Adam Samuels (adamsammy) wrote in rrinitiative, @ 2012-10-21 17:40:00 |
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Entry tags: | adam, adam and kyle, day six, kyle |
The Summer Storm
Characters: Adam and Kyle
Setting: evening, Kyle’s room
Adam was sick to his stomach as he tried to work this way through dinner, enjoying that there was food, that he needed to eat something, but between the interaction with Leandro and that he hadn’t actually slept in three days, nothing was firing right for Adam. He was late for food anyway, avoiding people, back against the wall in a corner, not at all interested in sitting with anyone else.
After choking down food and cleaning up after himself, he ducked into the kitchen, looking for something sweet and finding a few cookies that he wrapped in a paper towel then started across the courtyard towards Kyle’s room. His steps were slow, not because he didn’t want to see Kyle, but because moving quickly was just too damn tiring. It took longer than it should have before he was knocking on Kyle’s door, one shoulder half leaning on the door frame.
Kyle had given up on painting this afternoon. The thing he had been working on, that had ostensibly started out as being for Becka, but that had turned far too dark for his liking - an abstract creation of blacks and purples, shot through with streaks of reds and yellows, a muddy green swirling across one side - lay unfinished against the open bathroom door. Since he had returned to a more stable mindset, he had been working on sketches, enjoying his new art pad, scribbling bits and half-finished nothings across several pages whilst he got used to the feel of both pencils and paper again.
When the knock at the door came, he was working slightly more seriously on a portrait, bringing it to life on the page with pencil, almost at a stage where he would start to add colour. He looked up, flipping the page back to rest on one of his lesser doodles as he stood, dropping the pad onto the bed. Opening the door, he smiled as he saw Adam and stood back, so the other guy could enter. “Hey - so - dragonslayer, hmm?” he asked.
For the smallest of instances Adam both adored and hated that smile. That was what he wanted, to see Kyle smile at the sight of him, that much he could realize, but for some unknown reason it also made him a little uneasy. “Yup. Lofty goals as a kid. You forgot baseball player too,” he said, despite his torn feelings he couldn’t help his own smile from creeping into his features. “Brought you a treat,” he added handing over the cookies as he wandered into the room, taking a look around. “You’ve been busy...”
“Ooh - gifts, thanks,” Kyle said, unwrapping the cookies. “See - baseball player is just so run of the mill compared to dragonslayer. It hardly makes it worth the comment,” he added, as he shut the door behind them carelessly with his foot, looking for somewhere to set the cookies down. To the casual observer, Kyle’s room was chaos - paint tubes, glasses of brushes cet in water, stained cloths and pieces of paper littered his desk, dresser and couch. The large, unfinished work of Manhattan stood behind the door, well out of the way, up on end. Several other smaller canvases were placed around the room, some finished, some still bare. It had been so long since Kyle had been able to have any real kind of a creative outlet that he had gone well overboard in the last few days, racing through anything and everything which came to mind. He knew it wouldn’t last forever. Soon he would slow down. Soon it would become far more about quality than quantity. His urges would change. But right now, he wasn’t going to suppress his needs and instincts for art at all. They were far too precious to him.
Even if that did mean that his room to been turned into an artist’s studio, with the bed pressed up into one corner the only real sanctuary. “Yeah - I know. Busy,” he agreed, putting the cookies down on the coffee table and clearing off some space on the couch so that Adam could actually sit down. He looked across, his eyes sparkling. “Good busy though,” he confirmed.
“I think I wanted to be a dragonslayer longer than I wanted to be a baseball player. I gave up that idea after the first teeball practice when some kid threw a ball at me and actually hit me.” But that was when Adam’s grandmother had been trying to get him out of the house, trying to give him something to focus on other than the parents he’d lost too soon in life. Adam didn’t sit right way even if Kyle had cleaned off a space, instead he was just looking at the artwork lying about, including the piece by the door, which didn’t seem like much of anything other than a storm cloud.
He finally looked back up at Kyle, seeing that sparkle in his eyes and smiling at it for a moment before he took in the rest of him. “Um yeah I’d...guess that.” He said, feeling his own throat go dry as he motioned towards his neck then nodded at Kyle’s. It was real. He was making out with Leandro and Adam had to tuck his hands into his pockets to not physically react. “I like this one,” he said too quickly, nodding towards the Manhattan painting and tilting his head to get a better look. That one he at least recognized.
Kyle blushed a little and ducked his head as Adam gestured towards his neck, aware of just how much he was marked up right now. He’d used some of the cover up Becka had given him earlier on, but then he’d taken a shower and, as he hadn’t intended to go anywhere else tonight, he hadn’t bothered again. And it wasn’t that he was trying to hide anything, but the marks were quite... obvious. At least he could smile about them now though - now that he’d cleared up their meaning with Leandro and no longer had to feel like maybe he should be mad about them, and confused about why he wasn’t.
As Adam turned away to view Manhattan, Kyle stepped up beside him, turning his head to one side to look at his baby properly. “Thanks - she’s far from finished. I don’t want to hurry her,” he explained, the touch of pride and love evident in his tone. It was clear that the artist was particularly attached to this piece.
Yeah, he still wanted to hit something at the sight of that blush and there was absolutely no known reason that Adam could put with why he felt so damn strongly about it. Maybe it was Leandro and just not liking him. At all. The painting was far easier to deal with, as was Kyle, that close and talking about the painting like it was a person. “You sound like you’re talking about a boat or a car,” he pointed out with a slight smirk before looking back at it, head tilted like Kyle’s. “This is...home?” He wasn’t sure if they’d talked about it, but it seemed to fit, given the obvious adoration Kyle had for it.
“I’m talking about a creation,” Kyle said, softly, still smiling just a little as he looked at the painting. He turned his head to look towards Adam, then twisted to scan the room at the second question, before his eyes returned to the other man. “Yeah - this is home. I could really do with more space. I did take over the activity room at one point, but it’s kinda a pain to have to lug canvases there and back again, and I don’t want to leave my work there where people could do... Whatever they wanted.” It would have broken his heart had he left Manhattan there overnight and come back to find the painting slashed to ribbons. “But when it comes down to it, I don’t need that much actual space to be in. Somewhere to sleep, and then if I want to spread out for me and not for my work then I go somewhere else. Possibly it’s a subtle encouragement to myself to actually leave my room at times,” he added, laughing a little at himself and his hermit-like habits at times.
As Kyle started to explain himself, Adam had to raise a hand to cover his mouth, not wanting to smile too big at the fact that he’d completely missed what Adam was actually asking. “I meant the painting,” he said when Kyle was done with his whole spiel, touching his shoulder enough to turn him back to face the skyline. He shook his head a little to fight off the laugh, even if it was obvious at this point he was trying not to. “Well if you need some space, my room’s always an option. Closer to the activity room and all if you want to use it for storage. All I have in it right now is the painting you made me and a door. Which by the way, could you use a door? for like a project or something?” He looked around them, at how the space was so full. “At this rate, I feel like you should just ask for a studio.”
“Oh! Oh - yes, that’s home,” Kyle said, realising his mistake. He shouldn’t have done, of course - Leandro had asked him pretty much exactly the same question when he saw the piece. But then Adam was still talking and he let it go. “Thanks for the offer and... Wait. A door? Why are you offering me a door?” he asked, surprised enough at that to leave off whatever else he had to say.
“Because I’ve decided to go for this sort of open air thing in my room?” Adam joked, grinning a little. “Figured it would definitely help with air circulation.” He held a slightly serious face for a moment before shaking his head. “They gave me a new one today. When everyone got gifts, I got a door and a new mirror because I broke the last one and Wren wrote all over my door.”
“Can I have the mirror shards?” Kyle asked, that catching his attention. “And the door - sure, I can always do something with a door. Not sure what right now, but why not.” With his actual chosen style of art, he had learned never to turn anything down. Left to his own devices, he basically worked with trash. Things other people didn’t want. If he had to completely fill up his room to do that, so be it if it meant he could feel more like himself again.
“You can have what’s left of the broken one? I threw a lot of what fell out of it away so I wasn’t walking on it,” Adam said. “And the door’s yours, just let me know when you need it. You don’t really have space for it here.” Talking about the door took away Adam’s smile and he finally moved a step back from Kyle, fidgeting more than a moment before. Maybe Becka was right and he should just shrug off Leandro, but he wasn’t thinking it was the kind of thing he should shrug off. He didn’t think he really wanted to either.
“Oh - there’s room here,” Kyle said, moving across the small space and beginning to shift things around, shifting some of the smaller pieces to fit between the bottom of the bed and the dresser and generally moving things into tighter chaos until there was a door-sized space. “See - and there’s always the bathroom,” he added, though he was trying to avoid that. Generally the moisture wasn’t good for things. Currently, the only extra thing in the bathroom was the mixed bunch of flowers he had collected from Wu’s room earlier on, which were currently in a sink of cold water, keeping fresh. He’d considered options, but then given in and decided that he’d give them to Leandro tomorrow when he went round to watch movies. Kyle wasn’t entirely sure how that would be taken, but he was trying not to overthink it. And anyway, who knew how long it would be before he would have a chance to give a guy flowers again in his life.
Adam let himself get caught up in watching Kyle move things around before hiding a smile behind his hand again. Once he was done Adam shook his head, reaching out to ruffle Kyle’s hair a little. “You’re ridiculous. Soon there’s only going to be a ‘Kyle’ shaped space in here,” he said, but he was smiling. “I’ll bring it down tomorrow.” Because at the moment he was too tired to do more than stand in the space he was standing in. Though odds were he wouldn’t be much better off in the morning.
As Adam touched his hair, Kyle eased himself back out of the touch. It wasn’t a sharp movement and the artist tried to make it look like a natural movement, rather than a pull away. He was just cautious of giving Adam any kind of messages that could be misread. “Thanks - I really appreciate it. And if this place keeps filling up, then it keeps filling up. Most of this will find a home sooner or later. I was thinking of hanging some of it up in the public spaces, rather than giving it away to individuals,” he explained.
That sure as hell didn’t leave himself feeling good, no matter how casual it looked. Kyle hadn’t just moved away from him this morning. “Just so long as you don’t get swallowed up by it before stuff starts moving out.” Adam tucked his hands back into his pockets for a moment, looking at the floor instead of Kyle. “We should talk Kyle, just for a bit? Then you can tell me what weather pattern you liked better for me.”
“Sure, we can talk,” Kyle agreed easily, sitting down on the couch and looking up at Adam, waiting for him to sit also. “What do you want to talk about?” he asked, openly.
Adam wasn’t sure he could sit just yet and it took a moment of running his hand over his hair before he dropped to sit with Kyle. “I’m not okay with this.” He motioned towards Kyle’s neck, not sure what to call it. “I mean...Not you doing...not you, nothing about that. I’m not okay with him.” Adam was sure he wasn’t saying it right even if he’d said about six words total.
Kyle’s expression moved instantly from open and waiting to closed and stoney as he realised what Adam was saying. Or, at least, implying. “I didn’t realise this was anything I needed your permission for,” he said, coldly.
The shift in Kyle’s expression left Adam fumbling for words, not at all sure how that had gone so wrong so quickly. “You don’t,” he stammered, shaking his head. “I just...I don’t like him. I don’t trust him and I thought, as your friend I could tell you. He wants me to like him for your sake and I’m not sure I can, no matter how much you mean to me.”
“You’ve never even given him a chance,” Kyle pointed out. And possibly Kyle would have been more understanding of that, aside from the fact that he figured that at least some of Adam’s dislike of Leandro came from the looks that he received from the other man. “You didn’t like him right from the word go, before you even tried to get to know him. He’s not - he’s not the guy you think he is. If he was, he wouldn’t care what you thought of him, especially not for my sake.” He was touched, though - that Leandro seemed to have actually made an effort. He hadn’t expected that.
“I tried today! He found me floundering in the tool shed, half hit on me, came up about five jokes at my expense and gave me an insulting nickname,” Adam clarified. “And sure he helped me hang up my new door, but it’s not like I asked. I was fine doing it by myself or with Mazie.” Adam closed his eyes for a moment, the memory of Leandro pointing that fucking drill at him rising up and hitting far too close to home. “He’s a bully Kyle, and he’s full of shit. Everything’s a fucking game. Guessing who he was making out with was a game. He knows we’re friends and instead he just wanted to play with me, screw around.” He was quiet for a moment, not looking at Kyle. “He reminds of me Jeffrey and that worried me for you. And then he called me possessive which made me feel like shit, since I know enough to know that’s a bad thing, but...I don’t want to lose you.”
“So... He helped you with something, even though you didn’t ask him too? That doesn’t sound like something an asshole would do. That sounds like something pretty sweet, actually. Especially when he knows you don’t like him - something which you’ve made pretty clear to date. He was trying. He just - the jokes and everything... It’s his way of dealing with situations he’s unsure of.” Kyle paused, stopping himself before he got too defensive on Leandro’s part and stopped listening to what Adam was saying. He had to try and keep an open mind about things and not just enter into something blindly.
“Okay - tell me why you think he’s a bully,” Kyle requested. “And why he reminds you of Jeffrey. And why you think that me getting involved with Leandro will mean I ‘lose you’,” he added.
“You sound like Becka,” Adam said, not able to sit still any longer and getting up to half pace, running his hands over his hair a few more times, before stopping with his fingers laced behind his neck. “So because he’s uncomfortable he gets to poke a people and get a rise out of them? I got shoved into things before I was too tall, but I never shoved anyone else. That’s why I think he’s a bully, because everyone else is the butt of his joke, it’s only funny if he can make the other person uncomfortable.” He let out a breath and sucked in another realizing he wasn’t doing that, not like he should. “He... he pushes the envelope. He thinks it’s fun to seem threatening. That’s what it was like.” He closed his eyes, trying to get his thoughts better together, fighting against the exhaustion that was starting to show more than he would have liked. It was beyond the dark circles under his eyes now, evident in the way his shoulders slumped. After a long moment he looked back towards Kyle. “I don’t know. I just sort of...somewhere above worried and before panicked.”
Kyle frowned a little at that, making himself think it through and put together a reply before answering. “Adam - do you... Do you know he’s never really made me uncomfortable?” he asked, because he wanted to check that without dismissing Adam’s own response to the same thing. “I mean, sure - at times I was definitely confused about his intentions, but we talked things over each time and he was pretty cool about everything. He’s never threatened me. He’s made it really clear that, if he ever makes me uncomfortable, or if I’m not enjoying anything, then all I have to do is tell him to stop and he will. He’s actually been really respectful of my boundaries. Though, I’ll admit, once he knows those boundaries, then within them, it’s pretty much open season. But, I’m okay with that. It’s... I like that. It’s not threatening. It’s flirtatious. And I don’t have a problem with that.”
Adam didn’t have an answer for that. Not a single thing to say. For a moment he just stood there, looking at Kyle and feeling like his insides were twisted up completely. “It’s just me then,” he said shaking his head and moving to sit on the bed, away from Kyle this time. “I feel like he doesn’t give two shits about what mine are, but maybe that’s just something wrong with me.” It was a self deprecating statement, just an observation made out loud because he was too tired to keep his inner monologue in check. “Or I just have no fucking clue what flirtatious looks like.” Resting his elbows on his knees, Adam rubbed his face with his hands. “Sorry...I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“Adam - you have a right to an opinion,” Kyle told him, ignoring the comments because he had put out there how much he hated it when Adam put himself down and he really didn’t think that now was the time to get into it. “And flirtatious looks like... Different things with different people. With him, it’s pretty crude. Sexual innuendo, pet names, just... looks. And - he’ll throw it out to anyone. Not just me.” He smiled slightly. “He’s probably flirted with you. The difference is that it makes you uncomfortable. And, I guess, normally that would mean that you’d probably avoid each other. But - I got in the way of that.” Kyle took a breath and let it out. “Do you want me to ask him to cut it out?” he asked, though he was very much unsure about what Leandro’s reaction to that would be. Possibly some choice words about not changing for what the world thinks he should be or something.
“That doesn’t bother you? That he’d...do that to anyone? Because it’d bother me I think.” Adam shook his head. “And I doubt he was flirting with me, maybe just trying to get under my skin, but...I don’t think I’m what another guy would be interested in. Like I’m not the right type or something. Girls sure, but guys not as much.” He doubted that made sense, but he was trying. “No don’t. You didn’t get in the way of anything Kyle. And he’s not going to listen to you anyway. I’ll just avoid him as best I can. Or at least limit it to only when I’ve slept or something.”
“It would bother me if he followed through with anything. It would bother me if he meant it. And it would bother me if he carried on flirting with someone who was flirting back.” Kyle shrugged. “Right now, I don’t know if he’ll do any of those things. And, if he does, then I think things between us will change pretty quickly. But right now, I don’t even really know what this-” he indicated his neck “-actually is. I know it’s not a one time only thing. But I’ve not tried to put any labels on it, and neither has he.”
Kyle leaned back on the couch and looked at the other man, safely across the room enough for him to feel more comfortable about saying what he was about to say. “And shut up. You’re attractive. Speaking as a gay man, I can confirm that you’re someone that men who are interested in men could be attracted to. There’s no ‘girl type’ or ‘guy type’, you know. It doesn’t work that way.”
Adam listened to that and tried to get his head around it. He could see why that would upset him, why it would be frustrating of he did more, but just the flirting would have gotten under Adam’s skin. Maybe he was a little too possessive. Not wanting to go into it, he just nodded, then ran his hand over his hair “I actually get that, not knowing what’s going on. Kind of in the same boat.” Because he really didn’t have an answer for what was going on with Becka, just that it was easier to make out with her than fight with her over his issues and her overwhelming urge to fix him.
Kyle’s commentary on his level of attractiveness made him chuckle, ducking his head as his cheeks got warm. “Alright fine, there’s no ‘type’. Good to know I guess.” Something in the back of his mind tugged at why he wasn’t good enough, but Adam pushed it away. Why would he care?
“Just... Thank you for being concerned about me. But I’m okay. Leandro’s not Jeffery. He doesn’t hurt people the way you said Jeffery did. And I’d really like it if you would give him a chance. Because I do like him. There’s more to him than he projects, a lot more. And I would really like it if you two could get a long. But, if you can’t... I’m not going to get into a ‘him or me’ situation. With either of you. And I’ll make that clear to both of you,” Kyle said, firmly. “I don’t work that way. And nobody who gives a damn about someone should ever ask for that.”
Except Jeffrey didn’t hurt people at first either. That was until later, but Adam kept his mouth shut about that again. He’d just keep an eye on Leandro, from a safe distance. At Kyle’s request he looked at his hands, not wanting to look at Kyle. “I’ll try. I’m just...it might take me a while. You all say that and I guess I don’t see it yet.” It was good though, that Kyle wasn’t going to make him choose, force him to be friends with someone whom he didn’t like. “Let’s talk about something else. Tell me what weather pattern was a better choice.”
Kyle wanted to point out that clearly he wasn’t the only person who saw good in Leandro, so it couldn’t just be him being blinded by attraction. Which, he had to admit, was good to know and a validation of his opinion that he actually appreciated. But, apparently they were changing the subject and Kyle decided he would just go with that. He had had his massive overreaction of the day - he wasn’t looking to have another one. “Right - weather patterns... I’d say a summer storm. All thunder and lightning. Can be dramatic without warning - blindsides people,” Kyle suggested.
Adam listened, frown slipping onto his features. “I’m not sure I get that. I blindside people?” That didn’t sound good. And sure it his own choice wasn’t really great, but he was thinking of raining on weekend plans because of a threat of a hurricane, not blindsiding someone with drama.
Kyle shrugged. “In a way, sure,” he said. “Most of the time, you’re this nice, placid guy. Like a summer’s day. Laid back and relaxing and easy to get on with. And then something will frustrate you, or you’ll be bothered by something and it’ll get your hackles up. And I don’t mean that in a bad way, because, the way I see it, generally it’s because you care.” Because Kyle refused to leave a gap open for Adam to turn this back around on himself, to turn this into something negative. Whatever happened, he was determined to spin this in a purely positive way, regardless of what he had to say. He just wanted to be somewhat realistic as well.
Adam’s face stayed slightly confused while he repeated the explanation in his head, trying to sort through it. “Just because I care doesn’t make it okay. Look at this. I got really close to pissing you off and I’m pretty sure I did piss Leandro off.” He was quiet for a breath then looked up at Kyle again. “But I do care. That’s...that’s why.”
“I never said it was okay. Just that it was. If we’re getting back to that subject, I think you’re wrong about him. I think you decided that you didn’t like him the first time you met him the way that probably most people do. And the way that he invites people to do, with his appearance and his attitude. I... really like him. He’s...” Kyle smiled, almost helplessly. “He’s like nobody I’ve met before, and there’s so much more to him than he lets people see.”
“It has nothing to do with how he looks,” Adam pointed out. “I mean...I don’t get it, but outside of that original moment of jarring I’ve seen much scarier looking people.” And he’d learned fast that looks had little to do with how terrifying someone could be. He bit his lip as Kyle smiled and just nodded. Tell him you’re happy for him. It was a mental coaching, but the words didn’t actually form. Not as much as he wanted to say the right thing in that moment. He wished instead that Leandro wouldn’t hide so much, so maybe he could see what other people saw.
Kyle wrinkled his nose a little. “Honestly - I don’t get it either? Not totally. I mean, he could look so much better with a different hairstyle, but... I’m not the kind of person to try and change someone like that. Or shallow enough for things to be all about looks and I know so much of it is tied into who he is as a person and I’m learning that.”
“I have to admit I was a little surprised since I thought you’d...I didn’t think he’d be your type.” Not that he could actually weigh in on what anyone’s type was considering he hadn’t fully been aware he could have been someone’s type. Talk of hair had him running his hands over his again, absently wondering what he’d do with it. They’d kept it short after the first time it was almost ripped out, less his choice than someone else’s. They’d always been worried he’d done it to himself even though he hadn’t. Maybe he’d see where it ended up before someone noticed. “Isn’t that the case with everyone? Their looks being tied into who they are?”
“Oh definitely,” Kyle agreed. “After all, your appearance is the first thing people see about you, usually. So, you project what image you want on the world. But that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the truth. It’s what you want to say. Not what you are. Lots of people hide behind their appearance. As for whether he’s my type... Hmm... Sure, his style isn’t usually mine? But that’s again about appearance. The hair, the tattoos - some of which are really pretty though - the piercings. I mean... Sure, if I was picturing the kind of guy I’d date before? But...” Kyle eyed Adam for a moment. “You probably don’t want to hear any of this, right?” he checked. After all, he was pretty much verging on gushing. To Adam. Who not only didn’t like Leandro, but who Kyle was fairly sure was suffering from a case of jealousy of the other man. Not a great combination, and here was Kyle about to start in on the subject of eyes and lips and cheekbones and he was fairly sure that Adam wouldn’t take that so well - especially not if that then segued into kissing and lip rings and... yeah. Probably a really bad move.
“I don’t project an image. I just am,” Adam said making a face. And he tried, he really tried to listen to not feel everything inside him twist up as Kyle started talking about how he didn’t like so many things about Leandro’s looks, but he was seeing something else now, but he failed miserably. It shouldn’t be bothering him right? Hearing him talk like that. Why would it bother him? By the time Kyle stopped himself Adam was already feeling sick to his stomach. “It’s...If you really want to you can.”
Kyle raised an eyebrow as he looked at Adam. He went with the way the guy looked, rather than what he said. “No, it’s fine. I don’t have to share,” he said, decisively. He’d pour his gushing into his art instead, he decided, thinking of the sketch of Leandro he had been working on just before Adam had arrived. A reworking of the very rough one he had done yesterday. One that really brought out the best of Leandro’s rather lovely features. That would do him just fine. “And we all project an image - it’s just that sometimes, our image matches who we really are.”
“You...you can share.” Please don’t share. Adam was torn between being a good friend and listening and wanting to cover his ears until the conversation stopped. Latching on to the other comment he shook his head. “You shouldn’t have to make someone guess. Otherwise it’s a lie. I’ve never made you guess about who I am. If you asked, I told you. And I sure haven’t lied.” Much. Though it wasn’t really lying, it was just leaving out the things he couldn’t tell anyone.
Kyle raised an eyebrow. “Are you that self-confident that you’ll open yourself up to the world and everything anyone might think of you?” he asked.
Adam considered Kyle’s question then shook his head. “No. I’m certain most of the world isn’t going to notice me long enough to form an opinion.”
“People generally notice more than you think they do,” Kyle countered. “I don’t think you’ve ever been as invisible as you seem determined to think you are. Instead, what people probably have noticed is someone who wants to be invisible. Whether that’s true or not. That’s how you come across at times. Like I’ve noticed that - you seem absolutely determined that you’re insignificant. That’s what you project. But - it’s not true. Maybe it was in the past, I don’t know. But it’s not true here.”
“I notice more than most people,” Adam added, looking at his hands. It was what he’d done for so long, watching others. He wanted to argue, that when it mattered he’d been invisible and then he’d just settled into it, feeling more at home against the wall watching. “I don’t know what I am here Kyle. I’m breaking a lifetime of habits.”
Kyle smiled. “Good. From what you’ve told me, you had some pretty bad habits. So - ditch them. Find new ones. Sometimes there’s something to be said for not knowing who you are,” he added, stretching out on the sofa with a yawn. Staying up for most of the night with his art wasn’t exactly the best thing for him.
“You say that like it’s as easy as changing my shirt,” Adam said shaking his head. “I’m the one that has to figure out where to go from here.” He watched Kyle stretch out and distantly wished he was closer, so relaxing was an option for him as well. He almost got up and did just that, but couldn’t quite get himself off the bed.
“It doesn’t have to be an overnight change,” Kyle pointed out. “You have all the time in the world to discover who you are now.” Kyle knew that he himself was discovering that, or rediscovering as he liked to think of it. Still, one thing he was finding out was how much he had changed. There was no real way to go back to who he had been ‘before’, so really, he was discovering it all anew.
Except it felt like there was nothing to discover. Like staring out into a big black nothing. Kyle might have been something ‘before’ but Adam’s before had had a name. And a lifestyle that was tied to that name, that person. Without him, Adam wasn’t sure what was his and what had been Jeffrey’s. “I suppose yeah. Nowhere else to go.”
“Right - nowhere else to go,” Kyle agreed. “Though, right now, I might give up and go to bed. And, by the looks of you, you could do with some sleep too,” he observed, pushing himself to his feet.
Adam watched Kyle move and forced himself to try and do the same though it was much slower. “Yeah you should. Sleep. I might. We’ll see.” He hadn’t slept since he’d passed out after talking with Wren, at least not for more than an hour here or there, but while he was exhausted, he was almost certain he wouldn’t voluntarily fall asleep at this point.
Kyle led Adam towards the door. “You going to be okay getting back to your room?” he asked, looking the other man over. “You look just about ready to drop.” And, maybe if things had been different, Kyle would just have tucked the other guy up in his bed right there and then. But with things the way they were, right now that felt like a really bad idea. Asking for trouble.
Adam wouldn’t have protested to anything, not at the moment, even if he was sure if he’d stay he’d wake Kyle up somewhere through the night. There was a fleeting thought of saying yes, he did need help and trying to get Kyle to stay, but it was fleeting at the very best before Adam was waving him off with one hand. “No. Seriously. I’m fine. I remember how to get there.” There was a moment of hesitation before he leaned forward, arms around Kyle’s shoulders in a quick hug. “I’m sorry.” It was a heavier statement than usual, full of things he really wished he could have done better and feeling like while they seemed okay, he hadn’t been the friend he should be. It was only there for a moment before he was back where he’d started, giving Kyle a push towards his own bed. “Go, rest. Don’t stay up drawing pictures of me with a shield, as awesome as I am with a shield.”
Kyle had hardly time to process the hug and any reaction to it before Adam had moved away and Kyle judged it best to just leave it at that. He took a step as he was pushed and turned. “I’ll get some sleep. You too. Gone on - scram before you keel over on my doorstep,” he said, gesturing with his head to the door.
Adam hesitated for a moment longer in the doorway, smiling at Kyle, maybe a little softer than usual. “Night Ky,” he said before letting himself out and starting the long walk back to his room.