R & R
Characters: Adam and Rebekah Setting: The activity room, late morning
Even with only having been in prison for ten weeks, Becka was really enjoying the extra freedoms here. Shakopee hadn’t been as bad as she was sure some of the prisons the others here had come from were, but it was still prison. The few people she’d met so far had been personable enough, and if she were being honest, she’d really enjoyed talking to Adam last night then again on the computer this morning, as well as hanging out with Carmel this morning. After tinkering around on the computer for a little bit longer, she’d headed back down to the kitchen to pick up a few snack-like provisions before going back upstairs and to the activity room. When she went in, she saw that Adam was already there, and her smile widened. “Hey, I brought provisions,” she said, holding up the snacks and bottles of water she was carrying. Going over to him, she plopped down next to him, looking over at the tv. “What game is that?” she asked, not recognizing it right away.
Adam was mid game when Becka walked in, not at all sure if he was supposed to be expecting her or not, but there she was, with snacks. It took a moment for him to close his mouth as he looked at her. “Um Major League, something or another. Baseball. I was playing through a home run derby for kicks.” So she was just gonna do this, be friendly and cute.
Becka laughed at the answer, sending a bemused look his way. “Believe it or not, I gathered that it was baseball,” she said, her laughter still lingering around the edges of her words. “So how are you doing at it? Hitting homers, or still warming up?” she asked as she watched him play.
“Okay so that was obvious,” Adam said rolling his eyes a little. “Doing alright, I’ve played this one before, or maybe a different year, but same game, they just update it every year and add new players.” He watched her out of the corner of his eye, not at all sure what to make of her, even if that was starting to feel like a repetitive theme in his inner monologue regarding Becka. “You want to give it a go?”
Grinning wider at the way he rolled his eyes, Becka decided not to keep on that train of thought. “Mmhmm, and then they jack the price back up for it.” Her parents and brothers had groaned about that aspect of new games often enough. She might not be a gamer, but she did enjoy playing once in a while. “Yeah, but d’you think you could stop looking at me like you’re expecting me to grow horns or something?” she teased lightly.
“Yup, though I don’t think I’ve ever actually had to pay a sports game. I played some more like, challenge based first person shooter stuff back in the day and that was worth buying whatever game came next. These you just get better technology every five year.” He looked at her properly and winced obviously, teasing her back. “Is it that obvious? Alright...so now that I can’t actually get the mental image of you with horns, like...you’re some sort of bad idea devil on my shoulder, I gotta admit, you seem a little too good to be true.”
“Ah, see my parents weren’t big on the kill, kill, kill games so they made sure to stock up on the sports games,” Becka explained with a smile. She felt a little bad when he winced, but she wasn’t used to people looking at her that way, even if she understood theoretically why they would here. She wasn’t what one would expect a criminal to look or act like. She did laugh when he admitted he couldn’t get the image of her in horns and told her what image he did get. “I do?” She bit her lip for a moment before acknowledging why that might be. “You’re probably wondering how I ended up in prison, right?” she guessed.
“I was left to my own devices a lot,” Adam said with a nod. “You do. And there’s that, but I wasn’t going to pry but there’s also the cute, thinking I’m cute, talking to me thing.” And you look like the girl they put me in jail for killing. “It’s just kind of mind-boggling.”
“You are cute.” Becka shrugged, looking down for a moment, her smile dimming. “I don’t mind talking about it, and I’m not gonna pretend I didn’t do it. I was a nurse, but I told you about that already. The short version is that I got seven years for helping a terminal patient commit suicide. It was illegal, but I don’t think it was wrong, and if I could go back and do it over knowing what I know now, I’d do it again.” She believed it strongly, but it didn’t mean she was going to fight the legal ramifications of what she’d done.
“You need glasses,” Adam countered, but listened to her when she spoke. “Did you know it was illegal when you did it?” he asked, because she might be right, it wasn’t like she’d done something like he had.
“No, I don’t, I’ve got 20/20,” Becka replied cheekily. At the question she sighed, looking back over at him. “Yeah, I knew it was illegal. She was such a sweet lady, and we talked a lot for like two weeks before she convinced me to help her. She was in a lot of pain, the meds weren’t helping, and she only had about three months left. The cops didn’t want to charge me, but her family went over their heads to the DA and the rest is history. Also got slapped with an $8,000 fine, but it could have been worse. The max was 15 years and a $30,000 fine.”
Adam bit at his lip while he thought about it, not sure what to make of it. “I guess I can see that, why you’d do it. I imagine I’d want the same thing if I was in her shoes.” But it sucked that Becka was here, in jail, for trying to help someone. At least it explained things. “Sorry it turned out the way it did I guess.”
Becka was glad that he wasn’t getting on her case about it or telling her that she’d been in the wrong; she’d got that enough from Alice’s family. “Everything happens for a reason,” she said, though her smile wasn’t quite right, a little tighter than normal. “I don’t want to regret how I live my life, so it’s important that I stand by my choices. Anyway! How about this game?” she asked, pushing the tough topic away in lieu of something lighter.
Adam didn’t believe that platitude for a moment, but he didn’t think she believed it that much either. As for regretting how he lived his life, Adam was pretty sure he regretted a lot of it, he just couldn’t nail down which parts had landed him here. “Here, give it a shot,” he said handing her the controller, more than fine with not talking about why he was here and what he’d done. She might be able to justify hers, but there was no justifying his.
Becka took the controller and bit her lip as she turned her attention to the tv. It took her a few tries to get the hang of the controls, but each time she screwed it up, she just laughed it off, and once she even looked at Adam and said, “I’m really bad at this!” When she finally managed to get a hit, even though it wasn’t a home run, she let out a little squeal of delight. “I did it!” she said excitedly.
As she played, Adam settled back, one arm across the back of the couch, watching her more than the screen, unable to keep from smiling. Even when she said she was bad, he nodded. “You’ve got this,” he said before she did get it and he bit a laugh back to a grin. “See! You’re a natural. The majors is waiting on you.”
During a pause between plays, Becka shifted to tuck her legs under her, glancing over to smile at Adam and the encouragement he was giving her. It was sweet; he was kind of sweet even if she was getting the impression that he wouldn’t believe it even if she did tell him. “I played softball,” she told him with a cheeky grin. “D’you wanna go again?” she offered.
“Did you? See that’s it. I saw you were a cheerleader too,” Adam said not able to hide the smile. “Which is just fitting.” He covered his mouth to hide the laugh at that, then shook his head. “You keep at it. You’re more fun to watch than I would be.”
“Mmhmm. And yep, I was a cheerleader, but softball came second.” Becka just smiled, chuckling softly when he said it was fitting. She wasn’t going to argue that, as cheerleading had come fairly naturally to her. “You think so?” she asked, enjoying the way he seemed almost happy just then, definitely more relaxed than he had been last night.
“Yeah I get all serious, make this face,” Adam said and made a face, squinching his nose and mouth up like he was thinking. “Definitely not cute. You are just sort of always cute.”
Becka giggled at the face he made. The argument that that face was cute was on the tip of her tongue, but she got distracted by his next words, cheeks flushing faintly. “You’ve only seen me twice now, how can you be sure that I’m sort of always cute?”
Adam ran his tongue along the inside of his lower lip and looked like he was thinking for a moment. “You’re two for two on the cute. That’s pretty good odds even for just two times. You think I’m wrong?”
His thinking expression really was cute, much as he might not want to believe it, Becka thought with a small smile. “I’ve heard it before, so you must be right,” she answered with a light laugh. “But if being two for two makes it so for me, then you must be cute, too, cause you’re two for two also,” she pointed out with a wide smile.
Adam felt his cheeks get warm as he looked away from her shaking his head a little. “See if I didn’t know better I’d think you were flirting with me.” Which was a completely foreign idea because girls didn’t flirt with him and he’d been in prison for almost two years. At this point he was assuming it would never happen again.
Becka’s attention was completely pulled from the game, and she pressed pause on the controller before turning toward him. “I’m not gonna say that I am or I’m not, but why shouldn’t I? You’ve been nothing but cute and sweet and slightly awkward since we met, and so far I do like you,” she said honestly. Her stomach was doing little flips as she thought over their interaction, trying to figure out if she had been flirting with him. Had she?
That wasn’t at all what Adam was expecting her to say and his mouth fell open a little for a moment before he swallowed hard. It wasn’t like he’d really thought she’d admit to something close to that. There was a whole host of issues why she shouldn’t but he couldn’t actually bring voice to them, not without changing everything about how she saw him. Maybe that was the whole point of this, to not be seen as the crazy killer. “Not sure. Convicted criminal jumps out first, obviously better than you at video games. I’m probably too tall for you too.” It was a tease, half joking, just to get him through the conversation.
Oh God, and now he was looking all surprised and just a little more awkward, and Becka felt a little bad about that. She hadn’t meant to make things weird or anything, but she didn’t think she had it in her to be dishonest even to avoid any awkward. She shrugged at his reasons, even if the last two teased a smile from her. “I’m a convicted criminal, too, so it’s not like I have room to judge. I don’t know what you’re in for, and I don’t need to know unless you want to talk about it, but my parents always taught me that where someone’s been and what they’ve done matter far less than where they’re going and what they’ll do from now on.”
Adam picked at the back of the couch, watching his fingers instead of her. “Honestly, I don’t want to talk about it and I don’t think you want to know,” he admitted before glancing up at her, eyes larger than usual. “As for the other part, well I like to think that’s true but you never know. Maybe people can change one way but they can’t change back.”
Becka smiled reassuringly at Adam. “Then you don’t have to talk about it, but if you ever do, I’ll be here to listen, no judgement,” she told him honestly. She thought she could do that for him; it was obvious that whatever he was in for weighed heavily on him, and that was enough for her. Becka tilted her head at him, brows furrowed faintly. “Why would you want to change back? It’s not healthy to think that way, because it’s just not possible. Life is all about finding a way of accepting the past and then moving forward.” It made sense to her, but she knew that not everyone shared her philosophies.
He believed that she thought she wouldn’t judge, but he doubted Becka would hand the information as well as Mazie had. Of course Mazie seemed as if she just didn’t believe him, which he couldn’t blame her. Some days he didn’t believe it. Some days he did. “Change back to who I was before I started on the path that led me here. That’s the best indicator I have of what to be.”
Becka was at a loss for words, something she wasn’t used to, and she reached out to cover his hand with hers. “Adam,” she said softly. “You can’t change what happened, what led you here, but however this program works, it’s offering a second chance, a clean slate. It may only be day two, but I think stopping beating yourself up for whatever happened would be a good first step toward that clean slate.” Where the words had come from, she didn’t know, but she believed them.
Christ she was touching him. Adam was sure she was speaking, but he was only getting every three words, fighting with what he was supposed to do with her hand on his, what that meant exactly and a flash of the last girl who’d grabbed his hand. Of course that girl had grabbed his hand in a more tugging this way manner, which was completely different from this. The last of what Becka was saying came through, but he was still too busy looking at her hand on his to look up at her. “I’m not ready to stop feeling guilty about what I’ve done,” he said. “I don’t think I’ve earned that. Actually I think I’ve earned living with it for the rest of my life.”
Becka was wondering if he was paying attention to her or if she’d just completely thrown him with her hand on his because he really did seem distracted. At his words, she realized just how much she wanted to know what he’d done to put that look in his eyes, to think that he should feel guilty for the rest of his life. She wouldn’t ask, though, but she would hope that someday he might tell her. “I’m sorry,” she said softly, squeezing his hand before letting it go. She wouldn’t push anymore, wouldn’t try to convince him that he should try to start forgiving himself. Leaning forward, she grabbed the bottles of water, handing one to him before twisting the cap off hers. “What other games are there?” she asked, wondering if he’d gone through them or just picked one at random.
Once she let go of his hand Adam wasn’t sure what to do with it and wound up using it to run over his head. “Don’t...you didn’t anything wrong.” He was slightly relieved she changed the topic and gave him something new to do with his hands, even if he didn’t really want the water. “Uh, there were a few others,” he said, taking the chance to get up from the couch, put space between them and pick up the stack of games before coming back and holding them out to her. “Your pick.”
Two days - well, not even a full two days - weren’t enough to really know a person. Becka knew that, but she also trusted her instincts, and her instincts were telling her that Adam wasn’t the terrible person that he seemed to believe he was. She kept on with the change of subject, not wanting things to be awkward, and she looked over the games he brought over to her, picking a racing one that looked mildly entertaining. “Here we go, let’s race,” she said, smiling slowly as she handed the game she’d chosen to him for him to put in.
Adam nodded, taking the game and mustering up a smile to go with it. “I might even let you win,” he told her, doing his best to lighten things. It wasn’t perfect, but it was a start.