exploration Characters: Leandro and Wren Setting: Kitchen, late morning, day 5
Leandro couldn’t just leave Wren on the floor. It stuck in his mind, the way she cleaned up the mess Charlie left. It seemed symbolic, even. He was gone, and she was left with spilled juice. Strange, too, that he didn’t seem to think about getting it himself. It wasn’t fair.
Not long after the door closed behind Charlie, Leandro bent down again in front of Wren, reaching his hands out for her. “Hey. You don’t have to do that,” he murmured. His open hands hovered near her shoulders. After a pause and a short breath, he added even more softly, “Come here.” He was looking for permission to embrace her.
"Someone has to." she said quietly. But when he said the last part, she looked up, and, after a long moment, she did so. She set everything down, and decided she needed the hug. She was usually the one who gave everyone guidance. That was what she was there for. Chester had been the only one who'd treated her like she was a person with needs of her own. Most of the time, Wren denied her own needs, because she took her calling very seriously. But right then and there she felt like her bright spot had been taken away. Like everything she'd been through was a lie. She was at a loss, utterly unsure what to do. So, if Leandro was going to be kind enough to offer her some comfort, for once she was going to take it.
"Says who?" he answered quickly, though Leandro fully wrapped his arms around her and allowed her in close. He tucked her to his shoulder and held her, a strange gesture but one that came by instinct the longer he just did it without overthinking it. When he inhaled his nose was all full of the scent of juice and her hair. His eyes fluttered shut, but he wasn't sure when to let her go or how... so he just didn't for a second. He just kept his arms loose against her and tried to piece together the warmth on the ends of his nerves. It made his mind run, which spread to his mouth. "Look, you don't have to cover for him or sort out his messes. I just... just couldn't stand to think he was yanking you around like that, okay? I don't know what his deal is but he gave me a bad feeling."
Wren was silent for a long few moments, as she just let herself find stillness. It was better that way, when everything went still in her mind. When she could stop thinking about the swirling madness around her, when she could focus past it to other things. Past herself, first and foremost. Still, it felt nice, being held like that. She appreciated it. "I don't know what to think." she said. "I don't know how to feel."
A cautious hand rose slowly, deliberated in midair for a few moments, and then finally came down on her hair. Leandro's fingers smoothed the ends of it against her shoulder, trying to comfort her in a way that wouldn't frighten her more. He struggled with his words still, teeth nipping into his lip. "It doesn't matter now. You don't need an answer in a day. Let it... let it sink in. Find out more. See if it makes sense to you."
Giving a small but humorless exhale, almost a laugh but not quite, Wren shook her head the slightest bit. "Nothing makes sense to me." she whispered. "I think my whole life might be a lie." She sat up straighter, pulling back but not all that far. It was just so she could look at him. "I think everything might be a lie."
Leandro looked back at her, his hands falling to her elbows, and nodded just barely. "I know it sucks. But that's what people do. People lie. People suck. But I mean..." One of his shoulders lifted slightly in a simple shrug. "You kind of showed me recently that not everybody does. So. What's the use crying over the ones who did? I don't know." His eyes tracked around towards the floor then, feeling as though that was horribly insufficient. But somehow, he just couldn't get his thoughts to coordinate. He too was rather mixed-up.
She nodded, though it didn't look much like she'd taken everything onboard. Really, she wasn't in a position to just yet. She was too out of it, too outside of her comfort zone. There was nothing she was quite connection, even if she desperately wanted to. "Should we go?" she asked. "We were going to put in laundry? And see the other area?" she suggested, feeling helpless, so she was going to go with the next part of their plan. Just...move ahead, like she always did.
Leandro briefly considered asking her if she was really ready for that, but then he recognized the feeling that seemed to be apparent in her voice. He approved of the sentiment, if not the situation... Get up, dust yourself off, and go forward. That was an important element in survival, one not everyone could do with.
"Yeah... yeah, okay," he finally agreed. "Let me just help here..." He started to stand up, reaching for her hands to help her too, so that they could both get out of the juice and brush off. "We might as well get this laundry business done, eh?"
She nodded, taking his help up. Laundry. It needed to be done. She needed clean clothes. She had to face that awful underground tunnel thing. There was still time, creeping forward, and she needed to go along with that. It wasn't about her. Nothing was about her. "I don't like it down there. I apologize in advance if I'm slightly nervous." she told him, trying to refocus herself on important things. It was far more difficult than she would have liked, however.
Leandro finally let her go completely once she was up, shoving his hands into his pockets. He glanced towards the door, still unsure of what to say. "Well... I guess we really don't have to if you don't want to. As long as you have clothes left there's always another time." He wasn't so much one to judge. He'd happily re-wear until the option removed itself. That, and he was concerned for her emotional stability at the moment. Moving on was one thing, but pushing it was another. "You sure you're ready to tackle something scary?"
"I have to face it sometime." Wren told him. Even if she wasn't enamored with the idea of it, she knew it was coming. End of story. "So, I might as well do it while you're with me?" she suggested. "If you don't want to, I understand."
At last, Leandro smiled fondly. Wren was brave. He knew he was right about her. In response to her, he shook his head certainly. "No, it's fine. I am more than happy to go with you. I can show you the joys of riding the dryer." He snickered at that to himself. A memory recalled itself in his mind of the ancient dryers at the home he grew up in and the way they practically rocked out of their sockets whenever they were used.
"Come on, then. A quick pit stop to grab my bag and we'll go." Leandro held his hand out for her and angled himself towards the door.
Wren looked confused. "Dryer...riding?" she asked, but she decided she guessed she'd just have to see. She took his hand, though paused to pick up her discarded laundry as well. She fell quiet, thinking about things in that linear way she needed to. Stop at Leandro's room. Go downstairs. Do laundry. See the new area. All steps, one in front of the other.
Leandro guided her out into the sun, and as soon as he felt the breeze on his face past the door he laughed openly, shaking his hair. If it helped her he could forget too, and it felt better to stick to what he knew how to do. "Yeah, dryer riding! Because see, some dryers when they spin the clothes they bounce all over the place, and it's funny to sit on them. If you get a good dryer, it kind of feels like it's trying to shake your stuffing out through your butt. But in a tickly way."
He glanced down at her, hiding a sneaky little smirk on the other side of his face. "It's a good thing. Like jumping on a trampoline good. I don't know though, these dryers might be new. They might not be shaky enough."
At his door, not very far at all from kitchen – in fact, only two doors down – Leandro ran inside quickly and grabbed the bag he had ready. Finished with that, they had to turn around and start back for the elevator. It'd only be one more short ride down to the laundry room.
Wren wasn't positive that the dryer riding sounded pleasant. But she would have to take his word for it. She was quiet for the walk, and looked even slightly nervous about the elevator. She didn't like how the movement made her feel, and she wasn't used to it at all. So, she clutched her dirty clothes tightly, and tried not to look like she was going to get unreasonable.
Oh. So that didn't seem to have helped. Leandro sort of stood next to her awkwardly, coughing into his hand. Should he try again? Maybe with something more gently funny? He deliberated too long, though, and ended up shifting around in silence until the elevator came. He wandered inside and waited for her to join him.
She stepped in, and a master of schooling her expression right then she was not. "I don't like the elevator." she said, in a bare whisper. "I don't like how it feels." she admitted, stepping closer to him.
Leandro left his fist over his mouth a little over-long, just to hide a small smile from her. He wasn't trying to laugh at her or anything, but that was just so cute that he couldn't help himself. She really was terrified of the elevator. Wren seemed to want to try to huddle next to him, so he patiently strapped his arm around her back and held her steady.
"It's okay, it won't last long," he told her. "Besides, did you know that if you jump just before it stops you can touch the ceiling? It's like a ride. It's fun." He was trying to be encouraging in his way. "We don't have to do that though. Just hold on and it'll be fine. I'm right here too."
She felt better with Leandro's arm around her. Like she'd walked close to Ryan, and he'd done the same. It felt safer somehow, even if she knew she was being stupid. That just didn't help the fear reaction she was having. She attempted a smile at him for his efforts to make her feel better. "Can I see you touch the ceiling?" she asked, glancing up, though the elevator ride was pretty short, it might end before he even got a chance to jump.
Well, that smile was a start. Leandro knew that at first, Wren would have to make an effort to relax, but soon enough it would feel more natural and her mind would feel clearer. That's how it always worked for him, anyway. At that point, then the situation looked better. Maybe it was "distance".
But at her request, Leandro just grinned like the idiot boy he was for a second. "I don't know, it might be really hard. I'll try, though."
He screwed up his face as if he was making a gargantuan effort, mouth distorted and nostrils flared, then he stuck his hand into the air. "Augh!" he whimpered, pushing his open palm further and further... until ten inches above his head later, it came to land on the ceiling. His arm was long enough that it made it there easily.
"Whew! Made it!"
She laughed a little at that, smiling. "You can do it anyways." she accused, the elevator coming to a stop. She scurried out of it, though she took a big step back once she was actually out of the elevator. Not enough to get back into it, but enough that she wasn't too far out into the tunnel on her own. Tension shot through her frame, a clear stiffening of her spine and she even ducked her head a little. It should have been better this time than the first time, but it really wasn't.
"Guilty," Leandro admitted, shrugging one-sidedly. He smiled back at her, the hand still holding onto her smoothing her side a little. When the elevator stopped he dropped his arms to let her go forward, shouldering his bag properly again after having held his arm up. He was not bothered by the tunnel himself, more used to the dark and enclosed than the wide-open. They'd made it out of one hurdle, and that meant there was just one more before they were home free.
Wren's wilted posture had Leandro going right to her. He leaned forward to match eye height with her. "We're almost there," he told her softly. "Just around the corner, okay? The elevator wasn't so bad, was it? Come on,"
It was probably best to not have her stand around in one spot thinking about where they were for too long, so he beckoned her towards the hall, the one room apparently the clinic and then the laundry room.
Wren nodded. "I know I'm being silly." she said, though it was more for herself than him. "I know it's probably perfectly safe and they wouldn't put something like this in place if it wasn't sound. I know there are underground structures in other places in the world." she added, following him. "I know all of that." Her breathing got a little faster, however, despite her own reassurances.
"You're not silly," Leandro told her. His free hand came up and cupped the end of her chin for a moment. "You're just not used to this. You will be though. Someday soon it'll be like nothing and you'll be able to do all the laundry you want like a champ. Just takes some practice."
He smiled for her one more time, then continued on at an easy pace. It was only a moment longer before they were at the laundry room and Leandro paused to whistle shortly at the rows of machines.
"Would you look at all this shiny stuff?" he commented. In the back of his mind, he was already thinking about the fun that could be had playing with these. They were just far too nice-looking. They needed a couple of dents or something. For aesthetics.
She attempted another smile at him, nodding slightly in the hopes that if she agreed, it would happen. She didn't tell him that it was worse today than it had been yesterday. That probably wasn't helpful. She looked in the room when he whistled, and she wasn't sure she liked it. The rows of machines were kind of alien to her. But she did have one thing she could say. "It smells nice in here."
To Leandro, the machines were parts and potentials. He loved them. Such a nice, new thing sort of begged to be taken apart, but he wouldn't exactly go that far. He did miss being able to mess with and destroy things like that. Before he could get too far ahead, though, he looked down to check on Wren.
"Yeah, it does, doesn't it?" he agreed, hoping focus on the positive would start building that comfort for her. One step at a time. "I wonder what flavor this soap is supposed to be. Should we check it out?"
Leandro indicated the sets of detergent on the shelf, checking out their labels from afar and then taking a step towards them. He waved to Wren to join him. "Which one do you like?"
Wren walked closer, not sure what she would like. So, she set her clothes down in a basket that was empty and within reach, then she walked over to start taking soap down. She smelled each one in turn, some making her eyes water faintly, but eventually she found one that had a much softer scent to it, something vaguely flowery. "I like this one." she said with a firm nod.
"Lemme see?" Leandro asked, then leaned down to stick his nose into her soap. He took a generous sniff, and then nodded in approval. "That is nice. It seems "you". I don't know what I want though."
He stood back up and squinted at all the soap, folding his arms over his chest. "Pick for me?"
Setting her soap aside, Wren turned to the remaining bottles, a look of determination on her features. Thens he stepped forward, and started over, taking more care in picking out soap for Leandro than she had for herself. Eventually, she came across one that apparently was 'clean linen' scented, or something like that, and she held that out. "I think this one." she told him. It was less floral than everything else, and while Leandro himself was a man with a whole lot of color going on, she didn't think he needed flower scented clothing.
Leandro smiled to himself, watching her work. He liked to watch her handle things, actually. It was yet another thing that she could build up positive experiences from, and maybe one day that'd make the real world easier to handle. He was fully prepared to use whatever she picked whether he liked it or not, knowing mostly they'd end up smelling like grass and oil and smoke by the time he washed them again, but that was a pretty good choice after all. It probably was taking the image a bit too far to have flowery tattoos in places and to smell flowery on top of it. Something like overkill, which even he had a vague idea of.
"Cool," he agreed, accepting the bottle of soap. He stuck his nose into that one too and sniffed it. A little neutral, but airy and easy. He could get into that. He was usually used to using the anonymous "soap" or "plastic" smells that cheap detergent carried. "It's really nice. Thanks, sweetie!"
Leandro flashed her another toothy grin and went about the rest of the business of getting the laundry done. He wasn't one much for sorting, apparently. The bag opened, and then upended into the washing machine he chose, everything tumbling in at once. Not that he had any lights to separate from darks, or that his shorts could be considered "delicates". They were all dark, a veritable goth rainbow of black, charcoal, crimson, and navy, and the shorts were just cotton boxer-briefs in the same color. He was not concerned with the heap inside the machine, stirring it around until it seemed even and then dumping a roundabout dose of soap into it.
She smiled, glad he seemed to like it. "You're welcome." she told him. Then she went to a machine of her own, and did sort things out, using a few washers. She figured there were plenty in there, and they wouldn't be leaving it too long to start with. Carefully measuring out her soap, she put things away where she found them after she started the cycle. Which took longer than she would have liked, but the whole thing seemed complicated, with a whole lot more settings than she thought the process should have involved.
Leandro, meanwhile, was too paranoid to just leave his bag... because it was kind of a nice bag, the one his clothes had originally come in, and it'd proven useful throughout his time there, and he didn't want anyone to take it. He did expertly twist the knobs on the washing machine and let it go, turning back to Wren and dusting his hands together for a job well done. He also left the soap randomly next to his machine.
"You all set?" he wondered. "Did you figure out the functions okay? Hot water for whites and cold for darks, and all that. Sorry, I forgot to ask if you used machine washers before. Was that a bad assumption?" He looked a little sheepish, but when he checked out her space, she seemed to have taken care of everything so very neatly.
Wren saw his soap was left out, and she went to return it to it's proper place without thinking about it. "I'm all set." she said. "I haven't really used them much. There were some at the prison, but mostly I did my washing by hand a lot of the time." she admitted. "But I think I got it right. I suppose I can't ruin them too badly with just soap and water?" she suggested.
"Oops," Leandro went to say automatically, lifting his hand ineffectually at Wren putting his soap away. It'd slipped his mind completely. Sort of like the sock he found on the coffee table earlier when he was gathering his laundry. "Sorry. You didn't have to do that. I feel kind of silly when you clean up after me."
He chuckled to prove it was no big deal, hands in his pockets again. "That has to be a serious time commitment, to wash clothes by hand. I'm sure with how careful you were, your stuff will come out perfect."
Wren blinked at that. "Oh, I..." she looked back at the soap. Clearly, the action had been purely automatic, she hadn't even really been thinking about it when she did it. "I'm sorry?" she suggested, not sure what to say. "And I hope so. I don't actually know what they would do if I ruined them. Would they give me more? Would I have to ask people to loan me clothes?"
"You could always go naked," Leandro said without thinking. It just tumbled out of his mouth easy as you please. Then he took a second to think about who he had just said that to, looked at her, looked steadily away, and muttered his own, "Sorry. Um. I'm rude, I know. Anyway, like... it's okay, don't worry about it. I just don't want you to feel like you have to watch behind me or anything." He shut up then, scuffing the toe of his boot on the floor.
Wren blushed dark red as her mind actually processed his suggestion. She ducked her head, and shook it. "It's okay. I was in prison for three years. I've heard worse things." she told him, which was honest. "And I don't mind. Honestly I don't even think about it. I wouldn't have noticed I put something away after you if you hadn't pointed it out. It's just...automatic. In my world, things have their place, I suppose."
Whoops. Well, that felt totally weird. Leandro coughed behind his hand again while Wren blushed, very unsure of how to move forward on that. "Yeah, I guess so," he mumbled, though not really convinced. He would have to try harder to watch himself. He sort of felt like an elephant, big and graceless. "But yeah... huh. I guess if that's how you see it."
He didn't really grasp everything having a place, either. He was much more used to a world in which nothing had any set place or sense of belonging. Things were there for what could be done to them. But the dwelling on it was beginning to make him feel a bit fidgety, so he pointed in a general "up" direction and added, "We could go check out the other side for a few minutes now. We probably have like half an hour."
"Oh please." Wren said eagerly, really wanting to get out of the underground area. It was still making her nervous and while she'd been distracted for a moment, that didn't change the overall 'eep' feeling she had. She walked closer, then smiled at him, and took his hand. She knew things had been awkward there, at least, they seemed to be for him and she wanted to make him feel better. And he seemed to take her hand and walk around with her, and got closer when he wanted her to feel better.
That did help some. That she made it clear with physicality that no matter that he had shown a bit of his true colors for a moment, she wasn't so put-off that she'd refuse to touch him. Beyond the necessities of survival, there was a hint of something in there that occasionally told him that if anyone knew him really, they wouldn't like him. Self-esteem was hard to come by in the places he'd been, no matter how he pretended.
Still, Leandro managed to smile at Wren again, giving her hand a light squeeze. "Alright, then! Brace yourself. One more trip through the elevator and we get to see what's on the other side. I wonder if it's a ferris wheel. I hope it's a ferris wheel. Or the train set I wanted." He babbled lightly, picking up his pace and going with her back to the hall, to the other elevator that would take them to Block B.
Wren smiled and followed, putting her concentration on Leandro. She could still feel the storm she'd deliberately shut out in the back of her mind, but she was doing an alright job focusing on the moment. "A train set?" she asked. "I've never been on a ferris wheel." she added. She knew what they were, she'd seen pictures, but she'd never actually ridden one. Or any carnival ride, for that matter.
"Know what?" Leandro admitted with a short laugh. "Me neither. I've never been on a roller coaster or anything. Tickets cost money, and all. But man, I'd like to. Just once. That's why I was joking yesterday with someone that I hope they put one in here. She thought it wouldn't hurt to ask for anything we wanted, so of course I picked something outrageous like a ferris wheel and asked her if they'd give us that too. Probably not, though."
He paused to sigh with disappointment, but then quickly bounced back and added, "Have you met Becka? She's a doll. I bet you'd like her." Here they were at the elevator again. Hopefully continuing to chatter would help Wren to keep focusing on distractions and not fear.
Wren smiled. "Well, maybe someday they'll allow us something like that." she said. She'd like that. And to think that Leandro would experience something new that he wanted to was a big draw for her. "I have met Becka...though she wasn't doing very well when I met her. I did a reading for her, in hopes that it helps." She stepped into the elevator with clear hesitation, but she forced herself to do it.
When they came to the elevator and the doors opened, Leandro waited patiently for Wren to step in first, moving right behind her. Once they were secure inside, he beamed proudly at her for having made it. "Well, here goes! Our trip into the unknown. T-minus ten seconds till lift-off." He rubbed his hands together in anticipation.
But out of curiosity, he also turned his head to the side and asked, "You met Becka? What was the matter? She seemed pretty okay when I met her, except for that I knocked all her laundry over but I was nice and picked it up."
Wren stood close to Leandro in the elevator, even if she had gotten on and all, she just felt better about standing closer to someone she trusted. "She seemed quite upset. She was crying." she explained. "I think she has a lot going on in her head. She seemed distraught about a whole host of matters, though I didn't get into specifics, I just offered a guide. I'm unsure whether or not she took much away from it, however. I just really hope she's okay."
Just as before, Leandro let her stand close and hang on if she needed to, his eyes idly watching the lights on the buttons. When it shifted into motion he rocked slightly, keeping his balance under the light sensation of the upward push. "Huh. What time was that at? I wonder if something happened after I saw her. I'd be kinda surprised if she was that good that she hid it from me. Points for that, though. I'd be glad to know she can take care of herself that way. There was no reason for me to know just then. I'm seeing her again later though. She wanted to make meatloaf for dinner with Carmel and me. If you come to dinner you can probably see how she's doing now." In the recesses of his mind, he also intended to find out whatever he could for himself, too.
"Yesterday, early in the morning." Wren answered. "I would like that. But I liked the pizza, and I know I should probably turn up more for group events. I just usually feel like I'm interrupting things." she admitted. "I'm aware I am not. This just...feels strange for me. It's sort of like living in the commune again, but very seriously not." When the elevator stopped and the doors opened, she rushed out, taking a deep breath of fresh air. Or, non-tunnel air, at the very least.
"Heh, wow." Leandro chuckled at that, shaking his head slowly. "So she did get me. Damn, I like her even better now."
But as Wren spoke again, he raised a hand and gently squeezed her shoulder. "You have just as much right to be there as anybody else. If you want to enjoy a nice meal, I trust Carmel and I think it's safe. Just remember that I told you to be careful around the men, okay?"
When the elevator doors opened, Leandro followed Wren out as a slower pace, smiling softly at her enthusiasm. The room seemed empty, but he hung back to cautiously make use of his ears to listen to the reverberation of the room, any hints of hums of power in the walls, footsteps, talking. It was very, very quiet. Strangely so. His eyes settled at last on a window, which he meanderingly approach, then dropped his palms onto the sill and let his mouth fall open.
"Oh... holy crap."
Wren was of a similar opinion. Her eyes got wide and she gasped softly as she gazed out the window. Then she smiled brightly, the first true one since discovering Chester in the kitchen, and she ran for the door, bursting out into a world that smelled familiar to her. It was a farm! "We have a farm!" she cried happily, rushing out to look around.
"Wait, Wren!" Leandro hobbled after her as quickly as he could, uncoordinated legs unused to the jaunt. He needed to catch up to her, to make sure it was safe. Alarm flashed through his mind, but once he made it to her side he felt relieved. So relieved, that apparently he had to double over onto his knees, his arm around his chest, and bark out an ugly cough. Even as he caught his breath he looked around, listening again, and when he saw that there was nothing there he stood up. The scent of green things was overpowering, so many dense trees and crops in one place nothing he had ever seen before.
"Jesus, wow..." he whispered, swallowing down the dry pain in his throat. "The fuck is all this even for? Are we down to growing our own food?" That thought was numbing.
Blinking, wide eyed, Wren turned to Leandro, reaching down to put a hand on his shoulder. "Are you okay?" she asked in alarm. She watched him cautiously as he stood, not sure she liked the sound of that cough at all. When he spoke again, she looked back around her, saddened that that was where his mind went. That his automatic response was to be distrustful, or thinking that they were all going to be abandoned. Fear, maybe? She didn't know, but she got that it wasn't a positive thing. "I really like it. It feels much more like home." she told him lightly. "Perhaps they just want to give us something productive to do, to work on together."
"Yeah, yeah, fine," Leandro waved his arm to reassure her, though the other hand stayed near his ribcage and rubbed. "I'm just really out of shape. Too much smoking." He moved on briskly, to make sure he projected the strongest attitude possible that it was nothing to ask questions about. Still, he felt like it was something he needed to do with the way she'd run off like that. He couldn't have just let her run into trouble, though there didn't really appear to be any. The problem was that he hadn't known. But now that they were secure, he stood up all the way straight and stared in something like awe down the row of crops.
"Maybe so..." he murmured quietly back to her, though he somehow doubted it. That was a lot of responsibility for a pet project, but Wren really seemed to like it, so he'd keep it to himself for now. "I mean, it is beautiful. You grew up in a place with this stuff?"
"I did." Wren said, nodding. "I really like this. I think I will put in the request to move to this block. Then I could work on it every day." she said, a warmth in her tone as she smiled. "Let's go explore, see what else there is." she said, with a little bit of excitement in her eyes. She reached out to take his hand, wanting to show him things now.