Hayden Bownes (quid_pro_quo) wrote in rrinitiative, @ 2013-07-28 16:34:00 |
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Entry tags: | day twenty-one, hayden, hayden and hunter, hunter |
A Step in the Right Direction
Characters: Hayden and Hunter
Setting: Just before 7:30am (and after)
While Hayden wasn’t always one to follow directions, he didn’t want to be kicked out of the program. He had no idea what that might mean for him, if they would put him back in prison, or if he’d ever have a chance to see his brother again. He headed on over to Block B, at first thinking that maybe Hunter had beaten him over. When he didn’t immediately see him, Hayden began to wait, watching the clock run down. As it got closer to 7:30am, he became antsy, shuffling from one foot to the other. What if Hunter wanted out of the program? He wouldn’t blame him, but it could mean never having a chance to fix things. With two minutes left on the clock, Hayden began to hold his breath.
Hunter had gotten out of his room just a little slower than others it seemed, but he was glad for it. He walked away from his door as quickly as possible after discovering it was locked behind him. And shit it was cold. Not great for a guy left in just his boxers. He looked around at everyone else, frowning as his attention was eventually directed toward the screen with the instructions on it.
He'd gotten a look at Cassandra, which was unhelpful at best. That girl was prettier than she had any right to be considering what a cold blooded bitch she was. He headed over to block B without incident, but he took his sweet time. Part of him wanted the time to run out, for him to get removed. As he started to approach his new door, he slowed even more, unaware his brother was watching for him. He could just let the clock stop. Might be best for everyone.
Hayden began to relax when Hunter showed up in the courtyard, then remembered that his brother still needed to scan into his room. And he seemed to be taking his sweet ass time. Hayden crossed his arms over his chest, aware of the chill in the air, especially while wearing so little, but his focus was completely on his brother. Finally, it seemed to be too much for him to take. “Scan in!” he said from only two doors down. It was a similar setup as the last time, with one room between them, but at least this time it wasn’t Cassandra that separated them.
Hunter didn't look over. He recognized his brother's voice, of course. "And if I don't?" he asked. He looked at the scanner, and the ID tag was on a cord around his wrist. But still. Hayden sounded a little stressed about it. Would he walk over and scan it himself?
Hayden’s eyes darted to the timer in the courtyard, slowly counting down the seconds. It seemed to be moving faster, but that might just have been his rising panic. “Please,” he said, trying to force a calm into his voice. “I’m sure there’ll be other opportunities for you to disappear on me, but not today.”
"It'd be easier if I disappeared." Hunter posed, glancing in Hayden's direction finally. "You know that." He didn't know what was up with his brother at this point, if anything he had said had changed anything, if he was still with Cass or what. He hadn't heard anything since their conversation over the computers. But he didn't imagine anything had changed.
“No. No, it wouldn’t be. I’d be short a brother,” Hayden said. In his opinion, that was the opposite of easier. It would be the most difficult thing he’d ever had to deal with because he wasn’t sure he’d ever get Hunter back, not with the way this program worked. Before, they’d just been in jail. People went to jail all the time and didn’t lose their identity in the process. This program was different. “Can we at least talk about it before you make that decision?”
Hunter glanced at the countdown. "You have thirty seconds to convince me." he said. But he did step closer to the door, so he'd just have to move his hand slightly to scan in. "Twenty nine, twenty eight..."
Hayden’s eyes widened and he just started talking, not with the grace that he normally had when he was trying to charm those around him, but as someone panicking under the prospect of losing his twin brother in a matter of seconds. “I don’t know what they do to people who don’t follow the rules, maybe you go back to prison, but if we’re not in the same place, then there’s a possibility that I won’t ever see you again, and that’s the last thing I want. If I could go back and change it, I would, but I can’t, so all I can ask for is the chance to make things right between us. That matters more to me than getting out of here, than any stupid, fucking girl, so please just scan in before they take you away.” He wouldn’t force his hand, no matter how much he wanted to. If he grabbed his wrist and forced his brother, then he’d be out of there the next chance he got.
Hunter was silent, jaw set, and at the three second mark, he scanned in. The door unlocked, and he tested the knob, seeing it was open now. He stepped inside, because it was cold out there, and he didn't really want to freeze. He left the door open, however. He didn't want to say that Hayden had suddenly turned him around or anything, but he did sound serious enough that maybe he warranted the chance, anyways.
Hayden slumped against the door frame, relieved when Hunter finally scanned in. He’d cut it so close that Hayden thought he’d failed and he needed a moment to catch his breath. Inside his own room, the computer dinged, but instead of checking his own out, he walked down a few doors to his brother’s room. “Thank you,” he said, coming to stand in the doorway. He gave a glance around Hunter’s new room, then turned his attention back to his brother. “What’s it say?” he asked, nodding to the computer.
Hunter looked at the computer. "...that apparently we've been divided up into camps." he said, rolling his eyes. "The elevator's locked down, and there's new shit here, or something. So, I guess it's us, and no her." he added.
“That... could be nice,” Hayden said. At least he wouldn’t have to avoid her. He had yet to confront Cassandra about what he knew and still didn’t know the best way to go about it. They were living together, even if just as neighbors, and he knew that once he got into that conversation it would likely escalate to yelling. But now there was a wall between them. “You don’t happen to have pants in your closet, do you?”
"Nice?" Hunter asked, moving to check around and see if there was any clothes. It didn't look to him like the room had been occupied, however, and in the end he was right. There wasn't anything there. "No." he answered. "Are there any in your room?" he asked.
“I’ve been avoiding her,” Hayden admitted, watching to see if Hunter came up with anything he could wear. Unlike his room, this one was bare, leaving even less options than what he had. “I’ve got a closet full of women’s clothes, so not really. And we can’t get to block A, so... what do they expect us to do?”
Hunter walked to the computer again. "...hope there's guys clothes in a woman's room and trade what you've got for them?" he suggested. "Unless whoever had the room before is here. It says they know some people will be screwed, and encourage others to help." Hunter sounded like he expected all of no results from that. “Why have you been avoiding her? You actually ever talk to her about the shit we discussed?”
“I’ll see if I can trade and find clothes for the both of us,” Hayden offered, since it didn’t look like Hunter had much to trade with. A girl could get by with a closet full of guy’s clothes, but Hayden couldn’t fit into anything in the closet he’d inherited. He’d only luck out if the girl who owned the room had something to give him in return. “Not yet. Every time I imagine the conversation, it leads to yelling and I didn’t want to make a scene. Then we got locked in our rooms and now she’s in block A, while we’re here.” Yes, he’d been procrastinating. This was nothing new.
Hunter shook his head. "You know, when we were growing up, everyone saw me as the pussy. I never figured you for it. But seriously? You didn't want to make a scene? That's fucking pathetic, Hayden." he said. "And wow. Yelling. My god, the horror." He looked back at his twin. “And you wonder why I’m hesitant to give you any kind of chance. You can’t even bother to deal with her, when I’m pretty sure we landed on the idea that you thought she’d been done with me when she really really hadn’t been.”
Hayden crossed his arms across his chest, still uncomfortable with the situation, even while he couldn’t argue with a thing his brother said. If it had been anyone else, he’d have been all over them by now, but it was harder when he still had feelings for Cassandra. He hated her, but it wasn’t too long ago that he’d loved her. “I kept thinking I’d come up with some way to get back at her,” he admitted. “But I haven’t, so I’ll do it now.” It wasn’t as effective over the computer, but it was better than nothing.
"Best vengence I can think of is taking away her favorite toys." Hunter muttered. He didn't believe Hayden in the slightest that he'd talk to Cass. If he hadn't by now, that to Hunter said he didn't want to. Like he hadn't wanted to ask the hard questions in the first place. His brother had very firmly put blinders on and seemed happiest with them in place.
“Can I do it from your computer?” Hayden asked, since he wasn’t quite that willing to leave. He wasn’t entirely sure the door would be open when he returned. “Every move I can think of, she wins.” And that was the part that infuriated him. She won both ways, since they’d been the suckers to fall for it in the first place.
"That's because you think with your dick." Hunter said, sitting on the couch, though he did have a blanket from the bed dragged over to wrap around himself. "And I don't care, do what you want." he said, to Hayden's question about the computer. If he wanted to prove a point or something, fine. Whatever. Though, not as deep down as he would have liked, he also was somewhat glad Hayden was around at all. As much as Hunter's entire being was about 99% bitterness, he didn't hate his brother nearly as much as he wanted to.
“I don’t do it on purpose,” Hayden sighed, taking a seat at Hunter’s computer. It would have been nice to have pants, or a shirt, but at least he hadn’t been in the shower or something. He couldn’t imagine being stuck in a towel. “I loved her,” he said softly, unwilling to look at Hunter as he pulled up the messaging screen. “And I thought she loved me.” And he’d made a lot of poor decisions based on those assumptions. Yes, many of them were fueled by his dick. But he wasn’t the only one to make bad decisions here. He was just the only one who’d screwed over his brother while doing so.
"Yeah, well, so did I. On both counts." He'd loved Cass and thought she'd loved him. He'd been incredibly wrong. He'd also been under the impression his brother loved him, but that turned out to be shit too. Or so Hunter had to remind himself then. "I'm not hanging on her every word like some lovestruck idiot, going for that instead of trying to fix anything with my brother. You do realize that I still came out the afterthought, right?"
“You were never an afterthought,” Hayden said, spinning in the chair to face Hunter. “Not when I found out, not during, and not after. I guess, for a while, I thought I could have both, when I thought she was a girl worth having. But the choice was never her over you. It’s a little hard to prove now that neither of us want her, but I’d drop her in a second if it proved anything.” But it didn’t. Not now. Hayden ran his fingers through his hair, frustrated. “I’m not going to say I wasn’t an asshole. You can pin that on me. But you weren’t an afterthought.”
Hunter scoffed. "Yeah? And just how long did it take for you two to get your pants off after we were out of the elevator?" he asked.
“That was before you and I talked,” Hayden said with a sinking feeling in his stomach. He might as well go find a shovel, since he was effectively digging his own grave.
"Kind of my point. She was first." Hunter said, though there was less venom in it. He was starting to get that Hayden just...didn't think of this shit. Which shouldn't be surprising at all, Hayden had always been like that. The kind of guy that just dove right in, and didn't quite think shit through first. It was possible Hunter needed to keep that in mind a little better. Or, he was going to need to if he was going to bother with this at all.
“You punched me, remember? I don’t blame you. I know I deserved it. But she seemed a little more receptive to talking at the time,” Hayden said, since that had been his original intention. He’d gone to her to talk, to get answers, and yet he’d been distracted. Hunter was right about him thinking with his dick. It was probably why confronting her via message was a better idea. “I thought I’d let you cool off, then decided messaging you was a better idea, just in case you wanted to break my nose.” Plus, Hunter couldn’t shut the door in his face when it was a message. He’d either read it or he wouldn’t, but at least Hayden would have the opportunity to put it out there.
Hunter gave a short, humorless laugh. “Oh for christ’s sake. Seriously? You’re going to claim that she didn’t take priority because you were planning to just dive right back in with her in the first place, but because I hit you?” he asked. “Just stop, okay? It is what it is. And what it is, is you picked a woman over me. A long time ago. And it’s just now that you’re coming to the conclusion that maybe that wasn’t a great plan. And the only reason I see you doing that? Is because you found out she was just as much of a whore toward you as she was to me. Which still lands you in the selfish asshole seat. Just...fucking own up. Stop trying to make it sound like you aren’t a fucking douchebag and terrible brother.”
“So I’m a douchebag and a terrible fucking brother,” Hayden said, unable to look at Hunter. It didn’t matter what he said because there really was no explanation that didn’t come back to those two facts. And there was something about Hunter believing it that made it true. Everyone else could believe what they wanted, but when his brother believed it then he knew he’d really and truly fucked up. He turned to the computer and continued typing, but his mind was elsewhere. He wanted to strangle Cassandra, but this wasn’t entirely her fault. He could have prevented this the second he found out she had something going on with Hunter. And he hadn’t. Had he always been this much of a selfish asshole? “I’m still sorry,” he said, then hit send before looking over at Hunter. “That doesn’t mean much, I guess. You’ve heard it all and I can’t offer anything that’ll improve the situation. Except that I want to fix this. I don’t know how, but I want to.”
Hunter hunched forward on the couch, head hung a little as he stared at the floor. He was silent for almost a minute before he spoke. "...be sorry and own up. Don't keep trying to explain, or make excuses, because on this end? That just makes it all worse. At the end of the day it doesn't matter why shit happened or what else played in, to me? All I know is you fucked me over and picked a lying demon snake woman over me. You know, I don't even care anymore that you stole my 'girlfriend'?" he said. "I got over that a long time ago. That I can forgive. Have forgiven."
He looked up finally, and looked toward Hayden, but not at him. "I know you want to fix things. You're...not entirely alone." he admitted, and good goddamn that was difficult for him to get out there. But it was true, and Hunter wasn't so blinded by bitterness and anger that he couldn't see how hard Hayden was trying to reach out. He couldn't sit there for long term in the same room as his twin and keep such tight hold of it all. Over the computers, it was easier. But sitting here, listening to him, that was different.
Hayden hadn’t realized till then that his excuses had been making things worse. He’d said them because they felt real to him, because he’d never set out to screw over his brother and he felt like intent mattered. In the end, it didn’t. It didn’t matter that he’d been head over heels in love with Cassandra, or that he hadn’t known in the beginning that Hunter was seeing her. All that really mattered was that he’d done it and that he was sorry for it. It seemed too simple to Hayden, who felt like he should be jumping through hoops to prove himself to his twin, even if he couldn’t think of what that might entail.
“Thank you,” he said softly, watching Hunter. It was far more than he’d expected, especially since Hunter had seemed so ready to walk away a few minutes ago. “I’m trying. Fucking up, but I am trying.”
"Yeah, I know." Hunter conceded. It was impossible to miss. Hayden was truly putting in effort. And he was also right on the fucking up part, but again, Hunter had to remind himself that that was just who Hayden had always been. Hunter was the responsible twin, Hayden was the fuck up one. It actually helped a little in his head to keep bringing that up to himself. He'd completely disregarded it before.
For once, Hayden didn’t know what to say. He thought he’d be asking for a chance forever, so to be given one put him in a position of not knowing what to do next. The answer was pretty simple-- don’t fuck it up. “I want to ask the powers that be about this whole graduation from the program thing. As I understand it, when we get out, we get a new identity. No contact with anyone in here or anyone from our previous life. And I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to lose you as my brother.” Even if Hunter had a number of reasons to jump at the chance.
Hunter didn't answer right away. "...contact them." he said, not really having to think that over much when he was faced with the current circumstances. He knew he'd probably say otherwise when he wasn't in the same room as Hayden, or hell, maybe even yesterday. But right now? He knew deep down he wouldn't want that. He would deal really rather poorly with a life where he just didn't have a twin anymore.
Hayden relaxed just slightly, giving Hunter a tiny smile before he spun back towards the computer. “On it,” he said as he began typing. As far as he was concerned, Hunter could hate him all he wanted, so long as he was still his brother. There was always a chance, however tiny, that he might be able to fix things, so long as that bond existed. It didn’t take him near as long to type out this message as it did to Cassandra, and within a few minutes he was done. “Done. And I copied you, just in case they need you to confirm.”
Hunter nodded. "Thanks." he added. "...I think I'm going to head back to bed for a while." he added. Which was actually true, he was tired, and he kind of felt like he needed to reassess things. He might need some time for that. But at least it was happening at all instead of him shutting everything down. Maybe that was progress.
“Okay,” Hayden said, rising to his feet. A few hours more sleep sounded like a good idea to him too. He was feeling better about things now, even if he didn’t have a definite direction of what he should do next. “I’ll let you know if I can find us pants,” he said, offering his brother a smile as he walked to the door. “Talk to you later?”
"Yeah." Hunter said. "Talk to you later." Which was progress, he guessed. He could almost pretend things were going to work out. Of course, he wasn't actually convinced, but part of him wanted to be.