not the best foot to start on
Characters: Edan and Naomi Setting: Kitchen, midday
Edan had showered and considered clothes for a while before putting her pajama pants back on and one of Jason’s t-shirts. It was too big, but it was clean at least and she had Matt’s hoodie on over it. It wasn’t perfect, but it was a start. Then there was food, since that seemed to make sense. So she was in the kitchen, looking for something warmer to make, trying to get herself back on track, to focus on that instead of how cold her toes were in just the flipflops.
Naomi was exploring, and she was hungry, so she'd found the kitchen and was going through cupboards, trying to get a feel for what was where. When someone else entered, she looked over her shoulder and smiled. "Hi." she greeted, giving a little wave. "I'm Naomi."
Edan should have expected someone, but she was still surprised to not be alone. “Oh um. Hi.” Not her best introduction, but after a moment she found her manners and smiled properly. “Sorry. It’s been a jarring day. I’m Edan. Welcome I suppose. Anything good to eat?”
"You suppose?" Naomi asked with a half smile. It was odd for her to come into a situation where people seemed so determined to be negative about things. She didn't understand it. "And I'm getting that. I got here yesterday and that was just in the room. I'm still looking around the area. As for anything good to eat...sorry I'm still deciding myself, honestly. I was trying to get a feel for where things were and what we have. Would you want to share something?"
“I’m just trying to get my head around things. I had to change my room and I’m still getting my head around it. And I don’t have real clothes.” She pulled at the too big shirt, then shrugged and ran her hand through her hair. “I could be up for sharing something. We usually have quite a bit, I’m just not sure if that changed with everything else.” That didn’t make sense, but she wasn’t ready to rule anything out.
"Do you want to borrow some of mine?" Naomi asked. "I had to move too, but only one room away, and I got my things already. If you need something, I can contribute." Naomi told her without needing to think it over. "And sure...I saw a box of pasta-roni, maybe we could have that and a sandwich or something?" she suggested off the top of her head.
Edan blinked for a moment then nodded. “Really? Yes. That would be great. There’s only so long I can go on in pajama pants. I’ll have to make it up to you at some point.” It was way too nice, but she couldn’t say no. How was she supposed to say no when she had nothing else. “I say yes to pasta-roni. I can handle sandwiches too. Maybe grilled cheese?”
Naomi laughed lightly. "Yes, really." she assured the other woman. "And don't worry about it. I don't mind, really. No repayment necessary." she said. Though she knew prison economy was full of that. This place didn't feel the same, though. Not even a little. Which meant she was even more out of her depth. She just hid it well. "Ooh, nice. Okay, how about I make the pasta-roni, you want to start the grilled cheese?" she asked, getting the box of pasta out of the cabinet.
For Edan it wasn't entirely the prison mentality talking, but more her own attitude towards such things. Kindness should be repaid. "I can do that," she agreed, pulling open the refrigerator to find cheese and butter. "So, how are you settling? I know the room switch stuff has to be working against that. It's not really normal."
"I hadn't had time to settle in much in the first place, so the room change was merely inconvenient, really." Naomi said. "Beyond that...I'm not sure yet." she said honestly. "I'm still sort of figuring out what I think of the place."
Edan nodded as she set her cooking supplies on the counter. "I'd just moved and gotten settled in my new room," she admitted with a sigh. "Honestly, I'm still sorting how I feel about it here. It's better than prison but it's not completely perfect either. It feels...strange."
"Nothing in the world is completely perfect." Naomi said. "But I understand not knowing how to really feel. I'm trying to figure it out myself. It's nothing like I know normal prison is meant to be."
"It's nothing like normal anything is meant to be, prison or not," Edan said before pausing both what she was working on and her words. She glanced over at Naomi, frowning at the wording. "We're you not in prison?"
Shaking her head Naomi sighed. "No. For which I'm grateful. But I did do prison rotations, so I know what they're like, even if I never set foot in one." she explained. "...I'm a shrink."
"Lucky you." Edan hadn't had a terrible time in prison, but it hadn't been a cakewalk either. "A shrink that dealt with inmates. You're probably rare. A lot of people didn't seem to care about the mental state of prisoners."
"As awful as that is, it's true. A lot of people don't. I did." Naomi said. "A lot of people got themselves into prison because they had other things in their lives they weren't getting help for. It always made me sad, and I wanted to see if I could help so they didn't wind up repeat offenders."
That had Edan thinking of herself even if the voice in the back of her head told her she was fine. “Some of us just are repeat offenders.” They had brought her down on more than one count of arson, because she’d been a firebug for as long as she could remember.
"I did say 'a lot', not 'all'." Naomi said. "I know some people have compulsions. Circumstances are different for everyone, and some people can reform, and others can't." She stirred the pasta.
Compulsion was definitely the right word for it. Edan had to wonder if she could reform. "I know for me, I was an arsonist long before I let myself get caught." She shrugged one shoulder then added cheese to the bread already in the pan.
"Did you ever view what you were doing as wrong?" she asked. That was a pretty key question, one that meant a whole world of difference on things depending on the answer. So, she just asked, aware that she may not get an answer at all.
“No.” That answer came easily enough, without Edan even slowing her hands or her work. “I didn’t hurt anyone and no one was using the buildings I burned down. No one got hurt in the last fire either, but it was being used and I wanted to get caught.” That was the point. So they’d know which family they’d shamed.
"If you can't understand why something's wrong, the chances of you repeating it are high." Naomi said, remaining neutral in tone. This woman wasn't asking for analysis, so she wasn't trying to give her any, just stating her professional opinion without getting too far into things.
“Which would explain why I’ve been doing it since I was a teenager,” Edan said, glancing up at Naomi. “I know it’s a compulsion. I know some people think it’s wrong. I don’t really care that much, provided no one gets hurt.”
"...this is the part where if we continue this conversation, the shrink in me is going to come out." Naomi said, feeling like she needed to say something about that first, because frankly, the stuff this woman was saying really did need correcting. But she was willing to bet that Edan wasn't going to want to hear it. She could hear it in her voice, that 'it's fine, I'm right' tone.
“You wouldn’t be the first one,” Edan said glancing at Naomi again before looking down. “The Army sent...grief counselors. My mother sent me to a therapist. Nothing helped.” Evan was still gone. Long gone.
"It's not even that," Naomi said. "More like when you say things like you don't care, so long as no one gets hurt has me thinking that you don't understand the scope of things, or refuse to look at the scope. Just because you can't see the value of something doesn't mean it's devoid of it for anyone else. Thinking that because you've deemed something unworthy means you can destroy it and that's fine is a deeper issue. It's the difference between focus only on you, and focus on the world around you and your impact upon it." she explained. "Why were you in grief counseling?"
"The things I burned were abandoned or trash. Things left to rot." Edan was relieved the scars on her arm weren't showing. She didn't want to have them looked at. "Because my twin died in action." And along with it, half of herself.
"A lot of buildings left to rot have very harmful materials inside their walls, things that shouldn't be burned due to the harm they would cause by that. Or even lead paint dust, sending that up into the area can have severe effects on those who breathe it--there's more to a situation than just 'it was abandoned' or 'trash'," Naomi said. "Again, it seems you see what you wish to, you're not taking into account other factors." She didn't want to be having this conversation. She didn't want her time here to start out like this. "I'm sorry to hear about your twin. Have you worked past it now? Or are you still grieving?"
Edan didn't want to have the conversation either. She knew what she knew. No one had been hurt. She wouldn't have done it if someone had been hurt. "I manage. I keep a schedule. I remember to eat and shower and when I was out there I went to work like I was supposed to." And it had kept her alive.
Yeah, this girl needed a lot of help, and sounded like she wanted no part of it at all. Everything about her seemed closed off, and very stuck in her own head. She was someone who would benefit from a lot of therapy, but therapy could only go so far with someone who was so set in believing they were 'right' about it all. In the end, she nodded, opting not to say anything more.
Edan noticed that Naomi wasn’t speaking anymore and internally chastised herself for it. She finished off the sandwiches and set them on plates before handing one over to the other woman. “I’m alright. You don’t...I’m fine.” It was the best she had. She was mostly fine. She hesitated a moment before finding a tiny smile. “Enjoy your lunch. I’ll...get out of your hair.”
You're really not. Naomi thought but didn't share. Instead, she smiled back at Edan. "It was nice meeting you," she told her, and it was a genuine sentiment, even if she was thinking she probably should stick to conversations about the weather with her, unless she wanted to start getting into things. Which she was guessing Edan never would.
“You too,” Edan said, gathering her things. “And if you need something...help getting settled or whatever, let me know.” They weren’t off on the best foot, Edan had a feeling about that, but she could still offer to help. That still came naturally. She drifted back a step, watching Naomi for a moment more before heading out of the kitchen.