping his arms around his knees. He was aware of the way that Adam reached for him, but that kind of physical contact felt like too much right now. The touch across his shoulders earlier on had been fine, but something about skin to skin felt too much.
He rested his chin on his knees and looked at Adam. “Have you and Becka talked yet?" he asked, making another attempt to change the subject.
That Kyle shied away from the touch hurt, but Adam also knew better than to be too offended. He was the same way wasn’t he? Pulling his arm back, Adam just shifted his whole self, closer to Kyle but not too close. “You won’t let it happen and I’ve got your back in case someone tries.” He was starting to wonder if he wasn’t helping anymore, if he was making Kyle feel worse. At the question about Becka, Adam’s resolve faltered and he looked towards the sheets, rubbing the back of his neck. “No. Not since...since she showed up at dawn to tell me about Caroline and found Wren in my room. And then she started asking those questions and yeah...no. I wasn’t in a good place yesterday and I didn’t want her to see me like that. She wants...wants to be affectionate and yesterday I would have either had a meltdown or started crying or screaming or something worse if she’d tried.”
"Probably a good idea not to. Trust me - it only makes things worse." Kyle offered the suggestion with a small smile, but moved on because he really didn't want to focus the conversation back on himself. "I bet she'll give you the time she needs. And maybe that'll be good for her as well. I mean - she did seem to be moving really fast." The thought crossed his mind that maybe it would help when she found out that he and Leandro had come to a very abrupt end. She would find out, he knew. After all, he had told the girl to go and check on him.
“You know from experience?” Adam asked, not quite letting the conversation rest fully on himself either. He shook his head a little and sighed. “I hope so. I mean, I’m really messed up. There’s a lot going on and I wonder sometimes, like after we talked, if she could do better.” He sighed again, letting his head bump against the wall behind him. “I thought so too. I mean...she’s a virgin and hasn’t done...anything, but she was so worried that things weren’t how they should be when...kinda feels like nothing is how it should be.” He looked towards Kyle, hoping the other man felt the same way.
Kyle ignored the question. “Nothing here is ever going to be like it would be out there. That’s kind of a given. Or, at least, I think so. As for whether she can do better - surely that’s her choice, not yours? I don’t believe in that whole ‘could do better’ bullshit. Never have, don’t intend to start.”
“Didn’t you say something similar about Leandro?” Adam asked making a face. “And no. I mean it’s her choice yeah, but...she hasn’t made it yet and I feel like she should. Someone told her she shouldn’t see me anymore. Makes me doubt myself a little.”
“That’s different,” Kyle averred. “That’s... Different. When it wasn’t about health or anything, I would never have said that. Fuck - look at us. Out there, away from this - we probably never would have met. I’m all ‘New York Society’ and he’s all ‘Barely Legal Immigrant’. And did I think I was better than him? No. And even if you’re not looking at it from a background thing, if you’re looking at personality and character and what the fuck ever... None of that matters, as long as you’re compatible. As you keep telling me - nobody’s perfect!” Kyle stressed, then he shrugged, turning more serious. “But, at the moment... That’s different. He deserves better because I would not be what he was looking for. Because I would not be able to make him happy, or give him what he needs. As much as apparently he’s under the impression I would be. He lives in the present too much. He made his offer without thinking about the future - at least, not the real future. The mundane and boring real future. It’s incredibly romantic, to declare you’ll always be there for someone who may be sick, but the reality is going to be very different.”
Kyle shook his head, and then stilled, narrowing his eyes as he looked at Adam intently. “You got the subject back on to me - we were meant to be talking about you,” he said, with mock-accusation. “So. Becka. Why should she have made her choice now? Who said she shouldn’t see you? And tell me about those doubts,” he demanded.
Adam made a face then leaned forward, touching his arm. “Kyle, I’m pretty sure out there you and I wouldn’t have met. None of us would have. I would have never met Becka either. Not with the circles we ran in. And I didn’t say you were saying that, that you judged him, thought you were better, but it is kind of a similar idea.” He paused for a moment. “Well, stupidly romantic or whatever you aren’t getting rid of me, no matter what your results are. I can see where he’s coming from, I would have said the same thing.”
“And maybe I wanted to talk about you instead.” Adam stuck his tongue out at Kyle then smirked more before sighing again. “Dominic. He told her that the part about her looking like the girl I’m...that was a bad thing.” There was a pause. “He’s likely right. And she’s got this idea of how things should be...and after yesterday when I couldn’t even be touched, I’m sure that that’s going to happen again.” He brushed at his hair obviously fidgeting.
Kyle took a breath and then slowly let it out. He bypassed everything that had been about him, didn’t even pick up on Adam’s mentioning romance, which he normally would have done. There were no jokes, or quips, not even attempts. Instead, the artist levelled a serious look at his friend. “I won’t pretend that I haven’t had reservations, when I found out what happened. Or about the fact that you’ve found yourself drawn to a girl who looks like... that girl. Especially when you don’t know what happened there. And, under the circumstances, if you were only considering Becka in this, then sure - I could actually see it looking like a sound piece of advice for her to be cautious of you. But - did you ever meet Dominic? Did he ever meet you? Did he have any idea about the kind of guy he was talking about when he gave that piece of advice? Because I do know you. And sure, there are issues - but like you said. We all have issues. Nothing here is going to be normal. And I know I said I’d talk to Becka, but I haven’t warned her off. And that guy. Dominic who was warning Becka off you? He’s Meg’s husband. And he came here from death row, after they went on a huge crime spree. And I don’t think he’s in a position to be giving advice on who is and isn’t a sound person to get involved with.”
Adam listened, taking in all of it before tugging at the hem of a crumpled sheet on Kyle’s bed. “I met him once. He caught me when I first got here and was extra jumpy.” Kyle probably remembered. “He told me I looked like a victim and was going to keep being one if I didn’t fix that.” Which is why it was almost funny that he was warning Becka against him. “I wouldn’t blame her for being cautious. I’d be cautious. I am glad she’s not, but...I start to think if she should be. It makes me more anxious, like you that I might slip up and do something wrong without meaning to. Add in the fact that I feel like I let her down the other morning because I wasn’t ready to have an answer and I hadn’t really slept. Plus I didn’t explain Wren...She might flip if she found out I was there last night too.”
Kyle arched an eyebrow. “Would she have a reason to?” he asked, actually distracted by that thought. Maybe it would be better if there was something there. Wren seemed sweet. And delicate and gentle in a way that would seem to suit Adam well.
Adam made a face at that expression. “What reason?” he blurted then thought it through and he shook his head, blushing. “No. Nooo. I don’t think. I mean...we’re just friends. She stayed in my room because she was scared. And last night...you weren’t. I couldn’t be alone. I slept on the floor next to her bed, same as I would have done here.”
Kyle couldn’t resist a little teasing, especially not with how he’d been feeling all night. It made him feel more human again. “You sure about that? I mean - she’s a very cute girl. I wouldn’t blame you,” he said, his blue eyes finally twinkling with real mirth, which offset the bloodshot redness which still betrayed the earlier tears and lack of any real rest.
Adam felt his cheeks flush and he reached out to push at Kyle, a little harder, but still playful. “What would you even know? You like dudes.” He countered, giving Kyle a look. He liked that, the way his eyes looked happy again. He shook his head. “I can spend time with cute people and it’s not that. I hang out with you don’t I?” And he hadn’t really put Wren in that thought process. She was pretty, very, but she was Wren. They were only just getting to the point where they were friends.
“Just because I like a certain gender, doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate beauty generally,” Kyle argued back, lightly, pushing back with one foot. He bit back a comment about his being cute, ignoring it the way he so often forewent comments from Adam on his looks. It was politic to do that.
Adam shook his head moving more with than the actual pressure warranted. “Fine,” he said drawing the word out. “The artist sees everything as beautiful.” Adam grinned move looking back at Kyle. He noticed his question wasn’t answered, but he let it drop. That was starting to be normal wasn’t it? “I haven’t thought about that. I’ve been too worried about her.”
“Worried about her?” Kyle asked. He hadn’t realised there was anything to be worried about. “We talked over the journals earlier. I didn’t realise that there was anything wrong. She promised to do a reading for me later,” he admitted, feeling a little self-conscious, aware that he had asked for the reading. That wasn’t something he had ever really thought about or believed in before, but the bits he’d seen previously had seemed weirdly accurate, and right now, he would take any glance into his future that he could get.
Adam nodded slowly. “Yeah she’s had a lot of her life upended. She...” he paused not sure where to start with things, what was worth sharing. He bit his lip then started. “Leandro didn’t agree with what she did, neither did Charlie and they both told her that. And didn’t want to listen to her reasoning and she felt like whatever she’s worth isn’t worth it. Plus she was scared. Ryan was in her room too.” He looked over at Kyle. “That was why she was in my room. And last night...well you know that.” Adam’s eyes lit up though at the mention of a reading. “She did? She said she’d do it?” he asked, sitting up more and looking at Kyle. “She wouldn’t do mine. She doesn’t think she can give advice, or feel right doing it. She gave me her...runes she called them. These stones with markings on them. Said she wanted me to have them and it scared the crap out of me. Have her to do it. Please. Even if you don’t care, just have her do it.” That was a huge relief, great news in Adam’s eyes.
Kyle frowned, looking confused. “You think I would have asked her if I didn’t care?” he asked, sounding a little lost. “She’s pulled cards for me before, and they’ve been... well, really accurate,” he added, backing away from giving any detail there, since one had actually involved Adam himself somewhat. That would be an awkward explanation, that was for sure.
Adam shook his head. “No, I’m sorry. I don’t mean that. She wouldn’t do it for me. She really hesitated when I asked, trying to get her to hold on to some of the things she had before. She’s not sure who she is.” He nodded, almost eagerly. “Mine too. And it was just you know, one or two really, but they were accurate for me to. I just...I don’t want her to give up. She moved to the new block, she’s cutting herself off. Maybe it’s best if it’s not just me.” He was quiet then realized what Kyle had been saying, moving more so he was more focused on Kyle. “You feel like you need one, a reading?”
“Right now, I could do with something,” he admitted. “Though I seem to recall that you did not necessarily always appreciate Wren’s offers of help.” He smirked over his knees, which he still clutched to his chest. “Don’t you still owe me a door for that reason?”
“I get that. Needing a something.” Adam had felt that way more than once. “She knows...knows you are having a rough go. I was with her when I got your message. I didn’t tell her everything, but she knows I was worried. She’ll understand.” And he hoped that Kyle wouldn’t get mad at him. “And no. I wasn’t. But we’re on better grounds now. And I do owe you a door. And help with a project. There’s more canvases in the activity room right?”
Kyle caught the undertone. “I don’t mind what you told her. Of the people here - she seems a trustworthy type. She’s sweet, and seems genuine. I like her. She said she was worried about me.” Kyle paused, the thought fleeting across his mind that he had heard nothing from Leandro at all. So many other people had seen fit to judge how badly he was doing, but not the one person who was supposed to care.
He pushed the thought away. He felt guilty for even thinking it. It wasn’t as if his entry had been a cry for help. And with the way he had spoken to the other man, he shouldn’t be surprised that they were no longer talking. Instead, he forced his mind back on track. “Yes, there are more canvases. But I’m not sure I’m in the mood to paint. Not anything that I would want anyone to see, anyhow.”
“She is. That’s the only reason I think I tolerated it in the first place. She just wants to help. And I’m glad she’s helping someone else. She’s got a lot of doubt going on now to, not sure who she is.” Adam shrugged because he knew how that felt. They’d talked about it the night before some. “I like her too.” Shaking his head he frowned at Kyle. “I won’t make you paint. I just need...direction. I want it to be something Wren works on with me. Replacing the runes on my door. A project. But I don’t know what I’m doing.” He bit his lip, frowning a little. “I always want to see what you’re working on. Even if I’m not the best with art.”
“I haven’t worked on anything in the last couple of days,” Kyle admitted. It was a rare thing when he didn’t feel that inspiration, and to those who knew him well, it was a clear indicator of his mood. Only when things were truly bad did Kyle lose completely that creative instinct. “But... what do you want to know?” he asked, without any enthusiasm, but still willing to help his friend out if it was needed.
That had Adam looking around the room, frowning. “Nothing?” he asked, thinking that sounded bad. He looked at Kyle again, hating asking with that tone being so off from what he’d expected. “Just where to start. We can do it later though.”
Kyle shrugged. “Paint, brushes.” He shook his head. “Maybe it would be best. I’m... Sorry. I just... yeah. Nobody’s in a good place, apparently?” he suggested.
Adam gave Kyle a look of shock. “Paint and brushes...I didn’t even get that far.” He was half teasing, but he wasn’t going to let Kyle wallow. “I know you aren’t. I know I’ve been in better.” He leaned forward more, getting a better look at his eyes. “When you’re ready. Something to look forward to.”
Kyle nodded, determinedly. “Something to look forward to,” he agreed. He didn’t feel it right now, but he agreed anyway. All things passed, with time. Either he would get over it, or he would get used to it. Either way, it would not stay like this. It would get better.
It was a start at the very least, same with what he’d done with Wren, oddly enough. “Good,” Adam agreed. He looked at Kyle. “When’d you sleep last? You look worse than I do most days.”
“Yesterday?” Kyle suggested. “My mind wouldn’t shut down last night. I know. I look like a wreck. Trust me, I feel like one too.”
Adam frowned, pushing at Kyle’s hair a little trying to tame it. “You don’t look a wreck. Less put together sure, but mostly you look tired. Lonely. I see that in the mirror a lot.” And if anyone thought about it, that probably led to him taking revenge on the mirror, but Adam didn’t let his thoughts dwell there. “You should sleep.”
Kyle quirked a smile. “Easier said than done,” he said, drolly. “But, you’re right. I should try. And - thank you. You were right. I shouldn’t have been alone. I feel - not better? now. But - calmer. Like maybe I could get some sleep.”
“You aren’t alone. Not really. And you had it right when I walked in the door, I’m really bad at just taking no for an answer.” Adam smiled a little too, something softer, friendly. “You want me to stay until you crash?”
Kyle considered that a moment, that shucked off his reservations. "Please," he said. At least then he would stand some kind of a chance of staying out of his own head.
Adam nodded, moving off the bed after nudging Kyle’s legs with his elbow. “Stretch out, get comfortable. He wasn’t entirely sure where Kyle would want him, so he dropped to sit on the floor, back against the bed, head not far from where Kyle’s was. “I’ll be here.”
Kyle was still dressed, save for his shoeless feet, but he didn't feel comfortable undressing, and so he simply shuffled down, pulling the covers over himself and nestling down into the pillow. "Thank you," he murmured, his eyes already closing.
Adam’s head tilted back a little so he could see Kyle’s face, softer smile there. If anything, his friend did look calmer. “Anytime,” he promised. There was a pause, Adam’s eyes still on Kyle’s. “You’re gonna be okay Kyle. Promise.”
"Dun mke prmisis you cnt kep," Kyle.muttered already more than half asleep. His breathing evened out a moment or two later, betraying the fact he was truly sleeping now.
“I’m not,” Adam said softly, not loud enough to wake Kyle up once he’d drifted to sleep. He settled back more, deciding he’d let Kyle sleep for a few minutes before he left, just to make sure he stayed asleep.