The Levy Breaks
Who: Adam and Mazie When: After lunchtime Where: Space Invaders machine, near the cafeteria
Mazie had stopped off at the toolshed, doing her best to take a very quick trip out there because being in the courtyard was not exactly her favorite idea right now. She grabbed what she thought she might need and started back towards the game that was still not open yet. That stupid lock had kept her out, like intended, but now she wasn’t playing around anymore. Autumn had requested this game for her and Mazie was gonna get to work on the wiring inside to make it playable without coins.
She was leaning down in an awkward angle, her weight supported by one elbow as she tried another method to get the strip of metal locking her out of the machine busted and broken so that she could finally get inside.
It wasn’t working. Frustrated, Mazie plopped to the floor, putting her arms over her eyes as she gave an exasperated sound and tried to calm herself down so she didn’t smack the machine, which would end up doing nothing for anyone.
Adam was still feeling anxious after talking to Carmel. He guessed she was right, that it needed to be talked about, but he didn’t want to. Talking about it would mean remembering it, which was what he’d been doing for the past half hour, which made eating nearly impossible. He tried, trying to think of things that weren’t prison, Becka getting angry with him, and the dead girl in the courtyard, because yeah he hadn’t even processed that part of things yet.
He was so stuck in his own thoughts he almost tripped over Mazie, stopping just short of it, and looked down at her. “You look how I feel.” Which was pretty close to not good.
“You want to punch something but you can’t because it was a gift?” She asked, pulling her arms slowly away from her eyes to look up at Adam. “You any good with picking locks?” She asked as she glanced back at the machine’s door, the bane of her existence currently. “Or sawing metal apart?”
“I want to punch something.” Maybe. That might not help, not like it had helped before, but he was currently dealing with a swirl of things he wasn’t sure how to deal with and doing something that wasn’t dealing with it sounded good. Squatting, he looked at the lock, tugging on it a little. “No. To both, but I know what you need.”
“You do?” She asked, pulling herself up to look back at the door and try to see what Adam saw that she’d originally missed. “What? I thought I got everything I needed to try and pry or bend this thing open but nothing’s working.”
Adam tugged on the lock a little. “You need bolt cutters. Like the kind they used to use to bust into lockers when they thought there were drugs in them?” he told her, looking over at her. “What? You don’t have petty theft on your rap sheet?” He made a tsking noise, like it was a downfall that she hadn’t run with a crew that was into breaking into things. Or just breaking them.
Rolling her eyes, Mazie shook her head. “I was homeschooled so no one was busting into my locker, since it wasn’t existent. And secondly, I had better things to do with my petty theft, like pirate music and movies. Why go out and do anything when I could do it all from behind a computer screen?” She asked, looking back at the lock again. “Ok so, Mr. Handyman, wanna help me find some bolt cutters?”
“They weren’t busting into my locker. I didn’t start using until the end of senior year,” Adam corrected. “But I watched it happen.” He smiled at her a little and shook his head. “You missed out. Not that it was legal, but there were moments when it was fun. And interesting.” He got up and held out his good hand to her, even if it was more awkward to help her up with his left hand than his right. “And yes of course. You wouldn’t know what to look for Miss Homeschooled.”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever, Mr. Fancy Public Schoolin’,” She said, making an effort to increase her accent a little bit. She pulled herself up with his help and started back towards the courtyard she didn’t want to be in. “Let’s be quick getting the cutters, ok? The less time we spend out there the better. Did you...hear?”
“No one’s ever called public school fancy. Ever,” Adam pointed out smirking at her accent. It was so different from his own that it was almost jarring but at the same time he liked it. Looking out at the courtyard he started, even if just a tiny bit to take things in about what had happened that morning. “Yeah. Becka was there then came and woke me up. Though I didn’t really have a chance to process it.”
“I’ll have to take you to West Virginia, then you’ll see how fancy your school probably was.” She walked out onto the courtyard and her pace increased, heading for the tool shed. “Yeah...I’m not sure I have either. I saw some blood and hightailed it to Autumn’s room to make sure she was ok. And then I...put in my first request to the Administration, though I still feel like it shouldn’t have to be a request to send someone’s remains back to their family. I also asked for some white candles so we could do a vigil or whatever. Autumn’s idea, it could be nice.”
“I don’t think I want to go to West Virginia. I think I most definitely sound like I’m not from there.” He didn’t quite sound like the stereotypical Bostonite, and most of the time he kept ‘wicked’ out of his vernacular, but there was always the chance that they’d still notice and string him up or whatever they did to ‘yankees’ around there. “I didn’t...see anything. She showed up a wreck and I had Wren in my room, then Wren left and before I could even wake up properly Becka had changed the topic to what I wanted from her.” Things he wasn’t dealing with were edging into his thoughts and Adam rubbed at his face, trying to push them back. Nodding a little he focused on getting the door to the shed open instead. “A vigil. Like in the chapel thing?”
“Well, you’d be with me so no one would mess with you. I think most people still like me enough there, since I gave a lot of them free stuff and dispersed some money around.” She looked back at him, listening but confused. “...What? Back up and explain that again to me, step by step.” She said, leaving the vigil part out for now.
“You really are Robin Hood aren’t you?” Adam asked making a face before shrugging. “Which part?” Because honestly? He’d had the most confusing morning he’d had since he arrived in this place.
“Not Robin Hood,” She said again, shaking her head. “The whole thing, all of it. Let’s start with why Wren was in your room and go from there, because I’m hella confused right now.” She said as she mulled through the tool shed, ready to get those bolt cutters and go back inside to the main building where there wasn’t this air of macabre hanging over them.
Adam tried to count back in his head, where to start. “Wren was upset, she’s really upset. And she lives next to Ryan and he was in her room and she didn’t feel safe there among a bunch of other things, so she slept on my couch.” After that he wasn’t quite sure where to go with things, so he focused on going through the shelves, knowing he’d seen the bolt cutters earlier when he was looking for a screwdriver.
“Ok, so, Wren crashed at your place and Becka came in and then..what? She said some weird stuff?” So Becka had probably seen Wren in his room and that would more than likely spark some insecurity in the girl, right? “What’d you tell her?”
“She was just upset at first. She saw Caroline fall and she was a little freaked out or in shock or something.” Adam found the bolt cutters and pulled them off the wall, handing them to Mazie. “We started talking about that, then she got angry because she said she was fine, even though she didn’t seem fine, then she wanted to know was up with us. Like...what I wanted from her.” Confusion spread across Adam’s features because that was still the overall feeling of everything, confused.
“The hell, man. That’s heavy.” She took the bolt cutters and started back towards the main building again, nudging her head for him to come with. “So...what’d you do?” Still confused about all of this, Mazie wanted to be a good friend to Adam and work on helping him figure out what to do with this situation. “Because you’re not into Wren, are you?”
Heavy. Heavy was a good word for it. It had felt heavy. “I told her I didn’t know. She said she knew what she wanted, but she didn’t want to tell me because she didn’t want me to just say yes and go along with her.” Adam made a face when she asked about Wren, shaking his head. “No...why would you ask that?”
Mazie fought rolling her eyes. “This is starting to sound annoying to even me and I’ve only just heard about that. Why won’t she just tell you what she wants?” What was the point of dancing around it this way? No wonder Adam was confused. “I’m asking because that’s probably what she thought, especially if you guys are like a thing and she caught you with some other girl in your room.” For some reason, Mazie was writing herself out of the same scenario even though she’d spent the night in Adam’s room once due to his nightmares.
“It’s not annoying,” Adam said instantly, jumping to defending Becka because that was natural. Despite the mishap, he liked her enough to not want someone to say something mean about her. That said though he winced. Because in a way it had been, like talking in circles and not getting anywhere. “Eventually she kind of did. I guess she wants to be sure it’s...a thing and not just a fling or whatever. I don’t know, we made out once. I hadn’t had a chance to think past that.” He frowned again, not really having thought about how that might have seemed. “Wren slept on the couch. You got more action than Wren did. She didn’t say anything about Wren. She asked if she was okay, but that was it.”
She gave Adam a look when he barked back with that defensive nature of his, but she just shook her head. She wasn’t getting into that with him and she wasn’t taking that back. It seemed like their conversation was frustrating and probably annoying as hell, that was just what it seemed like. “Hey, it’s not my fault if everyone wants me,” She joked, not even able to really get through that without making a face at the end. “So...start thinking about it. Is it more than a fling? Because right now it seems like you two are in for a lot more of these weird conversations...”
Part of Adam deflated under the look. She didn’t have to say it; he felt it. Shrugging his shoulders shoulders, he let out a low sigh. “I have no idea. It’s been a week. We made out once, and it was fun but she’s...I dunno. We talked about this, about how she sees people who like her, how she was so cut off from that? And I’ve never...I’ve never not been a one night stand. I haven’t even had a proper crush on a girl in years. There’s never been a point. I like her. I like being around her...” Bad memories flooded around him and Adam held his hands over his temples for a moment as if he might be able to stop them. “The last girl...she was the one that...” He couldn’t bring the words to formation properly, not with his stomach churning and threatening to bring lunch back up again. “And then prison...and that.” Why had he let Carmel talk to him about things? Why had he even admitted to them? Covering for his mouth for a moment, Adam tried to shut things down, tried to make them go away, but it was obvious he was failing.
When she looked back over at Adam, she’d done it ready to retort some things, but the sheer greeness he seemed to have acquired scared the hell out of her. Grabbing his arm, she pulled him with her the last few steps into the building and sat them down immediately once they were inside, in the hallway, backs pressed against the wall. “I should get a trash can or something...” She said, pretty damn sure he was going to throw up but she was too scared to leave him to actually go and get a trash can. “Just...breathe, ok? Breathe in, out, slow breaths...” What the hell did she do? She wasn’t prepared for this!
The moment she touched him Adam was fighting back, really only sitting because he was half stumbling from trying to get away from her. It was Mazie. Mazie. He knew better than that, but he couldn’t stop himself. When she said she was going he shook his head, ducking it between his knees. Why was he so damn used to being sick? Why was he so fucking equipped for this moment, for calming his breathing, getting at least the worst of the raging to go away. “M’fine,” he mumbled, running his fingers over his hair, which actually moved between his fingers. It was getting longer. They hadn’t shaved it for two weeks and now he was here and it was more a soft fuzz than the short buzz cut he’d worn in prison for over a year.
Mazie felt helpless just staring at her friend there with his head between his knees. She slunk down the wall beside him, staring at Adam for a minute and thinking logically she should reach out and touch his shoulder or rub his back or something, but she just couldn’t yet. It took her a good, long moment to do anything and even then it was a hand on his arm, still awkward. “What just happened, Adam? You’re freaking me out and you don’t get to get sick and throw up all over the place and leave me, got it?”
Before he could stop it Adam was flinching hard away from her touch, hating himself for it but what else could he do? “I’m not...I’m fine.” His voice was stronger this time and he was finally able to look up, though he didn’t look at her. “Just broken. And it’s starting to show.” Scrubbing at his face with his hands Adam shook his head. “God it’s been a long fucking day.”
Mazie stared at her friend for a moment and did the only thing she could think of. “...Do you want to drink?” She asked, not sure why that was the first and only thought she had but maybe drinking would help? That was bad. That was a stupid idea but Adam was flinching away from her and to be honest, it was probably for the best because consoling people was not at all her forte.
Adam’s laugh wasn’t really a laugh, more just the only reaction he could come up with when she said that. “No...Maybe.” He looked at her, pain in his eyes for a moment. “This is why I don’t have an answer for her.” His voice was quiet, wishing he could say more. It was a godsend it was with Mazie that he lost it. He’d scared Wren away from touching him, he’d given Carmel enough that she figured out what had happened to him, but at least it was Mazie that got the brunt of it. Adam didn’t want to think about what would have happened if this had happened in front of Becka.
“Maybe we should. Maybe it’s...maybe let’s drink.” She said, but still didn’t make a move to leave. He’d not seemed like he wanted that from her and she didn’t want to leave him here with him thinking that she wanted to leave. Because she didn’t. “You don’t have to have an answer for her, Adam. You’re freaking me out with all this stress you’re carrying around.”
He looked at his hands, not Mazie. “She wants an answer. I think...I think that was what she really wanted. An answer. And...I can’t freak out like this in front of her.” He let his head fall back a little then struggled to get up, using the wall as a leverage. “Yes. Let’s get a drink.”
She stood up, this time offering him her hand to help him up. She kept the bolt cutters with her, surprisingly paranoid that with all the crazy shit going on in this place, she shouldn’t be leaving bolt cutters around for other people to get their hands on. Starting with him towards the bar in the cafeteria, Mazie went behind it. “I’m not a bartender but I can...pour stuff into glasses. What do you want?” She asked, looking back at him for a moment. “What good will freaking out do in front of her? It’s possible your answer isn’t the answer she wants and...if so then there’s no reason for both of you guys to keep walking around like tiny heart attacks waiting to happen.”
He didn’t take her hand, tucking his hands into his pockets. He started towards the bar with her, leaning on the bar and closing his eyes. “Whatever. Whiskey or something. I can do it if you want.” He crossed his arms and rested his chin on them. “It won’t do any good. I don’t think she could handle me just losing my shit, though, obviously it happens.” It was still happening. He still felt awful. “I don’t know what my answer is. I know...when I’m fine, it’s fine, when I’m not...the thought of doing anything now makes me want to be sick again. Brings back all these feelings, these memories that make me sick.”
“Then maybe it’s something you need to factor in? Because you can’t get...physically sick when you’re around her all the time,” Mazie said, pouring out whiskey for both of them and then leaning against the bar again. “You’re not sticking in this because you think she wants you to, right? You’re dealing with all this crap because you like her enough to want to?”
Adam looked at the glass before taking a hefty gulp of it, burning his throat. “It’s not all the time, just... Mazie I can’t...I can’t tell her this, why this is. She won’t look at me the same.” She’d see the victim, she’d try and fix him and he couldn’t suffer through that. Not from her. “I do like her. She’s nice, she’s sweet and she likes me. And most of this crap is my crap.”
“Yeah, she’s nice and sweet and she likes you but do you like her enough to want to walk on eggshells around this? I’m just trying to look out for you, Adam, and maybe ask you some questions that you’re not allowing yourself to think about. This is important. And I swear, I don’t know what it is with her need to tie you down after one week but if that’s what you want, then that’s something you have to really think about.”
Sighing, she ran a hand through her hair and took a sip of her whiskey, mulling over this, the situation, and any ideas she could have about the subject. She was the worst person she knew for this kind of stuff, but there might be someone here who could really help him and that was something Mazie was willing to mull over. For now, the most she could do was be there for her friend.
“Mazie, I don’t know. It’s been a week. I didn’t think this would happen, ever. And now I don’t know what to do with it and the day before yesterday I was fine and right now I just want to throw up.”
“Then hell, throw up. It might help.” Mazie said, looking back at him as she took another sip of her whiskey. “You guys are going headfirst into something real serious. Whatever happened to just getting to know each other? Take her on a...prison date or something, I don’t know. Help Carmel make her a nice dinner and then go on a walk to the new wing...Just do something that isn’t walk on eggshells around her. Maybe the conversation will happen naturally or whatever. Or, don’t do any of these things, but I don’t want to see you make yourself sick all the time over this girl.”
“I don’t know. I thought it was fine with things going slow. It’s been a week. I don’t know.” Adam pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes for a moment. “She’s not what made me sick Mazie. Yes, it sucks. It stresses me out a little, but it’s not all Becka.”
“Ok, so...Let’s just stop. Stop thinking about what Becka wants from you and just take a minute to let your mind clear.” She said, looking back at him. “And when you’re ready, maybe you can tell me about everything that’s going on in a manner that I might be able to understand, because sometimes you break up your sentences when you’re freaking out and I can’t follow. I want to help, Adam.”
Adam did as she said, pressing his hands flat against the bar while he took a few breaths. He couldn’t tell her, not Mazie. Not his Robin Hood. “She looks a little like the girl...the reason why I went to jail. And that’s not...sometimes that makes me sick to my stomach. Because...what if...I don’t want to hurt anyone, I don’t remember hurting anyone but what if I could?” He looked at his hands, palms up, then closed them into fists. “Then prison. And...it makes me twitchy.”
“I remember you telling me that,” She said, as gently as she could, while watching him. “But Adam, you’re not going to hurt anymore.” Here it was, another person that said they hurt people but Mazie still didn’t think would hurt her or anyone else here. Then he mentioned prison and from what Mazie remembered of prison, Adam’s time there must have been very different. “I might need you to stop being vague...Twitchy is bad, I get it, but it doesn’t really describe how I can help you.”
God he was going to be sick again. For a moment he could taste the bile in the back of his throat. At least Carmel had made him say it. And Carmel...she wasn’t Mazie. “Come on Mazie. Please don’t make me say it. I don’t even want to tell you.” His voice was strained, quiet. She knew he’d been beat up and he really needed her to make the jump on her own. Or let it go.
Ok, this was getting heavy again. She ducked down to try and get his eyes in her line of vision. “Hey...you don’t have to say shit if you don’t want to. I can’t make you do anything and if you aren’t comfortable telling me, then you don’t have to.” Though she was nervous now and already starting to try and piece together the thoughts racing around her head. What had happened to him? He’d had a rough time in prison, he’d gotten thrown into solitary and...shit, people had beat him up. Which she was now taking a little more heavily than she had before, because she wasn’t sure they’d only beat him up. “Fuck...” She exhaled, the realization hitting her.
Her friend had been raped in prison. No wonder he was so closed off. It hadn’t bothered her when he pulled away earlier but she also wasn’t bothered by that. Now it was starting to make sense. And the next logical step for Mazie was retribution. “You got names? Birthdays? Anything for me to use?”
“Mazie no,” Adam had waited out her figuring it out, silently hoping she would get there and not get there at the same time. He didn’t want her looking at him different. “I’m not...there’s nothing...” The nausea rolled through his stomach again and he didn’t look up again until it passed. “I’m gonna go. Thanks for this.” He nodded towards the half empty glass then pushed himself up and away from the bar.
“Hey...,” She moved after him, abandoning her drink on the table to follow him and hurry around to his front. “Not gonna block you for long,” She said seriously, looking up at his eyes. “You don’t have to tell me anything, Adam. I’ll find out who it was on my own and l swear, I will destroy him.” She wanted for the first time to actually be comforting so she reached out and hugged him, just for a moment, before pulling back. “And..if you wanna leave, I get it. But if you wanna just...go back to the game and play around with some wires with me, I could use the company.” For now, her mind was racing with ways she could break his attackers, ways they couldn’t come back from, but she knew also that she didn’t want to leave Adam alone if he wanted to be around her. Not now.
“Mazie,” Adam started, not wanting to fight her before he was ducking his head. It wasn’t just one person. It wasn’t just once. How the hell did he explain that? He wasn’t expecting the hug, but it was quick enough that all he did was freeze a little. His eyes watched her for a moment, trying to decide what was right. He wanted to go back to his room, hide there until everything went away, but he also knew that would probably just make Mazie worry. “Sure yeah I can help for a little while.”
“Adam, only if you want to,” She said seriously, knowing her eyes were narrowed, her brow furrowed as she went through her processes again and what she’d need from this person to bury him in a grave he’d never get out of. “Otherwise, I’d say I’d bring you food if you just wanna...go, but you know I might accidentally poison you because I can’t cook, so that’s probably not the safest idea.”
He laughed even if it didn’t actually have much humor to it. “It’s fine Mazie. I don’t mind helping. It’s good to get out of my head.” At least for the moment. Maybe he could get back to forgetting again.